Disclaimer: I don't own these characters, nor am I making any money from them. I merely borrow them from time to time.

Freezing Ryan shoved his hands deeper in the pockets of his jeans. Thereby he convulsively tried to ignore the tears that were rolling down his cheeks. But he had to admit that he didn't really care about it. Due to the heavy rain, which was lashing down on Miami in the last few days nobody would be able to tell the difference between raindrops and tears anyway. Even his clothing was soaked now but again he didn't care. Finally he put the single red rose on the grave in front of him. In the pale light of the rainy day the letters on the plain, wooden cross there were hardly readable.

'Timothy Speedle'

Ryan swallowed hard. Then he looked down at the flower and watched the raindrops which slide over the petals and trickled away in the earth.

"How pathetic.", he murmured and smiled. "You were right big brother. I'm really getting soppy."

The only reason why he brought the rose with him was that he had read somewhere that red roses symbolized the love between two people. Also the one between siblings. Sure, nobody knew or guessed that he and Speed had been brothers, well half-brothers. But nonetheless he came to the cemetery as often as possible.

Ryan sighed heavly. The last weeks and months had been awful. Working at the lab hurt like hell. And that not only because of Eric Delko and his dislike of him, but also because of the memories in this building...

Perhaps it would really make things easier if he told the others that it wasn't his wish to replace Speed. Simply because he knew that he was irreplaceable. But there was something that held him back. Maybe it was his guilty conscience since he hadn't been at the funeral. Almost automatically Ryans fingers traced the faint scar on his upper arm. Shortly before Speed had been killed a perpetrator had stabbed him there. It had been his bad luck that the knife had lacerated a big artery in his arm. This had been the reason why his doctor had been emphatic about the fact that he stayed in the hospital...

But it was a possibility that he had to face the fact that everyone thought of him as a person who wanted to replace Speed by being better than him. After all even his mother believed that he wanted to do so. Since she had heard that he became a patrol cop and studied to be a CSI one day she edged away from him. However this situation wasn't something that Ryan couldn't handle, Speed had always been her favorite and by now he was used to it...

With a fleeting movement Ryan brushed a strand of wet hair away from his forehead. It was strange but there were moments when he still couldn't believe how his dream of being a CSI had turned into his worst nightmare.

After all he was now forced into a position he never wanted to have. The position of his deceased brother...