Hello, this is the first Fic that I wrote, a few years back. It wasn't beta-ed and it's not perfect but it has a soft spot on my heart. I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it. Thanks!
Chapter 1
It all started with my 4th year at Hogwarts. I was getting ready for the stupid Yule Ball, only because Snape had been nagging about how it was mandatory. I wore all black, to show exactly how excited I felt for this ridiculous dance. I couldn't bring myself to care for the foreign students like everyone else did. Pansy was obsessing over Krum like every other girl, and all my male friends couldn't take their eyes off the Beauxbaton's princesses. Honestly, I could have easily asked one of them to the dance and have them at my feet, but I was being a good friend to Pansy. Poor Pansy, she had been rejected so many times, it only seemed right to take her, otherwise she would have cried all night in the Slytherin common room. I only hoped she wouldn't think this meant something more. She didn't strike my fancy. No one did, really. Every girl in Hogwarts was either too ugly, too boring, a mudblood, or a Hufflepuff. No thanks, I'd rather date an owl.
Finally, we went down to the Great Hall and waited for what seemed like hours for the girls to start showing up. Pansy was one of the firsts there, looking decent. She was wearing an emerald-green dress and had her hair down in too-perfect looking charm curls. She held my arm tightly and was enjoying people's attention as she smiled and then turned to me.
"You will not believe what Susan Bones is wearing. I saw her on the way down here, she looks like an old yellow cow,"
I chuckled and then we started to comment on student's outfits and dates. It was the most fun I was going to have at the dammed dance anyway, but it soon got boring and I stared away from the stairs. Mcgonagall was forcing everyone to enter when I heard one of the Patil sister's comment about someone looking beautiful. Too curious for my own good, I turned around and followed her gaze to the top of the stairs. She was dressed in blue, her curly hair tamed and cascading down her left shoulder, and her eyes shining with pride as she smiled brightly. I can't believe is her, I thought, as I quickly looked away and focused on something else. Pansy had turned to her too, and was red with jealousy, as everyone was now staring at the new and improved Hermione Granger. I began walking towards the Great Hall, and pulling Pansy with me. All around, students couldn't stop commenting on the mudblood's makeover. She doesn't look that different, I thought, She just doesn't have a nest in her hair anymore, or those librarian, below the knee skirts. But deep down I knew I was wrong. I felt too proud to admit she wasn't as ugly as I thought she was. And I hated her for it.
After that year ended, I felt more sober and angry than ever. When I saw Potter return to the tent with Diggory's dead body, my heart stopped in its tracks. He didn't even have to open his mouth for me to understand what had happened; it was all on his eyes. Pitch black, blown pupils and a sheer terror in them that could only be caused by facing him. Voldemort. I recognized that look because my father had worn it several times before. Sometimes he woke up in the middle of the night, screaming from nightmares that tore him apart. Lucius didn't share much, but mother always told me his past as a Death Eater had been hard on him. When I peered into my father's trembling eyes, I knew, he was dreaming of the Dark Lord's face.
From that moment, I never doubted Potter for a second. I was sent home the very next day, per my mother's request, and when I stepped into the manor, Lucius turned to look at me and my stomach dropped so hard I thought I might vomit. My suspicions had been right.
After an insufferable summer of seeing Potter's eyes in my father's, I came back to Hogwarts and tried to return to my usual self, but it was impossible. Every night before going to bed I wondered if tomorrow will be the day he would attack. I knew they were planning something, but I was considered too young to know the details. They thought someone might trick me or use me to get their information. I was aware that my parents would protect me, if anything were to happen, so that didn't worry me, but I was too scared to meet him. I didn't want to spend the rest of my nights waking up sweating from endless nightmares like Lucius. It's not like I didn't share his ideologies, I guess I did, but for me they were never worth my sanity. I cared about myself way too much to risk everything, like so many Death Eaters had. To think that it had to be my destiny was haunting me from the inside.
And it showed.
