This is the final piece in Pranking Pranksters, just a day under a year after the first one was posted! To everyone who's read it (and especially those who have put up with my erratic posting schedule), thank you so much. I hope you've enjoyed reading these as much as I've enjoyed writing them.
Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter.
James wasn't particularly surprised that Slughorn was the professor to crack first.
To be fair to him, the prank Sirius pulled did make Remus' potion explode (although it might have exploded anyway, considering it was the wrong color) and did douse half the class in the solution, which Sirius had thankfully neutralized before making explode. So Slughorn did have a reason to be angry. Even if James thought he overreacted a bit.
"YOU FIVE!" Slughorn screeched. There was no need to ask whom he was talking about; the Marauders and Lily all looked up, dripping the remains of Remus' potion on the stone floor. "GET OUT OF THIS CLASSROOM THIS INSTANT! THIS PRANK WAR WILL GO NO FURTHER! YOU WILL GO REPORT TO PROFESSOR MCGONAGALL AND PROFESSOR DUMBLEDORE RIGHT NOW!"
Snape smirked from across the room. Sirius raised a hand to flip him off. Slughorn's eyes looked as if they'd bug out of the sockets. "Let's go," James whispered, grabbing Sirius and dragging him out of the classroom; he knew to stop while they were at least not too far behind. Peter followed, then Remus and Lily, who looked slightly terrified.
"I expected more from you, Miss Evans," Slughorn declared as Lily left the classroom. James would have turned around to demand that he take that back because how dare he say that to Lily, but Sirius gripped his arm tightly and yanked him to the door. It was probably a good thing, considering James had momentarily forgotten his plan to not antagonize Slughorn too much when he was already angry.
"Well," Peter stated when they were all out of the classroom. Lily was wringing her hands. Remus pulled out his wand and flicked it with a soft mutter, making the potion they were covered in melt away. "Are we supposed to go to Professor McGonagall or Professor Dumbledore?"
Lily let out a soft whimper. "It's alright, Lils," Remus murmured.
"Yeah, Evans, it's fine," James added, not about to let Remus do all the comforting. "We get in trouble all the time for stuff like this, and it's not that big a deal. Remus is still a prefect and everything, so you won't lose that." Lily didn't look comforted.
"I think we should go to Minnie," Sirius decided. "Dumbles is probably in his office, and I don't know what the most recent password is."
"It was treacle tart last month," James offered. Peter shook his head.
"I think it's changed," he replied. "Doesn't it change on the first of each month, Remus?"
"I think so," Remus replied, nodding. "So McGonagall it is?"
"Is she going to be very angry?" Lily asked quietly. James frowned at her.
"Have you ever had a detention, Evans?" He couldn't remember her ever having any; she was more likely to give other people detentions than have them herself.
"No, and I'd rather not get one today," Lily retorted, her eyes flashing. "My parents will be furious."
"Everyone needs to have a bit of teenage rebellion," Sirius replied with a shrug.
"And you'd know about teenage rebellion, wouldn't you?" Peter muttered under his breath. Sirius shrugged.
"Don't worry, Evans," he told Lily draping an arm around her shoulders. "It'll be okay. Probably."
"You're not very comforting," Lily retorted. Sirius laughed.
"Never said I was," he replied, stepping back when Lily pushed him away.
"Shall we go, men? And woman?" James asked, definitely not jealous of the fact that Sirius was now apparently getting along with Lily as well.
"'Once more unto the breach, dear friends,'" Remus muttered under his breath. Lily grinned slightly. James started walking, the others following him.
For Lily's sake, he hoped their punishment wouldn't be too bad.
Remus loved Lily, but her incessant tapping was going to drive him insane.
"So this isn't a usual thing?" she asked as she continued drumming her fingers on the desk. "Waiting out here while Dumbledore and McGonagall talk?"
Sirius, who for whatever reason had decided to lie down across one of the desks in the empty Transfiguration classroom, shook his head. "But it's probably not too bad," he replied. "I mean, Dumbles didn't look too angry, and nor did Minnie. I don't think we're going to be expelled."
