This is set to the song 'Goodbye to You' by Michelle Branch, listen to it while reading if you can, same goes for all my chapters, I think it makes them more poignant.

Love,

Feral

Goodbye to You

Christian sat at the edge of the bed, their matrimonial bed, and looked around at what he'd helped them create. A lie held together by wall-papered walls, lamps, carpets, furniture: Syed and Amira's flat. To the outsider, they were as they appeared, a happy newly-wed couple with a newly decorated flat, courtesy of a close friend. But to those who knew the truth, their marriage was a sham, the husband in love with said 'close friend' and the wife completely soaked in denial.

A single tear slipped from Christian's face. He had hoped that Masood found out the other night, that this might all come to an end; the lies, the deception, that it would force Syed to tell the truth to his wife and family, and allow them to live the life that they talked about.

Christian drew in a breath and shuddered. He knew that could never happen now, not with a baby involved. When Masood told him about the baby, boastfully and hurtfully, Christian felt his heart drop into his stomach. To try and remain neutral, even happy, was impossible; he knew that Masood knew and that he went to him to watch his heart break in person. Then the 'suggestion' to leave accompanied by the money, which really wasn't necessary. Whatever Syed's family thought about him, he wasn't an amoral heartless man, much the opposite. His heart had already began tearing at the seams because he knew he'd lost. A child should have a father and a family, and he knew Syed wanted a child.

He took his phone out of his pocket and texted, 'Sy, I can't do this anymore, and I can't say goodbye. I'm leaving, you won't see me again. I love you always, C x'

He shed another tear, then another. He shook his head, refusing to allow himself to fall apart here and now.

Of all the things I believed in
I just want to get it over with
Tears fall behind my eyes
But I do not cry
Counting the days that pass me by

He wondered where he'd go as he walked across the square, back to his own apartment. Maybe Brighton, get some sea air, meet men who weren't afraid to be who they are or repressed by their family and religion.

Every time Syed had promised to tell them, every time he let his hopes rise and watch them fall, he felt as though he had been melting away, as if he were dissolving. And every time he hated himself because deep down he knew Syed could never do it; he wasn't angry at him anymore, just at himself. He couldn't live that anymore, the baby was just the right excuse.

I've been searching deep down in my soul
Words that I'm hearing are starting to get old
Feels like I'm starting all over again
The last year was just pretend

Christian immediately got out his suitcase once he arrived home and began throwing everything in without thought or care. Every inch of his flat reminded him of Syed, he couldn't escape him there, he needed somewhere new to rebuild his life.

And I say goodbye to you
Goodbye to everything that I knew
You were the one I loved
The one thing that I tried to hold onto

A knock at the door interrupted his thoughts, and slowly approached it, preparing for the person he thought it might be. He opened the door to find Syed.
He smiled nervously, as a hello, "I hoped I'd find you here, I checked the flat, but..."
Christian remained stoic, considered his options and then walked away from the door, leaving it ajar for Syed to walk through. Christian heard the door close behind Syed and took a moment to appreciate the appropriateness of the imagery – they were always behind closed doors.

"What do you want, Syed?" Christian asked, returning to his suitcase.

"I got your text." Syed replied, not really answering his question.

"Then I've said all I need to." Christian said coolly.

Silence filled the space between them; Syed felt this to be too sudden for coincidence, especially after Amira's announcement. "You found out about the baby, didn't you?"

"Does it matter?" Christian looked into his eyes, and Syed couldn't help but avert them. "Of course it doesn't."

Syed took a step towards Christian, "Look, the baby just makes it more complicated, I am going to tell them, just not now."

"When, then, Syed? Tomorrow? Next week? In 18 years when your kid's old enough to move out?" Christian shouted, he was tired of the same old song and dance. "This can't go on. A baby changes everything, Syed, everything."

I used to get lost in your eyes
And it seems that I can't live a day without you
Closing my eyes and you chase my thoughts away
To a place where I am blinded by the light
And it's not right...

Christian closed his eyes and clenched his jaw, taking a step back. "I'm sorry." He looked up. "I wish, I wish with all my heart that things could be different, but I can't stand by and watch it break a little more everyday."

A tear slipped from Syed's face. "Where would you go?"

"Brighton, I think." Christian replied, stuffing a shirt into the suitcase. "I have some friends down there, they'll put me up 'til I find a place of my own."

Syed nodded, only partially able to understand what he was saying. "So this is goodbye." It was a statement rather than a question.

Goodbye to you
Goodbye to everything that I knew
You were the one I loved
The one thing that I tried to hold onto

"This is goodbye." Christian nodded, unable to look at his face. "I'm sorry I'm not enough for you."

Syed dropped his head, lip quivering and eyes red with the onset of tears.

It hurts to want everything
And nothing at the same time
I want what's yours and I want what's mine
I want you but I'm not giving in this time

Christian zipped up his suitcase and grabbed his keys from the table. Everything about this moment seemed so final to Syed, he'd never really considered that Christian would not be in his life, and now it was happening, it felt like he couldn't breathe.

"No!" Syed grabbed Christian's arm in a panicked state. "You can't just leave. I love you!"

Christian felt another tear fall past his lips, and rested a hand on Syed's cheek, brushed past his lips and whispered, "It's not enough."

Christian pressed his lips firmly to Syed's, filled with all the strength of his feelings – love, anger, pain, regret – and quickly made himself walk away without a second glance, already missing the warmth of Syed's body.

Goodbye to you
Goodbye to everything that I knew
You were the one I loved
The one thing that I tried to hold on to
The one thing that I tried to hold on to

Syed watched the man he loved walk away for the last time, and felt his legs collapse from under him. Sitting on the floor of Christian's apartment, he suddenly felt entirely alone and small, not quite being able to comprehend what he'd just lost.

And when the stars fall I will lie awake
You're my shooting star.