A/N: I wrote this little piece for writing class. It is an alternate-ending Doctor Who crossover with the Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy. As far as TV-verse movie-verse Hitchhikers Guides, it is a bit of both. No romance or companions in it either. It is the 11th doctor, BTW. I thought this was interesting because if Arthur joined the Doctor, he could return to Earth before it was destroyed.
Disclaimer: I do not own nor am I a part of Doctor Who or The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy.
How the Doctor Made a Man Happy
"Welcome to our humble planet, Magrathea." A loud, deep voice projected itself thousands of miles above Magrathea, to a white spaceship. This spaceship was called the Heart of Gold, and its occupants were so very confused.
"For generations our people have engineered…" A comical voice drowned him out. A man with maroon-colored glittery-looking capes had jumped with excitement, "Magrathea! Magrathea! We made it!"
Three other figures: Arthur, Trillian, and Ford, looked at Zaphod, the excited man in glittery robes, in exasperation.
"I doubt"- Ford, who had his towel around his neck, started to sympathetically to Zaphod.
-"Anyway, as I have explained, I now launch two missiles at you. We will record your names and home planet to archive after the recession. Bye-bye!"
All four travelers looked at each other, startled.
"I knew it," a very depressed–sounding robotic voice moaned in the corner. "This will end in tears."
Arthur looked like he was going to explode at the sulking silver metal robot in the corner, but Trillian and Ford held him back.
"Marvin! Stop being depressed before I-"
Ford swooped in, "Just ignore it, Arthur…"
Trillian looked at Marvin helplessly, "Is there anything that would make you happy?"
Marvin droned on, "Oh, sure. Could someone take out my batteries?"
Zaphod, meanwhile, was staring out of the window with wide, amazed eyes. "Magrathea!" he whispered to himself.
However, two metal things that looked suspiciously like missiles obstructed his view of the incredible horizon.
"Zaphod! What should we do?" Ford and Trillian shouted simultaneously.
"Err…." Zaphod barely acknowledged them.
Arthur just stared at the missiles blankly, clutching the edge of his robe. He just couldn't comprehend it.
Trillian rolled her eyes at Zaphod and approached the console at the front of the large, white room of the white ship.
Before she could do anything, however, a bright light even whiter than the ship appeared in the opposite corner of Marvin.
The foursome turned around to look, guarding their eyes with their hands. Marvin looked depressed.
"What the…" Arthur mumbled in shock. Zaphod put his hands on his hips.
"We don't have time for more hitchhikers! Magrathea! It's here!"
Ford cautiously went up to the light, which was dimming.
A large blue box that read "POLICE" on the top appeared behind the light. Ford touched the door.
Except the door burst open, knocking Ford to the floor.
"Hello!" A loud cheery man stepped out of the box, which had smoke floating out of it. "Oops, didn't see you there. No matter, what's your problem? Oh, look, missiles…"
The man approached the console under the floor-to-ceiling window, gazing at the now larger looking missiles. The man wore a white-ish button down shirt with suspenders and brown trousers, and a red bowtie at his neck. He also had crazy brown hair.
"Wha.. Who are you?" Zaphod asked. He didn't like anyone more energetic or better dressed than he was.
Arthur and Trillian stood to the side while the two had a very quick back-and-forth conversation when the ship's computer rang, "Hey guys! Just letting you know that in 39 seconds in counting, those two missiles will kill us all!"
The bowtie-man looked at attention at the console. "I'm the Doctor, that box is the TARDIS, it travels through time. You're Zaphod, and… Ford, Trillian , and Arthur I assume?" He fiddled with all the buttons on the console, trying to test them all out.
Ford, Trillian, and Arthur raised their eyebrows. "How do you know us?"
The Doctor shrugged, "No matter, let's get those missiles, shall we? What's this button?"
"25 seconds! It was real nice knowing you all"-
"Shut up Eddie before I-" Arthur had had it with all of this space madness. He wanted to go back to Earth.
"That button right there warps us to a random place in space. Sometimes we get sent back in time, nasty deal that made my grandfather also my great-great-grandfather. Never mind. You want to press that?" Zaphod rapidly explained looking aloof and disappointed that he couldn't see Magrathea.
"Yep!" The Doctor punched the big button, just as Eddie (the computer) rang , "15 seconds!"
All five occupants blinked. Arthur felt his face to make sure he wasn't made of yarn again. Not yarn…
Clay?
The Doctor, Zaphod, Trillian, Arthur and Ford looked around and at themselves.
The Doctor was in awe, "Are we… made out of clay now?"
Zaphod shrugged, "Yea. Kind of bummed about the whole Magrathea thing, though."
Ford and Arthur shook their heads at him.
Trillian approached the console, reading the screen, which had the numbers 67%, 68%, 69%... and so on.
"Reaching normality." Trillian informed the group.
And almost as soon as they were clay, they were normal.
"Normality achieved! Great work guys, we didn't die!" Eddie's lighthearted voice
"This is fascinating! I've never been to this place in space before.." The Doctor pondered.
Marvin spoke from his corner, "Great, we survived. Now back to life."
Arthur looked to the Doctor and pointed to the police box. "Can I go with?"
The Doctor thought for a moment. "Alright," he shrugged.
Ford, Trillian and Zaphod looked on, shocked.
Trillian spoke to Arthur, "Why?"
Arthur turned to all four (including Marvin) and said, "I miss home."
The Doctor raised his voice hesitantly, "Well, I don't know when we'll get back…"
"What's that supposed to mean?" Arthur panicked.
The Doctor said, "We could end up in the 1700s."
"Oh," Arthur sighed, "but we will get back even eventually?"
"Oh, yes."
Arthur quickly pushed open the door despite the "Pull to open" sign and joyfully called out, "To home!"
Ford called to him, "Bye, man, I'll visit… maybe."
Trillian smiled to Arthur, who was standing in the doorway.
"Bye Arthur, we'll-" she kicked Zaphod"-miss you!"
Zaphod rubbed his shin from being kicked and said, "Yeah, bye Earthman."
The Doctor waved and joined Arthur in the TARDIS. "Farewell!"
The TARDIS started to fade, with a "Whoosh, whoosh" sound.
Zaphod turned to Ford and Trillian, "I liked that guy!"
Trillian asked, "Arthur?"
"Of course not! I mean the Doctor!"
"Of course."
"Well, we better get back to Magrathea."
Ford and Trillian groaned.