Summary: She's never seen Lucas more fired up than he is when arts classes are cut... When Maya is the one unhappy.
Disclaimer: So the clips for Creativity that got posted this morning made me really, really sad, and Riley's face broke my heart, so... this happened. It's kind of inconclusive ship-wise but I'm a huge Rucas shipper, so keep that in mind.
When the yearbooks came out and she saw Maya and Lucas's names, next to each other for best couple, Riley didn't understand it. Not even one little bit. Maya and Lucas were so different, and she and Lucas were so alike. Riley and Lucas. Lucas and Riley. Liley. Rucas...okay, so Riley was still working on the best combination of their names, but they just made sense.
Didn't they?
But their classmates said there was a fire, and the day that the arts program is in danger, Riley finally sees it. She understands what all her classmates see in them, she understands why they think they'd be good for each other...and she sees it too.
Riley shrinks into her chair. She feels Farkle nudge her, and she's pretty sure it's reassurance, because he always knows when something's weighing her down, but she doesn't turn around to look at him. Riley doesn't want reassurance, she wants it to go away - at least until she has time to process.
How did she not see it sooner? She was so busy, lost in the dream of Riley and Lucas, and Riley and Maya, that she never stopped to think about Lucas and Maya. Her head is reeling, but she can't make a scene. Seventh grade Riley would have asked to be excused, or would have done something to embarrass herself.
"You. Me. Bay window. Five hours from now," she tells Maya, the last words she'll speak for the rest of class.
Eighth grade Riley still manages to make a little bit of a scene with her comment, but it's at least an improvement.
By the time they meet in the bay window, Riley's had time to calm down. Normally, she asks Maya what to do and who to be in these kinds of situations, but she can't really ask Maya to think for her when this situation so obviously affects her best friend. She can't ask Maya whether she should set Lucas free if Maya's the one she's setting him free for; she'd never agree to sacrificing Riley's happiness for her own, which is why Riley's not going to tell her that's what she's doing.
Because it's the decision she's come to, all on her own this time. It's not because she doesn't like him, because God, does Riley like him. She likes him so much it makes her heart hurt and her stomach twist into knots and her brain just lose all control of logic. But Riley's been scared to go for it anyway; she's so young, and a relationship is a lot of pressure.
At the dance last week, they talked about how they were "unofficially" a thing. And Riley knows deep down they're going to stay that way for a while, if they stay anything at all. She doesn't want to mess up their friendship just because she doesn't know how to have a relationship yet, and what the four of them have (five now, if you count Zay)? It's too much to risk losing.
"Riley, I know what you're thinking and before you freak out -" Maya starts before she's even done climbing into the room, and Riley shakes her head. Maya knows her well, but Maya's not her, and Riley's pretty sure she doesn't know what Riley's thinking this time. Because after two years of talking about him almost non-stop, how could Maya ever predict what she's about to say.
Maya keeps talking, though, words tumbling out of her mouth apologetically, and her best friend's out of breath from trying so hard to get her message out before Riley can stop her again.
"It didn't mean anything, we're just friends, just like you and me, or you and Farkle, or me and Farkle, it's not -" Maya pleads, obviously expecting Riley to be mad, or to be freaking out. Instead, Riley hugs her close, resting her chin on Maya's shoulder as she whispers her own words with a pained expression her best friend can't see on her face.
"It's okay if it is, Maya. Me and Lucas, we're just friends," she lies, ignoring the way her body screams for her to tell the truth. Instead, though, for the sake of her friends maybe being happy together, for the sake of her friendships staying intact, Riley recalls the words that she's been hearing a lot lately, even if they're words she doesn't feel.
"He's like a brother to me," Riley says, putting what she thinks is the last nail in the coffin of what could have been her first real relationship.
Riley's determined to see this through, because Lucas seems to care sosososo much about helping Maya, and making sure she's happy. And Maya seems speechless around him when he's like this, an effect that even Josh has never had on her before.
But that doesn't stop it from hurting. The next day, when they're at Topanga's gathered around their usual table, Zay's worked up and trying to call the rest of them to action, too. And he's right - it's so unlike Riley to be so withdrawn when one of her friends has a problem, but she's not used to dealing with a problem of her own without any guidance from Maya, so she's quieter than she should be.
She's the quietest when Zay starts spilling Lucas's thoughts for him. The beautiful blonde and the pretty brunette cuts deep, and even though she told Maya just the day before that she sees Lucas as a brother, she sees her best friend glance her way to make sure she's all right after that.
Lucas's eyes are on her, too, and Riley knows that ducking her head and ignoring them just makes it obvious that she's hurting. So she wipes the crestfallen look from her face and forces a smile.
"Zay's right, guys! We need to start working on a plan to save the arts," Riley declares, standing up and waving her arms dramatically and faking it until she makes them believe.
At least, she hopes they believe.
As soon as they're done, she hurries home, eats her dinner quickly, retreats to her room, and cries herself to sleep.
Riley watches them all that week as they're working on their plan, and she doesn't know how she could have been blind for so long. How could she have really thought Lucas liked her when he puts so much effort into these little games he plays with Maya? How could she have thought that they stood a chance when he obviously thinks so highly of her best friend?
She should have known she couldn't just sweep it under the rug and act like nothing had ever happened between her and Lucas, though. She should have known that she'd have to face him eventually, but she doesn't know if she wants to explain what's going on in her head. What if he and Maya don't even realize how they feel yet, and she's pushing them into something they're not ready for, the same way people did to her and Lucas at the beginning of the year?
