Disclaimer: I do not own these characters, they belong to Hollyoaks!
Summary: Brendan is a mess after being released from prison and he needs help. But who can get through to him?
A/N: A birthday fic for the lovely Lman :)
Reunited
Brendan sat in his bedroom, the curtains drawn, the lights off. He didn't want to see anyone, speak to anyone, be around anyone. Cheryl was trying her best but Brendan couldn't find it in himself to speak to her. He felt separate now, diseased almost. Prison had tainted him; he may have been innocent but he knew deep down that a part of him belonged there. He had killed Danny, he had beaten Stephen. There needed to be some justice there. It had haunted Brendan every day since he had been released. He hadn't even left the house since he had been released. Cheryl told him it wasn't healthy but he wouldn't listen.
This morning she had gotten into a state, screaming and crying at him to just do something, say something. But he couldn't. He wouldn't. Brendan didn't think there was one person out there who could bring him out of this darkness.
Except perhaps one…
There was a knock at the door. Brendan looked up sharply. Cheryl wasn't due back for hours. He was wearing a robe with boxers underneath. He hadn't showered, or shaved. The scratchy beard he had adopted in prison remained on his face. His blue eyes were watery from too much whiskey the night before.
"Who is it?" His gravely voice intoned.
"Open the door, Brendan"
Something gripped at Brendan's heart. He felt something he hadn't felt for a very long time. Relief.
He gingerly got to his feet, wrapping his robe more tightly around him. He unlocked and opened the door, allowing it to swing open as he re-seated himself.
Stephen stepped into the room. He looked good. He wore a dark blue polo, unbuttoned and black tracksuit bottoms. His hair lay flat, just as Brendan liked it. A small smile tugged at Stephen's lips as he took in Brendan's form.
"You look…" he trailed off, his eyes raking over Brendan's unkempt appearance.
"Like shit" Brendan concluded for him. "What are ye doing here, Stephen?"
"Nice to see you too" Stephen said dryly, closing the door behind him. "Cheryl called"
Brendan groaned. "I told her I was fine…"
"Except you aren't" Stephen pointed out.
"Why do ye care? Ye thought I was a murderer not so long ago" Brendan bit out, tasting the bile in his throat.
Stephen's smile faltered. "I explained all that when I came to visit you…"
Brendan turned his head away.
"Look, I am sorry. I thought the worst; my head was a mess…"
"Ye should have believed me" Brendan said, his voice choking on the words.
"I wanted to! But you make it so bloody difficult, Brendan"
"I make it difficult?" Brendan ground out. He huffed out a breath in annoyance.
"I didn't come here to argue" Stephen said, stepping closer to Brendan.
"Then why did ye?"
"I want to help you" Stephen said earnestly, kneeling in front of Brendan.
Brendan wouldn't look at him, he knew his resolve would obliterate if he did.
"No one can help a lost cause, Stephen" he said solemnly, his hands twitching together in his lap.
Stephen reached across, taking his hands in his own and bringing them slowly up to his lips to kiss. "You aren't a lost cause" he said gently.
"I have nothing…" Brendan said breathlessly. "Eileen won't let me see the kids, Warren stole the club from me, Cheryl hates me…"
Stephen shook his head. "Everything is fixable"
"Not this time" Brendan shook his head, his hands starting to shake. Stephen gripped them tighter.
"I'm still here. It might not mean much but-"
Brendan grabbed Stephen suddenly and held him close, his nose at his neck, inhaling.
"I haven't…I haven't lost ye too?"
Stephen clung to him just as tightly. "No. Never"
Brendan pulled away a little, still holding Stephen's arms. "I don't deserve ye"
Stephen shrugged. "Does anyone deserve anyone? I love you, that's it" Stephen's eyes glinted in determination and triumph.
Brendan rested his forehead against Stephen's. "I'm broken…I can't…I'm no good"
"You need time" Stephen said, placing his hands either side of Brendan's face. "I'm going to help you, I'm not going anywhere"
Brendan nodded, his eyes closed.
"First of all, let's get you showered…" Stephen wrinkled his nose, his eyes sparkling in amusement.
Brendan managed a small smile. "Ye gonna wash my back are ye?"
"Oi! Cheeky" Stephen grinned, standing up. "Come on" he held out his hand for Brendan to take. At this point Brendan would follow him anywhere.
Stephen led him into the bathroom, turning on the shower. He brought out a towel ready and stood awkwardly in front of Brendan, his eyes darting towards the door. Brendan stared blankly back at him.
"Do you want me to…ah…" Stephen said uncomfortably.
"Ye don't have to leave…" Brendan said quietly. He wasn't sure what Stephen meant by saying he would help him. He had said he loved him, surely that meant something? "Stephen" he said suddenly, voicing his concerns out loud.
"Yeah?"
Brendan cleared his throat. "When ye say ye are helping me…"
Stephen looked suddenly uncomfortable. "I don't know, Bren" he said honestly. "There's a lot we need to work through… I can't just fall back into your arms just like that…"
"No, course not" Brendan said gruffly, his heart sinking.
"I'll wait outside then" Stephen said, stepping out of the room.
