Title: Of Mouse and Man
Author: MegTDJ
Category: Humour
Rating: K+
Pairing: None.
Spoilers: Tall Tales (set anytime after that episode).
Summary: A trickster decides it's time to teach the Winchester boys a lesson.
Disclaimer: I do not own Supernatural. I'm doing this for fun, not profit. The only thing I own is the story itself, so please don't archive this fic without my permission.
Author's notes: The idea for this fic came from a real life event, in which one of my LJ icons was substituted for a random one belonging to someone else. Also, Kerri told me not to write it. So, of course, I had to. ;)
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox
Of Mouse and Man
"I hate tricksters."
Sam grimaced in agreement. "At least this one probably won't try to decapitate us with a chainsaw."
"No. No, this one will probably try to kill us with giggles."
Sam snorted.
Dean took his gaze off the road ahead of them long enough to shoot his brother a sly glance. "You know, Sammy, if you wanna sit this one out..."
"Would you shut up about the clowns, Dean?"
Dean couldn't help but laugh. Sam and his babyish fear of clowns, coming back to bite him in the ass yet again. "I'm just saying, I wouldn't blame you. That big red nose can be awfully unsettling."
Sam gave him his trademark bitch face. "Are you done?"
Dean laughed again. He had no intention of letting Sam live that one down. Ever.
"How are we gonna know which clown is the trickster, anyway?" Sam asked after a moment of silence. "It's a circus. There'll be dozens of them."
Dean gave him a look of mock sympathy. "Aww. You scared?"
"Dude!"
"Okay! Okay!" Dean had one last laugh and then sighed. The jokes would have to wait until the case was over. "Well, all the, um... victims... if you could call them that..." He shook his head at the memory of the two young people they had interviewed who could barely speak over their incessant, involuntary laughter. It had been a new experience even for him. "They all said this guy wore a blue costume with a white wig," he continued. "At least, I think that's what they said."
"You don't think that being cursed to laugh all day every day for the rest of your life qualifies you as a victim?" Sam said.
"Hey, those guys were being total buzzkills," Dean said. "Heckling clowns? Stealing kids' candy? I mean, seriously, who does that?"
Sam scoffed and shook his head.
"In fact, if it wasn't for those other two kids going missing from the stands the other night, I'd probably give this one a miss. This trickster isn't like the one in Ohio. We have no evidence that he's actually killed anyone."
"Yet," Sam said pointedly. "And we don't know what he did to those kids."
"Which means we can't kill him until we find out," Dean said with a nod. "Unless he gets one of us clucking like a chicken," he added. "Then he's toast."
Moments later, they pulled up at the entrance to the circus grounds. It was early morning, so the crowds hadn't yet begun to gather. Dean felt it would be best for them to go in on foot and sneak around the performers' trailers, so they kept the Impala hidden behind a clump of trees, grabbed their stakes, and headed for the Big Top.
Sam was starting to look nervous by the time they'd made their way around the main tent and were approaching the campsite. He actually seemed hesitant to go any further, his eyes focused warily on a lone, red-haired clown sitting on a stone bench smoking a pipe.
"Something wrong, Sam?" Dean asked with a smirk.
"Shut up."
Dean slapped him on the back. "C'mon, you wuss. Are you a man or a mouse?"
Sam rolled his eyes but followed as Dean led the way into the campsite, careful to stay out of sight of the handful of performers wandering around. Not that any of them seemed to be paying attention to what was going on around them. They all seemed lost in their own little worlds.
"This way," he whispered as he caught sight of a guy dressed in a blue clown suit without the wig and makeup. Without the white wig he couldn't be sure this was their guy, but he figured it couldn't hurt to check him out.
They followed him around a number of trailers and towards a small tent on the outskirts of the camp. When the guy entered the tent, Dean signaled to Sam to wait a few seconds before following him inside. He counted to ten, making sure his stake was close at hand, and then quickly passed through the flap with Sam close behind.
And there he was. His white wig and clown face had magically appeared, and he stood in the middle of the tent as though he'd been waiting for them for hours.
"Come in! Come in!" the trickster said, spreading his arms wide in a warm welcome. "I'm so glad you've finally found me!"
Dean and Sam exchanged quick "he cant be serious" looks as they steeled themselves for whatever attack the trickster was about to unleash.
The trickster merely laughed. "I've heard so much about you Winchester brothers," he said, sounding almost childlike in his excitement. "This is a pleasure. A real pleasure!"
Dean rolled his eyes. "Yeah, whatever, man. You do know what we're here for, right?"
