Not Necessarily Love
Disclaimer: I do not own Danganronpa V3 or it's characters. I am simply using them for entertainment and to give many the feels to readers. Enjoy the story!
Synopsis: "I…I'm not sure what to call it. It something different, but not something unwelcome. It's…not necessarily love…but it's close to it." – Shuichi and Maki find comfort in each other after surviving the killing game. (Spoilers for DRV3 Ending)
"I just can't do this anymore…I have to…expose the truth…"
It was mid-afternoon when Shuichi trudged his way up the stairs to the apartment he shared with Maki and Himiko. They lived on the top floor of a large complex, a three bedroom so that they could all have their own space, a much-needed commodity after surviving the 53rd season of Danganronpa. It wasn't particularly fancy or expensive, but they had made it into a nice home.
It had been almost two years since the killing game had ended, and Team Danganronpa hadn't pursued them. Whether it was because the survivors were believed to be dead or because their business was crumbling around them, no one knew. Officially, they were listed as 'deceased'. And since no one in the audience had seen them survive the killing game, anyone who saw them in public thought they were just former Danganronpa fans imitating the appearance of their favorite 'characters'. It was hard to endure, being told everything about your previous life was false, but somehow, they found the strength to keep living…like their deceased friends would have wanted.
In the end, the survivors of the 53rd killing game decided to restart their lives in this odd world they had no memory of. It wasn't easy, acclimating to living in a world that had celebrated their anguish, but they soon found ways to cope.
All three of them worked various jobs to support each other.
Shuichi found himself working as a consultant to the local police, given his detective skills. Regardless of the fact that they'd been implanted, his skills at investigation were beyond what most people considered normal. From time to time, people poked fun at the fact that he 'dressed like a fictional detective' despite being a real detective. He never corrected them, it was easier to let them believe he was a former fan of Danganronpa who wanted to cosplay at work.
Maki found herself a job at a local day-care center. Shuichi and Himiko had been surprised by her choice, but she simply told them, "I'd like to at least…try to be an Ultimate Child Caregiver." Turns out, she hated it…but she was really good at it…even if her boss had to scold her for being so harsh with the children sometimes. Apparently asking a child if they wanted to die was considered abuse…go figure.
Himiko continued to do magic shows, though she didn't advertise very much, fearful of being recognized as a survivor of Danganronpa. She stopped claiming her tricks were 'real magic', at least in public, and wore a mask during each show, heralding herself as the 'Masked Magician'. She didn't pull in much money, but none of them complained. Himiko just wanted to make people smile with her 'magic', and that was enough for Shuichi and Maki.
Together, they made enough to have a comfortable life…even if they sometimes found life somewhat unbearable. Today was one such day.
Shuichi turned the key in the lock and let himself in. Tossing his keys into a bowl on a table next to the door, he let out a long sigh.
"Double-homicide…crimes are becoming more frequent now that…"
He didn't finish, he knew the reason why. Without Danganronpa to help curve people's darker impulses, violent crimes were on the rise. It wasn't anything too maddening, but considering that Shuichi had seen at least one homicide a day for the last few weeks, he couldn't help but feel a bit guilty. After all, ever since he'd pleaded with the audience to stop Danganronpa, the world irrevocably changed.
But honestly, those were the least of his concerns right now. He had a more pressing matter he felt needed to be dealt with.
"I'm home!" he called out, waiting for someone to answer.
"Bedroom," a familiar voice called out from said room, making Shuichi flinch.
The voice had just been a way to tell him where the occupant was, it hadn't necessarily been an invitation…but for some reason, it beckoned him. He ran a hand through his hatless hair, having refused to wear his hat ever since Kaede's passing, and slowly made his way toward his bedroom.
The fact that the voice had come from his bedroom had a great meaning…one that he needed to address. The door was ajar, light from inside spilled out into the darkened hallway. He stopped just before the door, laying a hand on it but not pushing it open…yet.
"Today…she has to know…I can't keep doing this…"
As he whispered those words to himself, he pushed open the door to his room. As it opened, he caught sight of the rooms furnishings. A large closet off to one side, the dresser near the window, the nightstand next to his bed…and finally, the bed itself…with someone lying in wait for him.
Maki Harukawa, her long brown hair tied with two red scrunchies into two long tails, lay on his bed facing the door. She wore nothing but a skimpy tank-top that was practically see-through, and a pair of red stockings that came up past her knees and clung to her thighs.
A hint of a smile was on her face as she saw him, a rare sight. Maki hardly ever smiled, though it was becoming more and more of an occurrence within the last few months…when they'd started having a 'physical relationship'.
Shuichi remembered that night vividly, largely because of how unexpected it was…
Shuichi lay on his bed, fast asleep in his room when he heard his door open. Before he had time to react, he had felt someone throw the covers off his bed and straddle him. He had begun to panic when Maki's voice reached his ears.
"Shuichi…"
Her voice was raw for some reason, not hoarse but definitely huskier than usual. As his eyes adjusted to the darkness, her form slowly became visible to him, and a mad blush with it. Maki was completely naked, her well-shaped breasts heaving a bit as she sat on top of him…specifically on top of his nether region. He was only wearing boxer shorts, and he could feel the heat of her sex through the thin material.
"M-Maki?! Wh-What are you—?!"
"Do you wanna die?"
Her usual taunt, it came out the same as always…but for some reason, it felt…sad. Having heard her say that phrase so many times, Shuichi surmised that she'd only said it to shut him up, a theory that was proven when she quietly continued speaking.
"…Shuichi…I…have a proposal for you…"
She waited for him to reply, probably knowing that he was in a state of minor shock right now. After all, it wasn't often that you found yourself straddled by a naked girl that just so happened to be the girl who had fallen in love with your mutual friend, Kaito. Not to mention the fact that she was also his roommate, and this might become really awkward breakfast conversation. Nevertheless, even in this incredibly uncomfortable situation, he still trusted Maki. And because of that, he decided to hear her out.
"Wh-What kind of…proposal?"
His voice was nervous but they both knew he was serious. Slowly, Maki lowered her face closer to Shuichi's, pressing her hands on either side of his head. When her nose almost touched his, she stopped.
"…Let's…help each other…find relief…"
"R-Relief?"
"Hmhmm…we'll…comfort each other…so that we can…lessen the pain…"
"Lessen…the pain?"
