Marinette wishes that she'd worn something more suitable when she walked out to her balcony.
The snow and the bitter wind makes her sweater and pajama pants almost non-existent. She folds her arms together in a vain attempt to recollect her body heat, too stubborn to go back to her room and grab her jacket.
She can only be thankful that the snow hasn't started to pile up on her balcony yet.
Chat Noir's perched up on her railing, as if he were a cat, with an odd look on his face. Marinette assumes he moved there just for the aesthetic because her mind clearly remembers the shy tap on her window and a small wave from the superhero just moments ago.
Once she saw him, her brain moved her body on instinct - unwilling to think of anything besides from what was going on and exactly why Chat Noir was on Marinette's balcony at three in the morning. (The better question might've been why she was up so late but, in her eyes, that was besides the point.)
"Chat Noir?" Her voice is quiet, "Why are you here so late? Is there an akuma attack?"
"Can I not visit my princess?" Chat laughs but it's evident to both of them how hollow the sound truly is, "I should, however, apologize for coming... My kwa-, uh, a friend advised me to stay home especially in this kind of weather."
"You were planning to see me?" Marinette's surprised, "Why so?"
Chat moves out of his cat-like pose and moves himself to sit more relaxed on the railing, yawning soundlessly, "I can leave if you'd like me to."
Marinette involuntary shivers, "Y-You're good."
"Thank you, princess," Chat sends her a grin that doesn't look nearly as shit-eating as the one he usually has plastered on his face.
It's quiet for a moment, Marinette thinking of what to her unexpected visitor. She'd invite him inside but Tikki fell asleep on her chaise tonight and she doesn't feel like waking up her or having Chat Noir figure out her identity.
"Is everything okay?" Marinette finally forces out.
Chat shakes his head, "No, uh, not really. Do you mind if... Nevermind."
Marinette knows this is only one of the few times Chat and her civilian identity have ever socialized outside of an akuma attack but she can't help but worry about her partner. If he's having a hard time, Marinette will be damned if he doesn't leave with at least a hint of his regular smile back. (At least someone will smile tonight, Marinette thinks dejectedly.)
"You're welcome to talk about it."
Chat lets out a shaky breath, "Thank you, princess."
"I, well," Chat chuckles again, "It's a bit silly, so you'll have to excuse me for being a bit stupid... I just, we're friends, right?"
Marinette nods slowly.
"I was going to confess to Ladybug," Chat rubs his neck awkwardly, "I-I don't know how obvious I've made myself but I... I'm in love with her."
Marinette's breathing completely stops. She was not expecting this, tonight of all nights, considering she'd just had a long and regrettable fight with Tikki earlier. Marinette's earrings were not in, for one, and she's thought about quitting Ladybug all week long. Besides, wouldn't Alya or someone like her make a much better superhero than Marinette?
"O-Okay," Is all Marinette can say.
"I'm just scared she'll reject me," Chat sighs, "She's too good for me, I already know it. Ladybug is gorgeous, ethereal, stunning, courageous, brave, kind... Did I mention how beautiful she is?"
Chat doesn't know it, but the more he goes on the more it feels like he's stabbing Marinette repeatedly.
"She's my best friend," Chat says, a hint of love in his voice that makes Marinette want to cry, "I just don't want things to go weird between us. It's okay if she doesn't feel the same, I wouldn't in her position, but... I don't want her to feel weird."
"Why do you care what she thinks?" Marinette hisses, biting her lip immediately afterwards. What she had planned to say, she doesn't remember, but it was definitely not that.
Chat raises an eyebrow, "Ladybug-"
"She's not even that wonderful," Marinette says, "She's-"
"Marinette?" Chat stands up from the railing, "What's-"
Marinette lets go of her arms and stares into Chat's eyes, her fury with herself becoming overwhelming, "Do you even know who she is underneath that mask?"
"I respect her-" Chat's cut off again.
"Don't you think it's cowardly that she hasn't told you?" Marinette's voice raises, "You two have been partners for over three goddamn years! She should trust you enough by now!"
Chat's eyebrows furrow, "You don't know Ladybug, neither of us do. She likely has her own reasons."
"What reasons are valid for her being a fucking coward!" Her words are like venom and she feels tears prick at her eyes.
The breath of air Chat intakes is a clear sign he's upset with Marinette, but she continues on.
"If you don't think you're good enough for her, then what makes her special?" Marinette's voice quivers, "The only thing that makes her interesting is her stupid mask! Without that, nobody would ever notice somebody like her!"
"What kind of person is Ladybug then?" Chat's voice is filled with anger, and Marinette is surprised he isn't yelling at her by now.
"A coward," Marinette answers easily, "A clumsy, stupid girl who's not secure with herself! She doesn't deserve the attention of her friends or anyone else she cares about!"
She stares at Chat and notices his demeanor tightens. She can't find herself to care.
"She doesn't deserve your feelings, Chat," Her tears burn her cold face, "Ladybug is no one without that mask."
"A mask doesn't define who we are," Chat Noir says quietly, "Ladybug is still the wonderful person she is with or without it."
"R-Really?" Marinette's voice is steady, loud, she digs into her palms with her fingernails, "You don't know anything about her!"
"Neither do you, Marinette!" Chat Noir finally snaps at her, "Why are you being so rude to someone you've never met? She's protected you and the rest of Paris and she doesn't deserve your comments towards her! God, Marinette, what's wrong with you?"
She digs into her palms harder.
"I don't know her?" She asks quietly.
"Of course not," Chat sighs, putting a hand on her shoulder comfortingly, "Look, I'm sorry for yelling at you but I won't tolerate rude comments towards My Lady. She's done more for anyone in this goddamn city than anyone else ever has."
Marinette takes a deep breath.
She suddenly slaps away Chat's hand, staring at the surprised look at Chat's face when she does so. Tears run down more violently but she can't be bothered to care at the moment.
"I don't know Ladybug?" Marinette shouts, "Are you saying that I don't know her when I watch as she easily fails at everything except for being a superhero? Are you saying that I don't know Ladybug when I watch her embarrass herself at everything she does? Are you saying, to me, that I don't know Ladybug when she runs away from every-fucking-thing because she's too much of a coward to face her fears?"
Chat stares at her, dumbfounded.
"If you're telling me I don't know Paris's superhero," Marinette slaps her hand on her chest as she speaks, "Then tell me, Chat Noir, how I know why she isn't wearing her Miraculous right now. Tell me how I know just how big of a fight she got in with Tikki, her kwami, ten minutes before you arrived."
"Tell me how much you know Ladybug, Chat Noir," Her breath goes quiet, "Tell me how much you know how she hates herself and how undeserving she is of your love and literally everyone else's care and adoration."
"Tell me how much you know about Ladybug," Marinette's tears finally catch up with her and she sobs, "When you're staring at her right in the face."