Tony Stank had always wanted that Captain booty, and today was the day he'd get it. That USDA prime cut of beef would be his, one way or another. Swaggering into his office with all the confidence and vodka his body could hold, he clapped his hand on Steve's broad as FUCK™ back.
"Would it turn you on if I draped a flag over my nude body?" Tony growled, rough and ready.
Steve turned, salivating heavily. "Only if it was the American flag."
"Then I only have one thing to say to you." Tony smirked, leaning forward to whisper in Steve's ear, "America, fuck yeah."
Steve shuddered patriotically. "USA, USA," he chanted, standing to rip off his suit. Beneath the layers of American pride, he wore a flag thong.
"I've never loved my country more," Tony said, dropping to his knees.
Steve paused, thoroughly offended as his love stick dropped to half mast like a flag after an important event. "You should always love America."
Tony bumped his face into Steve's crotch like a baby calf trying to get milk. "C'mon, don't be like that, Capitano. Let me love you."
"Since you put it like that," Steve replied, his bottle rocket shooting up to slap Tony in the face.
Just as Tony wrapped his lips around Steve's pillar of freedom, Buckeroo burst through the nearest window.
"What the fuckety fuck is going on here?!" He roared like a bear protecting its young. "Stevie is mine!"
Tony teased a finger around the rim of Steve's all American asshole, staring Bucky down as he did. "Sorry, but I think the Captain likes his meat thawed out."
Peeling a chunk of ice out of his gorgeous mane, Buck Buck Goose punched his Termiator arm through the nearest wall. "That's not fair!"
"Okay, I know we're fighting, but that was hotter than fourth of July fireworks," Steve commented, letting out a noise akin to a harp seal as he released his little soldiers all over Tony's face.
"See? I'm hot," Bucky said with a smirk, trying and failing to tug his arm from the concrete.
"You're hot and you're cold, you're yes and you're no," Tony sang mockingly, rubbing Steve's anti-aging serum into his skin.
Once Tony Stank stopped being such a big baby about everything, he helped Buckeroo remove his arm from the wall.
"Want a turn with Mr. Freedom?"
Bucky wiggled his eyebrows like Jack Black in School of Rock. "I would kill for one (lol)."
They all got along after that, fucking as often as they could. It was A++++++.
The end.