Only now, when his eyes had almost completely adjusted to the darkness did he see…the reason Maki had come to him that night. Tears glistened in the corners of her crimson eyes, but they refused to fall. Maki's stubborn nature was likely the cause, having promised Shuichi only hours after Kaito's death that she refused to cry over him any longer.
And yet, as she lay on top him, a deep frown settled into her features, Shuichi realized that she'd been on the verge of shedding those tears once more. Nightmares…he knew she'd been having nightmares lately. Shuichi, Himiko, and of course Maki, had nightmares about the killing game occasionally. But they usually talked them out together…a coping mechanism the three of them had established. And it worked too. They found strength in each other and pushed forward, finding the courage and willpower to keep on living.
Lately, however, Maki had refused to talk about them, but that was to be expected. Her dreams…must have been about Kaito. Those dreams…must have been painful. He knew form experience…whenever he dreamt of Kaede. Ironically, it was the pleasant dreams that hurt the most, because he never had time to really spend with the girl who'd forced him to become strong. He wanted…that pain to go away…but it didn't. As if sensing his own pain, Maki spoke.
"…I know that you want relief too…from the pain…"
Maki was right…he did want relief from that pain. Even if they both knew it would never go away, any relief from it was a blessing. Shuichi briefly wondering how long Maki had been thinking of doing this…it had been over a year since they'd survived the game. Had she been having these feelings for that long? And worse, had he really not noticed how much she'd been suffering?
Maki was someone very important to him, someone he trusted and could rely on no matter how grim things may get. Himiko was similarly important…but not in the same way. Perhaps it was the nightly training they done with Kaito…something they'd neglected in the past year. Maybe that was the reason for Maki's sudden appearance that night, she needed to move her body…but in a way that earned more relief. Even so, something just didn't quite feel right about it…
"I…I don't know…"
"…Is it…because of Kaede?"
Shuichi couldn't find the words to answer, so he simply averted his gaze and nodded his head.
"…I thought so…it was the same for me…I held back because…of Kaito…"
"…Maki…"
"…It's fine if you don't want to…and even if we do enter…'this kind' of a relationship…if you want to stop…just tell me…I…actually hold a lot of respect for you…and I don't want to upset you…but still…"
She pressed her body against him, her naked breasts hitting his chest and causing him to flush even brighter than before. Turning his gaze back to her, he saw how vulnerable she was making herself, which had to be difficult for her. Because if there was one thing Maki hated showing, it was any form of weakness. And yet, here she was, asking him to help her with an issue that they both knew only he could resolve.
"…Just for tonight…let's help each other…lessen the pain…"
It was an honest plea, from an honest girl. Shuichi had the power to stop this, to put an end to it, send her back to her room…alone…to face her nightmares once more. But he couldn't do it. Not just for her sake, but for his own…mostly for his own. Her offer was more than tempting, and even though he was worried about the ramifications it could cause, right now, he wanted to 'lessen the pain' as well. Closing his eyes for a moment, he took a deep breath, unintentionally inhaling her scent, before snapping them open once more.
"…Alright…just for tonight…we'll see what happens after—".
He didn't get to finish, Maki smashed her lips against his hungrily, her tongue sliding into his mouth before he even realized it. He wrapped his arms around her and she cupped his face with her hands, both of them lustfully giving each other the relief they'd wanted for so long…
Ever since that night, they're relationship completely changed. And honestly, it wasn't a negative change either. They entered into a 'physical relationship', one built on the trust they had for each other. Whenever one of them needed to 'lessen the pain', the other would be there for them. There were times when Shuichi found himself sneaking into Maki's room for 'relief', and vice versa.
Over time, it started becoming such a normal occurrence…that neither of them began to notice that, more and more often, they weren't necessarily doing it to 'lessen the pain'.
Today was one such day.
The way Maki lay on his bed, smiling up at him as he entered, told him that she didn't want 'relief', she wanted something else…and that's why he hadn't wanted to come home today.
"Hey, Maki…" he said politely, almost too politely. "You're home early…"
Maki's smile lessened, obviously not getting the response she'd expected from him. "My boss let me go early, most of the kids had already gone home and…I knew that Himiko had two shows planned for this afternoon…"
She gave an almost seductive smile, a true smile that Shuichi had only seen a few times in his life. It should have filled him with happiness, knowing that she rarely ever let one of 'those' smiles grace her lips. Unfortunately, because of what he knew he needed to do, the only thing he felt was heart wrenching guilt. It was obvious what Maki wanted…and up until only a few days ago, Shuichi probably would have been thrilled to go along with it. But…
"…Dammit…this is all Himiko's fault!" Shuichi angrily whispered. "Why'd she have to say that?"
Even though she couldn't hear what he was saying, Maki immediately recognized his sour mood and asked, "What's wrong?" She paused and waited for him, but when he didn't respond, she continued, "Not feeling it today? That's fine. I should have mentioned it earlier…"
They had a system. Whenever one of them wanted to 'engage' the other, they would usually mention it in the morning before they all left. Himiko hadn't seemed to pick up on their secret words or subtle hints, which they were actually kind of grateful for. If Himiko found out they'd been intimate with each other for months now, she'd probably have a heart attack. The 'mage' girl didn't like being left out of the loop, and having that bombshell dropped on her just might make her faint.
"I thought it'd be fun to surprise you, but you must have had a rough day," Maki suddenly continued, sweeping her long, beautiful legs over the side of the bed, and standing up. "Next time, I'll be sure to—".
"No…that's not it."
The sternness of Shuichi's voice stopped her, and made a deep frown replace her rare smile.
"Well…what is it then?" she asked matter-of-factly, no anger or frustration in her voice.
Shuichi almost wished she was angry with him, it might have made the whole thing easier. Instead, she looked at him with concern, which only made his newfound decision even harder.
"I…I want to stop this," he said quickly, almost too fast for her to hear. However, she did hear him.
"Stop…what?" she genuinely asked, furrowing her brows in annoyance. "If this is about not giving you any warning, I already told you—".
"No, that's not the issue," he insisted, feeling more and more cornered with each word.
"Then, what is the 'issue'?" Maki pointedly asked, her feature's hardening, as if she anticipated what was to come. Unfortunately, there was no way for her to prepare for the words that escaped Shuichi next.
"I want to end our 'physical relationship'!"