"Could we be expelled for this?" Lily gasped, freezing in place. Remus leaned over and took her hands in his, both comforting her and temporarily preventing her from tapping.
"No, Lils. Sirius is just being a bastard." Noting out of the corner of his eye that James looked as if he might have an aneurysm, Remus let go of Lily's hands. "Anyway, James and Sirius have done things much worse than this and they're still here."
"Unfortunately," Lily muttered. Peter snorted with amusement.
"I think you're being fairly rude," James stated. It was difficult to take him seriously, though, as he'd decided to take after Sirius and lie across one of the desks and also, in a unique twist, have his head dangle off the edge. His face was slowly becoming more and more flushed. "You know you'd be terribly bored if Sirius and I weren't here."
"And getting much more work done," Lily retorted. Sirius sat up, pointing at Remus.
"You're the only one who can control her!" he cried dramatically. "Defend my honor, Remus!"
"I'm staying out of this," Remus replied with a laugh, putting his hands up defensively. At least Lily was no longer just looking upset and tapping at the desk. If making fun of James and Sirius was what made her happier, Remus couldn't pretend not to support it.
"Peter?" Sirius asked hopefully. Peter shook his head, smirking. Sirius fell back dramatically on the desk. "James, we have been abandoned by those we called friends!" he cried.
"This calls for retaliation!" James cried out, jerking upright. Remus rolled his eyes as James blinked rapidly, apparently dizzied by his sudden movement. Considering the amount of blood that had rushed to his head while it was upside-down, Remus wasn't surprised he was dizzy. "We can't let them get away with this!" he added. "What do we do, Sirius?"
"The only thing we can do," Sirius replied solemnly. "We have to prank them."
"There will be no more of that, Mr. Black," a strict voice called. Remus immediately straightened in his seat as McGonagall and Dumbledore stepped out of McGonagall's office. Lily froze, looking like a deer caught in the headlights of an oncoming car. Remus squeezed her knee under the desk comfortingly.
"Oh, Minnie, you know my soul cannot be contained!" Sirius cried, turning onto his side and propping his head up on his arm. "I will waste away if I am trapped here with no pranks. I will not survive!"
"What a tragedy," McGonagall replied dryly. Remus knew there was a reason he liked her as much as he did.
"Now, Minerva, we must not be cruel," Dumbledore stated. "The punishment must fit the crime, and I cannot see that there was much of a crime at all." He looked around, turning to Lily. Remus felt her go impossibly still under his hand. "Miss Evans, were you behind the prank which gave these gentlemen their introduction to the styles of theater?"
"Yes," Lily whispered. Dumbledore chortled.
"Inspired, my dear. I quite enjoyed it." Lily softened under Remus' hand, looking relieved.
"Be that as it may, Albus," McGonagall scolded, "these students did break some school rules in their pranking, and they have caused disruption in Horace's classroom."
"Yes, indeed." Dumbledore sat and steepled his fingers. "And we must keep that in mind, of course." Remus felt Lily stiffen again next to him.
It seemed the professors were about to mete out their punishment.
Lily, in a twist that was surprising even to her, had enjoyed the Prank War. She had enjoyed pulling pranks both on and with the others, and she had even found herself thinking she might do it again, if only to get back at the Marauders for all the stupid things they did to her all of the time.
However, she'd never really thought about the fact that they might one day cross the line to the point where they'd get in trouble, and the thought of having to tell her parents that she'd gotten punished because she'd taken part in a juvenile prank war, of all things, wasn't something she particularly liked the sound of.
Remus' hand was on Lily's knee; as Professor Dumbledore sat down at one of the desks, Lily put her hand over his. They wouldn't be expelled, she knew that, but she didn't particularly want to get another punishment either.
"There were surprisingly few rules broken during your prank war, actually," McGonagall stated as she stood next to Dumbledore. "However, Professor Slughorn has complained that you caused disruption in his classroom, and not everything you did was particularly rule-abiding."
