A/N:Hey guys, I just wrote a lil something for you guys.I had a really emotional week,lol.
For this story I decided to just be free,and write how I actually write ,no trying to impress anyone with fancy dialogue and whatnot.
Anywhooz,I'm honoured to have you as a reader,Ra Ra here at your service!
Hope you enjoy this new one.
CHAPTER 1
Love is a strange thing. It's grotesque, dirty, selfish,and jealous…Yet it also has the ability to be beautiful, calming, forgiving and pure.
It is confusion beyond understanding, but it is also true understanding beyond blind comprehension.
If I were to tell anyone that, they'd never truly get what I mean.
To me, loving is hard. It's so painful. It…It hurts.
It hurts knowing that you've let yourself become so vulnerable to this complex and invasive emotion. This emotion that consumes you-heart, body and soul.
This emotion that makes you get excited over all those sappy clichés,this emotion that makes you look forward to the cheesy dates, and corny pickup lines.
Love.
It makes us so different.
It would be so horrible to live a life without it.
However,sometimes,I wonder,would it really be that bad?
It's so bothersome, always making me feel so…so…so sickeningly obsessive. When did I become this person?So dependent on him…It's as if I'm nothing-without him that is.
I guess I can't really blame him.
He is Natsu after all.
He loves being on the move, going on missions,that's just who he is.
I would never want to change that…
I'd never want to change him.
I'd follow him anywhere at this point in my life.
However, the blatant truth remains,Natsu doesn't care for me in that way.
I thought I saw it.I thought I saw a spark.I really did, but... weeks have turned to months…Months have turned to years.
We're twenty three now…and he's not said a damn thing.
The war is over.I thought that now, maybe,just maybe,he'd want more out of life than just a good fight or a successful mission.
However,as time continues to leave me behind,I realize that Natsu might definitely want those things,just not from me.
I'm not sure what leads me to that conclusion…but that's how I feel.
I've tried so hard.I've been so patient,I still want to be patient and wait for him to realise how I feel about him,but this is torture.
The emotional and mental turmoil that I face is nothing to joke about,and I know that I've taken my love for him much too far…I've become obsessed with waiting for him to feel the same.
I can't do this to myself anymore.
I can't…I shouldn't…but I want to keep doing this…
I want to keep waiting for him.
I'm so stupid,really I am,but in the depths of my spirit, something flickers, like a small fire,oddly reminiscent of Natsu's flames.
It burns softly, but steadily. It's my hope-or my false hope- that something will change between us.
I should know better than to listen to it. In fact, I should have doused it at the start of all of this.
But I just can't.
I haven't been at the Guild this week. I have my period, and for some reason, I feel excruciating pain. Maybe I'm just thinking like this because I'm extra hormonal right now.
"Yo! Lucy!" Natsu jumps through the window and lands at the foot-side of my bed. My bed that I'm currently occupying.
I look at him as he grins widely, so oblivious to the horrible things I've just thought about him.
He cocks his head in a quizzical manner, staring at me, as if trying to decipher what was going on in my head.
"You look sick." He finally says, crawling closer to my torso.
"I'm not sick, it's just female warrior time again." I say, trying to subtly get him to understand my situation.
"Ohhhhhh, yeah you're bleeding again, I know that, I smelt it-"he says, without a trace of embarrassment ,I can't say the same about myself, for as soon as those words leave his mouth I feel my cheeks heat up.
"-but it's not that Lucy…It's something 's not like a sickness, it's more of an ill-feeling.I think."he finishes.
He tilts his head again, this time bringing his legs up onto the bed and crossing them.
"Natsu! You know how I feel about you being on my bed with your boots on!That's revolting!What if you stepped on something icky?" I exclaim.
He blinks twice, pouts and begins the slow removal of his boots.
"I haven't stepped on anything,but fine,if you don't want them on the bed,I'll take 'em off."He grumbles, tossing his boots onto the floor.
I feel so self-conscious now,knowing that he can…smell me.
Maybe I should go bath again…
"I'll be right back Natsu,I'm going to have a quick shower."
He looks confused at that.
"Eh?But why?You smell clean."He says with a careless shrug of his left shoulder.
I gape at him.
"Natsu you just said you can smell my…blood…That does not sound like a pleasant smell."I say.
He laughs and shakes his head,I feel the familiar tickle in my heart as I watch him,so carefree and adorable.
"No, it's not a stench,its like a… scent."He stumbles around for words.
"Scent?"I ask incredulously.
"Yeah, it's like a girly smell kind of dissolved in the blood, you know what I mean?"he asks as an afterthought.
No,I don't really know what he means, but this is awkward,talking about my situation with him.
I just shake my head an climb back into bed, unsurprisingly, he comes to lie next to me.
"Lucy?"He calls a few seconds after I close my eyes.
"Yeah?"
"Are you okay?"He asks,I open my eyes and find his enticing mossy-bark coloured eyes boring into mine.
I gulp. I need to just breathe.
"I'm fine Natsu, you should sleep, you must be tired."I said earnestly, because he really did look drained.
Only now did I notice the cuts and bruises running up his ,I'm so self-centered.
I'm about to ask him if he's okay when he speaks again.
"Lucy,if you ever have to tell me something,or if something's hurting you or troubling you,just go ahead and tell me,please. Aren't we nakama?We're best friends...You would tell me if something was upsetting you right?"He asks,concern etched on his masculine face.I really am such a weirdo.
Nakama.
That's right,did you hear Lucy?
We're friends.
All I can do is put on a smile and nod,like an ass.
Natsu breaks out into a toothy grin.
"Get some sleep Lucy,you look horrible."He says softly,patting my head.
His voice is so soft and tender that I ignore his remark and comply.
"I knew you weren't feeling too good so I went ahead and completed a mission to get you this month's rent money."He says,still patting my head,and lulling me to sleep.
"I really wish I knew why you're so sad Lucy…"he continues quietly,almost as if he was pained by saying that.
Everything he says now is just a jumble of words,I can't piece together what he's saying.
The bed shifts and I feel a momentary touch of something velvety soft and warm on my temple,but I might have been delirious.
For a second I almost thought Natsu had kissed my forehead.
Ha ha,as if he would ever adore me that much.
Stupid boys.
Stupid emotions.
Stupid Love.
A/N: Hmmmm,poor Lucy, oki guys, you know what to do,PLEASE REVIEW!Thank you so much for reading this story,you're amazing,feel free to PM!
Please don't cyber-bully,Constructive criticism always welcome, but FLAMES ARE AT A HELL TO THE FRIGGING NO.
REVIEEWWWWW #YouKnowYouWannna ...#Please? #WithSprinklesOnTop?
Till next time
XOXO
Ra Ra