Inner Monologue

by BrasileiraAmericana

I saw that there weren't many fics up yet so I thought I would throw one out there because I am craving more Karmy. Pretty hastily written but it's kinda just Amy's thoughts about everything. Read it and tell me what you think? (I know it's obscenely short, but I still would appreciate feedback)

I can't be gay was the first thing that ran through my mind. Absolute denial. There was no way that I could be this attracted to her. To Karma of all people! I mean come on, we've known each other for, what, eleven years now? Ten? I don't know. Maybe she's just a really good kisser, I thought. I saw a documentary once about how kissing and really any kind of physical contact can be found to induce feelings for the two involved. And besides, I have kissed a pretty good amount of guys and not a single one of them felt like this! I mean seriously, she—

Then I realized that I was attracted to her. Genuinely attracted to a girl. A girl who happened to be my best friend, but a girl no less. What's wrong with me? I screamed mentally. I don't like girls! I'm christian! I don't roll that way! That's just kinda…well…appealing. Shit. This is not okay. Amy, snap out of this. You can't like her like this! Think of your friendship! Would you really put that on the line just so that you could make things weird and uncomfortable. She's straight. Nothing can come of this. Why would you even try to go for something like that? What is so appealing about getting pushed away by your only friend? Nothing! That's what! Nothing! You just need to get some rest, okay? Sleep it off. Take the day off of school. Yeah that sounds nice. Just stay home a day. Think things over.

Thinking about things for an entire day, just locked up with my own thoughts was a bad idea. There were tears on several occasions. You're disgusting! Why are you thinking about her this way? This iswrong! These were the thoughts that went on repeat all day long. Way to make yourself feel better Amy. Way to go. Fantastic job dingus. Karma texted me throughout the school day keeping me posted on her Liam situation. All the while mutilating my feelings. Awesome. Thanks for that. Really, I appreciate it.

Acceptance was next. Okay, you like her. You like her a lot. She doesn't have to know that. It's all just an act for her right? And it was. This was just a way for me to make it more believable for her. For Karma. If she wanted me as a best friend, I would be that for her. I will be what she needs me to be. I will take her however I can get her.

You're lucky I love you Karma, you—Oh shit.