Revising, Redoing, and Continuing this story. Who knows for how long. Hope you like it.

Disclaimer: I just don't

Sidewinder

Chapter One: Homecoming

It was dark. The kind of dark that kept people inside their homes. Despite this, a man stood outside the gates of the Village Hidden in the Leaves, his posture quite lazy given the circumstances. "Hmm plenty of ANBU on duty tonight…" Green eyes shifted from one guard to the next, there were eight in plain sight but his keener eyes picked the slight movement any common person would have missed bringing the total to twelve, 'Expecting a war Hokage? I guess I chose a good time to come home.' With that last thought the man vanished with a breeze and was gone. A moment later he was past the village gates and hidden behind a nearby house, 'They may have many guards but Konoha needs to step up their game.' The man turned towards the Hokage Mansion and suddenly felt the edge of a kunai pressed against his throat, "Aww shit why does this always happen to me?"

"Maybe if you didn't think so loud you could have got by me," The ninja whispered in his ear, "Now who are you and why are you sneaking into the village? Answer quick or I'll end you. Don't bother lying either, it's no use against me."

'A Yamanaka eh? Eavesdropping bastard'

"I heard that." The ninja pressed the blade closer to his throat obviously pissed.

"Okay okay! I'm originally from this village. I just wanted to play a prank on the old man Hokage, I haven't been home in thirteen years."

"Your name?"

"Ren." The ninja immediately let go and spun him around. The man identified as Ren stood up straight so the ANBU could get a better look at him. Ren stood at exactly six feet tall with brown-black crew-cut hair. He wore a black shirt and a dark blue long sleeve gi that served as a sort of jacket, a strange design that looked like some kind of squid could be found along the left side of it. He wore loose grey shorts that went about five inches past his knees. Both his legs had some kind of strange tribal tattoo along their sides. Finally for shoes he wore simple geta sandals.

"Is that really you?" The man now identified as Ren nodded and rubbed his neck. removing his face mask the ANBU revealed himself, "It's me! Inoichi! Where have you been all these years?"

"I knew I recognized that voice! ANBU eh? Very nice. I've been all around the world just keeping a low profile and training with some very interesting people, I'll tell you about it over some sake one day. Anyway is the old man in at the moment? I wanna see him before I find a place to stay for the night."

Inoichi shook his head sadly, "Ren… you've been gone for a long time…" Ren already knew what was coming.

"Who was it?"

Not surprised at the question Inoichi replied, "Orochimaru"

Ren grimaced, "Damn it, I knew that freak was no good from the start." He relived some memories of the late Hokage while doing a silent prayer for his good friend and mentor, "Who took his place? Better be someone good."

Inoichi chuckled, "I know what you're thinking and no, it's not Danzo, surprisingly enough it's Tsunade. She'll be excited to see you."

"Well damn that is a surprise, is Shizune still with her?" Ren said getting a perverted grin. Inoichi just sighed and nodded, "Well it's definitely good to be home, this place hasn't changed much since I left."

"That's true but the people are different, especially the new Gennin we have this year, they're the best batch we've had since… us" He said laughing to himself.

"Well I'll check them later but I need some sleep and I still have to see Tsunade-chan. You need to get back to work before she finds out you're slacking."

"Yeah yeah, I'll see you later," Inoichi said suddenly very nervous at the thought of Tsunade and her infamous punishments, "and don't you dare leave without saying goodbye this time!" suddenly Ren was alone again. He looked up towards the Hokage mansion with a sigh, 'I'll miss you old man, and Tsunade as Hokage huh? This'll be interesting.'

The window of the Hokage mansion exploded as Ren burst through it, "WHAT THE FUCK IS UP TSUNADE-CHANNNNN!" He bellowed before instantly being chakra punched back out of the building.

Shizune sweat-dropped at Tsunade who was semi-passed out on the desk surrounded by paperwork before glancing at the window, "who was that Tsunade-sama?"

"No damn clue," she said groggily, "It's too late for this shit and I already have Naruto bugging me enough as it is. Oi Shizune where's my sake? I know you've been hiding it!"

Shizune was about to come up with an excuse but was saved when the man from before shakily climbed back through the window grumbling something about overpowered women punching men all the time for no reason. Elsewhere in Konoha about ninety percent of all kunoichi sneezed. "Damn it Tsunade-chan why do you have to hit me all the time? It really hurts!"

"Oh get over it Ren, you were asking for it anyway... Ren?" Tsunade made an effort this time and opened an eye to look at the man, "It is you!" Suddenly Tsunade stood up with a big smile on her face. The room went quiet as the two stared at each other for about ten seconds smiling. "You owe me money."

"OH FU-" This time the wall connected to the window exploded as Ren went careening into the city. Five seconds later he shakily climbed back into the room causing Shizune to wonder how the fuck he came back so fast. Tsunade didn't seem to notice.

"So where ya been all this time Ren?" Tsunade asked sitting back in her chair, " The village wasn't the same when you left, a lot more boring and a lot more drama."

"Oh here and there… I'll give ya the full story later," Out of the corner of his eye Ren caught Shizune staring at him,"and how are you Shizune-chan? You're looking as pretty as ever." He said with a smile.

Turning red Shizune squeaked, "f-fine."

Tsunade chuckled at this, it wasn't often Shizune lost her composure, "Well Ren, since we all need sleep and I have no work left..." suddenly the paperwork on the desk burst into flames, "...I'm just going to rank you Third Class Tokubetsu Jonin, pending a review. I trust that you are stronger than you were before you left?" Ren nodded at this, "Good now go find a hotel for the night and we'll figure out the rest tomorrow."