He hadn't meant to yell, really he hadn't. But after Maki unintentionally backed him into a corner, that's how it came out. It wasn't how he'd wanted to say it, not by a long shot. He wanted to calmly explain everything to her, hopefully get her to understand his position. And maybe he still could…except for the fact that, for the first time in almost two years, Maki's expression shifted to utter perplexion
"…What?" was all she uttered, confusion radiating deep within her crimson eyes.
Grunting from frustration, Shuichi lowered his gaze as he attempted to explain, "It's nothing personal…not really anyway. I just…don't want us to have a 'physical relationship' anymore. It's too…complicated—"
"…I see."
Shuichi's eyes shot up to see Maki, with her usual stoic expression, meeting his gaze. She didn't particularly look upset, but something about her reply was too natural, too…normal. And while he'd hoped she'd have more positive reaction to his request, the way she was acting now was a bit…unsettling. She was acting as though their entire 'relationship' didn't mean anything…despite the fact that he could tell it had. Even if it wasn't the most important thing in her life, he could tell she valued their connection…which is why her reaction felt so…off.
"…Maki—".
"…I kind of figured this would happen sooner or later," she confessed, picking up the skirt she'd left on his bedroom floor. Clicking it onto her waist, she continued, "You've been acting out of it since yesterday. So, I was kind of prepared for this."
"Maki, that's not what—".
"I was the one who told you that you could end our 'relationship' whenever you wanted. So it's fine." She assured him, not showing a hint of negative emotion. Then, slowly, she made her way past him and toward the door. "Sorry for intruding—".
She never reached the door, because a hand grabbed her arm as she passed him. Instantly, her Ultimate Assassin instincts kicked in and she whirled around, grasped him by the throat, but didn't squeeze.
"Do you wanna die?!" she hissed, knowing that she'd drilled into him not to grab at her like that.
It was then that she finally got a good look at him. Despite her hand on his throat, he held a firm visage of determination, as if she wasn't capable of crushing his windpipe with a single thumb press.
"Maki…Let me finish," he said sternly, more assertive than he usually ever was.
It honestly surprised her, to see him acting that way, Shuichi being assertive was something she hadn't seen since their class trial days. And right now, he held the same fierce determination she'd witness during those hellish trial. Except this time, the target of his gaze was her…not the truth he always searched for. Very slowly, she released him, and he released her, until both of them were standing right in front of the other.
"…Alright. What do you want to say?" she asked him, annoyance clear in her voice.
Shuichi coughed a bit, but settled himself quickly. He was lucky Maki hadn't accidentally snapped his neck, or at least that's what he told himself. Deep down he knew she'd never do that, she had more than enough self-control…even if she was secretly furious with him.
Despite her words earlier, Shuichi could tell she was upset about his decision. She hid her true feelings well, but as the Ultimate Detective, it wasn't that difficult to see through her. Or at least, it wasn't now. After spending so many intimate moments with her, he gradually began to understand her, how she truly felt, even if she never expressed it.
For example, she claimed to hate all the kids at her day care job…but she secretly loved working there. Hated the work, but loved those kids more than anyone would have ever realized. It was probably because…no, now wasn't the time to think about that. Shaking his head for a second, he eventually met Maki's gaze as she patiently waited for him to explain himself.
"Like I said, I don't really feel comfortable with our 'physical relationship' anymore," he said slowly, trying not to sound offensive. "That's why I decided to end it—".
"That much I already understand," Maki cut in, furrowing her brows deeply.
"—But that's not all there is to it," Shuichi explained, struggling under her scrutinizing gaze. Taking a deep breath, he calmly told her, "There's a specific reason why I decided to end it today—".
"Will you get to the point already?" Maki harshly demanded. "It's my turn to make dinner and you're keeping me—".
"I've moved on…" Shuichi interrupted, speaking over her, and silencing her immediately. "I…I've moved on from the pain that I felt. I don't need you to 'lessen' it anymore."
For a time, silence reigned in the small bedroom, one so deep that it echoed in both their ears. Shuichi waited for her to reply, for her expression to change, for her to even take a breath! Instead, she simply stared at him with her classic stoic visage, not a single hint to what she was feeling inside. Just as he opened his mouth to speak, she beat him to it.
"I see…" she said slowly, closing her eyes for a moment before meeting his gaze. "I'm glad to hear that, Shuichi."
She flashed him a kind smile, one that he'd grown accustomed to over the last few months, but it only lasted for a moment…as if she only did it to assure him that she truly felt happy for him…as if she knew that if he saw her smile like that…he'd let her leave. Before Shuichi had time to further analyze her behavior, she turned on a heel and headed for the door.
"M-Maki! Wait!"
She stopped, the door already open and with her halfway into the hallway. Glancing over her shoulder, her crimson eyes bore into him…and he finally saw what laid behind them. Pain…but not a familiar one. It wasn't the same kind of pain they shared in the past…this was a new, unfamiliar kind of pain…and he realized exactly what was causing it. Unfortunately, he had little time to act before Maki made her move.
"I'm not really in the mood to hear you brag about how you've 'moved on'," she said bluntly, stepping into the hallway. Turning to face him completely, she met his gaze before finishing, "Most of us don't have the luxury."
Shuichi's eyes widened as she slammed the door in his face, the sound echoing through the entire apartment. Fortunately, Shuichi was only left bewildered for a moment before he grasped the door handle and flung the door open. Stepping into the hallway, he glanced down toward Maki and Himiko's rooms, watching Maki briskly walk into the room right next to his. Without thinking, he followed after her, pushing open the door to find her standing just inside, glaring at him.
"What do you want, now?" Maki asked, her tone full of annoyance.
"You said you'd listen until I was done, didn't you?" Shuichi insisted, a bit out of breath for having to chase after her.
"I don't remember promising that," she countered, hardening her expression, almost defensively.
Groaning a bit at her stubbornness, Shuichi let out a quick sigh before continuing, "You agreed to let me finish speaking. And I wasn't finished yet."
"This is stupid…" Maki replied with an exasperated sigh. A frown settled on her face and she began playing with her hair a bit as she said, "I understand, and I'm not upset, okay? I was just kind of shocked that you decided to end everything so suddenly. It's not a big deal—".
"No…that's wrong."
Those words…they came out of him without even trying. Those words…that phrase that he'd refrained from uttering ever since they'd survived the killing game. Those words…dug into both of them, because neither of them wanted to hear them ever again. Those words…he needed to use them…use them to make Maki understand what he was trying to say. Shell-shocked by his choice of words, Maki fell silent, allowing him the opportunity to speak.