My friends started to be wary around me. Some of them thought I was no fun anymore, and others were just freaked out by my gloominess. I felt more alone than ever.
That's why when Umbridge gave the opportunity to openly ruin and annoy other people's existences, I took the chance to try and return to my roots. I thought screwing with Potter and his friends would cheer me up and keep my mind occupied, and I was right. I started having fun again and the haunting ceased, and I even managed to seduce a Ravenclaw 6th year, scoring regular snogging sessions in broom cupboards here and there. I stopped obsessing over things.
That was, until she began to anger me again.
We finally caught them and had them all secured in Umbridge's office. I was holding the Weasley girl, she wouldn't stop kicking around trying to break free, and I glanced across the room and locked eyes with Granger, who was being held down by Millicent Bulstrode, fisting her hair maliciously. She looked like she always did nowadays, curls wild, shirt buttoned to the top, hands on her hips…she wasn't even trying to run away. But she looked at me with eyes that sparkled with fire and passion. She was giving me the most resentful look I had ever witnessed. I felt my eyes burning under that stare and for a brief moment, I felt bad. She really and truly hated me. I quickly shook my head and tried to forget such nonsense. So what if she hates me? She's nothing more than a boring old mudblood I thought, while still struggling to pin down the redhead girl. Always following Potter around like a puppy I looked up again and she was still looking at me. She didn't blink; she didn't budge, just stood there like she was made out of rock. She turned around, eyes wide when Umbridge was going to crucio Potter…
"NO!" She yelled, breaking free from Bulstrode and standing next to Potter, her voice filling the room, and everyone fell quiet.
She told Umbridge about the secret weapon, burying her face on her hands and pathetically sobbing. She was faking it. I looked around at her friends and they were all as surprised as Umbridge was. I couldn't believe she was buying this silly act.
"I won't show them," Granger wept, turning her back to Umbridge and looking straight at me, her fiery eyes mocking me. I was astonished. That sneaky little…
"That's not for you to decide, Miss Granger," said Umbridge, interrupting my thoughts. I smiled, pleased that she wouldn't get away with it. Granger threw me one last nasty look and began sobbing again, facing the teacher. She was rather convincing, but she wasn't fooling me. She insulted Umbridge, making her large toad face burn red with anger. Who does she think she is? A Slytherin? I watched the dramatic show in disbelief.
"Fine," Umbridge announced.
She had manipulated her.
"I think someone from the squad should come too, professor," I barked in, letting go of my prisoner and standing next to her. But it was of no use. They were already leaving, with Potter as well. Right before exiting the classroom behind Umbridge, Granger turned around, her lips curing up at the edges, shooting me one of the best winning smirks I've seen in my entire life.
That moment I realized that, not only she wasn't as ugly as I thought, but she wasn't as boring either.
That moment, she reminded me of myself. And I hated her for it.
I stared at the door in awe, my mouth gaping and body immobile, until that insufferable Weasley girl punched me in the stomach.
If I thought last summer was miserable, the one before our 6th year was a living hell. Every waking second I considered running away or killing myself. Which would have been pretty much the same thing. If I even attempted to leave, I would be dead instantly.
Granger was completely erased from my mind during that time. I only remembered her once: As I was walking out of my room, and down the stairs, on my way to meet him.
I hadn't slept for 2 weeks since the day my mother told me I would be initiated. At first, fear consumed me. I was a shivering mass of tears. As the days went by, I had to get used to the sickening feeling in my stomach. After all, this had always been my destiny. Without my father, I needed to carry on and fix the mess he had made. I suffered for days, trying to build up the courage, and as I strolled down the corridor, only seconds away from his face, and her courageous eyes popped into my head. It was as if my brain was telling me I should be more like her. I stopped and held onto the wall next to me. I breathed in deeply, holding back tears, and then I tried to make my best impression of her strong gaze and fearless pose, and marched on.