"I suppose you've come to try to kill me," the trickster said with a chuckle. "Won't work, though. Never does, you know. Still, can't blame you for trying. What would life be without a little excitement, eh?"
Dean made a wry face and mimicked the trickster's amused laughter. This guy was really starting to grate.
"Where are the children?" Sam asked. Good ole Sammy, always keeping things on track.
"Every child in the entire world?" the trickster said with feigned innocence.
"No, just the ones you kidnapped," Dean said, fingering his stake as he prepared to make a move at the earliest opportunity.
The trickster laughed again. "The children who were planning on running away to join the circus?" he asked. "I didn't kidnap them. I simply gave them what they wanted."
"Where are they?" Sam demanded.
The trickster tutted and shook his head. "I'm afraid I can't tell you that," he said. "That's between me and the children."
"You son of a..." Dean stepped forward, stake in hand, but stopped when the trickster stretched out his arm in Sam's direction.
"Uh uh uh," the trickster warned. "One more step, and your brother is next to learn his lesson."
"You touch my brother, and you'll be dead in a heartbeat," Dean said.
The trickster grinned widely and paused as if waiting for Dean to make another move.
Dean wasn't going to give him the satisfaction. The two of them stood there for a long moment just sizing each other up and waiting for the other to move first.
Finally, the trickster laughed again. "I can see we've reached an impasse," he said. "Oh well. Better luck next time, boys."
Before Dean had a chance to react, there was a flick of the trickster's hand followed by a wail from Sam. All Dean could do was stare in horror as his brother disappeared in a puff of smoke.
"Son of a bitch!" he yelled, turning back to lunge at the trickster with his stake. But he was too late. The trickster had disappeared.
"Hey!" he cried. "Where'd you go, you clown-faced coward?! Give me back my brother, or I swear to God I will hunt you down!"
Echoed laughter swept through the tent, causing Dean to spin on his heel looking for the source. "Your brother is right where he should be," the trickster's disembodied voice said between the peals of laughter. "But is he a man or a mouse?"
Dean paused as these words sank in. He looked back at the spot where Sam had just been standing. "Oh, you have got to be kidding me..."
"The joke's on you, Dean!" the tricksters fading voice taunted. "The joke's on you!"
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox
The little brown mouse squeaked frantically as Dean attempted to place him as gently as he could into his jacket pocket.
"Sorry, Sammy," Dean said. "But you know, it'd go a whole lot easier if you'd quit squirming."
He yelped as Sam's teeth bit down on his finger.
"Great," he said, withdrawing his hand and holding the pocket closed to keep Sam inside. "That was helpful. Thank you." He winced at the feeling of Sam wriggling around in there. This was just so wrong on a million different levels.
He didn't know how he made it out of the tent, off circus grounds, and back to the Impala with Sam still safe and secure in his pocket, but once he got to the car he realized there was no way he could drive all the way back to the motel like that. He opened the trunk and started fishing around for some kind of container he could use. He finally settled on a box of rock salt pellets. Not very big, but it would do until he could find something more suitable. He dumped the rock salt into the trunk and gave the box a good shake to get rid of the salt dust.
"You're not gonna like this," he said as he fished his brother out of his pocket. "If I thought you'd just sit on the seat, I wouldn't bother, but..." He hesitated for a moment as the mouse sat on his haunches in the palm of Dean's hand, sniffing the air and giving Dean a petulant look.
"God, you really are Sam, aren't you?" Dean said, a lump rising in his throat at the familiar expression on the rodent's face. "Well, don't worry, okay? I'm gonna call Bobby. He'll know what to do. You'll be yourself again in no time." He gulped and looked back and forth between Sam and the box. "But for now... I gotta put you in the box, Sammy. I know it'll be a tight squeeze..." He gently tipped Sam from his palm into the box as he spoke. "There you go," he said once the mouse was inside. "That's not so bad, is it?"
He quickly closed the lid before he got The Look again.
"Okay," he said with a deep sigh as he closed the trunk and carried the box over to the driver's side door. "This is quite possibly the weirdest thing I'll ever say... but I need to get Sammy a cage."
He felt dirty even thinking it.
As soon as he was in the car, he took out his cell phone and speed-dialed Bobby.
"Dammit," he muttered as Bobby's voicemail kicked in. As he waited for the tone, it started to sink in just how stupid their situation was going to sound. "Hey, Bobby," he said hesitantly. "It's Dean. Uh... we, uh... we ran into another trickster, and, uh... we're kind of in some trouble here. We really need your help bad, Bobby. Get back to me as soon as you get this. Thanks."