The same way people ruined her and Lucas at the beginning of the year would be more accurate, but Riley's not the bitter type, so that's not a road her thoughts let her go down.
"Hi," she says when he tracks her down after school, and her heart's racing - because she's nervous, and because that's what it always does when Lucas Friar smiles at her that way.
"Hi," he echoes back, and the brightness of his smile fades after that. He motions for her to sit down on the bench in the hallway, and Riley bites her bottom lip as he slides into the spot next to her.
"I just...wanted to make sure you're okay. You seemed a little off this week, and I worry about you, you know?"
Worry is a thing friends do, Riley reminds herself. Maybe Lucas just thinks he likes her, or maybe he didn't in the first place - maybe he just was worried about hurting her feelings and ruining the friend group the same way she was.
"I'm okay," Riley lies, offering him a small smile. She reaches out and takes his hand in hers; they haven't done this since the beginning of the year on their second date, but it sends electricity tingling up her arm from touching him.
"I've just been thinking about what you said at the dance, about how we're an unofficial thing?" Riley looks down at their intertwined hands and realizes it's a nice feeling. She wishes she'd done more of this while she'd had the chance.
Lucas's smile seems to brighten, and Riley feels sick when she realizes she's probably sending him mixed signals.
"I just, I think we should be something more official." She can't look at Lucas's face, she can't let herself see if he's happy or sad - she needs to just think this is on her terms, and not let herself get hope, or worse, let herself get hurt more if he seems unaffected.
Unaffected because he likes Maya. Riley hates herself for even thinking that might be a possibility, but she's glad she keeps her eyes averted. She can't lose either one of them, but especially not Maya. She's scared to even give herself the temptation of resenting her if Lucas ends up eventually being the boy who makes Maya happy.
Is she selfish for hoping it doesn't happen? She probably is, but even if she doesn't want it to happen, she's stepping aside... just in case it does. Maybe that counteracts the selfish thoughts she'd having.
"And I think that official thing we should be is friends."
It feels so final. It feels like she's closing the door on them, pushing him out and then slamming it in his face. She tries to drop the link between their hands, but Lucas holds on.
"Riley, why?" he asks, and Riley finally lets out the breath she's been holding in. She glances up to meet his eyes, and a lump forms in her throat when she sees how confused he is. Maybe hurt, even, but Riley tries to chalk that up to wishful thinking.
She saw the way he was so passionate about making Maya happy. Why doesn't he see that he might want to be the person that makes her that way?
"I just think it's the best thing for all of us, you know? We all work as friends. It's not worth trying and messing that up."
She might have thought it was worth the risk a couple of weeks ago, but with the words 'blonde beauty' versus 'pretty brunette', and all the praise for Maya's art and the worry for her happiness... it doesn't feel worth the risk anymore. It feels better to walk away now, before they realize it later and are too scared of breaking Riley to just let themselves be happy.
There's a long silence, and Riley finally wriggles her hand out of his. Lucas seems stunned, and when he finally does speak up again, he says, "I still think we're worth it."
How can he? He's never fought for Riley the way he fought for Maya this week. Maybe he never will. Riley's stepping away from it before she has the chance to find out. She's firmly convinced that they'll all be happier this way.
"Is this about what Zay said? Because Riley, that was barely when I knew you guys, those were first impressions, that means nothing about how I feel about you now!" Lucas protests, and he seems so sincere that a part of her just wants to melt. But she can't, she won't.
She's Riley Matthews, and she's proving that she can make independent decisions and follow up on them. And hopefully this is a good decision, even if it feels like the worst thing she's ever done.
"It's okay, Lucas," she assures him, smiling even though she wants to cry. She stands up, though, because not a single one of her old feelings have gone away yet, and if she doesn't leave, she might let herself change her mind.
"I've been thinking this is the best thing for us for a while," she admits, which isn't totally a lie, anyway. Riley's been scared since their two hour relationship crashed and burned, it's just that she wasn't ready to really walk away until now.
She tries to channel Maya; Riley couldn't ask her for advice this time, but she's still there on Riley's shoulder, an imaginary conscience guiding her in the right direction.
"Hey, there's nothing to look so sad about," she promises, even though there is. He never got his moment; they were over before they ever really started. The weight of lost potential and missed opportunities makes it hard for her to breathe. "You're still one of my favorite people to talk to, that's never going to change."
Maybe one day Lucas will thank her for setting him free. Maybe one day he'll find the real love of his life, and he'll be so glad he still has her friendship instead of hurting her so he could go be with the girl that really hangs the moon for him.
Maybe that girl will be Maya.
Maybe, in the future, when they're less young, less naive, less awkward, and less terrified... maybe that girl could even be her.
"I'll see you tomorrow in class," she says as a way of goodbye; Riley's cheeks hurt from faking her smile.
It's when she turns on her heel that it finally all seems to really sink in for Lucas, and she hears him stand up and even take a couple of steps after her before the sound of footfalls fades away.
"I'm not giving up on us, Riley!" Lucas calls after her retreating form as she walks away. She doesn't stop; she doesn't turn around and fall into his arms like people always seem to in the movies.
But she does let her lips curve upward in a small smile. Her cheeks heat up, and her heart skips a beat as she realizes maybe their story's not over yet, not even a little bit.