If this chapter isn't that funny, it's because the first chapter is mostly dedicated to explaining the situation. Starting next chapter, the real humor starts! XD

Ch.1 Still Don't Believe In Bad Luck?

The sun sat regally in the sky, dazzling with its majestic beauty as the birds warbled musically from their perching places within the thick foliage of leafy trees. Above the merging growths of the clustered trees, out of sight for the ground dwelling animals, the clouds floated slowly across the clear blue sky like white lambs of the heavens. It was the perfect day, for those content with letting the stream of time flow by, to relax and enjoy the gifts of nature. And yet, the greatest admirer of napping under the warm sun with the cushion of fresh young grass beneath his back, was not lounging on a verdant field. Instead, he was forced to listen to the crushing of dried twigs under his pounding feet as he raced through the forest.

Raising his knees high and swinging his slightly bent arms, Shikamaru gritted his teeth and forced himself to endure the exhaustion, which was just another contributor for his endless marathon of troublesome things. It took all of his will power to not just give up and flop onto the ground because he knew he had to maintain his speed if he had any hopes of arriving at the training field in time. He also knew, that abandoning the training session wasn't an option unless he was prepared for a physical beating from his mother.

The last time he was late, Asuma had warned him that one more tardy meant he was going to have to tutor the little brats at the academy. That sort of punishment was something Shikamaru wanted to avoid at all cost. Being an inexperienced Chuunin of such a young age, Shikamaru was required to practice with his Genin team in addition to the Chuunin training he received from his Anbu teachers. Stretched between his drills in the art of ninjutsu and his responsibility to his family's deer farm, the last thing he needed was one more duty in his already jam-packed life. Forced to squeeze every minute of his time for maximum productivity, he wasn't sure if he even remembered what clouds looked like. The memory of white puffs of water vapor swimming in the blueness of the background was only a vague phantasm of another time for the overworked boy.

Shikamaru's cheeks puffed as he let out a large sigh, as if to release his unhappiness with the exhaled breath. 'And all I wanted to be, was to become a barely capable ninja', he thought in lamentation. Closing his eyes briefly with a frown, he extended his legs fully with each stride as he jogged through the forest on a shortcut only he knew. His aptitude with mathematics and cartography were useful qualities for a boy like him—the kind that enjoyed taking the easy way.

Too weary to grumble aloud, Shikamaru was complaining in his head while his legs moved mindlessly, when the toes of a foot kicked something sturdy. The sudden halt of his momentum at only one part of his moving body caused him to flail his arms desperately as he flipped forward. The ground was rushing to meet his face when Shikamaru felt a splash of something cold, and caught a prickly scent as papers scattered to the air.

"STUPID BRAT!" Yelled the enraged voice of a dangerous sounding man.

Shikamaru was laying facedown on the forest floor when a large hand slapped him on the back and roughly lifted him clear off the ground by the back of his shirt. Helplessly, Shikamaru kicked like a bug on a spiderweb as he was pulled forward to meet the face of his furious captor.

The man was large, amazingly so with his bulky frame that was flanked with muscles. He was dressed in brightly colored clothes, like that of a kabuki performer, which only made his wild, gravity defying white hair all the more so ridiculous. To Shikamaru, the man looked like a fool—a murderously angry fool that had piercing black eyes and two painted red stripes, one coming down each cheek from beneath his eyes. Judging from the few wrinkles on his face, he was relatively old even though his facial appearance seemed ageless. The large wart he had on his nose seemed to leap out at Shikamaru as he stared at it. Shikamaru felt like all he could see was that smooth, skin-colored bump that had his undivided attention.

"Oi! Brat! What the hell are you looking at?" The man asked suspiciously as he shook Shikamaru like a rag doll.

"Er......nothing Oji-san...." Shikamaru mumbled weakly. This was no time to be fascinated with a strange growth on a person's face. The more important thing was to figure out a way of escape.

"Look what you did to my writing!" The aged man bellowed as his free hand gesticulated wildly at the papers that were strewn all over the place. "That's five month's work right here, kozou!" The man yelled as he bent down and started to gather up his papers with one hand—his other hand still held Shikamaru above the ground by the back of his jacket.

Shikamaru dangled powerlessly—his feet a good foot off the ground as he tried to wriggle out of his jacket. 'Why does weird shit like this always happen to me?' he thought without joy. 'I should've stayed in bed today...'