He snapped his phone shut and thumped his forehead against the steering wheel. They would never live this one down.
A slight shudder from the box beside him brought him back on task. "Pet store," he said as he started the car. "Someplace I never thought I'd have to go, eh, Sammy?" Once on the road, he chuckled as a distant memory came to his mind. "Remember when we were kids and you wanted a hamster?" he said to the still-shuddering box. "You wanted one so bad. Now you almost are one."
A sharp thump shook the box so hard it moved half an inch closer to him on the seat.
"Okay, I get it," Dean said. "I'll shut up now."
The box shuddered in agreement.
It took Dean ten minutes to reach the town's main shopping hub, and another five to find an open pet store. It wasn't until he had parked the car and was about to get out that he noticed how still the box had become.
For a second, he feared Sam must have suffocated. A second after that, he assured himself that he must just be asleep. The second after that, he noticed the fragments of chewed cardboard on the seat.
"No," he said, staring at the box in disbelief. "You didn't."
He slowly lifted the lid of the box.
No mouse.
"Oh, come on, Sam! What the hell'd you do that for?" Dean lifted his feet off the floor of the car, fearing that he may have stepped on his brother without even noticing. The amount of times he'd stepped on the gas and brake pedals in the last few minutes... "Oh, God," he said, fear suddenly washing over him. "Sam?" He looked behind him on the seat to make sure he wasn't sitting on him, and then raised his legs and spread out across the entire front seat in order to look underneath. "SAM?!"
Still no mouse.
Minutes later, he had practically torn the Impala apart.
"This isn't funny, Sam," he grumbled as he checked every nook and cranny in the backseat for the second time. "You're killing me here."
He practically jumped out of his skin when his cell phone rang. One look at the caller ID, though, and he felt at least some measure of relief. "Bobby," he said as he answered the call. "Thank God."
"What's the trouble?"
"I've lost Sam, Bobby."
"Excuse me?"
"The trickster, it... the damn thing turned Sam into a mouse, and I went and lost him."
Silence.
"Bobby?"
Bobby cleared his throat. "Say what?"
Dean rolled his eyes. He could swear Bobby sounded almost amused. "It turned Sam into a mouse. You ever heard of that happening before?"
"Uh... no," Bobby said. "I can honestly say I haven't."
"Dammit," Dean said, anxiously rubbing the top of his head. "I was hoping you would know how to reverse it."
"Where are you?" Bobby asked, finally sounding serious and even concerned. "I'll come out there and see if we can't figure somethin' out."
Dean quickly gave Bobby the address of the motel where he and Sam had been staying, and he had just snapped his phone shut when he saw a certain brown mouse perched on the back of the driver's seat, licking his paws as though he didn't have a care in the world.
"Sam," Dean said, slouching against the side of the car in relief and exhaustion, "as soon as you're human again... I am so kicking your ass for that."
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox
The pet store guy tried to sell Dean all kinds of mouse toys, treats, and paraphernalia, but despite his warnings that a mouse would go crazy without something to do, Dean settled on a basic barred cage with wood shavings and some rodent food. He was hoping this whole mess would be resolved by the end of the day anyway. He just didn't want Sam getting lost or starving to death in the meantime.
He tried not to feel guilty as he introduced Sam to his temporary home. "It's for your own good, you know," he said when he got The Look again. "Just, uh... if you feel like you're about to morph back into human form or something, gimme a squeak and I'll let you out."
Sam did not look amused.
As soon as he got back to the motel, Dean set the cage on the table next to Sam's laptop, which was right where Sam had left it after researching the case.
"Hope you don't mind me using your computer," Dean said as he sat down and opened the laptop. "I'm not surfing for porn, promise." He glanced over at Sam to see if he'd heard, but Sam was too busy nibbling on a sunflower seed to pay attention to him.
"Hey." Dean tapped on the side of the cage until Sam dropped the seed and scampered away from the sudden noise. "Don't go getting used to the whole rodent gig," he said, suddenly afraid that mouse instincts were starting to take over. As much as life must suck for Sam right now, he didn't want him to lose sight of who he was.
If he hadn't already.
Dean sighed and booted up the laptop. He wasn't the world's greatest researcher, and he doubted there was much online about how to reverse the man-turned-mouse phenomenon, but he had to at least feel like he was doing something useful while he waited for Bobby to show. Watching Sam climb the bars of his cage was not useful.
In fact, it was downright traumatic. Dean did a double take and then quickly looked away when he was offered a clear view of the mouse's underside. "Dude, I don't wanna see that," he said, flicking the cage until Sam hopped down again. "It's too bad he didn't turn you into Mickey Mouse. At least he wore pants."
