Why Can't I Be Queen?
Disclaimer: I do not own Dragon Age.
Note: This might possibly be because of how annoyed all those arguments that a Cousland PC should be able to become solo King/Queen make me.
"Our position in the Landsmeet is not strong and so I'm going to have to ask you to go out and try to weaken Loghain's position," Arl Eamon said solemnly. "We're going to need more support if we're going to want Alistair to become King."
"I could do that," Mary Sue Cousland agreed. "But I have a better idea!"
"Oh?" Eamon asked, intrigued. He'd thought that he'd gone over every possible contingency while waiting for Mary Sue and Alistair to return from Orzammar but it was entirely possible that he had missed something.
"I think that I should become Queen," Mary Sue announced.
"Well…" Eamon said uncertainly. "I suppose that we could declare that you will be Alistair's consort. That might give us an advantage over Anora who will be alone and it could assuage fears that Alistair won't know what he's doing when he first takes the throne."
Mary Sue shook her head. "Oh, I don't mean marrying Alistair. I think that I should get to become Queen by myself."
Eamon frowned, confused. "And may I ask how you came to this conclusion?"
"I am a Cousland," Mary Sue said as if that explained everything.
"I was aware of that," Eamon replied wryly. "The question still stands."
"Well, Alistair's claim to the throne is hurt by the fact that he's not only a bastard but was never recognized," Mary Sue reasoned. "And Anora, while also the daughter of a Teyrn, is only second generation nobility. I, on the other hand, am the legitimate daughter of a very, very old and very, very powerful noble line. As such, I obviously have a much stronger claim to the throne."
Eamon was beginning to understand why Bryce and Eleanor had refused to let their daughter appear at court. "No," he said slowly. "The fact that you are the legitimate daughter of the deceased Teyrn of Highever means that you have a very strong claim to the teynir of Highever. Your family was never tied to the throne. And even that will take ousting Howe which we really cannot afford to worry about doing until after the Landsmeet is over with and the Blight is defeated."
"But everyone wanted my father to be King instead of Cailan," Mary Sue reminded him, determined not to let this go.
"Not 'everyone' did," Eamon corrected. "Some people did. In fact, I'll even concede that many did. He turned the job down, remember, and threw his support behind Cailan."
"Yes, but the fact that people wanted him to be King means that they are going to want me to be Queen now," Mary Sue insisted.
"I…don't follow," Eamon said, trying to be diplomatic. One good thing about all of this was that he was now firmly convinced that Alistair was selling himself short on his leadership abilities as there was absolutely no way that he was going to believe that this woman had been the one making all the decisions and actually succeeding in convincing the mages, dwarves, and Dalish into aiding Ferelden during its time of need.
"Everyone loved my father," Mary Sue explained again. "I am his daughter. Therefore, everyone will love me."
"That's not quite how these things work," Eamon told her, wondering how he should put this. "Your father was loved not because he was a Cousland per se but because he had a reputation for honesty and integrity as well as a good deal of charisma. He was well-known and well-liked. You, on the other hand, are a virtual unknown. People may have loved your parents but most of the nobles have never even met you and would have to rely on your resemblance to your parents and brother."
"See!" Mary Sue exclaimed triumphantly. "They'll all know that I'm a Cousland!"
"But the issue here is not that nobody will believe that you are a Cousland," Eamon pointed out. "It's that that's frankly not good enough to allow you to take the throne."
"Why not?" Mary Sue asked petulantly, sticking her lower lip out in a pout.
"You mean aside from the fact that you're not an heir or even in the royal succession at all and nobody even knows who you are personally much less what kind of a ruler you would make?" Eamon asked dryly.
To his surprise, Mary Sue nodded. "Yes, other than that."
"Well, technically speaking no one really has a claim to the throne so it's a matter of politics," Eamon revealed. "My faction supports Alistair for King and Anora's faction supports her. A third candidate at this point would only serve to take support away from Alistair and probably allow Anora to keep her throne. Then, of course, the fact that you have no political support means that it's highly unlikely that anybody would actually choose to support you."
"But…but I'm a Cousland!" the girl wailed. "Everybody loves Couslands and our magical bloodlines!"
"Not nearly as much as you seem to think we do," Eamon said tiredly, rubbing his eyes.
"Wait…" Mary Sue breathed, her eyes lighting up. "I've just had a brilliant idea!"
Eamon almost groaned. "Another one? We haven't finished discussing this one yet…have we?" he asked hopefully.
"Nope," Mary Sue said cheerfully. "What if your faction dropped Alistair and started to support me! I could totally be Queen then!"
"You might be able to," Eamon agreed carefully. "Except that my supporters and I want a son of the Theirin bloodline on the throne so why would we agree to that?"
"Well, Alistair doesn't even want the throne in the first place," Mary Sue claimed.
"He seems to be coming around to the idea just fine," Eamon countered. "And either way, he will do his duty."
"Everyone knows that the Cousland bloodline is infinitely shinier, more badass, awesomer, and just overall better than the Theirin bloodline," Mary Sue grandstanded. "Putting me on the throne will ensure that we will have peace and prosperity throughout every day of my reign and the reign of my heirs. Just imagine: this senseless civil war will stop and all of Ferelden will fall in line behind the majesty and perfection of the Cousland name."
"You have quite an imagination…" Eamon told her, seriously beginning to question the girl's sanity and hoping that Alistair didn't have any real desire to have her as his consort. Ferelden just couldn't risk introducing such instability into the Theirin bloodline.
"So it's settled then," Mary Sue said beaming. "I'll go tell Alistair he's off the hook and I can go be the kind of Queen that Ferelden desperately needs. Seriously, you people are really lucky that I'm willing to do this for you."
Eamon opened his mouth to argue and then shut it again realizing that there was really no point in trying to get through to her. She clearly lived in a world quite apart from reality and his words wouldn't reach her. It was best to just humor her for now so she wouldn't try to sabotage him and then speak in favor of Alistair at the Landsmeet. "Why don't you let me handle him? You go…do some Warden thing."
"Alright," Mary Sue said brightly. "I saw my cousin Habren on my way here and she had a gorgeous tiara that would be just perfect for me to wear when I get confirmed Queen at the Landsmeet so I'm off to go steal it now. I'll be back whenever and if you hear anything about a lot of violent scuffles, don't worry, it was probably me and I'll be fine." With that, she practically skipped off secure in the knowledge of her Cousland superiority.
Ladies and gentleman, the would-be Queen of Ferelden.
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