Through my lovers eyes
by missteff
June 2014
I am excited and nervous to be getting married to Detective Katherine Beckett in three days time; more excited than I had been with my other two marriages. On the inside I was a total wreck, hoping that I didn't show any of it to her. I want these days to be perfect. As I walk up to my bride-to-be she's smiling, with a giddy look on her face laughing at her coworkers, Ryan and Esposito. Who I have become close too as well. We are already like a family, I couldn't imagine not being with her everyday. I stop to watch her for a minute, taking in a deep breath. Having her in my life has changed me and by the looks of it I have changed her. At least I always wanted to believe that I did. Captain Gates, the only one whom I have not won over yet comes to join them. Beckett's laughter continues at whatever they are talking about.
"Hey guys!" I cheerfully announce my presence.
Beckett's smile widens as she glances up, from her desk chair.
Now I can see how excited she is as well; sending my heart fluttering into another high.
When you have a significant experience but once, it is rarer and more precious than if you'd had it a thousand times. It is not a flock of dusty street pigeons, but a single white crane gliding across the starry dome of your memory. An urge compels your heart to chase it, to understand it, to find it again. Not many people get to get another chance at it so I can't blow this one.
"So … who's ready to get her marriage license?"
Beckett jumps to her feet, wrapping her arms around me in a hug.
"Me! Almost. I've gotta be my bag."
She lets her hand slip across my waist, as she goes to get something. She doesn't know what that does to me...when she does that. Her hands on me sets me on fire, one that I can't control. But why would I want to. Our 'catch me if you can' relationship had lasted long enough.
Now it was time for me to grow up to take things seriously which I never did before. Not my job, not my life I did what I wanted no matter what.
I guess I didn't want to feel the pain so I always laughed it off. Became a jackass in away. That way I could keep a short distance from feeling it all again. That was until I meet her, and after 'our first case' together then my life had a purpose. A new beginning. A new challenge. I fell in love with her, all of her.
I got to see one side of that that I imagine most didn't get to see. I know by the looks 'the boys' always gave us: they didn't understand our special bond. Our daily bantering may have looked as if we were cruel to each other but it was our way of showing how much we really cared for one another.
Sure we dated other people, and jealousy rose between us but isn't that partly what falling in love, real love means. Those dates never lasted, never compared, to what we shared, as partners. It made our relationship grow stronger. For we always found our way back to each other. Why was that, fate I tell you.
Yes I believe that. She finally opened her walled up heart enough for me to squeeze in. I took hold and never let go. Oh, I could have given up many times but I kept at it. I believed in us. We connect on so many levels. We complete each other, she brings out the best in me and I bring out the best in her. I guess you can call us soul mates. I just know that's how my heart feels.
And now in a few days, I finally have what is mine- forever.
That is what makes this day more special to me. We have a few more things to get out-of-the-way and then the two of us can share our lives, just us together. Hopefully nothing will go wrong.
Beckett comes back with her bag. She links her arm though mine. We are now ready to start on our way to a new life. A life with each other.
"Do you have our paperwork?" she asks, giving me one of her "looks"- a look that six years ago, took my heart on a journey that I hope never ends.
"I do." Pausing at my joke, I laugh seeing, if anyone catches it. Yes, corny, I know. But I like making corny jokes for them. That's what makes their job fun, or so I was told. "I'm just practicing. I..." with my hands on my chest I feel my around in my jacket pocket, "I do. I do I got them." Beckett slightly shakes her head rolling her eyes. I think that she got the joke.
"Have fun, guys." Ryan calls as we turn to leave.
"We plan to." Responding I lift my eyebrows, at him indicating I plan to do a lot more with her later. He smiles, shaking his head, slightly and mouths, "You're a mess."
NEW YORK CITY HALL
I watch Beckett from the corner of my eye, she's looking at the clock. I bet that she is counting down the time. She turns away from the clock to glance at me. I smile. We are standing in the courthouse waiting in line to get our papers to the clerk. There about three more people in front of us.
"T-minus 72 hours until we are married. Oh Castle this feels like a dream."
