A/N: Read at own risk, authors not responsible for loss of brain cells.
Sole and I were drunk/on crack. ;D
By: Sole and me. You didn't think I could write THIS alone, did you?
'Drunken Smut'
Haymitch was drunk...And drunkenly tried to phone a prostitute... But accidentally phoned Effie. Effie answered the phone and readily agreed because she secretly was madly in love with him. And wanted to jump in the sack with him...
So Effie hurried over to the nicer part of District Twelve in the middle of the night in a trench coat. Effie rang Haymitch's doorbell, and she heard him lumbering forward to answer. He pulled the door open slowly and she in turn opened her trench coat.
"I WANTED A PIZZA," he yelled drunkenly before falling over. Then Effie started crying. "You're hot," said Haymitch, half-conscious.
"Really?" murmured Effie through the tears, "Yeah..." Haymitch murmured... "Let's fuck..."
Suddenly the doorbell rang.
It was Katniss and Peeta.
Haymitch yelled, "YAH FOURSOME BIATCH!!!!!"
Then Peeta said, "Wait! I don't love Katniss!"
"YES YOU DO!" yelled Katniss before she jumped at him.
Then Effie looked at Haymitch and said, "Ah, young love..."
Then Haymitch murmured "Less talking more fucking..."
So Effie started fucking Haymitch.
Kat and Peeta stared in wide-eyed horror at the older couple... And then started fucking themselves.
THEN THE DOORBELL RANG AGAIN. AND GALE, MADGE , AND PRIM WALKED IN.
And Katniss jumped off Peeta and started making out with Madge. And Peeta had gaysex with Gale.
-epilogue-
Three days later
Everyone's lives changed that day.
Katniss was pregnant with Peeta/Haymitch/Gale's child, Madge was pregnant with Peeta/Gale/Haymitch's child, Prim was pregnant with Haymitch's child, as was Effie.
They all married each other and became one big happy fucked up orgy throwing family.
THE END