Dean shook his head and sighed. Still no reaction from Sam. He just started pacing the cage until attempting to climb the bars on the opposite side. Dean could have sworn he'd acted more human when he'd first been turned. He could only hope they weren't running out of time.
He spent the next two hours researching trickster lore and coming up totally empty, as he'd expected. After scouring the tenth site with nothing to show for it, he rubbed his eyes and looked at his watch. Bobby wouldn't be arriving for another four hours, at least.
This was officially turning into the longest day of his life.
What made it even longer was the strong, musky odour that was beginning to emanate from the cage.
"My God, you stink," Dean said, his nose wrinkling as he leaned towards the cage to find the source of the stench. "Please tell me you're not marking your territory in there. Because you know that would be ridiculous, right?"
Sam blinked up at him, sitting on his haunches and sniffing the air.
"Yeah, you can smell it," Dean said. "I know you can. It's disgusting. Cut it out."
Sam went back to pacing back and forth in the cage, seeming to grow more and more frantic with each turn.
Dean sighed. "I'm sorry, man," he said. "I'm being too hard on you, aren't I? I can't even imagine what it must be like being trapped in a rodent's body and stuck in some cage. You've gotta be goin' stir crazy in there." He paused for a moment. "You know, if it wouldn't seem so weird, I'd take you out and let you run around on me for a while," he said with a chuckle. "But yeah, that would be way too weird."
Sam just kept on pacing.
"Guess maybe I shoulda got one of those mouse wheels after all," Dean said regretfully. "Woulda given you something to do, at least. I just didn't want you getting too far into the whole mouse deal, you know? Figured maybe you could just... stay Sam for a while until we found a way to fix this. Then maybe I wouldn't have to feel so guilty." He swallowed hard as that thought sank in. "Because I do feel guilty," he continued. "This whole mess is my fault. I mean, if I hadn't been tormenting you about the clown thing, maybe none of this would have happened." He paused, and then shook his head and scoffed at himself. "Look at me, I'm sitting here baring my soul to a frikkin' mouse. No offense."
None appeared to be taken, as Sam just kept on pacing.
Dean slapped his thighs and rose to his feet. "Okay, I get the point," he said. "You always were kinda hyper. I'll get you a stupid wheel, alright? Will that make you feel better?"
He didn't bother waiting around for a response this time. He quickly grabbed his jacket and headed for the door. "I'll be back as fast as I can," he called over his shoulder.
As fast as he could turned out to be just under twenty minutes. It would have been less if the pet store guy hadn't given him the "I told you so" speech. Any other day, Dean might have kicked the guy's ass for it, but instead he just ignored him, bought the wheel, and headed back to the motel.
Part of him hoped he would discover that Sam had morphed back into himself while he was gone. No such luck. Mouse-Sam was still pacing the cage, looking full-on crazed now.
"Hey, I'm back," Dean said, trying to sound nonchalant yet soothing at the same time. "And I brought you something." He pulled the wheel out of the bag. "Huh? You like?"
Sam stopped pacing at the sound of Dean's voice and started to climb the bars of the cage again.
"Okay, alright, I've seen enough of that to last me a lifetime," Dean said, shielding his eyes from the Full Monty. "Let's get you set up here..."
It took him five minutes of fumbling with the stupid thing to get the wheel set up in the cage. Finally, he stood back in triumph and watched as Sam sniffed it warily and then climbed inside.
"Perfect fit," Dean said as Sam started to run. "I just hope to God you won't remember any of this when you're back to being you."
But really, he just hoped Sam would be Sam again.
Another hour passed. Dean snacked on candy bars and beer while he surfed a few more websites, looking for any info available on curses or spells for turning people into animals. He wasn't sure if any kind of black magic potions would work in Sam's situation, but he made note of a few to bounce off Bobby when he arrived. At least it was something.
He'd just left the room for a minute to take a leak when it happened. He heard a thud followed by a frightened squeak.
Dean ran back into the room, not sure of what he would find. Had Sam finally morphed back? Had he been climbing again and fallen?
As soon as he saw the cage, he realized what had happened. The wheel was lying in the middle of the cage, and Sam was nowhere to be seen.
"Sam?" Dean rushed over to the cage and started struggling with the door, but it wouldn't open. "Oh, God," he muttered under his breath. "He's squished." He pushed and pulled on the cage door some more, and swore when it still wouldn't open. "Hang on, Sammy," he said, attempting to lift the lid of the cage instead.
