Jedi Don't Cry
By RocketFAN
A/N: I wrote this in a rather emotional mood. It's really cheesy and mushy… but you
know you like it! Enjoy.
Night fell on the planet Coruscant, the central system of the Galactic Republic and home to the Jedi Temple. Dusk on the impressive metropolitan planet was always a beautiful sight as its single sun slowly disappeared beyond the horizon. However, the serenity that always came with watching a Coruscant sunset eluded 24-year-old Jedi apprentice, Obi-Wan Kenobi as he sat in the window of his dormitory on the tenth level of the Majestic Jedi Temple. Time spent at the Jedi Temple was rare and very much appreciated as an opportunity to rest and reflect on previous missions. Unfortunately, Obi-Wan's last mission was something he would have preferred to forget.
He and his Master, Qui-Gon Jinn had just returned from a mission on Eriadu, a planet recently ravaged by a violent civil war between two rival groups of merchants. During their two weeks on Eriadu, they had witnessed the vicious slaughtering of men women and even children as the two feuding sides engaged in the brutal warfare. And though he had witnessed war far too many times before, Obi-Wan was particularly bothered by the complete lack of morality shown by the people of Eriadu.
In following the Code, Jedi behavior was rigidly structured to uphold self-discipline, responsibility, and public service. The Jedi conquered emotions and materialism. They honored life, the law, the order itself and the master-student relationship.
The young Jedi gazed vacantly out the window and let out a heavy sigh. As he sat fiddling with the long braid that hung over his right shoulder as a sign of his apprenticeship, he was surprised to feel his eyes welling up with tears. And it was not long before they began to fall from his powder blue eyes, leaving glistening streaks in their wake. Being a Jedi, he was always expected to be brave and stay strong, even in the worst of situations. Showing weakness or vulnerability was uncommon amongst the Jedi, but not unheard of. There have been a few times where Jedi have given into their emotions, although often doing so privately.
As the last light of the setting sun was replaced with the white glow of Coruscant's four moons, Obi-Wan was startled by a knock at his door.
"Obi-Wan?" Qui-Gon's voice called from the other side.
"Yes, Master?" Obi-Wan replied as he frantically wiped the tears from his eyes and face with the sleeve of his cloak.
"Master Yoda would like you to assist him with the younglings' lightsaber training," Qui-Gon informed with a small smile. Yoda usually requested assistance with lightsaber training the younglings that lived at the Temple. He himself had done so several times when he was Obi-Wan's age.
"Uh…o-okay…I'll be right there," this was the last thing he wanted to hear. He was not in the best mood to hang around with Yoda and two dozen rambunctious 5 year olds.
"Are you all right?" Qui-Gon asked him, detecting the emotional strain in his voice.
"Yes, Master… I-I'm fine," Obi-Wan had never been a very good liar.
"Obi-Wan, can I come in?" Qui-Gon requested softly at his Padawan's choked up reply from behind the door.
"Um…yes… of course," Obi-Wan replied after several moments of silence.
"Obi-Wan?" Qui-Gon called as he entered the room, the door hissing closed behind him.
"Master," Obi-Wan emerged from his small washroom trying to fool Qui-Gon into believing that he had just washed his face.
"Is there anything you want to talk about, Obi-Wan?" Qui-Gon asked him rather bluntly, as he usually did in such matters. Jedi Master Qui-Gon was never one to avoid the tough questions where Obi-Wan was concerned. They had built an honest and trusting relationship throughout their 12 years as a Master/Padawan team, and he saw him as more than just an apprentice under his tutelage… he truly loved him as a son, and could instantly tell when something was bothering him.
"I'm not sure," Obi-Wan's hesitant reply was a little surprising to his Master, who had never seen him react so timidly to such a simple question.
"Come here, Obi-Wan," Qui-Gon said with a melodramatic sigh as he sat on his Padawan's bed and held out a hand to him.
"Ok," Obi-Wan replied submissively, deciding to give in to his Master's influence, he took his hand and sat down beside him.
"Now, what's going on in that tumultuous little head of yours?" Qui-Gon asked his Padawan brightly, successfully manipulating a small smile out of him.