"That's because I'm dreamy." I respond cause I like how it makes her laugh and yes it is true. I'm dreamy. I'm her dream come true as she is mine.
"Oh, shush." Beckett turns her blushing face at me. See I can make her blush with a few words.
"It's our fairy tale come true." I smile at her and she smiles a dreamy smile that melts my heart back. "Just a few more steps. and..."
"Oh Castle," She lays her head on my shoulder. "I..." before she could get the thought out, I hear the clerk yell next. "Oh. that would be us." I call as we walk up to the window, both greeting the woman with our lovely smiles.
"Mr. Richard Castle and Miss Katherine Beckett. I presume." she half smiles, I can tell that she really doesn't care who we are she just wants to get out of here for the day.
I hand her papers. "Yes, that's us." I gesture between us. Beckett still has her head resting on my shoulder, which I think is adorable. She's always coming up with things like that, well things that I think are adorable.
"Proof of divorce?" the clerk stares over at me.
"Here you are." I saying, handing her some more papers.
The woman flips through them, shuffles the paper into a stack, then sets them aside. She clicks away at her computer screen in front of her. Checking if they check out I guess. There was a short pause. What can possibly be the hold up? Are my papers not right? I had to think as she just stares back at us, her expression empty. Which in it's self gave me the creeps.
Beckett now noticing the delay too, looks up at the clerk with her head still on my shoulder. "Is," I swallow, "Is there something wrong with my documents? I mean..." now I'm getting nervous what if something is wrong and we can't get married. I...
"No, they're all in order." the woman responds putting me at ease a little. "Then..." I shake my head not understanding why there is a delay if everything is in order. "Then," I swallow, "Then what's the problem?" The clerk points to Beckett. "Miss Beckett, do you have yours?"
Beckett's head shoots up off my shoulder like a cannon went off. "Pardon me? I don't understand."
"Your divorce paperwork." the woman asks again, this time holding out her hand.
Beckett laughs, "I'm sorry, there's a mistake. I've never been married."
I glance over at her with a question mark look, how could this be...the love of my life already married. I shake the thought from my head. There is no way that she is, there's got to be some other explanation to all of this. An error of some sort.
"Well according to our records," the clerk went on talking, "You," she points once again at Beckett. "Miss Beckett have been and it says here, that you still are."
"I'm married?" Beckett sounds completely shocked. I didn't know what to do. If this was true, then our relationship, everything that we shared, was it all a lie?
Beckett reaches over and tries to take a look at the computer screen.
"To whom is she married too?" I had to ask the question, just to see who this person was. To at least have a name.
Beckett gasps. Oh no, with that facial expression that she has tells me everything I needed to know. So, she was married, but how was that even possible. I mean we have been together as partners for almost six years now. You think that I would have noticed something this big. And if she knew than why didn't she say something to me about it.
Beckett turns to see my reaction, then all of a sudden she burst towards the door and out of the building. She leaves me standing there with everyone staring at me. Oh well, it couldn't get any worse. I stroll out of the building, as calm as I could, so I wouldn't draw any more attention to this situation. Why would she just run out like that, away from me? Who is this person that she is suppose to be married too. Was he?
He must have been bad news if she was afraid to tell me about him, or was it that she didn't know. If that was the case though, how can one not know. I mean...None of this really made any sense, and it was something that I definitely didn't see coming. I find her standing leaning up against the wall just outside the door.
"Kate talk to me, who is this guy...is it someone I need to..." She can't even look at me; she just covers her face and starts to cry. Why would she? So she knows this man. What did this guy do to her? "Kate."
"I," she sniffs, still not looking at me. "I..." she tries again. I give her a few seconds to calm down. Over the years I've learned to shut my mouth at times even through right now it was really really hard thing to do. I step closer to her. All I want to do is hold her, tell her that everything is going to be alright...but that might turn out to be a lie. I still don't know what we have gotten into. "I've let you down." She turns her head again this time to her right, avoiding my eyes. Why, this must be really serious for her to do that. "Do you still love me?" I take a second to comprehend the words that just left her mouth, do I still love her? What kind of question was that? Everyone knows that I do. Especially her, she knows that I'm not going anywhere. I haven't yet and don't plan to. We will work through this and hopefully be married soon.
