But I Can
Characters: Tenth Doctor, Jack Harkness
~Pairings: Nothing Specified
Word Count: 1, 361
Note:
Takes place after The Water's of Mars for the Doctor
Takes place after Children of Earth for Jack, but before the Doctor says good-bye to him in The End of Time
For NorthernMage who wanted an extension of Chapter 97 from my 100 Worded Stories collection
Jack listens as the TARDIS echoes into existence and his whole body goes tense. Normally he'd be overjoyed to hear that sound, but not today. Today he just feels angry, angry and tired. Jack straightens from his slouched position, puts his shoulders back, crosses his arms and holds his head high.
This is the moment he's been waiting for, the moment he's been preparing for. Jack is all set to yell at the Doctor, to blame him. To scream and rant until the Time Lord apologizes for all the lives that he couldn't save. Then the man actually exits the TARDIS and all of those words become stuck in Jack's throat.
The first thing he notices is how old the man looks. There is none of the normal childlike mischief in his eyes, instead something ancient and mad dwells within them and it's enough to scare away Jack's rising anger.
"Doctor?" Jack asks slowly. "Are you alright?"
A thin smile laces the Doctor's lips, the smile almost scares Jack as much as the eyes, "I'm aright Jack. I'm always alright."
"Are you sure? You look—"Hurt, lost, insane. "Tired," Jack decides.
"Course I'm sure," the Doctor announces, then deflects the conversation easily and for a moment he looks normal, he looks like Jack's Doctor. "How about you though? What are you doing all the way out here? I mean this is a beautiful planet and all, with an absolutely brilliant zoo, but it's millions of light years away from Earth."
"That's the idea," Jack says bitterly and he can feel his anger beginning to once again rise.
"Really?" The Doctor honestly sounds confused. "Bit far from your team though, isn't it? Wasn't that the whole point of you coming back after that year, to be with them again?"
"They're gone," Jack's voice wavers slightly.
"What?"
Jack feels himself stiffen, "You didn't even know."
"Jack," to his credit the Doctor actually sounds worried. "What do you mean gone? "
"I mean that they're all dead!" Jack explodes, his anger raging up and coming out in words. "They're all dead, because you didn't show up!"
The Doctor opens his mouth to speak, but Jack surges forward, as years and years of guilt fueled anger pours from his mouth. "And you know who was there when you didn't show up? Me! I was there for the planet when you weren't there! I was the one who saved it! I was the one who made the sacrifices."
Jack laughs hysterically, his eyes wild as he runs a hand through his hair. "And that's not even the worse of it! It went so beyond that and I was so blindly loyal to you that it was almost sad! Because I have killed for you and died for you! I have died over and over and over for you, in your name! I did everything I did because of you! And I was always there for you when you needed me! But the times when I needed you, you weren't there! So where were you Doctor? Where were you when I needed you? Where were you when my life was falling apart?"
When he's finished Jack expects the Doctor to do a lot of things. He expects him to stand there and gawk for a bit, before his confused eyes give way to understanding. He also expects the Time Lord to look guilty and begin his mantra of 'I'm so sorrys,' as those big brown eyes of his fill with sadness, but he doesn't do those things.
"You should have called," he says instead and the words are like ice, as they cut through Jack like knives. "I could have helped and saved them, but you didn't call. I can't keep track of everything going on in the universe Jack. If anyone is to be to blame here it's you, you're the one who didn't call."
Jack can feel tears just behind his eyes and for a moment his voice doesn't work, because here was the Doctor, a man who he adored, trusted, and loved confirming what he already knew. That all those deaths were his fault, Jack feels sick.
"How?" Jack finally asks, trying desperately not to whimper out the words. "How could you say that?"
The Doctor says nothing. He just stares at Jack his eyes cold and hard, as they analyze the immortal man.
"Why?" Jack asks instead, and this time there is no hiding the whimper. "Why would you say something like that when you know you can't change it?"
"But I can," The surety of the Doctor's words surprise Jack and he stares at the alien. "I can go back and save them, I can go back and save all of them. Every single person I have ever lost, I could save them every single one of them, because time is mine to control and it will obey me." His voice drops an octave and he speaks hollowly, "I could save your team, Jack. It'd be easy, do you want me to?"
Jack almost says yes, he's almost ready to throw himself at the feet of the alien and beg him to save them, because he just wants to see them again. He wants to see them whole and happy and alive, but something stops him.
Maybe it's the bits of insanity that seem to flutter right on the boarder of the Doctor's eyes or maybe it's just the growing sense of wrongness that this whole situation seems to contain, but he stops himself.
"No," he says instead, ignoring the yes that's right on the tip of his tongue. "No, this isn't right."
The Doctor stares at Jack and to Jack's surprise the Time Lord seems to look proud, "You're a good man, Jack," The Doctor says finally, "A better man than I have ever been, or ever will be and I'm sorry that I haven't told you that before."
And he just looks so tired and lost and broken that Jack can't help, but let his next question slip past his lips. "What happened to you Doc?"
"I've been alone too long," his honesty surprises Jack. "I'm just so tired of breaking and losing everyone I love, and I thought that perhaps…" He stops, staring at Jack with such a look of longing that it catches the immortal man off guard.
"I could come with you" Jack hastily supplies, and he puts on his brightest smile. "It'd be like old times! We could see the stars, explore planets, perhaps even explore other more…uh…fascinating things," Jack's eyes twinkle in a way they haven't in years. "If you get what I mean.
"Ya," mumbles the Doctor, not even bothering to shoot Jack an annoyed glance. "Like old times," and his eyes go far and distant, before they snap back into focus. "But no, I can't, it's better this way. I'm better this way."
"Doctor you can't honestly believe that."
His silence is answer enough.
"You keep saying that you're worried about losing someone again, of breaking them, but hey you can't break me and nothing could take me away from you," Jack knows that's a lie, but in that moment he'd be willing to say anything if only to stop his friend from leaving on his own. "I just bounce right back."
"Oh Jack, I've already broken you, I've broken you over and over and I just can't bear to watch it happen again."
"It's really no prob—"Jack begins to protest, but is cut off.
"Good-bye Jack," the Doctor makes for the TARDIS, only for Jack to hurry after him.
"Now wait just a—"
"I said good-bye Jack," the Doctor hisses and with that he disappears into the ship and Jack can only watch as it wheezes out of existence, numb and frozen to the spot.
After its gone Jack just stares for a moment at the empty space and wonders if he'll ever see the man alive again. Alive as Jack knew him, so full of wonder and childlike excitement, months later Jack gets his answer in the form of a note and a salute.
The answer is no.
So in case you missed it, the last couple sentences are referring to the Doctor's good-bye to Jack in The End of Time Part 2
So here I wanted more of the Time Lord Victorious that we see in Water of Mars and less of the Doctor. I wanted the chill and iceyness of the Time Lord Victorious brings and I really hope I managed to do so
I also wanted to make this sorta kind of fit into canon, which I also hope I manged to do :D
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