TITLE: Beavis and Butt-head Do House

AUTHOR: VIDZ

TIMELINE: either before KJ had Chase rape Cameron, or after that ep with that disgusting plot and that whole revolting ship never having taken place

DISCLAIMER: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc of the TV shows "House, M.D." and "Beavis and Butt-head" are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author of this fic. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

SUMMARY: a sequel to my JAG story "Beavis and Butt-head do JAG". Who better than House to have Beavis referred to?

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"House!" Chase and Foreman hurried to catch up to their boss who was moving quite quickly for a cripple.

House plowed on, ignoring his two minions, which did nothing to deter them.

"We've got a new case. 14 year old male, shows signs of mental breakdown and delusions. Was picked up by the EMTs in front of some vendor in DC and they referred him to you."

"Yet another stupid teenager." House rolled his eyes. "So?"

Chase made a very good impression of a stereotypical blonde and just stared at his boss mutely.

"Well?" growled House.

"Well what?" echoed the Aussie.

"What are his symptoms, Wombat?"

"Oh!" Chase jumped "They say he suddenly flipped and pulled his T-shirt over the back of his head, is walking around with his hands up in the air palms facing ahead, with bulging eyes, and talking complete nonsense. He says he's The Great Cornholio."

That stopped House "The Great Cornholio?" checking the room number in the file he changed directions.

"Yeah." joined in Foreman "And he's repeating 'I want TP for my bunghole', 'Are you threatening me?', 'I am the Great Cornholio', and so forth."

House stopped in front of a glass cage where the boy in question was residing.

"With that jaw he could be a descendant of the Hapsburgs." he mused. Chase and Foreman just stared at him not comprehending, then turned their gazes to their patient.

The skinny blonde was clearly suffering from severe mental problems.

"I need TP for my bunghole. The Great Bunghole. There is only one bunghole. I am Cornholio." the mutterings were interspersed with maniacal chuckles and sentences in Spanish "Bunghole. Bungholio." he spoke, pronouncing the words with care "Where I come from there is no TP. My people have but one bunghole. There will be more bungholes after me..."

Chase and Foreman stared confused at their patient while House just snorted and sent a look that said "Idiots!" to his employees before disappearing.

Minutes later he returned and entered the room giving a roll of toilet paper to the boy, who immediately calmed down and returned to a state that was probably normal to him, but still mentally-challenged to normal people.

Chase and Foreman questioned House when the boss came out.

"How did you do that!"

"How did you know what he wanted?"

House smirked "Because I'm the great, all-knowing, me. And because, you two idiots, TP stands for Toilet Paper. And now go find the last Duckling and send her to me so I'll at least be with someone intelligent for a change."

And shut the door in his Ducklings' faces.

"Yes, master? You called?" Cameron asked sarcastically with her best impersonation of Boris, Frankenstein's minion.

"Yes, I did." House motioned "Come closer, young padawan."

Cameron approached slowly, eyeing him warily.

"I hear we've been given a new case."

"Yeah." House dismissed with a case "Some stupid teen's gone wacko. We're gonna refer him to a psychiatrist."

"What do you need me to do, then?" she checked.

"Do?" House pretended to think that over in order to cover up his plot. When Cameron was close enough he dropped all pretense and, swiftly reaching out with his cane, hooked Cameron and dragged her to him.

Allison let out a little squeak of surprise when she found herself suddenly being hauled and deposited onto her boss' lap. Quickly regaining her composure she shifted her weight to avoid pressing on his bad thigh, his comfort and health always on the front of her mind, no matter what kind of an asshole he was being.

"What I need you to do, Doctor." his face neared hers as she looked up in hesitant hope "Is to provide some intelligent company, a relief from Dumb and Dumber if you will." the crushed hope and devastation on her lovely features stirred something in him. Today, for some reason, he wasn't feeling like trodding on her again.

"And kiss me." he breathed, taking her lips with his.

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