It's A Simple Little Book

by AlarataraWitchIce

Cybertronians have certain rules, depending on which side you're on. Read as the Autobots discover their rules. Be amused at their reactions to some rules that they don't particularly like...oneshot. T for light lang.

1. The Autobot's Rules

A/N: This is a total comedy FanFic…and it goes against to many rules! But I had to post this! I just love it!

So these are the rules that every Autobot must follow, and there is commentary from the team in between the lines…

~M.M.

It's A Simple Little Book…

Rule No. 1: Using canons against other Autobots is strictly forbidden. (Commanding officer may or may not allow certain Autobots to have immunity from this rule)

~* "C'mon, Optimus!" Ironhide pleads desperately, "Skids and Mudflap are annoying the hell out of me!"

"Ironhide, at least attempt to control yourself." Optimus says, and continues to read the rules. *~

Rule No. 2: Any creature lesser than yourself shall not be eliminated simply because of offensive acts. (No exceptions)

~* Sideswipe looks at Frenzy.

"Damn it." Sideswipe says, and lowers his foot which had been prepared to stomp Frenzy into oblivion. *~

Rule No. 3: Intentionally causing your comrades to rust can and will be punished by the commanding officer in a way that he/she sees fit.

~* Note to self, thought Sam Witwicky, keep Mojo away from Ironhide. *~

Rule No. 4: Engaging Decepticons in combat (or offlining them) without first suggesting a diplomatic solution could result in immediate exile. (Commanding officer may or may not change this punishment)

~* Bumblebee looked down nervously.

"'Bee?" Jazz asked sternly, "Did you do something bad?"

"I fought Barricade…once…"

"Bumblebee!" Optimus scolded harshly. "Go sit in the corner!"

"But it was to protect Sam and-"

"In. The. Corner." Optimus pointed to a huge steel stool in the back corner. *~

Rule No. 5: Any and all rules and regulations must be followed.

~* "Shouldn't that have been the first rule?" Ratchet asked. Everyone turned to him.

"What do you mean?" Acree looked at him.

"Well, the book of rules is kind of self-explanatory; we're supposed to follow the rules. It shouldn't even be a rule." Ratchet began to chuckle. "What kind of an idiot made that a rule?"

"That idiot would be me." I say, and the Autobots begin to cower in fear. "Yes, my dear Transformers, be afraid. For I am," I flourish my cape for dramatic effect, "THE AUTHOR!"

The Autobots look at me, terrified, and in awe.

"Read on, Autobots!" *~

Rule No. 6: The Commanding Officer is law. Any additional rules that he/she decrees will be followed like the rules in this book. (The Commanding Officer must also be treated with the amount of respect that he/she sees fit)

~* "So," Optimus says, "who was it that started calling me Boss-Bot?"

The Autobots and the humans that worked with them all shared a look. *~

Rule No. 7: All male Autobots must behave appropriately towards all femmes, and shall not harm, insult, or abuse them.

~* Chromia, Acree, and Flareup all laughed, and shook their heads. Mikaela grinned and motioned for Optimus to keep on reading. *~

Rule No. 8: The Author of this FanFiction will be held in a higher respect than the Commanding Officer and treated as a dictator.

~* I blew on the ink to make it dry faster. I was surprised that the Autobots didn't notice. I turn around and wink at the readers.

"Hope you enjoyed the rules. Let me know if I should go on and make the Decepticon rules, too!" *~