Lyrics are Sudden Oak Death by The Mountain Goats
Fall.
Lose a little feeling in my fingers, gain an edge of panic in my face.
Sasutobi Sasuke is a shadow. Barely human. But he is not just anyone's shadow. He is is Sanada Yukimura's shadow. He would follow his master to the ends of the earth because that was his duty. There is only two ways this story could. He's known about the tow possible endings since he became a shinobi. It is the same story for all of them—for Kasuga, for Kataro and now for Sasuke. Sasuke knows there are no happy endings for shinobi but he hopes with each pained breath, that maybe there will be one for Yukimura.
(-There's not so he would make this one as comfortable as possible. He just wants to see Yukimura smile one last time. Oh gods, he knows he's sinned but give him this.)
As a shinobi you are always ready to die and Sasuke is cold, so cold but winter hasn't even set in yet. He will either die for Yukimura — or become Yukimura. This is his duty and that is Kagemusha. Sasuke doesn't know which is worse, the idea of Yukimura going on without his protection or living on without Yukimura. Sasuke swallows, but he pushes on, past where the trees part.
"Sasuke. If I were to die—"
Sasuke's gut twists and he feels sick. "Don't talk like that, danna," he manages to keep his voice even but he's angry and cold. He doesn't want to think about it.
"You have to have thought about it before!" Yukimura is heated and desperate. He wants to know someone cares and someone knows what to do. Sasuke hurts.
Sasuke turns on him, reeling with pain and Yukimura doesn't even know how many nights Sasuke has laid awake thinking about this, thinking about how to break it to Yukimura that yes, oh gods, yes he's thought about it too much.
Sasuke nearly raises a hand to his master, "Of course I have! Don't be foolish." Sasuke doesn't want to have this conversation.
"Then what will you do."
Sasuke pauses, takes in Yukimura and decides he deserves to know. His face contorts and he has to take a deep breath. "A shinobi won't let their master die, Yukimura," his voice cracks and he uses his name, not a title, "I will die for you. No matter what."
It starts with retreat. The Sanada only had 40 men at the start, how many now, Sasuke could count himself. He reaches for Yukimura but holds himself back and lowers his head.
"Taichou. We must fall back." And its 'commander' now not 'master'. He must learn to treat him as a commander.
"This is the battle of Sekigahara, Sasuke! I won't!"
Sasuke grabs his arm, "You won't have any sympathy from me, taichou. We must—" and the desperation and fear slips into his voice like a shadow around his throat, squeezing, "We will retreat."
Yukimura swallows. Yukimura reaches for his flaregun but the Sanada only had 40 men at the start, he realizes. They don't need it. They cannot afford to raise too much attention. They are leaving in the middle of a war. He raises his voice instead.
"Men! Brave Takeda and Brave Sanada! Retreat! Live to fight another day!" Yukimura grabs his necklace. He's always ready to die. Always ready to pay the fee to the afterlife. He spits and Sasuke tugs him towards his horse.
"Live to fight another day," Sasuke repeats and they would.
Winter.
Search for some sign to tell me just how long I've been here; Overturn the place.
Sekigahara ends and Ieyasu wins but Sanada Yukimura defends Ueda Castle against any and all attacks. Sasuke is at his general's side and sometimes, when wave after wave throws themselves at their doors, Yukimura reaches out for Sasuke. Sasuke, who had just returned from a scouting mission, takes Yukimura's hand into his own, squeezing his fingers. Yukimura can sense Sasuke in a way he should not be able to and maybe that speaks for their closeness.
"They are becoming exhausted, taichou. What after they pull back from our walls?"
Yukimura looks up and the sound of war is what eases him to sleep at night. He isn't quite sure what he would do without it. And so Yukimura isn't quite sure if he wishes to return home. After all, Yukimura, although once known as one of the best warriors of Japan, he is now just a coward and a straggler of the Western Army. He shouldn't be alive and he shouldn't be allowed to let live. Yet, Yukimura, the Tiger of Kai, is loyal to the very last and the very last is Hideyori.
"You're always there for me, Sasuke, but will you stop me when I say we march to Osaka."
"I am your shadow, taichou. I will follow you."
"And if you are to be injured and I cannot find you?"
"If I am missing, meet me where the trees part. I am simply resting."
And Yukimura knows the place. It is a place that is dear to the two of them. Where they often found each other. He marks it on his map and they prepare for the Winter Siege. Sasuke, with is chin placed on Yukimura's shoulder, helps plan the strategies. He draws lines and circles with his clawed gauntlet. This is how it has always been and this is how it will continue.
Osaka Castle is cold and it's not just the endless white snow that blinds them and their enemies. There is a feeling of dread there and Sasuke knows this is where it will end. What ending he will choose, Sasuke doesn't know, but Sasuke does know he will follow Yukimura until the end.
Sasuke hates the cold and he shivers but he is more worried about the tired look in Yukimura's eyes as the time passes. They repel Ieyasu's attacks but with each snowfall, Sasuke's bones ache. Yukimura, though, is burning up. The snow seems to melt around him. Sasuke is tried but he will push on, for Yukimura. There is no longer any 'For the Takeda' or 'For the Sanada', no, this is for Yukimura. They have a small fort set up in the corner of Osaka Castle and they defend it with their lives. Against all odds, they keep the new Shogun pushed back but Yukimura has never been one to follow numbers or odds. At night, when the snow falls silently, Sasuke can't help but think about Kenshin and Kasuga. Sasuke hates the cold.
