"Shit." His finger traced along the path once more trying to find a way to bypass an intersection that was frequented by patrols. There wasn't one that he could see. He cupped his face in his hand vigorously rubbing his eye before pushing his hair out of the way and trying one more time.
"Daddy!"
The high pitched voice startled him. It took control, all of it, to keep the frustration from causing him to snap at the cheery little girl.
"What is it babydoll?" The exasperation was still in his voice despite his best effort. Still Hope wiggled in between his legs and stood staring at the map. She was totally blocking his view. Wrapping his arms around her he pulled his daughter on to his knee and returned his attention to the diagram. It wasn't long before she was poking at his cheek.
"Please babydoll." Snake took her hand and held it to stop the annoyance.
"Where yous gets that daddy?"
Snake cocked his brow curious as to why she had suddenly taken such an interest in the building diagram.
"I stole it." Snake answered flatly. Some people might hide it but Snake believed his daughter had the right to know what her father did for good or ill.
"No!" She wiggled violently. Snake knew what that was instantly, the beginning of a tantrum because he wasn't understanding.
Pushing the need to work aside he sat up and looked down at the pouting girl.
"No?"
"No." Her lip rolled into that heart wrenching pout. He was such a sucker for that expression. "This."
She poked at his cheek again. It took a moment for Snake to realize what his daughter was going on about. She'd probably never seen that scar before but cleaning up some for the job he was planning had put it in plain view.
"The scar?" He asked cautiously.
She nodded anxiousness filling her whole body. Snake glanced at his work and then at his daughter. It could wait. He hadn't spent much time with his family since setting his sights on the hit he was trying to perfect. Realizing he had been neglecting them was a big disappointment.
"Where's from?" She was all full of that wide-eyed curiosity. She seemed to have it more than ever now and his injuries and stories seemed to be her chosen outlet for it. He didn't really mind though this one wasn't going to be as easy to talk about. Plissken took a deep breath and slid back in to the recliner before locking the foot rest in place. Inevitiably she stretched out on his chest, elbows propped up anticipating the beginning of the story.
"I got it when my eye got injured." Snake answered.
"Nu-hu! Not's your eye."
Snake smiled at her trying to keep this a game like she saw it. This was how she learned to know who he was. Snake knew he didn't have the right to let his own feelings interfere with raising his daughter. Reluctantly, Snake pointed over at the closet.
"Will you go get me the green bag in there?"
She gave him as suspicious look before sliding down and racing over to retrieve what he asked for. For Plissken this was a moment to clear his head and try to keep his cool. She immediately climbed back into his lap with the bulky bag.
"Gots it."
Snake opened it smiling at her inquisitiveness. From the bag he produced a pilot's mask a lot like the one he wore in Leningrad. She stared at it confused by the twisting straps. Snake sighed.
"I was wearing one of these when I was hurt."
As soon as she heard wearing she tried to put it on. Snake couldn't help but laugh at the huge mask on her little face. The appearance was like some B-movie alien with huge green glass eyes.
"You wears it." She tried to push it on his face upside down first and then on top,
"Wait a second." Snake instructed as he maneuvered it into the right position. It was her turn to giggle a little before he saw the impatience.
"I was flying a glider in the war. We had to wear these to protect ourselves from the poison." Snake found it difficult to explain a lot of his past to a child but after so many questions it was actually becoming very easy.
"The poisons that's make your eye bads?" She asked staring at the black patch.
"Yeah that poison." Snake pulled the mask off and set it in his lap while he went on. He watched his daughter's tiny hands explore the piece of equipment. Snake loved her curiosity even when it cramped his style.
"The Russians were shooting at us and one of the bombs hit my glider."
Her little face puckered into disapproval. "Nots nice."
"No it's not very nice babydoll but that's what war is." Snake shrugged unsure of how else to explain it to her.
"Then whats?"
"The bomb had metal pieces in it and one hit right here." Snake tapped on the left glass near the bottom for emphasis. "The metal cut my cheek when it broke the glass. That's when the poison got in my eye."
She was silent for a while looking at the mask siting in their lap. He could tell she was thinking. Finally she looked back up with confusion in her expression.
"Daddy, why yous go close to the bombs?"
Snake froze. In his mind all he could think of were the screams. Why did she have to ask that question of all the questions she could have asked? Snake tried to keep calm and fight the memories.
"I was trying to save someone's life." It was all he could manage for the lump in his chest.
"You saves them?" She asked it with the hope of a child in her voice. Snake didn't have that innocence. He had memories.
Plissken looked away turning his good eye away as he felt the tears welling up. He'd never let his daughter see him cry from the war and what it had done. Snake shook his head and forced the words to come.
"No. they killed her before I got there." Snake felt the tremor in his body. It was the sign that he would break any moment. He didn't want to, not in front of her. Not in front of his little girl. The more he tried to fight it the worse it got. Tiny hands pulled his head around. The look in her dark honey eyes caused the tears to overflow. He was a failure and now that pain was hurting his daughter too.
"Daddy?" The little voice squeaked with worry.
Snake tried to answer her but his voice was choked by the wetness welling up in her perfect little eyes. She was afraid. Plissken didn't have to think. He just reacted and pulled her close to him.
"Dad..d..dy" Sobs broke her words as she wound her arms tightly around his neck. "'sal-al-rights?"
Snake nodded and kissed her cheek. The comfort of having her close kept the breaking to a minimum. Caressing her hair he tried to gather his mind back together.
"you alright babydoll?" Snake asked wiping his cheek with the back of his hand.
She nodded against his chest. "Whys you cry?" She mumbled against his shirt.
Snake took a deep breath as he watched Hope rub her eyes. This wasn't going to be easy but now he had to talk. His little girl worried about him so much, almost as much as he worried about her.
"I loved her." It was all he could say without the tears coming back.
Hope looked up at him meeting his eye for a moment before she scooted up and kissed his cheek. "Can'ts saves everyone but yous try."
Snake just looked at her. Sometimes she said things well beyond that of a child. This was one of those moments. Plissken didn't know what to say in response so he hugged his little girl instead. He would never let that day repeat itself. He would never let them down like he let her down and that was all that mattered.