Lavender Horizons

How could you do this to me? Didn't you ever think of the pain that filled the edges of my heart, the sorrow that flooded my world as I drowned myself in the silence of the answer? Did it ever occur to you that this particular rose will wither away in the winds of time, ever swiftly changing in the seasons of emotions? Did you ever feel the anguish of someone who has waited so long for something that will never happen? Have you ever felt like giving up and surrender yourself to the realms of darkness?

Petals of autumn sakura flowers floated in the air, embraced by the breeze in the atmosphere. Leaves of variety hues of red adorned the branches of trees, signifying that winter is around the corner. My red hair laid in a tangled mess, ruffled by the sudden strong airstream. I pushed aside a few stray strands of hair that blocked my vision. People walking pass me, all busy in their own activities. Children cheerfully strolled hand-in-hand with their parents, mothers chatting the time away. Businessmen in smart suits hustled along the main road, rushing to work as the early sun of Tokyo rises from the skyline. Smiling faces filled the streets of this megalopolis, the central of urban civilization. Unexpectedly, a small bitter smile formed on my lips. If life is such a beautiful picture, I guess that I am being played by the deities above.

There's no logical explanation that registered on my mind as I analyzed my current situation. Nothing in my whole four millenniums of life could help me explain the way I felt for you. It is too impossible, too impossible to come true. And it is true indeed. Impossible is the only word I can find to describe it.

Droplets of water whizzed through the air, the amounts increasing in rhythm. The road was dark, slippery, and never-ending. I have walked through this road forever in my life, and yet it is like the first time I stepped on the sandy land. The celestial bodies played hide-and-seek as they sought shelter behind the massive veils of heaven. The moon cast one pale glimmer of its silvery beauty and went off hunting for stars, leaving me alone here. The sudden rain drenched me from head to toe, making it harder to find for you.

Two years of disappearance, no news, no nothing,.....

It is not unusual for you to leave without a trace. It is just temporal; you will return after a few weeks. But now, you were gone, maybe gone for real. Two years, gone, then out of the blue,..... you returned, just to be gone forever this time.

The rain grew heavier as the skies above closed every source of light away. It is all pitch-black, reflecting nothingness and hopelessness. I stared at it dejectedly. I scorn the angels for sending me the worst omen I could have asked for. My white shirt, now nearly translucent after being washed down by the rain, provided me no warmth. I could feel my bones shivering inside, but I braved through the storm just to find for you.

Time flies by fast, and my instinct led me to the gates of Makai. I pushed it open with strength. The gates seems to be fastened together, rusted down by rain and shine. This gate is barely used by anyone, except you. I felt my heart began to sink deep down. Maybe you have not use this gate for ..... for two years; for the time being that you were lost from my sight.

The gates unwillingly obeyed and swayed open. I stared ahead; the world of Makai laid before my very own eyes. Old memories engulfed me, dragging me down deeper under the surface of consciousness. No, I must go on, I told myself. Tensing up, I prepared myself for the unexpected. But what that my eyes saw later betrayed my own solemn oath.

Your small figure emerged from one dark corner. I could not believe my very eyes. I thought it was only an illusion, a mirage of my own dreams. But the cold gleam from your beautiful ruby eyes says it all. I'm not dreaming, but relieving my own dream. I've found you.

My instincts took over my rational side. I didn't dare to do the things I did that day. But how............ how Inari could have let this happen?

All I could remember in the chaotic clash of emotions is that I told you something I knew I shouldn't, and when my sensible self returned, I'm left in the middle of a big mess. I knew, we could never be together. We should have just remained the way we are, the way both me and you are. Only to be linked together by a bond of friendship and mutual trust. I shouldn't have forced myself to look for you. Maybe things are better if they remained the same.

I knew I shouldn't have said I love you.

You just looked at me with those never-changing eyes, undaunted by those words. In frustration I repeated them, only to be answered with a glare, echoed by silence. I stood there, numb. Don't you understand? I just told you what I truly felt about you. I felt like screaming. But reality dawned on me. Its all impossible. We could never be.

I shouldn't have said so. It was too late to take the words back. You just told me off, and vanished into the darkness that encircled Makai. And you left me here in the midst of confusion and tears.

The whole day passed by like a steady stream, rushing down to the shores. I sat down still by the sakura trees, inhaling the soft scent. The flaring star of heaven sets down on the lavender horizon as another day ends, the way my friendship with the one most important to me ended abruptly. I felt something glistened on my cheek as my eyes trailed the remnants of the beautiful profile of the sun on the borders of the sky.