I Can't Take It Oneshot
I'm sitting on the floor in Tegan's apartment, empty beer bottles surrounding me, an almost full one in hand. My sister and her girlfriend Lindsey are on the couch, equally as drunk as me. We had made a rule at the beginning of recording that we wouldn't drink too much the night before a studio day, but tonight that rule has been broken. So here I am, drinking even though we have to be up early tomorrow. I'm spending the night at Tegan's to make the morning easier. I look up to the couch, Tegan has reached the horny teenager drunk state and Lindsey is trying so hard not to give in in front of me. I get sad and strangely turned on watching them. My girlfriend is back in New York, so I haven't had sex in weeks. And I've always been attracted to Tegan, so this isn't helping. Fuck. I down the rest of my beer and try to watch the rest of the movie that's on. After a while I get tired of listening to my sister kiss Lindsey, so I get up and announce that I'm going to bed. I walk to Tegan's guest room and lay down in the sheets, trying to let sleep take me over. I'm almost there when I hear sounds coming through the walls. I listen carefully and realize it's Tegan and Lindsey in their bedroom. They're fucking and there's nothing I want more than to be in Lindsey's position. I cover my head with the pillow to block out the sounds, but it doesn't work. I'm getting more turned on every second. Lindsey moans my sister's name so loud that I snap, not being able to take it any longer. 5 minutes later I'm naked under the sheets, two fingers working inside me, moaning Tegan's name in sync with her girlfriend. I pretend that my fingers are Tegan's, and I'm completely lost in my pleasure that I stop paying attention to how loud I'm getting. I'm so close to my release, thrusting my fingers deeper as I come down my hand, screaming out "Tegan" in the process. There are no sounds coming from the other side of the wall, which scares me. I listen carefully, wondering if Tegan and Lindsey heard me.
"I love it when you scream my name like that", Tegan finally says something, and I freeze.
"Tee baby, that wasn't me". Lindsey just blew my cover without even knowing. Shit.
I hear footsteps padding across their bedroom, and the door opening. I keep listening to their conversation about how I'm the only other person in the house. Their voices get louder as they walk across the hall to the guest bedroom where I'm staying. I jump up as fast as I can, scrambling to pick up my clothes and shoving them with me under the blankets. The guest room door opens just in time as I turn my body to face the wall and squeeze my eyes shut. Tegan slowly walks over to bed and bends down, her hot breath tickling my neck as she speaks.
"Sara's sleeping, what the hell?"
"Babe, I was messing with you, of course it was me" My sister's girlfriend laughs, and I feel Tegan's presence leave my side. They walk out of the room, closing the door. I turn onto my back and stare up at the dark ceiling. My biggest secret was almost let out. Ever since we were teenagers, I have been in love with my twin sister. Society thinks it's disgusting, Tegan probably thinks it's disgusting, but I don't care. No one will ever know, especially my sister.
The pounding of my hangover headache wakes me up in the morning. My eyes refuse to open, and I lay in bed for a few more minutes until I have to get ready for the studio. I decide that today is going to be a lazy day, so I pick out a grey sweater and jeans and open the door to head across the apartment to Tegan's bathroom. The hum of the television in the living room and the sound of bowls clanking together lets me know that it's safe to leave the guest bedroom and not face an awkward situation with both Tegan and Lindsey in their bedroom. Tegan is in the kitchen and she smiles at me. "Good morning Sara, I'm making coffee and cereal". I smile back at her and let her know I'll eat after I shower. Lindsey is in the bedroom when I get there, and I try not to catch her eye, but I can feel her staring at me. There's an awkward tension as I walk into the bathroom. 30 minutes later we're getting into Lindsey's car, driving to the studio.
I'm sitting in the back room of the studio, playing Frogger while waiting for Tegan to finish lead vocals for the song we're working on. The door opens behind me, and I expect it's her, so I continue playing my game. As soon as I see Lindsey come into my view, my frog dies. Something bad is about to happen. She starts up a two player game, and we play in silence for a few minutes. I'm beating her, and I'm counting this as my revenge against her.
"I know it was you last night." Lindsey's voice is calm. My frog dies again.
"I don't know what you're talking about", my voice is shaky and my frog comes back up on the screen. Once again we play in silence, and once again my frog falls to his death as Lindsey repeats my actions from the night before.
"Fucking yourself in my apartment and moaning my girlfriend, your sister's name. You're gross Sara". The game starts up again, but I let the frog run alone, getting hit by a truck. It describes exactly how I feel right now. I don't say anything back. Lindsey smiles, understanding that she's won in two different ways; first at Frogger, second at destroying me. "You're lucky Tegan had her eyes closed, or she would know your secret a lot sooner". Sooner? I finally look up at Lindsey, knowing her motives. She couldn't tell Tegan, it would ruin our band, our relationship, our entire lives. I manage to whisper out "you wouldn't". Lindsey laughs. "Oh, I'm not gonna be the one telling her, you are". As if on an invisible cue, Tegan walks in the room.
"Telling who what?" she asks. I stare across the table to Lindsey, who has a sly smile back on her face. She stares back at me and says "Sara needs to tell you something". My heart rate gets faster and I find it hard to breathe. Lindsey gets up and walks towards the door, whispering "have fun" into my ear before leaving. My mind rushes to think of other things that I need to tell Tegan, but I'm scared of what Lindsey will do if I don't tell my sister the truth. I jump up from the table a little too fast, knocking the chair I was sitting on to the floor. "Talk to me Sara", Tegan's voice finds its way into my brain. I look at her, and before I know it, the words are spilling out of my mouth and I can't control them.
"Tegan I'm in love with you."
My sister walks across the room and stops in front of me. I close my eyes, afraid of what she's gonna say, what she's gonna do.
"Sara, I know." The distance between us closes as Tegan presses her lips to mine.