Written during a break from revision (yes, I am actually revising. It's for French, so if there are any errors it's 'cause I'm trying to juggle two sets of grammatical rules at once). Hence the reason I'm all but disappearing until school is over. Just a depressing little thing inspired by a line in a magazine article that caught my attention.
Disclaimer - Do I look like Andrew Lloyd Webber or TS Eliot?
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You look broken, Munkustrap. It hurts, you know, seeing you like this. More than seeing you actually getting hurt did. There was so much blood…
This isn't you, you should be outside strategising with Alonzo, not lying here like this. The bleeding's stopped, but Jellylorum says you've already lost too much. Lost too much of what, she didn't say. Blood, presumably, but I can't help thinking she knows… Please, Munku, don't let go, you've got to fight. Fight for me, because Heaviside knows I can't do it. I can't lose you. Not again…
Do you remember what happened last Ball? When Macavity came, you were right there beside me, keeping me safe, protecting me… All because you loved me. And then one stupid mistake on my part made you like this. I'm sorry, Munku, I'm so sorry…
He came for me, while you were out patrolling. I couldn't stop him, thought it'd do more damage to try than to just let him. I can't lie to you any more… I liked it, I started going to him, but I still loved you. I've always loved you. Forgive me. You found out and went after him, and now… Why did you have to go? Dammit, Munkustrap, why? If you'd just broken off our mateship I would have understood! I know I would…
You're supposed to be one of the cleverest cats in the tribe, why did you go? Why did you have to love me that much? I can't… I don't… Why?
Don't leave me… Please, hang on just a bit longer. I need to tell you…
I hated him, Munku, with all my heart, and I loved you with all of it as well. But no-one thinks you'll be protecting us again, they wonder why I'm talking to you, but you have to know how much you mean to me. Please, fight like you always have done… You can do it, I know you can…
I know you can beat this because you've just beaten Macavity. Isn't that what you've always wanted? You'd tell me so at night, all the time, whenever I had a nightmare. Please don't say you lied, I've done enough of that for both of us. And you'll never know how much I hate myself for it.
You went and killed him because you loved me so much, but look what it's done to you. I hate you as well. You were always so strong, but I broke you… You let me break you, and you let yourself go after him. You let yourself get hurt…
No-one will ever protect the tribe like you did. Granted, Macavity isn't around any more, but you didn't just protect us – you took care of us. No other Jellicle could ever live up to you. Keeping the tribe together through thick and thin, sorting out everyone's problems…
Perhaps you deserve this sleep? I don't know how much longer I could have gone on, if you hadn't found out and done something. You've always saved me, always kept me safe… Done much more for me than I could ever deserve…
It's okay, Munkustrap, you can sleep now, if you want. You don't have to stay for me.
I won't be crying because you've gone. I'll be smiling because I met you and fell in love with you. And not a single other Jellicle knows how it feels to have you in their lives the way I do. You've done so much, yet asked for so little.
Sleep, Munkustrap.
You've earned your angel wings tonight.
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There's nothing to beat those revision-shaped blues than slightly fluffy angst...