A/N: AND IT'S THE THIRD ONE!

I swear, this is like, a new record for me :P I don't think I've ever posted this much in a short period of time before.

Just a warning: This story has lots of cussing. LOTS. I was in one of those moods where I get all mad at some random thing and it just turns the rest of my day bad. And it happened a few weeks ago with Trust No One. So I decided to write a drabble-like thing about it. And viola! It has appeared!

Yeah, it's not exactly a story, per se, but more of a rant in story form :P It's not meant to be an actual fanfic.

But on a different note, how awesome would it be if there was a real story called Demon Cupcakes? I'd read that in a heartbeat!

Disclaimer: I don't own The 39 Clues or demon cupcakes. ...Unless you ask for them. Oooh! I can make some! :D THAT would be INTERESTING!

Demon Cupcakes

Have you ever had one of those days where anything and everything does nothing but piss you off?

You know, where you're just in a 'Shut up and leave me the fuck alone' mood?

It makes you believe that punching a wall would be the best feeling in the world?

Someone could be totally oblivious and super nice, asking "How are you?" and you just blow up in their face and shout "I'd be better if you left!"

Okay, maybe not THAT extreme, but you get the point.

You're just so angry, but you don't know why or what caused it. You just know that it feels good in a really weird way. And you don't want it to stop, because sometimes, it's just good to let loose and quit being so damn happy all the time.

Or, better yet, someone could actually notice the expression of pure loathing on your face and ask, "What's wrong?"

And then (get this) you shoot them your best death glare and reply, "I don't know - just shut up and LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE!"

Or at least, that's what you desperately WANT to say. But you don't. Because you take a deep breath and smile sweetly and say, "Nothing," because you tell yourself that they're not worthy of your words.

But what if you're not just angry? The anger is just the batter. What if you also feel lonely or sad on top of the anger?

You get a huge batch of demon cupcakes, and then you strap down everyone around you and force-feed them. "Here comes the airplane! With all of your hopes and dreams and fragile feelings waiting to touchdown at LAX... Oh, wait, the plane crashed. 'Cause I don't give a shit."

*Ahem* I apologize in advance for my harshness. And if I offend anybody. But I already know someone will get offended, then they'll complain and throw crap around the room, and I'll go all ape-shit because they're being huge-ass babies about everything. But I suppose that's how the creator of life made everybody, so I'm just rollin' with it.

Now, lets add one more thing to the already-horrible cupcakes: What if you felt angry and alone and sad because that's the way your favorite characters in a book feel?

Yes, that's right. A book. Because you are a total nerd and proud of it.

And now that that's all sorted out, we can put the pieces together, and then you'll praise god (Or whatever divine spiritual force that you worship(See? I probably offended somebody right there.)) that I've finally stopped talking.

Piece #1: Anger

Piece #2: Loneliness and/or sadness

Piece #3: The ultimate source of your bitchy mood. (AKA The book you were just reading but had to put down because you were beginning to turn into the Hulk.)

Result: Silence

Mhmm. Silence. You would much rather prefer silent suffering over people 'getting all up in your bizness' and causing you to snap.

Unless, of course, you're sitting in the car listening to music when your younger brother/sister starts singing along to the Scooby Doo theme song, in which case you just want to wring their necks so you can listen to My Chem in peace.

But back to the book thing. The story is just so well-written that you feel what the characters are feeling, you feel every single shred of emotional turmoil going on inside of them, that you yourself start worrying about THEIR problems. Fictional characters' problems. Problems that have absolutely nothing to do with you, but you strangely want them to. And you are perfectly okay with being one of the strangest human beings on the planet.

A good example would be a small, happy story titled Trust No One, 5th installment of the Cahills vs. Vespers series, hang-off of the 39 Clues franchise. Now that book...that book will get you going.

I swear on my mother, if one of your favorite characters suddenly turned tail and hid behind the enemy, you would probably feel the most hatred you've ever felt before bubbling up inside of you until you're sitting there, waiting for the not-yet-digested demon cupcakes to come back up so you can vomit all over the good memories of that once-beloved character you now call traitor.

Metaphorically speaking, of course. Since fictional characters are, in actuality, not real, if you literally tried to bring back the demon cupcakes, you might accidentally puke on your mother. And then, just because you are one lucky SOB, your mom will have previously been known to puke at the sight of puke, and then she will, in turn, puke all over YOU. And then there comes back the batter for another batch of demon cupcakes.

I'm sorry, we're getting WAY off topic. Back to that wonderful book I was talking about. Later on in the story, you laugh at parts, you cry at parts, you die a little inside at parts, and it just all around sucks because it's such a damn good book, right?

Right... Before it rips out your insides and stomps on them until you feel nothing but that same pesky emotional turmoil that your favorite main character is feeling at that point in the story. Then you just flip shit all over again.

YOUR FAVORITE CHARACTER, THE ONE THAT YOU'VE FOLLOWED THROUGH EVERYTHING AND MADE YOU BELIEVE NOTHING COULD DRAG THEM DOWN, NO MATTER THE EMOTIONAL TOLL, SHUTS DOWN NEARLY ALL MENTAL PROCESSES AND DECIDES TO STOP FUNCTIONING.

Ooooh, then you REALLY hate life.

So, you chuck a few things across the room, kick out a window that you know you'll have to pay for in the future but you don't really give a shit about, curse at the starry night sky and all the heavenly bodies of the universe that mock and torment you for a few minutes... And then you start fangirling/fanboying because you realize that's exactly what the author wanted you to feel.

And you smile.

Then you get pissed again because you just realized that the author did absolutely NOTHING for your favorite OTP.

Hold on, I'm getting an emergency Morse code message... Yep, your ship is sinking. And there's nothing you can do about it. So, ha. Author wins.

And then, when you're tired of punching bookshelves and kicking out windows... You lie down on your bed, curl into a little ball, and stare blankly at the wall.

You've become a vegetable. Just like your favorite character.

And that, my friends, is the happy ending to the story of an average, everyday, 39 Clues fangirl/fanboy. You end up vegging out for a few hours before getting up and moving on with life, because you just don't give a damn. At least, until the next book comes out.

But wait. You still haven't gotten to the ending of the book.

When you do, just because the universe loves to taunt you... It ends in a freaking cliffhanger.

And the demon cupcakes return.

...Can you tell I was kinda in a rant mood? :P

Leave your reviews! Or the demon cupcakes with be sent upon you!

~Demon Cupcake Queen~