"You know we can't be contained by something so mundane as rules," James protested, clasping his hands together and leaning forward dramatically. He opened his eyes very wide, aiming for an innocence Lily couldn't imagine he'd ever possessed. "Is our genius to be trapped like that?"
"I would suggest you not make things worse for yourself, Mr. Potter," McGonagall stated sternly. Lily couldn't imagine why on earth he'd said anything. "I don't care if you find your genius to be trapped. The rules are in place for a reason."
"That is true, Minerva," Dumbledore stated mildly, "but we must also recognize that there were not many rules broken." Lily got the impression, although she wasn't entirely certain she was right, that Dumbledore had been amused by the whole Prank War. He had definitely enjoyed her prank - he'd said as much - but could he have enjoyed the entire thing? The worry building in her chest slowly began to lessen; it didn't seem as if their punishment would be too bad after all.
"I suppose I had better let you figure out their punishment then, Albus, if you have so many opinions about it," McGonagall said, sounding slightly exasperated. Lily was watching the two of them with wide eyes, not quite able to believe that they were truly arguing about whether or not to punish them. If not for the fact that she couldn't possibly do it discreetly enough, she would have asked Remus if this were normal. She doubted it was.
"Very well," Dumbledore stated. He looked over the Marauders, his eyes pausing for a moment on Lily. "I am afraid that, while there did not seem to be much of any harm done, Professor Slughorn has said that you did cause disruption in his class, something which cannot be ignored. In light of that, I have decided that you will all have three days of detention."
Lily let out a hopefully-silent sigh of relief. She didn't want to do detention at all, not really, but three days wasn't bad at all. She could justify that to her parents, if they were upset about it. It was much better than she'd thought it would be.
"Well," Sirius stated, standing up, "if that's all, we'll be going, then." Lily couldn't believe his cheek.
"Professor Slughorn does not wish to return to his classroom, and as that is your last class of the day, you may return to your Common Room," McGonagall stated. Lily silently mourned her loss of credit for the day of potions, but she couldn't really complain about being able to go back to the common room early.
"Miss Evans?" Dumbledore called as the Marauders began to leave the classroom. Remus squeezed Lily's hand as she turned. "Your pranks were truly inspired, my dear. Although I cannot promote rule-breaking, I hope this is not the last we see of them."
Lily felt her eyes go wide. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Remus grin. "Thank you, Professor," she replied, thankful that she hadn't stammered. Dumbledore's eyes twinkled as she turned and left the room.
"That went well," Peter stated as they all walked down the hall towards the Common Room. "Three days isn't bad at all."
"Did anyone else get the impression Dumbledore had liked our pranks?" Sirius asked. Remus nodded.
"He complimented Lily on hers before we left," he added. Lily flushed slightly.
"Your pranks were good, Evans," James piped in hopefully. "And this isn't too bad for a first detention, is it?" Lily had looked slightly flattered, but her expression had quickly turned withering the longer James talked. Peter wondered why he couldn't quit when he was ahead.
"I should have expected as much from you, Potter," Lily sighed. James looked around in confusion as she strode to the front of the group, dragging an embarrassed Remus with her. Peter shrugged when James looked at him, hoping he looked appropriately sympathetic.
"Did you see the look on Sluggy's face?" Sirius asked, grinning wickedly. "I didn't know he could turn that red. I thought he was going to explode right there."
"It's too bad the chap can't take a joke," James added.
"And my potion was doing well," Peter added plaintively. He was decently good at potions, much better than he was with most spells, and he'd been doing even better recently. They'd been working on a Swelling Solution, which Peter had been silently thinking about using as part of a prank. However, considering the Prank War had come to an end, he figured he'd have to table the idea for the moment. Perhaps he could tell the others and they could use it on the Slytherins.
"Lads, I have a question," James declared. He looked up at Lily, lowered his voice, and asked, "D'you think Evans fancies me?"
