A door has to open two ways. It's the way doors work. If you go through a door, you can get back through it the other way. Many people know this simply by instinct, because, you know, doors, but sometimes they need to be reminded. It's a bit annoying, to be sure, but in this case, a little brain-lapse is acceptable.
You see, Harry Potter's brain had a tiny lapse as the deranged Bellatrix Lestrange, crazy-person extraordinaire, fired a nondescript spell of red sparks at his godfather, Sirius Black, that sent him stumbling backward through the Veil of Death. Now, why he was standing in front of such a dangerous magical artifact in the same room as an insane person is a different story altogether, but suffice it to say that there was a fight for a thing going on.
Now Harry, as people are wont to do when a family member dies, immediately had a mental and emotional breakdown, requiring his other godfather, Remus Lupin, to rush forward and wrap his arms around him. Not in comfort, oh no; Harry was trying to go after Sirius.
How intelligent of him.
Anyway, there he was, crying and screaming Sirius' name as Bellatrix looked on in triumph, when an odd thing happened. His cries petered off into hiccuping sobs, quieting down as he focused properly on the Veil. He wiped his eyes and righted himself, shrugging Remus' arms off as the werewolf eyed him warily.
"You can do that?" he suddenly asked, staring straight at the Veil, and his friends all furrowed their eyebrows in worry and confusion as he exclaimed, "Brilliant!"
Then, before anyone could stop him, he darted forward toward the Veil. Remus' fingers just missed him, and a hoarse cry of, "Harry!" echoed through the Death Chamber as Harry reached the Veil and…
Rapped smartly on the edge, three times.
"Oh look, poor Pottie's as mad as me!" Bellatrix cooed in a mocking voice, erupting into cackling laughs as Harry stared at the fluttering curtain expectantly. Her laughs choked off in shock as it was ripped apart from the other side by a pair of meaty hands, but not the actual other side. No, it was as if the Veil opened up into a little pocket dimension.
"It's bigger on the inside," Harry commented as a face came into view.
"Can I help ya?" the person who had parted the curtain asked, a bit testily, and Harry gave a charming smile.
"I was wondering if I could have one Sirius Orion Black back, please?" he asked pleasantly, though the man looked anything but impressed.
"What'll ya trade and what're they worth?" he asked boredly, and Harry blinked in thought before shooting a feral grin over his shoulder at Bellatrix. Turning back to the man, he resumed his smiling.
"You can have Bellatrix Lestrange. She's a certified loony, sure, but she's killed loads of people under Tom Marvolo Riddle's command," he explained to the man, eyes going wide to convey the importance of this. The man didn't seem to get it, though.
"Who?" the man inquired lazily, and Harry facepalmed.
Dragging his hand down his face, he huffed in annoyance before prompting, "Tom Marvolo Riddle? Pretentious little half-blood that calls himself Lord Voldemort?"
At the name 'Voldemort' the man seemed to perk up a bit, ignoring Bellatrix's outraged cries of blasphemy. "She's one o' them Death Eaters, eh? Yeah, they're in high demand. Gimme a sec," he requested, then pulled his head back through the curtain and turned away.
"H-Harry?" Remus stuttered a bit, gazing up at the Veil in awe and surprise, "Uhm...how did you know to do that?"
"The pretty little anime boy that sends souls to the deepest, darkest, most depraved level of Hell shoved himself into my head and whispered it into my ear. He was ever so helpful, and I only had to promise him Wormtail as a sacrifice, so it all works out," Harry informed him dreamily, doing a fair impression of Luna.
Remus stared at Harry, unnerved, as said blonde smirked with uncharacteristic amusement.
A few moments later the attendant was back, saying, "Miss Black's pretty high up on th' ladder, there. Worth at least...four, I'd say. Want store credit, or will ya be browsin' 'round?"
"I actually have a pretty good idea of who I want, and three of them will most likely be together. Can I talk to Sirius Black please?" Harry asked happily, and the man nodded before retreating again.
He was back almost instantly with a glowing blue orb, which he gave to Harry with a matter-of-fact, "Say their name and they'll answer."
"Sirius Orion Black?" Harry asked the orb, and the light immediately started pulsing in time with Sirius' voice.
"Heya pup! Fancy hearin' you here! Whattaya need?" he asked jolily, and though it broke Harry's heart to have to tear him away from his happiness, it had to be done.
"You need to come back to life," he told his godfather in a no-nonsense tone of voice.
A moment of silence, then a bashful, "Erm, pup? I...I don't exactly...want to come back. It's great here! I can get anything I want just by thinking about it, and...Harry, I'm with your parents."
"They can come too!" Harry promised, letting a little note of panic slip into his voice. He grinned deviously over his shoulder at his friends as Sirius appeared to gather his thoughts.
"Pup...We're dead. We belong on the other side. And really, is it really so bad without me? Us? Knowing that we're together and happy?" Sirius asked, a little pleadingly, and Harry let his breath hitch as he inhaled sharply.