Shikamaru wanted to rip his jacket and escape but a worrisome thought stopped him from doing that. His instincts told him that the man with a bad sense of fashion was dangerous despite of his look of stupidity. So instead of acting impudent, Shikamaru decided to wait a bit and observe.

"I'm sorry for running into you," Shikamaru started to say, "but there's no real harm done. I'll help you pick up the papers and reorganize them." He offered. Meanwhile, his brain was screaming 'Mendokusee!!'.

The older person seemed to be considering what Shikamaru said before he nodded in agreement. "I guess there's no real harm done." He replied right before he lifted a few soggy papers and froze. Bringing the soaked papers that were vulnerably soft closer to his face with a trembling hand, the man's jaw dropped when he saw the writing on the paper had melted into unrecognizable blobs of diffusing ink. Stiffly, the man's head turned inch by inch until he was looking down at his feet where an opened gourd lay. That was when Shikamaru realized what he did. Apparently, the hard object he had kicked during his run was the gourd. With rising fear filling his chest, the Nara boy understood that he had spilled the sake within the gourd all over the papers when he tripped.

"YOU STUPID BRAT!!" Flecks of spit fell onto Shikamaru's face as the man shouted furiously. I'M GOING TO KILL YOU!" He declared.

"Holy Shi-" Shikamaru's hands moved in a flurry to form his well-practiced seals. "KAGEMANE NO JUTSU!"

Like everyone else who had been on the opposing end of Kagemane no Jutsu, there was the standard, mask-like look of surprise on the man's face when his arms started to move down on its own accord. Shikamaru smirked and was prepared to run the moment his feet touched the ground. The large shadow that was beneath them, quivered with its master's self-assurance.

"Oh...I see..." The shocked stiffness of the man's face dissolved into a cool and confident smile. "Kageshibari no Jutsu eh? Not bad for a young brat." He said in a relaxed and mocking tone.

"It's Kagemane no Jutsu, old man!" Shikamaru retorted. "The term 'Kageshibari' was replaced ages ago. Keep up with the times, will ya?" Feeling cocky, he smugly sneered at the person who still held him above the dirt ground that was littered with fallen leaves and writing paper.

The chilly snort from the man's nose was all that was needed to shatter Shikamaru's hard-earned confidence. When the stranger's lips stretched back into a malicious, toothy grin, the red streaks of his cheeks crinkled with his skin.

"You haven't won yet, kozou. You're chakra is too weak to bind me." He told Shikamaru—displaying complete composure as he raised two fingers that were clamped together. "HAH!" He cried out as a burst of energy exploded from within his body. The overpowering strength of the man's chakra scattered Shikamaru's jutsu like it was nothing.

Raising his arms up to shield his face from the blast, Shikamaru thought in a panic that he was going to die. But to his surprise, he felt himself lower until his toes graze the solid ground before his entire weight was allowed to be placed on his own two feet. "What the..." He whispered incredulously. The large hand that had an unyielding grip on his jacket finally released and Shikamaru felt pounds lighter than before.

"It's because you acted brave that I'm going to give you a chance to save yourself." The man said in his deep voice.

Shikamaru lifted his head slowly to fix his narrowed eyes disbelievingly on the face of the older person that towered over him. He didn't trust this stranger, especially after his display of amazing chakra control. "Are you a Nukenin?" Shikamaru asked suspiciously. If he was, why was he in Konoha? And why was he bold enough to stroll around in a forest that Konoha ninjas frequented?

The man cocked his head to the side like a confused animal. "Hnnnn....." He sounded thoughtful. "I guess you could say I'm a Nukenin." When he saw Shikamaru's eyes widen in terror—the whites of his eyes showing like a cornered deer, he quickly shook his head and changed his story. "No No I'm not a Nukenin! I'm a good guy! Actually, I'm a writer......."

Shikamaru took a few steps backwards, away from the strange man. He didn't attempt to run because he had already predicted that this unknown person would be fast enough to catch him without a problem. After all, Kagemane no Jutsu was completely ineffective on this person that dressed like a drama actor. Swallowing hard, Shikamaru started to talk. "Look Oji-san, I don't know what you want with me-"

"What I want is for you to compensate me for the damages you incurred!" The man interrupted. "I'm an artist.....a writer if you will. And I have readers depending on me for the quality entertainment I provide! I was just about to finish my latest book when you came charging by and destroyed all my hard work!"

"Err....how...do you want me to compensate you?" Shikamaru asked. Once again, he wondered why he got out of bed that day.

