AN: An inspired 'other side' letter.
Thanks 'stevieLUVSAlex'
Probably slightly more in character but my mind state is just the same so same rule apply. I have not even re-read this so...it is what it is...
Summary: Sam is about to marry Pete, she know it is the right thing to do but she has some things on her mind. Twin one-shot to 'The Letter That Never Was' but a stand alone piece. K rated. Angst. One-shot. Season 8 Carter working through her doubts.
THE LETTER THAT ALMOST WAS
Somehow she thought it was a good idea and she had determinedly left her fiancée to his own devices and now she was out on the street walking towards the nearest mail slot.
The content of the letter came back to her as her heels clicked along the street...her own words started to reverberate and ring out in her mind...
OoO
Jack...
It hadn't started that way...it had said 'General' but then she had crossed it out...and left it there for him to see...
OoO
Dear (General)
Jack,
I had to think hard about that but as you can see I start this letter with the only word I am not allowed to say.
For years we have been colleagues. We have been comrades, we have been workmates, we have been friends...and for a long time now we have been so much more.
But recently things have changed. I've reached out, I've asked you to hear me and I have even stood directly in your path...but you let IT get in the way.
I can't be angry with you for that because, in all honest, I do it too.
My whole life, especially my stargate life has been based on 'what ifs' but the truth is I cannot do it any more.
I want children.
I want a life.
I want more than the regs will ever give us and so I have reached out to find it.
Pete will never be the rock of my life like you are but ever since he was given clearance to know what I do he has not seemed so bad.
Sure he has his issues and he does not trust me or understand me like you do but he can love me...and he does.
My Dad told me to be happy. He doesn't particularly like Pete but then again he never really understood me either. He told me that Selmak told him to butt out and be quiet and that he would, but that's not really my Dad...it's not his style...and that has made me wonder.
Am I doing the right thing?
Should I give up on you?
After all this time and all these years are you really just a 'safe bet'?
To be honest Jack I just don't know.
I came to you...in your office...I pretty much asked you to tell me I was wrong but all you did was congratulate me...
And then there was Kerry.
I know she's been at the SGC a lot and I know you have been trying to keep her a secret...
But I know you Jack...I know when you are hiding something from me...and then of course there is Daniel.
Don't blame him, he never said anything. It's just what he didn't say.
Anyhow, that is beside the point.
I am happy for you. I hope she brings you everything that you need and deserve because you are a good man, Jack. The best I've ever known and if things had been different you and I...well let's leave that alone.
We never were, we never could be. The powers that be never allowed it, but god Jack...we could have been good...
Sorry, I'm straying off the point.
What I am trying to say is...well I'm not quite sure...I suppose I mean that even though it is clear now that we were never meant to be together I am happy.
I hope you understand that and that it does not cause you to much pain. My heart and my being were so much yours for so long that even now I find it hard to let it go.
But I must. 'Grace'...the girl on the Promethesis told me so. And I can't understand it, but she was right.
Everything about me wishes she was wrong but it makes sense.
I need a life outside of the SGC and Pete gives me that.
He gives me a world of normal and the promise of a family. Just please god he does not want a beautiful white picket fence and big shaggy dog. I don't think I could take that. Our lives are not normal and to have to go home to that every day would just be too weird.
But sorry, I digress. I am hand writing this letter so I can't take it back.
I suppose my point is...Colonel...General...Jack...we had our time together...our time in the sun. Our time around the suns in fact, and many of them but on this planet, in our time now we are not meant to be.
Be happy Jack,
enjoy being with Kerry, she is a nice woman and you deserve to be happy.
I wish you well and I know the guys will always be there for you, but if Daniel ascends again or something you can always call on me. Just because I am married doesn't mean I don't care.
Yours in good faith,
Your 2IC and your friend,
Carter.
OoO
Sam almost reached the mail slot when she stalled. Did he really need this?
Did she?
Pete made her happy.
Jack was her past...she had made her decision.
And so, with a sigh that she was sure echoed out across the whole neighbourhood Carter ripped the letter in half and posted it into the trash can rather than where she had really hoped it would be.
AN: Don't really have anything to say...but if you do, I would appreciate it.