Don't Make Promises You Can't Keep
There is a smile on his face and the smell of blood lingering in the air, something tastes salty. Promise. He broke his promise, or fulfilled it, either of it. Someone was yelling at him earlier, but there's this voice at the back of his head, louder, but in a small, wary tone. A boy, whispering, "I did it sensei."
The head is back and Shouyo is looking at him again, with that same warm smile, having him promise something, something about protecting. He tries to scream but instead he smiles back.
Sensei is gone and it's his fault.
Takasugi is there. He asks for a favour. He's got his back and he has his. He's holding his breath and he's pacing. So Gintoki tries to distract himself, he's killing amanto one by one and his childhood friend is following close behind. From a fellow good-for-nothing he asks the impossible.
"Take care of sensei for me."
He can't. He fucking can't.
He shakes his head because he wants to say yes, he will. He will save him, together with Zura and Takasugi. But he doesn't say anything.
Someone is wrapping their arms around him and he realizes he's actually shivering. This someone is saying things but he isn't bothering to catch on. His vision is getting red and there's this static noise in the background. His eyes are open but he stares at nothing. Just the cloth on his face.
He finally looks up to see it's Zura. He's trying to hold back tears. But he isn't mad. Or atleast, he doesn't look mad.
He swallows the lump in his throat and he pretends he doesn't see himself fighting a bloody Takasugi, doesn't hear the battle that Kagura is fighting against her older brother, doesn't try to think of how and where Shinpachi is. He clamps his hands over his ears because he doesn't want to hear himself say the things that will break the three of them.
"Sensei isn't around anymore."
It's almost funny for him to be the one to say it, because it's his fault.
Suddenly he is screaming and stammering "i'msorryi'msorryi'msosorry." There is something in his hand and he flinches away. But from the soft voice he stops still.
"Gintoki."
He blinks. Once, twice. The room with white walls around matches his bed sheets. Otose's hand is over his and he exhales.
Otose closes her eyes and he does the same. He tries to breathe normally again and he opens his eyes again. Looking around now, Shinpachi and Kagura are in the room, looking at him with worry.
They make sure to never leave him alone in the hospital room. He still experiences the breakdowns, but atleast, he reasons with himself, they're short and more bearable now.
He is still covered in bandages and they force him to rest. Gintoki looks out the window, detached from everything else.
They're all okay. For now.
And the thought's enough to put him to sleep for the day.
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a/n: chapter 520 never happened ok. and screw utsuro.
and a quick thank you to TheBlueSheep for the help with typos and ideas!