"You can pay me what I would've earned if my book was successfully published....." The man's voice trailed off.

Shikamaru frowned. "How much do you earn from your books?" He asked. His chest felt uncomfortable, like his heart was fibrillating irregularly. That was an ominous warning that hinted the answer to his question wouldn't be in his favor.

"Give me a second will you?" The man mumbled as he turned to his large traveling bag that rested against a tree and dug around in the compartments. "Ah, here it is." He declared happily when he extracted a rectangular booklet from a flat pocket in the front.

Unsure what to do, Shikamaru extended a pale arm and carefully took the booklet into his hand. Flipping it open, he realized it was a checkbook and his eyes automatically floated to the recorded balance. "Waah..wha...?" Shikamaru almost foamed at the mouth when he saw how filthy rich the stranger was. Galled by the man's unrealistic expectation, the young Chuunin started to scream at him. "YOU'VE GOTTA BE JOKING! Even if I start paying you right now at a weekly basis, there is NO way I can ever pay back this much money in my lifetime!" Shikamaru babbled with alarm as he walked around in a circle, waving his arms uncontrollably to emphasize his point.

"Like hell I give a damn! Until you pay me the money you owe me, you're my bitch!" The stranger replied in an unconcerned tone.

"BUT IT'S IMPOSSIBLE!" Shikamaru strained his voice to the greatest volume possible. This Kabuki-performer-reject wasn't trying to get him to rob a bank was he?

"Well..." The white haired man put his hand to his chin and seemed to be deep in thought. "Do you have any good looking sisters of legal age?" He asked with a hungry look of unhealthy perversity on his face.

The question immediately caused Shikamaru's stress level to skyrocket with fury. The consistently laid-back boy who generally let insults roll off his back was turning sickly red as his blood rushed to his head. He forced himself to take shuddering breaths through his nose, trying to calm his livid nerves into relaxing again. When he thought he had himself under control, he started to speak again. "No. I have no sisters. And even if I did, I would NOT hand her over to the likes of you! And don't even try asking for my mom because I WILL kill you if you do!"

The aged man was taken aback by the ferocity of Shikamaru's protectiveness of his mother and his sense of honor. Rather pleased with the boy's response even though he really did want a woman, he started to smile. "Okok" The stranger said with laughter in his voice as he tried to placate Shikamaru by patting him on the head. "You're a good kid. How about this......You rewrite the book for me and if I say the quality is up to par with mine, I'll let you go and we'll forget all about this. What do you say?"

"If I say no?" Shikamaru decided to test his grounds before agreeing to anything.

The large man sat down in a squat and curled his lips back to reveal an eerie grin that was more like the gnashing of teeth than smiling. Visibly, blue chakra was leaking from his skin in rippling waves of energy. "If you refuse...." He sounded ominous, "....then something might happen to your family...." He let the threat hang as Shikamaru contemplated his options.

"And if I say yes and do a good job, you'll go away?"

"On my honor as a lover of women and writer of books." The man responded with a sanctimonious expression.

Shikamaru lowered his head. "Fine....we have a deal."

The man let out a series of booming laughs that came from deep within his chest.

Feeling incredibly weary, Shikamaru looked up and tried to peer through the thick leaves of the forest in search of the sky. Not having enough energy to feel worried, Shikamaru wondered what kind of agreement he had himself bound to.

The boisterous laughter from the man suddenly halted as if he just recalled something significant. He turned to Shikamaru with a serious expression. "I forgot to warn you. If you try to get help from anyone or attempt to report me to the Hokage, I will make you life miserable. I will wait here in the forest until your deadline is up. If by then you still don't have my book ready, I'll kill you." He threatened.

"And my deadline is?" Shikamaru gave the man a bored look. The death threats may have scared him the first three times but after that, it was just a bit much.

A faint blush of embarrassment started to appear on the man's cheeks. "Err...I haven't decided it yet."

Shikamaru furrowed his eyebrows miserably and sighed. His endless supply of patience was seriously being tested by the strange man. He was now convinced that the man was a nut that fell off the truck headed to the insane asylum. Placing a hand to his hip, Shikamaru leaned forward in a position that he considered to be relaxing.

"So what kind of book am I supposed to write?" He asked, sounding tired.

The man wore a silly grin that showed he was reminiscing about something pleasing to him. "The adult relationship between men and women." He told Shikamaru with a girlish sigh.

The corners of Shikamaru's lips twitched. He wasn't sure if he should frown or laugh so instead, he settled for nothing. "Fine, I get it. I'll bring you the rough draft tomorrow. I really have to leave now. I'm already very late for something important."

