Sayid and the Magical Pineapple
By Hoogiman

Disclaimer: I do not own Lost.

Note: For the sake of continuity and the avoidance of show spoilers in reviews: any characters that have ever died in the series are still alive.

Note 2: This story is bad.

Chapter One

Sayid sat on the beach, giggling incessantly because he figured out how to use a click pen. It was almost a year after the crash, and almost everyone had been driven to insanity by the lack of rescue, the lack of comfort and the random unexplained dragons that appeared offering candy and weapons to the islanders.

"I need a friend," thought Sayid to himself, suddenly ever so slightly depressed.

"I can be your friend!" said an over-cheerful Hurley, playing a tune on an imaginary coconut.

"A real friend!" said Sayid angrily, punching Hurley in the face. "You're not real!"

"Those fools," said the gigantic pineapple, floating towards Sayid, "They think they can convince you that they're actually real!"

"I know," said Sayid angrily, "I get all of these constant human posers that try and convince them that they're real! And none of them are!"

"Let's have some fun!" said the pineapple.

"Yay!" replied Sayid in a kiddy voice.

"What'cha doing?" asked Libby, walking up to Sayid in a surprisingly clean-looking outfit.

"I'm playing with Mr. Pineapple Num Nums!" said Sayid cheerfully.

"Uh… you do realise you're a bit old to be playing with an imaginary friend, right?" asked Libby, going all 'look at me I can psychoanalyse people because I was a crazy person' on Sayid.

"You don't think I'm real?" asked an infuriated pineapple.

Libby did not respond, mainly because the pineapple's presence was quite lacking.

"IF YOU DON'T THINK I'M REAL, THEN I WILL HAVE TO TAKE THE APPROPRIATE CONSEQUENCES!" shrieked the pineapple, in all-caps.

"Sayid, is there something wrong?" asked Libby.

"THAT'S IT!" screamed the giant pineapple, crushing Libby to death.

"W- why did you do that?" cried Sayid.

The pineapple gave Sayid a click pen.

"Tehehehehehee," laughed Sayid incessantly, forgetting the day's dramatic incidents.

The End

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