"Hai Hokage-sama" He laughed and disappeared out the window

'So Ren is back huh? This is good news, Naruto needs a new teacher since Jiraiya is out of the country.'

It was eight in the morning when Naruto woke up. He would have woken up earlier if his sensei hadn't ditched him to go on "reconnaissance". Whatever, Naruto just assumed he was out spying on women again. 'What to do what to do…' With no real intention in sight Naruto dressed in his usual half-black-half-orange attire and walked out the door with a piece of toast in hand. Leaning over the railing of the crappy three story apartment complex he was living in he munched on his toast and lazily looked over the village. 'Same old same old I guess.' Yawning he jumped into the street (stairs are for losers) and started wandering.

He made his way to one of the training grounds and found Tenten and Lee practicing taijutsu on a few tree stumps, mentally preparing himself for the barrage of –

"YOSH! Naruto-kun! Have you come to train your flames of youth with us?"

"Damn it Lee don't scare him away!" Tenten yelled, before uppercutting Lee and sending him flying into the forrest. "Sorry about him Naruto-kun."

A faint "YOSH" could be heard in the distance.

Naruto sweat-dropped at the girl's strength, "It's no problem Tenten-chan I think by now we're all used to it." he grinned.

"Anyway, you up for a spar Naruto-kun? My taijutsu still needs work." Tenten said looking at him with puppy eyes. 'Mwahahaha puppy eyes no-jutsu!'

'Gah! The puppy eyes! I… Can't… Resist!' Naruto smiled, "Sure Tenten-chan no problem but I won't hold back." He said as he got into position.

Tenten grinned, 'Works every time…' She rushed forward and jumped at Naruto bringing her knee down towards his head, catching him off guard thanks to her agility. Luckily, he managed to bring up his forearm before her knee crushed his skull. Tenten wasn't one to give up the offensive and went for a leg sweep. Naruto, now managing to keep up with her speed, used chakra to cement his feet to the ground before he could be knocked down. Tenten, feeling his legs not budging, swung her other foot towards his face and managed to catch him before he could block. Naruto staggered a few steps backward from the force of the kick. When he looked back at her she was already in his face delivering lightning fast jabs and kicks. Not being the fastest tool in the shed a jab managed to catch Naruto in the chest and as soon as it connected it was followed up by her palm slamming into his chin knocking him into the air.

Tenten jumped up after him for a follow-up kick but was caught off guard when Naruto grabbed her foot and threw her back to the floor. Landing on the ground, he suddenly heard a twang from his left as eight senbon were launched at him from the nearby tree. Narrowly dodging the painful needles, Naruto looked up to see Tenten's right leg being brought down on him and caught her before it could connect. Now having her in his grasp Naruto shoulder slammed her into the floor. Being the gentleman he was he, of course, lied about not holding back and made sure not to break her in half.

He was surprised when he looked down at her laying there that she was smiling. 'Nice one Naruto-kun, but how about this?' Tenten focused chakra into her right hand and slammed it on the ground. All around Naruto, kunai burst from the ground before he could react and began cutting him up. None were fatal due to the fact that they were blunt training kunai. She was holding back as well, he noted. Before he could recover from the barrage, Tenten had actually slid underneath him and was on his back putting him into a chokehold. Naruto simply fell back and landed on her causing her grip to loosen which gave him enough time to turn the situation… upside down? Naruto then had her pinned on the floor and was on top of her in a pretty awkward position.

"Okay Naruto-hentai get off me, you won." Tenten said blushing and laughing at him.

He got up immediately and panicked, "Uh, wait no! Tenten-chan it's not what you think! I'm sorry please don't hit me!" Naruto yelled scrunching his face up in preparation for a chakra punch induced coma. Instead he was met with giggling. He slowly opened his eyes to see her laughing at his panicked attitude.

"It's okay Naruto-kun I don't think you're like that anyway." smiling she started picking up her discarded kunai and Naruto went to help her, "so how'd I do Naruto-kun? What's the verdict?"

"Well I think you're amazing! I think your taijutsu is pretty scary. If you hadn't held back you could have killed me, and that kunai trap was pretty damn cool… and painful." He thought about their fight some more before continuing, "But I do think you need to work on your grappling, whenever I managed to get a hold of you things would start to go badly. But other than that you're perfect."

Tenten blushed at him saying she was perfect. She wasn't used to such high praise, no thanks to Neji. "Well thanks Naruto-kun, for the spar, I had fun," she said smiling and walked up to him, "and thanks for holding back as well, it was pretty sweet of you." With that she kissed him on the cheek and left the training ground.

Naruto was stunned and all he could think was 'wow' and then he got up to go get something to eat, most likely at Ichiraku's like a fat ass.

Ren had been watching the whole thing from a tree in the distance. So my future pupil is a ladies' man huh? He also seems to know what he's doing, and that girl he was with is a total badass too. I might have to get them both… Well Naruto I'll meet up with ya later I gotta go talk to Tsunade-chan again. Hmm I wonder what Shizune is wearing…' Ren giggled like a pervert and made his way to the Hokage mansion.

"Hellooooo? Tenten? Naruto? I think I am lost! Gai-sensei!" Lee called out for help in vain. He had pursued a "youthful" squirrel into the forest and was now utterly lost. "Well at least I have my youth!"

Hope you liked the revised chapter one.

R&R please.