The man didn't seem to have heard him. Eyes half-closed with a blissful look, a bit of drool was coming out of his watering mouth.

Shikamaru groaned in annoyance. "So...Oji-san? What's your name?"

The man snapped to attention at that question. "Why! I'm so glad you've asked!" Striking a theatrical pose, he started to dance around on his wooden clogs while he wailed his answer like it was a badly acted line memorized for a movie.

Shikamaru groaned once again, softly this time—the strong sensation of self- pity was filling his soul. Turning away, he ignored the incessant prattling of the stranger as he started to run away.

"I think I'm going to call you Kabuki-Reject from now on!" Shikamaru called over his shoulder as he sped off.

"WHAT?!" The man exclaimed as if scandalized. "I'm the famous Frog Sennin! I was one of the three-"

"Whatever Kabuki-Reject!!!"

"The name's Jiraiya! Jiraiyaaaa!!!!"

But Shikamaru was already out of the forest.

#########

It felt like liquid fire was burning within his chest, consuming his heaving lungs as he pushed himself to run faster than he's ever ran in his life. Refusing to stop even once, Shikamaru sprinted to his destination and leapt over anything that were in his way—may it be logs, fences, or people. And that was the condition he was in when he finally caught sight of the patch of land that was Team Ten's practicing field.

#########

The cigarette held between Asuma's lips wavered dangerously when he saw Shikamaru plowing across the field at him like a rabid animal. Charging straight at the surprised Jounin teacher, Shikamaru wheezed as a sticky strand of saliva trailed below his jaw from the corner of his lips.

Chouji dropped his bag of chips and ducked behind Ino with more grace than one would have assumed someone of his body size would have. "I-Ino!" he pointed at Shikamaru. "Do you think he's gone insane?!"

Ino smacked Chouji over the head angrily. "What the hell are you doing? I'm the girl so I should get to hide behind YOUR body!"

Asuma sucked deeply from his cigarette, the embers of the burning end glowed red. He had the feeling that he was going to need every bit of nicotine there was.

#########

Shikamaru pumped his legs harder when he saw his Team loitering in the open field—looking justifiably startled as they gawked at him. He didn't slow down until he was five feet away from them and right before he barreled into Asuma, he let his body go limp—falling to the ground like a heavy sack of meat and bones.

Arching an eyebrow, Asuma glanced down at his feet where Shikamaru was laying and flicked some cigarette ashes on him.

Ino and Chouji scooted closer to each other for safety. As impossible as it may seem, after being forced to endure all of Ino's insults, Chouji's obsessive compulsive eating, and Shikamaru's incurable indolence—today, Shikamaru's lateness finally awoke the hibernating emotion of anger in Asuma-sensei.

Shikamaru coughed feebly when the cooling ashes fell onto his nose. "It...wasn't ...my...fault...." He tried to stand up for himself.

"Shikamaru," The coldness of Asuma's baritone voice made the misunderstood boy afraid to continue his protest, "Starting tomorrow, you're going to help Iruka-sensei grade his papers."

The debilitated muscles, not used to the abuse of prolonged excercise, sent shocks of soreness throughout his body as Shikamaru shifted into a comfortable position on his back. Staring up, his world was a sea of sky- blue light, dotted with hovering clumps of clouds. Soaring past his view, a few sparrows fluttered away in search of food. His problems could wait until tomorrow. Right now, he was going to enjoy himself because Kami-sama knows he deserves it. Closing his eyes as sleep overtook him, Shikamaru forgot that Asuma-sensei was still glowering down at him, Chouji was screaming that he had died, and Ino was kicking his limp body.

(Poor Shikamaru...I don't think he realizes that Jiraiya expects him to write the next volume of Icha Icha Paradise)

1. Kabuki: A type of drama where men perform dramatically to act out tragedies and comedies. (Now do you get why Jiraiya always dances around stupidly?)

2.Oji-san: Mr., can be used to address male strangers.

3.kozou: Brat, kid

4.Nukenin: Missing-nin. Ninjas that abandoned their village.

5.Kami-sama: God

6.Mendokusee: troublesome, pain in the butt

If you liked this ficcie, please check out other fics of mine. Arigatou gozaimasu! #bows#

#SIGH# For some reason, people don't seem to like my other Shikaino fic very much. Oh well, even though it receives little attention, I like it so it WILL be continued! XD