Kasuga fell a long time ago, he thinks, and Kotaro too. Sasuke is alone with Yukimura.
"Do you have any regrets, taichou?" Sasuke asks one night as he sits near the fire to warm his fingers. He is scrapping rust from the soldiers weapons and he had heard Yukimura wander in behind him.
"My only regret is that I did not realize sooner that it is you, not Masamune, who is eternal."
And Yukimura leans heavily against Sasuke's back, tried. They cannot hold out forever.
Spring.
Feels like each time my efforts fail, the whole hillsides disapprove.
They cannot hold out forever and so, with Ieyasu distracted with trying to negotiate peace, Sasuke demands Yukimura to order him to infiltrate the enemy ranks. Sasuke is a shadow and he will do this. Yukimura is hesitant to let him go, but finally, finally when word comes that most of the other Sanada Ninja Corps have fallen, Yukimura lets Sasuke go. Their fingers untangle and Sasuke promises he will be back.
"And if you are not?"
"Find me where the trees part."
Yukimura looks down at his worn and tattered map.
Each Shinobi under Yukimura fought for him not because they had to, but because they believed in him. Sasuke knew each one and he knew each bloodstain as he passed them. His feet did not leave any footprints. Sasuke was a shadow. He moves silently under the cover of night and he will kill Ieyasu. He did not tell Yukimura that this was his plan but they cannot hold out forever.
He would bring this siege to and end. For Yukimura.
But the cold makes Sasuke sloppy and when the sound of the animal trap echoes around him, Sasuke curses himself. He keeps the wail of pain to himself but his vision blurs and he nearly passes out. But he was trained better than that. He tries to pry open the trap, cutting his hands and there is so much blood. Sasuke hears footsteps.
"You are the Sanada Shinobi are you not?" Ieyasu asks and he flexes his fingers. He does not move to attack but he is older too and he wants, needs, this war to be over once and for all.
"I won't allow you to take me alive," Sasuke snarls and he's an animal in a trap. A shadow with the light just behind him and nothing holding him down to earth.
"Do you have an escape plan then, Shinobi?" And Ieyasu has grown bitter from cold too.
Sasuke spits blood at him, his shuriken pressed to his own ankle. Sarutobi Sasuke does not die that day but he leaves a trail of blood in the snow to the place where the trees part. He falls there, makes his a hole in the leftover snow and sets a fire. Sasuke sleeps then and it's so so cold.
"Sasuke? Sasuke!"
He feels warmth and then its arms around him pulling him close, rocking him.
"Danna..." He reaches, touching and bring Yukimura's necklace to his lips. He is not ready to die yet.
And it's not commander, it's master.
Summer.
Feel like a man whose veins have frozen overnight; lying there trying to move...
Getting used to the fake foot takes time and time is not something Sasuke has but he does it. He is not as silent or graceful but he makes do. The winter snow melts and Yukimura is so tried. Sasuke's bones ache but he pushes forward. It will all be over soon, it had to be. Yukimura clings to Sasuke at night as the air becomes hot. Yukimura has thawed the winter and brought the summer.
They would win this, Sasuke thinks, they had to. After this, nothing would be the same but there would peace. But what is the use of a shinobi in a time of peace; what is the use of a shadow when the sun is blazing right above you and the your shadow is so small and weak underneath. Sasuke hates himself but Sasuke's duty is not done.
On some nights, Yukimura leans over Sasuke's bandaged ankle and kisses it.
"What use am I to you broken?" Sasuke begs to know the answer.
"You are not broken, Sasuke. You are all I have left," Yukimura responds and that is why Sasuke presses on.
Yukimura plans for everything. Sasuke has watched him grow into a master tactician and his heart swells with pride. He sees Shingen in Yukimura and Yukimura is truly worthy of the title Tiger of Kai. But even tigers get tired and even tigers must rest. Sasuke covers up Yukimura's weak spots and they have broken the winter. It is summer now and they can taste the end. Yukimura hopes it soon because he is so so tired. They have been at war for so long. He just wants to sleep and Sasuke tries to hold him, fingers coxing his master to keep pushing. But Sasuke is still only mortal.
They never anticipated the Date Army to join the Siege.
And one last fight, one last duel. Sanada Yukimura charges in to face his rival. He is not tried and his face is lit up with warpaint. He fights with a vigor no one had seen from him in a year, and when he spins on his spears, he fights like he is young again. He fights like a monkey.
When Masamune raises his blades, he sees, then, the false foot.
And from across the battlefield Sasuke, so very weak and tired in his tent, hears the chant:
"I am Sanada Yukimura, no doubt an adversary quite worthy of you, but I am exhausted and can fight no longer. Go on, take my head as your trophy."
Sasuke closes his eyes as Masamune lowers his blades against Yukimura. Sasuke sleeps and the sound of a wooden foot hitting the ground sounds as Yukimura falls. Both are so tried.
Masamune kneels to examine Yukimura's false foot but when he gets close to the body, the illusion fades. There is a smirk on Sasuke's face, dying with smeared blood and smeared facepaint. Masamune will not be the one to take Yukimura from him.
And across the battlefield, Yukimura dies in his sleep in his tent, peacefully. The sounds of war die off.
In another life, another time, Sanada Yukimura and Sarutobi Sasuke meet each other where the trees part.