Then he heard a knock at the door.
"Thank God," Dean said, and then called out, "It's open!" Bobby couldn't have arrived at a better time.
"Here we go," Dean said as the top of the cage finally detached and he was able to reach inside. He lifted the wheel off the floor of the cage, freeing a very frightened mouse in the process. "You okay, Sammy?" he said, putting the lid back in place and attempting to check him over for injuries as the mouse scampered around the cage. "Sorry 'bout that, man. Must not have hooked the..."
"Dean?"
He froze. That was not Bobby's voice he heard coming from the doorway behind him.
In fact, it sounded like...
Dean spun around, almost knocking the mouse cage off the table in the process. "Sam?"
His brother stood before him, human as he'd ever been, a little disheveled but none the worse for wear, and staring at Dean like he'd grown another head.
"Dude, is that a mouse?"
Dean's mouth fell open, helpless to say a word as he looked back and forth between Sam and... not-Sam.
Sam stepped further into the room. "Dean? What the hell is going on?"
Dean scratched the top of his head, still confused but steadily feeling more and more stupid. "I, uh... I thought you, uh..."
Sam snorted and gestured to the cage. "You thought that was me?" he said, stifling a laugh.
"The trickster..."
"There was a trap door, Dean," Sam said, raising his arms in frustration. "I was under the stupid tent the whole time! Thanks for looking for me, by the way."
Dean's heart sank. He'd left his brother behind in favour of this frikkin' mouse? "But I..."
"Don't worry, I got myself out just fine," Sam said, a hint of a smirk entering his tone. "The missing kids, too. But hey, you... you go on playing with your little friend there. I'm taking a shower."
Dean finally got his voice back as Sam turned to walk towards the bathroom. "Wait, you found the kids?" he said. "They were there the whole time?"
"Yeah," Sam said, stopping at the bathroom doorway. "They were locked in cages down there. I don't know, it was almost like the trickster sent me down there just to get them out. I thought you'd still be on the grounds looking for me, but apparently you were too busy with your new pet."
"You could have called me," Dean said defensively.
"He took my cell phone!" Sam said, patting down his pockets as though to prove they were empty. "Took my keys, too. That's why I knocked. Who'd you think I was, anyway? You expecting somebody?"
Dean shrugged sheepishly. "Thought you were Bobby," he said.
Sam laughed. "You called Bobby?"
"Of course I called Bobby! I thought you'd been turned into that stupid..." He turned to the cage as he spoke, but stopped when he saw that it was empty. He was about to panic over having some random rodent loose in their room when he heard a familiar sound.
Laughter. More specifically, the trickster's laughter.
"Son of a..."
The trickster appeared in the far corner of the room, almost doubled over in gleeful laughter. "You should... have seen... your face!" he gasped out between guffaws. "You... you... you really thought... bwahahahahaaaaa!"
"That's it," Dean said, moving towards him. "You are so dead!"
Unfortunately, the trickster disappeared again, leaving only his laughter and a familiar taunt behind. "Better luck next time, boys!"
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox
"If you knew it was just a trick, why the hell didn't you tell me?"
Bobby shrugged, his attempt at keeping a straight face failing miserably. "I didn't know for sure, but this is a trickster we're talkin' about. I figured he was playin' some kinda prank, I just wanted to see for myself before you went tossin' the mouse out on the street."
"Yeah, 'cause you wanted to have a good chuckle over it first," Dean grumbled.
"There was that, too."
Dean rolled his eyes and headed for his car. "Right. Well, thanks for coming to my rescue," he said, his tone laced with sarcasm.
Bobby smirked. "My pleasure."
"Sam?" Dean called over his shoulder as he opened the driver's side door. "You coming or what?"
Sam emerged from their motel room, bag in hand, and closed the door behind him. He said his goodbyes to Bobby before stashing his bag in the trunk of the Impala and taking his usual place in the passenger seat.
Dean waited for Bobby to get in his car and drive off before he put the key in the ignition, but even then he didn't turn it. He knew what was coming, and he had himself braced for it.
When half a minute passed with no sound from Sam, Dean finally turned to look at him. "You gonna get this over with?" he said.
Sam's face was red from trying to hold his laughter inside, but he just shook his head and smiled. "I wasn't gonna say anything," he said.
Dean sighed and started the car.
"Eep."
Dean glared straight ahead at the windshield.
"Eep eep."
He turned his glare onto Sam. "You done?"
Sam grinned. "Eep?"
Dean rolled his eyes and stepped on the gas. He had a feeling this was going to be a very long drive.
The End