"We…We both know that isn't true!" he persisted, not letting her interrupt him. "…It was a big deal…to both of us. Don't try to mitigate everything like that…"
He ended up raising his voice again. He hadn't meant to, but he just couldn't stop himself. Not only because it was rude, but because the woman in front of him didn't respond well to be yelled at.
Maki released her grip on her hair, letting to fall in place behind her. Her eyes darkened and a sinister glare peered out from behind her blood-red irises. She looked almost like a predator ready to pounce on its prey. Probably the only thing keeping her from doing just that was the fact that Shuichi was a trusted friend. Anyone else would probably be becoming intimate with the floor right about then. Still, Shuichi wasn't completely unfazed by the powerful of her gaze, feeling a cold chill run down his spine.
"Listen, Shuichi…" she spoke clearly and concisely, making sure he heard every word. "…What we had, it was great while it lasted. But I knew it was bound to end sometime. I'm really am happy that you've moved on, but—".
"Stop lying, Maki."
Maki's eyes widened at his words, staring at him in utter confusion. He was acting so confident, so sure of his deduction…just like he used to during the class trials…and that really pissed her off! Her dark aura intensified as she felt her anger bubbling to the surface.
"Lying?" she seethed, bearing her teeth at him furiously. "You think I'm lying? You think that all of the time we spent 'lessening' each other's pain was meaningless to me? Is that what you're trying to say?"
"No…that's not what I'm trying to say," he replied, just as confidently as before…no, even more so! And it didn't help when he took a cautionary step toward her, instantly putting her on guard. Simultaneously, he looked her in the eye and said, "I think that…just maybe…you've moved on too."
Maki entire body tensed at those words, fighting to keep control of her emotions before they consumed her. At the same time, Shuichi took another step toward her, causing her to tense on instinct. She actually had to stop herself from grappling him and throwing him to the ground before breaking his scrawny neck! He was testing the final limits of her patience!
"You're not making any sense," she replied harshly, being sure to keep her voice low. "Just what are you trying to get at?"
"It's okay, Maki. You can admit it," Shuichi said softly, closing the gap between them and standing only inches away from her. "You're really upset about me calling off our 'physical relationship', aren't you?"
Maki furrowed her brow deeper than she ever thought possible as she replied, "For the last time, no, I'm not upset that you've decided to stop having sex with me."
Deep down, Maki hoped that comment would be enough to get him to stop. She had been as blunt as possible with him, not even bothering to disguise what they'd been doing for the last few months. Ironically, it was the first time either of them had actually acknowledged what they'd been doing for what it truly was.
They had been fucking for so long, without openly acknowledging it, because it was sacred to both of them. But she'd ruined that, just by calling out what it truly was. She hadn't wanted to…she wanted to keep the memories of their times together sacred, but if Shuichi couldn't take a hint and just leave her alone, then obviously he hadn't valued their time together as much as she had!
Undeterred, she kept her fierce gaze locked onto his, as if willing him to back down…but he didn't.
"So, you're not upset at all?" he pressed, watching her anger grow.
"Not in the slightest," she answered, fighting to keep from strangling him.
"You sure that's true?" he pestered, almost childishly.
"Of course it is. Why wouldn't it be?" she fired back, unwilling to let him win.
"…Well, maybe because," he gestured around the room, pointing to all of the various magician trinkets that lay scattered all around them. "Instead of fleeing to your room, you accidentally went into Himiko's?"
Suddenly, all her intensity dropped as she actually took a moment to survey her surroundings. Her crimson eyes drank in the sight of her female roommate rooms, and she felt her cheeks burn as embarrassment overtook her.
"I…I needed to get something from her room, that's all!" Maki shouted at him, her vain attempt at disguising her mistake all too clear to him. Realizing he saw through her, she changed tactics. "Besides, what does that have to do with you ending our sex life?!"
Instead of answering immediately, Shuichi took a moment and smiled at her, further intensifying her frustration. Just as she was about to push past him and retreat to her own room this time, he spoke.
"Maki, if you're upset, you can just tell me." His voice was calm and sincere, she could tell he meant every word. "You're my friend…and someone I trust more anyone else in this world. So please…just be honest with me."
Maki's anger flared, but she realized there was no outlet for it. She wanted to be angry with him, furious that he was questioning her and her feelings. No one had ever done that before…not even Kaito. Sure, the space idiot had pushed her and forced her to accept parts of herself she didn't want to acknowledge, but he never prodded her to expose her feelings…not like Shuichi was doing.
Then again, that was his specialty…seeing through lies and deceit until he found the truth buried deep inside. And if he wanted the truth…then she'd give it to him!
"…Fine," Maki finally acquiesced, struggling to keep her anger in check. If she gave him what he wanted, he'd be satisfied…just like during the class trials. "I am upset that you've decided to discontinue our agreement. But for purely selfish reasons…"
"Selfish reasons?" he questioned, his tone beckoning her to continue.
Furrowing her brows, the crimson eyed assassin answered, "Despite what you might think…" She narrowed her eyes at him, to which he slightly flinched. "I haven't moved on. And because you've decided to end our 'physical relationship', now I have to find another way to cope."
She paused, waiting for him to say something, but he just stared at her, as if sensing that there was more…no, he knew there was more. And they both knew he wouldn't be satisfied until she'd exposed everything in Shuichi's pursuit of 'the truth'.
In all honesty, she wanted to stop there. She didn't want to expose her wounds any further, but she knew there wasn't any real choice. She didn't…want to lose anyone else…she didn't want to lose…whatever it was she had with Shuichi. She respected him too much for that to happen.
"If you were uncomfortable with our arrangement, you should have said something sooner," she admitted, her scowl deepening as she spoke. "Now I feel like I've been forcing myself on you for the last few months. Not exactly something I needed to deal with, especially after everything that's happened."
Shuichi remained silent as she explained herself, taking in every word without interrupting. When she finished, she fell silent, this time staring at him while wordlessly expecting an answer. At first, she figured it would take him a bit of time to come up with a replay, but as it turned out, it took him no time at all.
"Maki…I never said that I was uncomfortable with our 'physical relationship'," Shuichi confessed, his cheeks flushing despite the serious expression on his face. "In fact, I think it kind of saved me, in a lot of ways. And I think it did the same for you too."