"Oh, Sirius, I...I mean yes, but..." he stuttered on purpose, then sighed in defeat and admitted, "You were my last hope.".
"...Last hope for what...?" Sirius asked suspiciously, and Harry struck like a cobra on a sugar high.
"After you died, Mistress Bella got custody of me. She liquidated the Potter accounts, presented me to Our Lord so he could make sure I couldn't thwart him anymore, and sold me to the Malfoys to be Master Draco's sex slave. I barely got away to talk to you, and they'll be ever-so-cross with me just for that," he said miserably, giving an easy smile to the attendant as he gently guided the man out of the way before continuing.
"I actually don't know how long it'll be until they – oh, Master Lucius! I, I'm so sorry, I – No, please, Master, NO-!" he cut himself off, casting a silent Silencio on the entire room and taking the time to gather everyone's reactions.
Most of the adults were either in shock or silently raving about how the Dark Lord could never be anything but pure. Ron and Hermione were laughing uproariously, though obviously there was no sound, and Luna and Neville were grinning widely. Ginny was snickering behind a hand, and Remus was biting down on a knuckle to keep from chortling.
And then, barely more than half a minute after he had staged his little cut-off, a black blur came hurtling out of the Veil past the attendant. Since it hadn't been present for the Silencio, they could hear Sirius' voice just fine.
"Get your hands off my godson you bastard!" it roared, materializing into the form of Sirius Black just in time to punch Lucius Malfoy square in the face. The blond flopped to the ground, unconscious, and Sirius reared back for a kick before he actually took in where he was. He blinked, looking around at the assembled kids and Death Eaters, then finally turned behind him to spy a perfectly-fine Harry.
He blinked again, then kicked Malfoy anyway for good measure before turning and slowly striding up to Harry. He raised an eyebrow once he was right in front of the boy, and with slow, measured words, he observed, "You don't look like a mistreated sex slave."
"Merlin, I should hope not!" Harry exclaimed incredulously after he canceled the Silencio, "I rather think I'd be treated quite well."
Sirius raised his other eyebrow, then inquired loftily, "Did you trick me into coming back to life?"
Not used to seeing such an...airy expression on his godfather, Harry nodded nervously, not knowing what to expect.
Sirius grinned, swept him into a hug, and commented, "Well done."
Harry grinned as well, but it slowly melted off his face as Sirius said in amusement, "Though you might want to rethink it in about three...two...one..."
Two more blurs hurtled out of the Veil past the startled attendant, one of them casting spells left and right to accurately fell every Death Eater in sight. As scary as this picture was, it was nothing compared to the shrieking voice emanating from the other.
"I AM GOING TO RIP THEIR INTESTINES OUT AND HANG THEM FROM THE WHOMPING WILLOW!" shrieked a sort of familiar, feminine voice that was beginning to crack with the pitch, and once the last Death Eater was unconscious, the blurring resolved itself to reveal the forms of James and Lily Potter.
"After we sell them to a very questionable man I once met in Hong Kong," James said quite calmly, surveying the room with a cool sort of calculation in his eyes. His gaze swept over the unconscious Death Eaters, Malfoy, and his completely-fine offspring, and he amended ruefully, "Though I don't actually think that'll be necessary."
Lily blinked, then pouted and muttered, "Darn," as she realized that she wouldn't get to exact horrible, drawn-out torture on the Malfoys. Then she glared at her son and strode forward, finger wagging in reprimanding.
"Harry James Potter, who in all the realms of magic raised you?! It is not okay to lie!" she demanded, and sensing the beginnings of an all-out rant from years of dealing with Hermione's arguments, he simply told the truth.
"The Dursleys."
Lily stopped dead, twitching a bit as she tried to recall exactly what they put in their wills, then shot a Full-Body Bind at Dumbledore as she swept Harry into a hug. "I guess I forgive you then, you poor thing..." she whispered tearfully, already beginning to shake with sobs.
Harry was a bit unfamiliar with physical contact, but nonetheless wrapped his arms around his distraught mother and squeezed. James came over and enveloped them in a hug as well, and Sirius and Remus joined in on the touching family moment too. Tonks hesitated, then came over after an encouraging smile from Sirius. The Order and DA members watched with warm hearts and fuzzy chests as the newly-repaired family embraced, and so nobody noticed when a tentacle made of the sewn-together nightmares of a thousand and one demons of Hell slithered out of the Veil and dragged a screaming Bellatrix into its suddenly-murky depths.
"Oh!" Harry exclaimed suddenly, wriggling free from his family to stride back up to the veil, "Almost forgot!"
With that, he plunged his hand past the attendant and rooted around a moment before pulling out a bemused Cedric Diggory by the front of his shirt. His eyes snapped wide in shock, though, when Harry grinned up at him rather lecherously and purred, "Oh, I am going to enjoy this summer..."
The others burst out into good-natured, end-of-episode-esque laughter as Cedric flushed bright red.