"I was just thinking about the mission on Eriadu," Obi-Wan said softly, trying to avoid eye contact with his Master.
"Tell me," Qui-Gon sighed and draped his arm around the younger man's shoulders.
"It's just… it's just something I will never get used to," he admitted while desperately trying to fight back his re-emerging tears.
"Well, I have some good news and some bad news," Qui-Gon said as Obi-Wan lost the battle against his tears and they began to trickle down his cheeks.
"What's the bad news?" He asked him while inconspicuously wiping his eyes.
"The bad news is, you never get used to it," Qui-Gon sighed dolefully.
"And the good news?" Obi-Wan no longer found it necessary to hide his tears. Qui-Gon Jinn was one of the most compassionate beings he had ever met, Jedi or not. He could instantly pick up on other people's emotions and had an acute ability to bring order to even the most unruly of circumstances. And Obi-Wan knew that his Master would never judge him negatively for giving into his emotions.
"The good news is… you never get used to it," Qui-Gon replied with a gentle smile. "And some situations are worse than others," he added ruefully.
"It's just so hard sometimes," Obi-Wan unsuccessfully stifled a sob that he could no longer contain.
"I know," Qui-Gon said softly while pulling his Padawan close into a comforting embrace. Obi-Wan seemed to melt in his arms as his shoulder shook with harsh sobs. He buried his face in his Master's chest and cried freely into the soft tunic. He was appalled that he had allowed his emotions to overpower him so strongly.
"It's okay, Obi-Wan," Qui-Gon reassured him as if sensing his disgrace.
"I feel like such a pathetic excuse for a Jedi right now," Obi-Wan mumbled through his gradually lessening sobs.
"Obi-Wan Kenobi…how could you think such a thing?" Qui-Gon rarely addressed him by his full name. On the few occasions he had done so in the past, it usually meant he was in for a scolding.
"This is so humiliating," Obi-Wan never wanted to look his Master in the eye again. Here he was, a grown, 24-year-old Jedi, weeping like a child who had scraped his knee.
"Having emotions does not make you any less of a Jedi, Obi-Wan," Qui-Gon said gently as he pulled back to face his Padawan.
"Well, how many Jedi Master's have you broken down in front of?" Obi-Wan asked with a hint of bitterness in his voice. He would rather have had his Master tell him what a whiny sniveling fool he was!
"Only the entire Council," Qui-Gon muttered hesitantly. He had never told anyone this before!
"What?! When?" Obi-Wan instantly perked up with astonishment. "You're joking, right?" He asked him suspiciously.
"I wish I were, Obi-Wan. I was only ten years old," Qui-Gon said defensively as if this justified it.
"What happened?" Obi-Wan was looking forward to this story.
"Let's just say I had yet to 'conquer my emotions'," Qui-Gon chuckled softly at the embarrassing memory.
"You're not going to tell me, are you?" Obi-Wan said, sounding slightly disappointed.
"Maybe someday," this was not exactly what Obi-Wan wanted to hear, but it was what he had expected his Master to say.
"Thanks… I don't feel so stupid anymore," Obi-Wan smiled sheepishly as he wiped the few remaining tears from his face.
"Obi-Wan, as Jedi we see the best and worst of the Universe. And sometimes, being so strong and brave all the time catches up with you. Jedi aren't perfect…," Qui-Gon was a man of few words, but those few words were always incredibly meaningful. "Just don't tell Master Yoda I said that," he added while giving Obi-Wan's shoulder a reassuring squeeze.
"I'm really lucky to have you as a Master," Obi-Wan told him softly followed by a few moments of awkward silence between them.
"Don't get sentimental on me now… I believe Master Yoda is expecting you," much to Obi-Wan's relief, Qui-Gon broke the silence.
"Of course," Obi-Wan sighed and walked to the door, turning back, he gave his Master a quizzical look before exiting the room, making him smile. Qui-Gon always enjoyed watching his Padawan with the younglings as he sparred with them, using a training lightsaber, of course. He decided to walk with him to meet Master Yoda in the sparring room to "observe" the training session.