The next thing I remember was feeling as if my soul was being looked at, and my mind searched by a pair of deadly, red eyes. It was extremely difficult to maintain eye contact and then I fell to my knees. A sharp pain was burning my forearm. He grabbed me without staring away and laughed as the dark mark slowly materialized in my white skin.
After the macabre ceremony (marking me, as well as 7 other people) we sat around the table. He finally spoke. His voice was forever engraved in my ears, and my head started to throb painfully as he began to explain my duty. It was clear and precise.
Kill Dumbledore.
I refused to look at him again as I nodded fervently. My mother squeezed my arm so hard, her sharp fingernails dug into my skin, and her face went two shades lighter, which I didn't think was even possible. Before he left, I dared to look up again one last time and almost passed out as his corrupted form flew unsupported, away from the house.
It was already September 1st when I got used to the nightmares.
What I first noticed as I walked into Hogwarts, was how monumentally unimportant everything felt to me. It wasn't just that I was sad or gloomy. Everyone in the school could drop dead in that exact moment and I wouldn't have budged. It would actually make everything easier for me.
That's why that year I never even tried to go back to my normal self. I felt poison in my left forearm, slowly spreading through my body and forever changing me. It was all psychological, I knew, but it was unstoppable.
I spent all my free time in the Room of Requirement and the Library, trying to learn all I could about the vanishing cabinets and cursed objects. It was the middle of October when she ran into me in the restricted section. It was dark, only the light from our wands illuminating our faces. She froze up completely when she saw me.
"Malfoy," she exclaimed. Surprised, yet not angry. I merely glanced her way and then began searching the books shelves.
"What are you doing here?" She asked, walking closer to me.
"That's hardly any of your business, Granger," I heard her blow air out of her nose and walk even closer.
"It is my business when you're wandering around the Dark Arts section in the middle of the night, probably plotting to destroy the whole school," She ranted and I scoffed.
"Really, Granger, I couldn't care less about this pathetic school. It's not worth my time to plan its destruction," She was right by me now.
"I don't believe you," She exclaimed in her usual bossy tone and I shrugged. I turned to my left to see her, her face about 10 inches away from mine, but much lower. I never noted how much taller I was than her. Her eyes were as daring as ever, skin flawless, and curls framing her heart-shaped face. I had to admit to myself that she didn't look half bad. Compared to me, she looked great. I was bony, depressed and pale. She was healthy and full of passion. I loathed her for having such an easy life that she could afford to eat, sleep and annoy me like we were in 3rd year again.
"I don't have time for this nonsense," I complained and walked further into the library. She followed, but didn't say anything else. I scanned the books carefully and she pretended to do so too, but was really trying to read the titles of the ones I was taking. After a while, I had three books in my hands and she had none, too busy sticking her nose over my shoulder. Finally, I had enough. I turned around abruptly, startling her, our bodies almost pressed together, I could feel her breath in my neck. I looked down and she looked up. Her cheeks were beginning to redden and I sighed deeply.
"I really don't have time for this, Granger." I grabbed the last book and headed out of the library. She didn't follow.
That night I dreamt of her. We were trapped in the library, her tiny body following me around everywhere I went, and I just had to get out and complete my task. I could feel her warm breathing over my whole body, making me shiver. Her front was pressed tightly to my back. I felt her breasts and hips against me and suddenly, I looked down and witnessed my pants, tight with an erection that made me gasp. When I turned to face her, she was wearing the cursed necklace. Horrified, I tried to save her, but I couldn't touch her. There was a barrier between us, and finally, she dropped to the floor and I caught her. I got to smell her wild hair, filling me with strawberry and vanilla, and touch her unblemished skin and all of the sudden, I woke up in shock. I was breathing fast and restless. I looked around to make sure everything was just a dream and sighed relieved. I fell back into my pillow and closed my eyes, only to discover that my erection was very much alive and very much real. I smiled softly and dozed off.
That was the first time in over 3 months that I didn't dream about Voldemort.