Authoress: Karai

Editor: Chemical Connection

--: Still Alive:--

12 o'clock and still no sign of any sleep…or Shuichi. Shuichi had gone to a concert, and he had said it might be late before he returned, and somehow, whenever Shuichi was gone, and came back late, Yuki couldn't get any sleep until Shuichi came home, and he knew 'his' brat was safe.

Of course, he didn't want Shuichi to find out about it, so he always acted like he was asleep, when he was positive Shuichi was coming in. Until Shuichi was asleep; Yuki acted like he was sleeping, before really drifting off into dreamland.

These are those days, when I can get no sleep
I'm so tired I'd like to fall into sleep
I fall in my bed
But still I'm awake

Yuki still thanked Kami-sama every day for giving his brat to him… First, he didn't know how he was going to cope with Shuichi's presence, because it made him remember his past, but now, he can't even imagine a life without Shuichi.

Yuki sighed, giving up trying to fall asleep, he should have given it up in the first place, and he knows himself that he can't sleep anymore when the brat is around. "Great, just great… I have a deadline, and I need my sleep for that, else I'll just write enormous crap, or can't concentrate at all… Oh, what the hell is wrong with me, when that brat wasn't in my life, I could just sleep without needing anyone to be in my arms, why can't I do that now?" this question of himself, made Yuki wonder about his feelings for Shuichi, did he really love him?

These questions in my mind are so much bigger than life
But my life is short and I have to leave them behind
I have to try to forget
That I am still in my bed

In my deepest fears I'm losing you
Even if somebody tried to stop my heart
I'm still alive I will never give up

Yuki walked to the living room, and crashed on the couch, he was so tired, and still sleep would not hit him. It felt just like he was in a desert, being very thirsty, but nowhere was there any water to drink, he needed it so much, but his worried mind kept avoiding him from falling into the paradise of rest.

Just turn off the lights
Don't wanna see me die
I look like I'm dead
But when you look at me
I am still alive
Just open your eyes
Don't wanna see me cry
I'm right here where you want me to be
Fighting with myself

Yuki was so tired, and felt so powerless, it felt just the same like the day he had killed Kitazawa. The night after; He was lying in his bed, and he couldn't think of anything else then the moment when he pulled the trigger. A loud bang, and after that, all he saw was red; red, red, red. Nothing else, just the dark red colour of blood, Kitazawa's blood.

All I need to feel is your breath on my skin
This endless longing between you and me
We can't give up now
We're gonna make it somehow

The remembrance of that night, the night that had changed his life, made Yuki shiver. That was the last thing he wanted to think about when the brat was gone. 'I have to do something…' Yuki thought, knowing he had to distract himself to stop himself going totally crazy. But his body was too tired, and too done in to get up, his limbs didn't react anymore. No part of him did.

This made Yuki feel awkward, he didn't like it when he felt powerless; it made him feel so small. But no matter how hard he tried, his arms and legs stayed on the same spot, not moving even an inch.

Yuki felt a cold breeze flowing over his body, before he noticed that the window was open, and he didn't have any robe on. 'Great, just fucking great…' Yuki thought, before some sort of strange sleep crept higher through his body, just before it swallowed him, he knew what was happening: he was fainting.

In my sweetest dreams I'm with you
Even if somebody tried to stop my heart
I'm still alive I will never give up

Just open your eyes
Don't wanna see me cry
I'm right here where you want me to be
fighting with myself, with myself

"Yuki, I'm home!" Shuichi yelled, when he came in at half past 1. 'He's probably asleep.' Shuichi thought, when he didn't hear any answer like 'Okairi', or 'damn'. He walked into the living room, when he noticed the window was still open. "That's strange; Yuki always closes the window before going to sleep."

Shuichi walked on where he saw Yuki lying on the cough, without a robe on, "Yuki are you nuts! You'll get a cold if you sleep here, especially without a robe!" He yelled, as he rushed over to his blond-haired lover. Shuichi placed a hand on Yuki's forehead; it was hot. "Oh, no, Yuki! Yuki wake up! Come on Yuki, wake up for me…" He said, slapping Yuki lightly in the face.

No effect.

"Oh no, he must have caught a fever, a cold, something.…" Shuichi said, trying to lift Yuki up, onto his shoulders, which after a few minutes did actually work. He walked to the bedroom, with Yuki draped over his shoulder, before gently letting Yuki fall on the bed, and tucking him in under 2 blankets.

"Shuichi?..." Yuki asked weakly, opening his eyes slowly.

"Hey, there we are again…" Shuichi said, kneeling down next to his lover while stroking his face, "You caught quite a fever there Yuki." He said, smiling towards the blonde.

"I… couldn't sleep…" Yuki admitted honestly, if it was the time to show Shuichi how he felt, it was now, Yuki thought, still in the throws of his sickness.

"Why not? You never had any troubles with that before, have you?" Shuichi asked puzzled.

"Actually, yes, I have, I never slept till you were home after all your concerts, I was just acting, I can't sleep without knowing you're with me." Yuki said weakly, feeling that he was starting to fall asleep. "Shuichi… Daiisuki (1)." Yuki said, before finally falling asleep.

Shuichi smiled, as soon as the words had found registration.

"I love you too." He said, kissing Yuki on the temple.

Won't you open your eyes
Don't wanna see me cry
I'm right here where you want me to be
fighting with myself
I'm right here where you want me to be
fighting with myself
I'm right here where you want me to be
fighting with myself, with myself.
Ooh, I look like I'm dead
but when you look at me
I'm still alive

A/N: Well that was it; this songfic has been bothering my mind for ages, till I really thought I should write it down, so here it is. Now, I have something else to tell you. I want to make a deal with you guys, if I can get 20 reviews, I'll push myself to write another story like Yuki's Sickness aka Lemon. If you don't, I just won't, and will hang around like a lazy toad while doing whatever I want, so it's your choice... Ain't I nice?

1 – I've checked it up in a dictionary, and watched loads of animes, so for as far I know, it means I love you.

Song:

Band: Negative
Song: Still Alive