"Prongsie, I think you're batshit," Sirius replied, clapping James on the shoulder. "When are you going to give up on her? She's a cute bird, yeah, but there are lots of others who are much nicer. And less likely to shrink you."
"But I like that Lily joined in with the pranks!" James protested. Peter laughed.
"I don't think you're going to get through to him, Pads," he told Sirius. "He's too far gone."
"What happened to the Prongs I knew?" Sirius asked, stopping to grab James' shoulders. "Where is he? Who is this new Prongs who lets a bird get him down?"
"Let go of me, you madman," James replied, but he was grinning as he ducked out of Sirius' grip. "I'd take your advice more seriously if you could ever get a girl at all."
"That is cold, James Potter," Sirius gasped. "I can't believe you would say such a thing to me!" Sirius dramatically fell backwards into James' arms, prompting a startled laugh out of him.
"Get off me, you daft idiot!" he cried, pushing Sirius forward. Peter grunted when Sirius fell onto him instead.
"I'm going to go catch up with Moony," Sirius declared as he straightened. "At least he's nice to me."
"He shrunk you," Peter piped in. Sirius glared haughtily.
"But he supports me emotionally," he replied, striding forward.
"How did we ever end up friends with someone that crazy?" James sighed. Peter snorted.
"I could say the same about you," he countered. James glared. Peter laughed and sped up to join the others.
Prank Wars were fun, but getting back to normal was fun too.
"Well." Sirius lounged across his bed, looking around the room. Everyone else was also on their beds, with the exception of Lily, who was perched on the end of Remus' and doing an exceptionally good job at ignoring the wounded expression on James' face because she hadn't wanted to share his. "It seems that this Prank War has ended. It was great fun, but all good things must come to an end."
"Thank you for those words of wisdom," Remus replied dryly. Sirius tried to bow, but it was fairly difficult when he was lounging as he was.
"Now the question becomes," James added, "what do we do next?"
"I was thinking maybe we could do something with that Swelling Solution we learned about today," Peter suggested. Sirius nodded slowly.
"On the Slytherins, of course," he added. James scoffed.
"That goes without saying," he replied dismissively. Lily frowned.
"Do you mean you're just going to go straight back to pranks?" she asked. "Even with your detention?"
"It takes more than a detention to stop us, Evans," Sirius replied dismissively. "We are the Marauders! Pranking is in our blood!"
"Yes, I assume it would take a more extreme punishment to stop a fanatic," Lily countered. Remus snorted.
"Maybe we should at least take a break until after we've finished the detentions," he suggested. "It's only three days."
"Three days we could be spending pulling pranks!" Sirius cried, horrified at the thought. "Remus, what's happened to you? What has she done? Has Evans made you a spoilsport like her?"
"Oi!" Lily cried, looking offended. "I'm not a spoilsport! I did just as much in this Prank War as you, Sirius Black, so don't you even start!"
"She did do a lot," Remus added, nodding. "And her makeup prank was better than your homework one."
"Just because I ate your precious Transfiguration homework doesn't mean it wasn't a good prank," Sirius protested. Lily looked at him in horror.
"You really did eat it?" she asked, shocked. "I thought you were just making that up!"
"It was delicious," Sirius lied (it had been disgusting) as he leaned back on the bed. "And it was a good prank."
"Not as good as Lily's," Remus countered.
"I've got to agree with Moony," James added. Sirius rolled his eyes.
"Of course you do," he replied with a sigh. "Well, I have a question for everyone."
"What?" Peter asked, looking slightly dubious. Sirius grinned wickedly.
"When's the next Prank War?"
"Oh- You-!" A second later, Lily was there, holding a pillow she must have snagged from Remus' bed and swinging it into Sirius' face. Hard.
"Ow!" Sirius protested, grabbing his pillow as a shield. "You've got a killer arm, Evans!"
"Are we having a pillow fight, then?" James asked, looking excited. Remus replied by hitting him in the face with his own pillow.
The laughter from the dormitory carried on for quite a while.