I do not own Bleach.
My attempt at humor….
Happy Captain's Day!
The Captain's Day was a very important day in Soul Society. It was a day that the soul reapers showed their love, appreciation and respect towards their thirteen captains. Every year, each captain would receive gifts from his subordinates, some gifts were beautiful, and some were terrifying, others were plain weird, but nevertheless, the captains were always happy to know that their squad put an effort into that gift. This year was no different…
Squad One:
A documentary film about the art of speech-making was presented to the Head Captain. Our reporters confirmed that the Head Captain slept after five minutes of the film, and dreams of future interesting and non-sleep inducing speeches were crushed throughout Seireitei.
Squad Two:
After much debate, the squad members decided on a gift, but they all agreed to leave it outside their Captain's office and not hand it to her themselves. The gift was a book titled: "How I Got Over My Obsession: A memoire of a Stalker". Lieutenant Omeada was later found unconscious in his room, with obvious signs of beating. When asked about it however, Captain Soi Fon denied having anything to do with it.
Squad Three:
No Captain.
Squad Four:
Captain Unohana refused to tell us what her gift was, stating that it was personal. When our reporter pressed her to reveal the gift she…..smiled. Our reporter signed his resignation from the post the next day.
Squad Five:
No Captain. However, rumors say that Lieutenant Momo Hinamori wrote a poem honoring the man and then spent hours in Squad Four for a therapy session.
Squad Six:
Squad six members all gave up more than half of their salary to have a portrait of porcelain made with the picture of their Captain holding Senbonzakura carved into it. Sadly, Lieutenant Kusajichi sneaked in when everyone was busy and drew a cartoonish version of herself hugging Captain Kuchiki on picture. No one realized it until it was too late…...
Squad Seven:
A weeklong vacation at one of the World of the Living's spa for animals' hotels. A bottle of anti-flee spray was later sent to the Captain's office.
Squad Eight:
Captain Kyoraku received two gifts because as rumors say, there was a division in the squad about the gift. Lieutenant Nanao Ise had the idea that the squad agreed with her about giving their Captain a collection of books about dressing appropriately, battling alcoholism and respecting women. Her squad went ahead and got their Captain the collection of Adult Books he had been secretly asking for. Our sources have yet to confirm if Lieutenant Ise has discovered the books. Squad Four has not announced anything about receiving an injured Captain, so we're guessing he is still safe.
Squad Nine:
No Captain.
Squad Ten:
It has been confirmed that Captain Toushiro Hitsuyaga received a large white teddy bear and a book about anger management. It was said that Captain Hitsuyaga threw a tantrum about the teddy bear and threatened to freeze everyone involved. Our reporter however, was able to get an exclusive picture of said Captain sleeping while hugging the teddy bear. The picture was taken by a member of the Shinigami Women's Association, said member preferred to remain anonyms.
Squad Eleven:
With the help of Rukia Kuchiki, Issin Ichigo, Kisuke Urahara and many others, Squad Eleven managed to kidnap Ichigo Kurasaki and take him to their Captain. Ichigo had nowhere to run to and was therefore forced to partake in a fight against Captain Zaraki. Outcome of the match is yet to be confirmed.
It is to be noted that Squad Eleven has been giving their Captain the same gift for some time now; somehow Ichigo Kurasaki always falls in the trap.
Squad Twelve:
No apparent gift was shown, although rumors suggest that the Twelfth Squad kidnapped a fellow soul reaper and presented him as a sacrifice to their Captain. Captain Unohana filed a complaint about the sudden disappearance of one of her men on the same day.
Faced with accusations, the mad scientist – uh head of the science and research development department denied it and asked our reporter, "Would you like to be one of my lab rats?"
Our reporter escaped at the last moment. No news of the disappeared soul reaper has been heard.
Squad Thirteen:
Captain Ukitake received various gifts from his members, ranging from candies to herbal medicines, to anonyms love poems. Kiyone and Sentaro were both seen slipping papers under their Captain's door but both deny having written any of the 400 page love letters.
I got this idea and it wouldn't leave my brain so I decided to post it, hope it made you laugh! Please review and check out my other one-shot 'Shinigamis at the Beach' and my story 'Welcome to the 6th squad." Please leave a review there too!