"Wait" Brendan said, deciding on something. He pulled Stephen towards him suddenly, their faces inches apart. "If ye don't feel something…"
"Bren-"
Brendan kissed him before waiting for a reply. It felt so good, Stephen's soft, moist lips against his own. Despite his doubts, Stephen kissed Brendan back just as fiercely, his hands wrapped around the back of Brendan's neck.
Brendan hoisted him up so that Stephen's legs wrapped around his waist. He led him to the shower, fully clothed, not caring that they were getting wet. He pushed him against the shower wall, tugging at his trousers and removing his robe in the process. It wasn't long before clothes no longer became an issue and once more their wet, exposed bodies were entwined together, as they should always be.
After such a long time, it was quick and frantic. Brendan clung to Stephen with everything he had, Stephen's legs still wrapped tightly around him, unrelenting. They climaxed in unison, their breaths shared, eyes closed and content. When Brendan opened his eyes, he noticed Stephen's jaw was red raw and he laughed heartily for what felt like the first time in an age. Stephen rubbed at his face, his smile splitting into a grin.
"Right, I'm not having that" Stephen slid down Brendan's body, washing him with soap and shampoo and then leading him out of the shower towards the bathroom mirror. He handed him his razor and shaving cream and raised an eyebrow.
Brendan rolled his eyes. "I thought I looked quite fetching…"
Stephen gave him a stern look. "If you want me…"
Brendan grinned at him. "It's just a beard, I couldn't care less" he looked at Stephen seriously for a moment. "Ye are staying then?"
"How can I say no?" Stephen countered. "Here, let me"
Brendan's hands were still a little shaky, so Stephen did the shaving for him. He wasn't an expert, being so fair-haired as he was, but he got the job done. He left the moustache particularly bushy, which Brendan was grateful for.
Afterwards, Stephen opened all of the curtains and a few windows, forcing Brendan to go into the kitchen and eat something.
"You're a bag of bones" he told him affectionately.
"Cook me something then" Brendan countered.
Stephen rolled his eyes, searching in the fridge for some eggs. "Sit" he told Brendan, cooking him eggs on toast which Brendan wolfed down gratefully.
Cheryl returned some time later. She smiled hesitantly at Brendan.
"Alright, Bren?"
Brendan nodded, glancing at Stephen. "Am now"
Brendan saw Cheryl mouth 'thank you' to Stephen out of the corner of his eye.
"And I'm sorry"
Cheryl waved a hand. "I get it. I'm gonna call Eileen later, alright?" She looked at him pointedly.
"Thank you" Brendan said quietly. Cheryl nodded, patting him on the shoulder before she vacated the room.
"See" Stephen said, putting Brendan's plate in the sink. "Things aren't so bad"
Brendan grabbed Stephen around the waist, pulling him onto his lap. "Got that right" he murmured, his lips in Stephen's hair.
"If you want me to stay for a few days until you're more settled…" Stephen offered, looking embarrassed.
"Yes, thank ye" Brendan kissed him hesitantly. It had been so long, he was almost unsure of himself. They rested their heads together afterwards, simply basking in each other's company.
"I missed you" Stephen said quietly. "So much. Even when I thought…every night in bed I just…" his voice broke on the last word. Brendan held him tighter.
"I kept something underneath my pillow" Brendan said suddenly, his voice hoarse.
"What?"
Brendan stood up, holding Stephen's waist in place. He stepped into his bedroom, taking out the picture which was underneath his own pillow now. He walked back into the kitchen, placing the picture into Stephen's hands.
"This is us" Stephen breathed in wonderment.
Brendan grunted. "Remember we, ah, before Rae…" Brendan choked a little on her name. "When we thought that, well I don't know…"
"When we thought that was it for us" Stephen agreed. "When I couldn't walk away…"
"Ye kept yer socks on" Brendan smiled a little, attempting to lighten the mood.
"Don't I always?" Stephen said lightly. "My feet get cold"
"Of course" Brendan agreed, smirking a little. "Will ye stay tonight?"
"I said I would" Stephen answered.
Brendan nodded. "Right, yeah"
"It isn't easy" Stephen said suddenly. "Coming out of prison, re-adjusting"
Brendan nodded, absorbing Stephen's words.
"I didn't have much support, but you do. If no one else, you always have me, okay?"
Brendan nodded again. "I won't mess it up this time"
"You better not" Stephen said, his voice unnaturally high. "I don't think I could take the heartbreak again-"
"I love ye" Brendan said soberly, looking directly at Stephen. "That hasn't changed. It's what kept me warm at night, knowing that. Even if ye didn't want me…the fact that ye could have loved me, that I could open myself to another person… it kept me sane"
Stephen smiled sadly. "I love you too. Even when I hated you, I loved you. You're always in here" Stephen pointed to his head. "Until the grave?" He smiled in spite of himself.
Brendan nodded, pulling Stephen towards him once more, Stephen's head against his chest, his hair nuzzling Brendan's chin.
"Ye aren't going anywhere this time, ye hear?"
"Wouldn't dream of it" Stephen murmured quietly, kissing Brendan's chest.
"Good" Brendan smiled, his eyes closing in contentment. "Good"