"Still love you?" I react. I reach out to pull her in a hug, but she struggles away. "I never stopped." she smiles, I reach out again so I can place my hand under her chin so I can see her gorgeous eyes. The one thing that made me fall in love with her from the beginning. "One little obstacle is not going to make me stop loving you...not going to stop us...and besides, I know people."
She laughs at that. She always did. She steps forward closer to me and I see my chance, to grab her in a hug. And that's exactly what I do. I force her body closer to me, so I could just hold her, make her feel the love that I have for her. To let her know that I'm not going to give her up. That I love her too much to get give up and that she shouldn't either.
"Castle," I kiss her before she can say another word. "We will fix all of this... and then you will be my bride."
"Don't." She once again slips out of my embrace and starts to walk off into the parking lot.
"How can I not?" I shout. "I love you. I'm not going to let-" She continues to walk away.
"So we're walking?" I joke with her as I follow.
"What?" She turns to face me now, her face red. Is that form of all the crying she's been doing, or is she blushing cause she forgot we drove over here? I race over to the passenger side of my car and held it open for her.
"Shall we?" she reluctantly walks back to where I was standing next to my car and slide in. I sigh in relieve, that was a start if I can get her to the loft then we can come up with a plan. I get in the car, "It's..."
"Don't...I don't want to talk about it." she shouts at me. She has only shouted at me once, I mean a real shout that was when she didn't want anyone to help her a year after her shooting. But this was different, well I thought it was. Since we are together I thought she would let us together work things out. I guess that I will just give her some time like I did last time. I start the car not looking at her, cause it was just going to break my heart even more. I just wanted to hold her. To be with her.
Even at the first red light we came to she wouldn't look at me. I could feel my heart breaking a little more. I knew, that we would have obstacles but I didn't see something like this coming up. And then having her ask me if I still loved her, I shook my head. After all that we been through and that's how she felt, that I wouldn't love her. She should know by now that nothing is going to get rid of my love for her. I wish that I could make all her pain go away. I wish...
The light turns green and my car moves forward. We sit in silence for the next few more minutes. I wish that I could tell what was going on in her mind right now. I glance my eyes quickly over to her. I can still see the tears falling from her eyes. How are we going to get past this? There's got to be away. I will not allow something like this to stop me, not now, not after.
"Castle," she finally spoke to me. Her voice was a mere whisper, I almost didn't hear it.
"Yes, dear." I call without looking at her, it's not that I didn't want too but I couldn't. Not with so much traffic, why so much at this hour. Rush hour I suppose.
"I..." There was a slight pause. "Castle look out!" My arm instinctively reaches across the seat towards Kate as I slam on the brakes. The car stutters to an abrupt halt, barely missing the one in front of us. I can also hear screeches from behind us and I grimace, waiting for the impact, but nothing ever came. That is a relief.
"That was..." I slide my hand down my face then turn to look over at Beckett, to see if she's okay. She was just sitting there, staring out the window. I swallow, what else can go wrong today. There are more moments of silence between us. I can't take it anymore. "Kate," I call. Reaching over I slide my hand under her chin, forcing her to turn her face towards me. I lock my lips with hers, before she could say a single word. I must have lost track of time kissing her, before hearing a tap at my window. Now what? Who did I piss off now? Without looking over to see whoever it is, I roll my window down. "Yes?" It was a bald police officer there holding his baton in his hand.
"Move your car along or..." he stops in mid sentence after glancing in the window at Beckett. I just thought he might know her. But he never said a word after that. He kind of looks like one of those perverts that peers staring at women through open windows. It was really starting to freak me out. I guess being with Beckett and seeing the things that I have seen while on cases with her, taught me that not everyone is who they seem to be. That got me thinking that this guy might just be someone who could be impersonating a cop. I didn't realize there were any sirens or flashing lights for that matter. But then again I was kissing the woman that I love, thinking of nothing else. "Why don't you get a room." he says, now staring at us.
to be continued...