In spite of herself, Maki felt her own face burn as she puffed out her cheeks and scolded, "…Y-Yeah, of course it did. That's why I proposed the idea in the first place. To help us cope with…our pain."
"Exactly," Shuichi continued, his voice more confident than before. "But I think that, over time, it became less about helping us cope…and more about…wanting to…"
He trailed off, averting his gaze and running a hand through his hatless hair, almost wishing he still had it at that moment. Gathering his resolve, he returned his gaze back to meet hers, only to find her staring at him almost incredulously. Realizing that this would probably be his only chance, the Ultimate Detective decided to make his case.
"When I said I wanted to end our 'physical relationship', I didn't mean that I wanted to end our relationship completely," he explained further, causing Maki to raise an eyebrow in confusion.
"That's pretty obvious," she replied, condescendingly. "Even if we aren't having sex anymore, that doesn't mean that we're suddenly not going to be friends any—".
"But that's just it!" the detective abruptly interrupted, almost startling her. "I don't want us to just be friends…I want us to have a 'real' relationship! Not just a 'physical' one!"
Shuichi Saihara hardly ever raised his voice, but whenever he did, it was because he truly meant every word. Maki had always admired that about him…until now. As she absorbed all the information he'd given her, suddenly everything clicked in her brain. The way he'd been acting, his sudden insistence to end their 'physical relationship', and more than anything else…what he truly meant when he told her that he'd 'moved on'. It all made sense now…but at the same time it didn't!
Unfortunately, that wave of information flooded her brain and for a few moments, all she could do was stare at him, her mouth slightly open in pure shock. She tried to reorganize her thoughts, tried to say something to him…but when she tried, she utterly failed.
"Do…you…wanna….d-d-die?!"
Instead of coming out as intimidating as she'd intended, her stuttering made her sound downright adorable! Even she thought so! Not to mention that she had no idea that her face was overtaken with pink, her jaw refusing to close, staring at him like a deer in headlights! And to make matters worse, she could feel her heart racing!
As all this was going on, Shuichi threw a hand over his mouth, trying to stifle a laugh. But in the end, it burst out. A hearty laugh, one that he hadn't even known he was still capable of, erupted from his throat, filling the room with the sound of joyous laughter.
All at once, Maki's embarrassment rescinded, giving way to anger and frustration. Gritting her teeth, she closed the space between them in a flash, ramming her shouldering into his abdomen. Shuichi's laughter abruptly ended as his body lurched forward, realizing too late what Maki planned to do. He felt her grapple his upper body with both arms before flipping him over her own shoulder. Fortunately for him, Maki had been standing at the foot of Himiko's bed, so when she flipped him, he fell flat onto the 'mage's' mattress, instead of the hard floor.
Despite the fact that he'd landed on a soft surface, Maki's shoulder thrust left him winded, and he saw stars as he shook his head, trying to regain composure. Before he could do that, however, a light weight suddenly landed on top of him, and he felt a feminine hand throttling his throat. Though his vision was muddled, he could clearly see that Maki was now straddling him, an expression of absolute fury covering her face.
"You…bastard! Humiliating me…Insulting me…Provoking me…" she hissed, gritting her teeth so hard they might crack. Leaning closer to him, tightening her grip on his throat in the process, she seethed, "Do you want to die that badly?!"
Shuichi became painfully aware that he'd just crossed a line that wasn't meant to be crossed, even if it was unintentional. Maki was only squeezing him a tiny bit, but already he felt himself running out of air. He tried to open his mouth to wheeze out an apology but was stunned when she abruptly continued.
"…Saying you want a 'real' relationship…you know that's impossible!"
Suddenly, the pressure she'd put on his throat vanished, and Shuichi gasped for air, panting heavily as his vision swam. Blinking rapidly to clear his vision, the first sight detective spied afterward was that of Maki's face…twisted in agony as she glared down at him. She looked as if someone had stabbed her in the heart…quite literally. Her bottom lip quivered from either anger or sadness, he couldn't tell which, and her crimson eyes flared as she focused her anger on him.
"…You say you've moved on…but I know the truth!" she snarled, bending forward and sneering in his face. "You still have feelings for Kaede! Just like I can't forget about Kaito!"
Maki maneuvered her hands to press onto his chest, rather than his neck, pushing him harder into the mattress. Her hair almost seemed to twist and tangle behind her, as if responding to her anguish.
"You've called her name instead of mine more times than I can count! So, don't bother trying to convince me that you've 'moved on'!"
Shuichi's eyes flew open wide at that statement, and he felt a wave of guilt assault him. Unfortunately, it was true. During their first few 'sessions', both of them had unintentionally called out the name of their deceased love instead of their living partner. Neither of them talked about it, and gradually, they stopped calling out any names whatsoever. Even so, Shuichi finally realized the depth to which Maki was taking this situation, and he couldn't help but feel that he'd only made matters worse by requesting to have a 'real' relationship with her.
Before he had time to say anything, Maki slid off him to one side, panting as she recovered from her tirade. She wiped a trickle of sweat from her forehead, before daring to glance in his direction.
"Get out."
Her words were harsh…cold…ruthless. She meant it. Even though it wasn't her own room, she wanted him out of sight at the moment. However, Shuichi knew that if he left now, if he allowed himself to give in to her request…he would regret it for the rest of his days. So, as he slowly sat up, pretending that he intended to go along with her request, he stopped and turned to face her.
"…You're right. I'm sorry, Maki."
His words froze her in place, having not expected him to agree with her. Even so, she didn't take kindly to his continued presence, angrily repeating herself.
"I said, get out."
The Ultimate Assassin's words dripped with venom, chilling Shuichi to the bone. However, he somehow found the strength to resist her intimidating words, and instead adjusted himself to sit comfortably on the bed, only a foot or two away from her.
"I shouldn't have said that I've 'moved on', because…in a way, I never will." He spoke slowly and clearly, watching her carefully as he continued, "I…wouldn't be alive right now if not for Kaede. She gave me the courage to face the truth…no matter how painful it may be…"
Unconsciously, images of Kaede's execution flashed in his mind, a memory that would haunt him until the end of his days. But along with those memories came flashes of someone else who'd been important to him. Well, not just him…Maki too.
"And Kaito…" he dared to say, noticing how Maki flinched as he repeated their deceased friend's name. "If he hadn't of pulled me out from the dark place I fell into after Kaede's death…I know that I never would have survived the killing game…"
Shuichi realized he was breaking a taboo, a kind of rule that the three of them had agreed to when they began living together.
