Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.
It's those moments when you realize just exactly what you have. And in my life I can count those moments on one hand.
There was the first moment I met her. She was sitting at her desk fooling around with her partner while trying to finish her DD5's. I had walked out of the Captain's office and was struck dumb by the sight of her. And then, when she turned her head as introductions were made my breath was taken away. The way her eyes shined as if she truly was glad to meet me even as we were surrounded by all of the horribleness of mankind. The way her hair glinted in the fluorescent lighting and how she held her hand out to me and said "I'm Olivia Benson, nice to meet you." That was the first time I understood that saying.
The second time was the moment that I found out she loved me. We were laying in her bed after a night of inexplicable passion. Though I had long ago said that I loved her I knew that it would take her some time to be able to truly say it back. I knew about her childhood and understood that it took all she had to just not run away from what we had. But that night as she held me in her arms, covers strewn across us in a way to try and keep warm but showed that we could have cared less she gently kissed the top of my head and murmured into my hair those three words. And I knew then that she meant them because I could tell that she was scared of my reaction and so therefore had not dared to look at my face and had assumed I was already asleep. But that was okay because I wouldn't have been able to say anything any because that was the second time.
The third time was in the back of a black SUV that was travelling down a long forgotten dirt road to bring me to my new life. I had told them that I couldn't leave unless she knew that I wasn't dead. I had demanded that we could have one last time to see each other. And so I stood by the SUV as her partner drove up next to it and saw her step out wondering why she was there. And then she saw me and it was like the Earth had stopped. All she could say was that my funeral was tomorrow. I made her promise not to cry and that we would see each other again sometime. And so as the SUV drove down that road and I looked out the back window and saw her standing where I had left her, that was the third time.
The fourth time was right outside her apartment building when I came back. I had buzzed the intercom for what felt like forever until the super came to the door. I asked him where she was and all he said was that she had moved out about two months ago. I felt as if the Earth had been taken out from under me. I tried her phone and received the message that her phone was no longer in service. I had truly thought that she would have stayed for me, that she had to have known that I would come back. But I guess it wasn't true. I had lost her and that was the fourth time.
The fifth time however was at this very moment. It took us ten years, four undeniably wonderful beginnings, two spent longing to be back in your arms, three of which were lost to a misunderstanding about a undercover job, and one to regain what we had lost for this moment to get here. But it was all worth it. Because at this instant as she looked into my eyes and said "I do" we became Olivia Benson-Cabot and Alex Cabot-Benson and I knew then and there that nothing else would ever stop us. That was the fifth time.