'Don't talk about the killing game unless absolutely necessary'
That was the only rule in their new home, and so far, none of them had broken that rule. There had been times when the killing game was discussed, but never in such a way that Shuichi was currently doing. He was using their memories from the killing game for his own purpose…and even if he did believe it was for both his and Maki's sake, it still didn't sit well with either of them.
Regardless, Shuichi had found the determination to seek the truth once more. Even if it was a mistake to do so, he would show Maki the truth, a truth that both of them had been denying.
"…Kaito…" Maki whispered, the anger in her voice a distant memory now. Very slowly, a smile soon found its way onto her face as she spoke. "…That idiot…always did his best to help everyone…and in the end…he saved me…not just from being executed…but from myself."
Almost unintentionally, Shuichi found himself smiling as well, effortlessly matching her own. For a few moments, they just sat there, fragile smiles on their faces as they let their memories of Kaito came back to them. His laugh…his smile…his determination…even his stupidity…even though it hurt to remember, thinking back on what he'd taught them brought a sense of peace.
"That's why…I can't accept what you've done today," Maki suddenly spoke up, glancing to him with a stern expression. "I…still think about him…every single day. I can't…I won't…forget how much he meant to me…"
As she spoke, Shuichi quietly listened, knowing that this was something both of them needed to hear. Maki pulled her knees close to her chest, resting her chin atop her right knee while letting one hand fall to her side as she continued.
"No one…can ever replace him." Her tone hardened, as if she was trying to convince herself, as well as Shuichi. "Allowing myself to fall for someone else…would disgrace the sacrifice Kaito made for me…"
And there it was, the truth that Maki believed above all else. Her feelings for Kaito, along with the guilt she suffered for the part she played in his demise, kept her from seeing the truth that Shuichi had only became aware of only a few days ago.
"Do you really think that's true?" Shuichi asked, sharply, drawing her attention for the first time in minutes. "Do you really think that Kaito would be upset with you…for caring about someone else?"
She studied him briefly before averting her gaze from him, remaining silent for a moment before answering, "It doesn't matter…he's not here…and there's nothing that can change that…"
"…You're right," Shuichi regretfully agreed. "Nothing can change the fact that he's…that both he and Kaede…are gone."
Maki shifted again, her entire face now turned away from him, staring off into the corner of the room. Shuichi wasn't sure if she'd continue listening to him, but given the fact that she hadn't left yet, there was a good chance.
"But, there's also something else…that won't change," he said slowly, inching his way toward her, until he sat right beside her. "And that's…how important you are to me, Maki."
Steeling himself, Shuichi reached out and laid his hand atop hers. She didn't flinch, a good sign, he thought. Slowly, he closed his fingers around hers, letting the warmth from their hands mingle. It was soothing, in a way. He'd never actually held Maki's hand before. Even in the countless times they'd 'comforted' each other, not once had they held each other's hand. Strangely, such a small action filled his entire being with warmth, and he could sense that Maki was having a similar reaction.
"I'm…important to you?" she finally spoke, but didn't turn to face him. "That's…weird."
Taken aback slightly, Shuichi felt a bit offended as he asked, "Weird? How is that weird?"
At the sound of annoyance in his voice, Maki let out the tiniest of chuckles as she finally turned her head to look at him. His breath caught in his throat as met her gaze. Her crimson eyes shone with gratitude, the likes of which he'd never seen before…a sight that he never imagined possible before this moment in time.
"Only someone as odd as you would consider someone like the Ultimate Assassin to be important to them," she answered, the slightest hint of a smile on her lips.
To his shock, she tenderly squeezed his hand, the warmth from before intensifying tenfold as their eyes locked. Unable to turn away, Shuichi found a smile creeping onto his lips as well.
"I don't know about that," he found himself saying, almost automatically. "But I do know that you're probably the most important person in my life right now."
With a playful smirk, Maki replied, "You'd better not let Himiko hear you say that."
Shuichi shrugged and replied, "Well, this whole thing is kind of her fault, really."
Raising an eyebrow, the crimson eyed girl asked, "How exactly is it her fault?"
"Remember what she said at breakfast the other morning?"
Maki searched her memory for a moment before her brows shot up, putting all the pieces together. Another warm chuckle escaped her as she answered, "I get it now. So that's why you've been acting so weird."
Seeing that she was beginning to understand, Shuichi decided it was best to explain himself.
"Ever since she said that, I just couldn't get the idea out of my head," he confessed, more than a little embarrassed. "And that's when I realized…not only did I not mind the idea…I actually wanted it to come true…"
He tightened his grip on Maki's hand, somehow drawing strength from the warmth it provided.
"And I think…somewhere deep down…you did too."
Shuichi felt Maki's hand twitch as her body tensed, a look of realization settling in on her face.
Very slowly, she closed her eyes and said, "Maybe. I'm not really sure." Her crimson eyes opened, turning to meet the gray hues of his own. "But what I do know is…you're also very important to me, Shuichi. And I don't want to lose you…I don't want to lose anyone I care for…ever again."
Her hand suddenly gripped his tightly, his knuckles stinging a bit from the force of her grasp. However, he endured it. Ever since their first meeting, Shuichi had sensed just how strong and compassionate Maki truly was. And even though it felt a bit awkward to admit, knowing he was under her protection reassured him, made him feel…safe in this strange world they had no memories of. And at the same time, he wanted to protect her as well, but telling that right to her face might offend her, so he kept that information to himself.
Instead, he smiled at her and said, "As long as we work together, I know that we'll be able to—".
He never got the chance to finish, because Maki suddenly pressed her lips against his, effectively silencing him. Although initially shocked, Shuichi soon leaned into her, deepening the kiss as he felt her unoccupied arm wrap around the back of his neck. At the same time, he placed his free hand on the small of her back, pulling her closer.
Maki was the one who pulled back first, a genuine smile adorning her lips as she locked eyes with Shuichi. Simultaneously, the detective couldn't stop himself from smirking as he took the lead this time, capturing her lips with his own before the two of them gently fell back onto Himiko's bed.
And, for the very first time, they called out each other's name as they were engulfed in heavenly bliss.
"…That…that was…"
"…Amazing…"
Two sets of heavy panting echoed in Himiko's bedroom, originating from the 'mage's' bed. Their fingers still intertwined, despite the fact that their clothes had long been discarded, Shuichi and Maki lay next to each other, both of them staring up at the ceiling.
"I…uh…didn't think…" Shuichi tried to say but couldn't find the words.
"…it would be…any different…" Maki somehow finished for him, just as shocked as he was.
By all accounts, it shouldn't have been different. After all, they'd indulged each other many times before. But this time, it felt completely different. Before, once they finished, all their energy was depleted, and they felt weary…drained even. This time, however, there as a strange tingling sensation running through both their bodies, one that refused to subside no matter how long they lay there, their naked bodies exposed to the heavy air around them.
"…Yeah…I mean…who would…have thought…" Shuichi continued to pant, a smile growing on his face.
"…it's…so much better…when you actually…care about…the other person…" Maki quietly concurred, her heavy breaths beginning to subside.
It sounded almost like an insult, but they both knew it wasn't. It was their first time going to bed together, not to 'lessen their pain' or 'to cope with their anguish', but because they genuinely cared for each other. Those feelings had mixed in, and the resulting bliss had been more potent than ever before. In fact, it could be argued that this was the first time they had ever truly experienced that level of contentment. It wasn't really pleasure, although it was pleasant. It was deeper than that, something had stirred within them, something they'd never experienced before.
And no matter how great that felt, it carried its own kind of weight.
"Hey, Shuichi…"
The detective tilted his head over to her, and saw her continuing to stare up at the ceiling, a serious expression returning to her face.
"…I…I still…I'm still in love with Kaito," she said quietly, a bit of apprehension in her words.
It was obvious why. After taking each other to a higher level of bliss than they'd ever experienced before, those words had the power to completely crush both their spirits. And yet, they both knew those words needed to be said…just like Shuichi knew what he needed to say as well.
"…And I…still have feelings for Kaede," he confessed, those feeling returning, accompanied by a faint hint of guilt. As if mimicking her, Shuichi tilted his head upward and they both stared at the ceiling for a long moment. "However, that doesn't mean that I can't care for anyone else ever again…"
Beside him, Maki drew in a sharp inhale, and he immediately understood why.
"…I know that…" he heard Maki protest, a sigh escaping her. "…But still…Kaito…died because of me…I don't know if…I'll ever…forgive myself for that…"
"I'm the same…" Shuichi chimed in, his own guilt plaguing him. "…My deduction…drove Kaede to her own death…it's something I'll have to live with for the rest of my life…But…"
He paused—No, he hesitated. Shuichi was about to take a huge risk, one that might leave him a broken man. Even so, the benefit outweighed the risk by a considerable margin…not to mention that he'd never forgive himself if he gave up now.
"I honestly think that…Kaede and Kaito would be happy…knowing that we survived and found meaning in our lives…I think they'd be pleased that we think so highly of them…but they'd also not want us blaming ourselves…at least, that's what I believe."
A long silence enveloped them as his words echoed in both their minds. For what felt like an eternity, they lay there, wordlessly staring up at the ceiling as their feeling battled inside their hearts. Only the sounds of their deep breathing penetrated the deafening quiet that threatened to consume them.
"That's…the truth…that you've been seeking, huh?" Maki finally answered, her voice calm, almost serene. And if he didn't know any better, he could have sworn he heard her smiling. "I don't necessarily disagree with you. Somewhere deep down, I know that Kaito would be…'happy' isn't the right word. But at the very least, I think he'd smile and praise us for confronting our 'enemy'."
Hearing that brought a smile to Shuichi's face as well. And even though he hadn't confirmed that Maki was smiling too, he just knew it had to be true.
"That's it…that the truth that we've been denying for so long," he said aloud, finally vocalizing what he'd known for a while now.
"But the truth…can be painful…" Maki suddenly said, and Shuichi could hear her smile fade as she continued. "And the truth is…whatever it is I feel for you, Shuichi…I know it isn't…love."
Unexpectedly, instead of feeling hurt by her words, Shuichi suddenly felt impowered, as if he'd reached the same conclusion about her. Without warning, he rolled over, completely facing her and grasping her hand with both of his. The action must have surprised Maki, because her gaze finally shot away from the ceiling and focused intently on him instead.
Giving her a light smile, Shuichi said, "Yeah…I…I'm not sure what to call it. It something different, but not something unwelcome. It's…not necessarily love…but it's something close to it."
"Something…close to it?" Maki repeated, the idea sounding completely foreign to her.
"That's right," Shuichi insisted, leaning forward and pressing his forehead against her own. Although Maki stiffened a bit, she didn't pull away, listening intently as he spoke. "It doesn't need to be 'love' per se. As long as we care about each other…then it doesn't need to be 'love'. Whatever this feeling is…I'll treasure it for the rest of my life…just like you."
Shuichi was aware of how corny he sounded, but he didn't care. Corny or not, that's how he truly felt…and now he just needed to wait and see how Maki would react.
At first, she didn't. She just stared at him, her face flushed. But then again both of their faces were still reddened from their shared bliss, so he really couldn't tell what she was feeling. He watched her close her eyes, her expression as stoic as usual, and he felt his heart begin to sink, until…
"Shuichi…" she said softly as she opened her crimson eyes, her voice more tender than normal. "Did I ever tell you that, ever since I was little girl, I've had a really stupid dream?"
Shocked by her conversational tone, the detective barely managed to reply, "N-No…"
Maki smiled, an awkward, mostly embarrassed smile. "I've…always dreamed…of having a family…a real family," she told him, her voice almost motherly. "And…when Himiko said that the other morning…I admit that…I thought…it might not be too difficult to make that dream…into a reality."
Now it was Shuichi's turn to gasp, easily reading between the lines. However, this news only filled him with joy as he leaned forward and pressed a swift kiss to her lips. Pulling back, he saw her smiling at him, a pure and honest smile that he almost believed he'd never see again. He saw her move, grabbing the sheets of Himiko's bed and draping them over the both of them, before snuggling in closer to him, their bodies pressed together beneath the sheets.
Their faces only inches apart, the two of them drank in the smile they shared as they slowly fell into deep peaceful slumber…
"NYEAAAAAAAH!"
Shuichi and Maki awoke with a start as a familiar voice shrieked in their ears. They shot up, barely managing to keep the covers over their naked bodies in the process. Their vision swam after just waking up, but even so, it was clear who was screaming at them.
Himiko stood in her own doorway, blood draining from her face as she pointed a shaky hand at the two of them.
"W-W-W-What are you two doing?!" she frantically screamed, her eyes widening as she discovered they were nude under the sheets. "W-W-Why are you both naked?! And in my bed?!"
"Uhh…" Shuichi tried to form words but couldn't, not expecting to have been caught like this.
"Don't worry, Himiko," Maki suddenly spoke up, her demeanor completely normal. "I promise to wash your sheets for you."
"T-That's not the problem!" the 'mage' shrieked, her mind already processing what that meant. "W-Why are the two of you in my room?! If you were gonna be doing…that, couldn't you have at least done it in your own rooms?!"
Suddenly feeling more at ease, especially with Maki being so calm, Shuichi tried his hand at humor.
"Well, there are a lot of weapons in Maki's room, so it might have been a little dangerous in there," he joked, recalling how the walls of Maki's room were lined with fire-arms, short bladed weapons, and various kinds of targets/mannequins.
Maki's habits as an assassin led her to collect various types of weapons. She would often clean them while they sat in the living room and watched movies together. She said it helped 'soothe her nerves' after a long day of babysitting the kids at her daycare. And if any unsuspecting burglar tried to break into their apartment, Maki would show them that her skill as the Ultimate Assassin weren't as rusty as they should be. But that wasn't really the point right now…
"I tried surprising Shuichi in his own room," Maki told the panicking Himiko, actually being truthful about their encounter. "But things got a bit complicated and in the end, we ended up here—".
"B-B-But why?! Why my room?! Why my room?!" Himiko continued to shout, almost like a mantra. "Shuichi and Maki…in my room…naked…bed…clean sheets…WHY?!"
Suddenly, she fell silent as the shock took hold of her. She lurched backward, crashing to the floor with a loud thump.
"H-Himiko!" Shuichi shouted and threw away the covers, his naked form rushing over to make sure she was alright. Placing his hand by her mouth, he felt her breathing and sighed. "She's fainted…"
"I told you she would," Maki matter-of-factly replied, walking over to him, not even bothering to cover up her naked body.
Shuichi flushed for a moment before realizing there wasn't any reason to be embarrassed, not anymore anyway. Maki knelt down next to him and the unconscious Himiko, taking the girl's head in her lap and running her fingers through the 'mage's' red hair.
"W-We should probably get dressed before she wakes up," the detective suggested, glancing around until he spotted their clothes on the floor next to the bed.
Before he had a chance to stand up, a hand shot out and grasped his arm. He looked over to see Maki's slender fingers holding him in place, a playful smile tugging at her lips.
"No…I don't think we should," Maki told him, her smile widening. "It's her own fault, anyway."
Shuichi considered it for a moment before saying, "That's…technically true, but…"
"Let's just call it, her…reward, for helping us expose the truth," Maki said with a happy grin, still playing with Himiko's hair. "After all, we might not have uncovered it, if not for her…"
For a few long moments, Shuichi considered her words carefully. As he did, something stirred inside him, a joyous feeling that he hadn't felt for nearly two years.
"You're right," he concurred, sliding his hand over to hers, their finger's instantly intertwining. "She deserves to hear the truth…from the people she helped find it for."
Slowly, he slid back down to the floor, sitting next to Maki as they waited for their roommate, and fellow survivor, to awaken.
…A Few Mornings Prior…
"Maki! I'm gonna be late enough as it is! I don't have time for breakfast!"
Shuichi was frantically dressing himself, glancing up at the clock, as if begging time to reverse. All the while, Maki frowned at him, her cheeks puffed out in annoyance.
"You would've had plenty of time if you had woken up on time. Believe it or not, Himiko and I don't enjoy listening to your alarm blaring for thirty minutes each morning. Not to mention that it was supposed to be your turn to cook breakfast today."
Maki wore an apron over flannel sleeping clothes, flipping over the last of the pancakes she'd made before scooping them onto a plate for him. She let out an exasperated sigh as she held it out to him.
"Don't expect me to always be there to provide for you. Besides, if you're going to be late, you may as well eat something. No sense being late and hungry."
The pair glared at each other stubbornly, neither of them wanting to budge. It was only when a third voice popped up that they realized they had an audience.
"What a pain…the two of you bicker like an old married couple. Why don't you just hurry up and get married already? Save us all the trouble."
Seated at their kitchen table, Himiko slavered her own pancakes in syrup as she watched the two of them bicker. She stared at them incredulously, as if they had disturbed the sanctify of breakfast time…which they had.
As one, both Shuichi and Maki flushed, which brought a knowing grin to Himiko's face.
"F-Fine! Thank you for cooking, Maki."
"You're not getting off the hook that easily. You're on breakfast duty for the next three days, so you better not sleep through that alarm."
The detective grabbed his plate from Maki's grasp before taking a seat at the table, doing his best to hide his face by burying it in his food. Meanwhile, the assassin put on a deep frown in an effort to disguise her embarrassment before taking her own seat across from him, slowly beginning her meal.
All the while, Himiko's grin went unnoticed by the both of them, and the 'mage' felt more than a little triumphant.
In an odd way, it was comforting to see them getting along so well, even if they didn't realize that was case. Himiko wasn't as oblivious as they thought she was. She knew about their occasional nighttime sexcapades, and it honestly didn't bother her. After all, they had always been close, even back in the academy. It seemed only natural that their relationship would eventually escalate. Himiko easily concluded that their nighttime activities had had a profound affect on their moods, which had improved significantly lately.
Honestly, it was becoming a bit painful to watch, seeing how much they cared for each other, without them even realizing it. And though it wasn't really any of her business, she had decided to give them a little shove in the right direction. Even if it took them a while longer, the 'mage' was confident they'd sort out their feelings eventually.
As long as they didn't try doing the horizontal tango in her own bed, she was obliged to let them find a little comfort in each other.
The End
Greetings, my beautiful readers! This idea has been plaguing me for so long, and I finally found time to put it all to paper! This is officially the longest one-shot I've ever written!
Just to clarify, canonically, I ship Shuichi x Kaede, and Kaito x Maki. However, I genuinely believe that, after the killing game ended, Shuichi and Maki would find comfort in each other, and it would eventually turn into what I've written above.
As always, leave me some comments/reviews to let me know what you thought of the story! I do hope you all enjoyed it and have yourselves a great day!