Author: Lioness Black
Pairing/Characters: Roger/Mimi, Mark/Roger
Rating: PG13
Genre: Humor
Summary: Mimi wants the story after finding Mark and Roger in bed together.
Notes: This is what I get for writing after watching Studio 60. Written for rentchallenge on livejournal.
Disclaimer: Not mine, just good fun.
"I can explain!" Roger said, running out into the living room, pulling up his pants as he did.
"No, I think I've got this one figured out! I don't need an explanation!" Mimi said, striding toward the door.
"No, I don't think you do! I can really explain!"
"It's my fault," Mark said from the doorway.
"I'm just going to go, and let you guys finished whatever you're doing. You guys go for it," Mimi said.
"Mimi!" Roger pleaded. "It's my fault."
"It's my fault," Mark said again.
"No, it's not. I was drunk."
"I took advantage of him."
"I don't care- Mark, please put some pants on!" Mimi said. "I can't have this fight with you naked!"
"You can't have this fight with Roger with me naked. But you can have this fight with me naked." Mark paused. "Me being naked, not you, or us, being naked."
"It doesn't matter who's naked!" Roger said. "This is my fault, and-"
"Why were you drunk?" Mimi asked, her voice suddenly lowered. She looked at Roger.
Roger's shoulders hunched and he made a waving motion with his wrist. "It's... well, it's kind of a long story."
"It's not a long story," Mark said.
"It is. It's a long story."
"Roger was drinking Cosmopolitans."
"Why are you telling people that?"
"Because it's true?"
"It's not true!"
"And I'm not telling 'people'. I told Mimi. You wanted to explain. I'm explaining."
Mimi looked surprised. "This gay sex thing is becoming clearer and clearer."
"It's not like that," Roger said, leaning toward Mimi. "I wasn't drinking girly drinks."
"They weren't girly," Mark said. "You said they were the color of blood. And that was hot."
"It wasn't... I said that?"
"After like your sixth."
"Wait," Mimi said. "Roger thought blood drinks were hot or you thought Roger saying the drinks were like blood was hot?"
"Both, I think," Mark replied.
"Mark, could you put some pants on?" Roger asked. "And shut up?"
"No, I will not put on pants! I'm going to explain how I took advantage of you!" Mark looked at Mimi. "Don't listen to him. This is my fault."
Mimi ignored him. She was looking at Roger. "Why were you drunk?"
Roger grimaced. "It's a long story-"
"A long story that drove you to drink the flamingest girly drink ever, and sleep with Mark. I think I'd like to hear the story."
"Okay, you know the saying 'beer before liquor, you get sick quicker; liquor before beer, you're in the clear'?"
Mimi stared at him. "Yes."
"I was testing it. Well, I wasn't testing it, I was drinking and I thought that I'd test it. It was one of those drunk good ideas."
"A drunk... good idea."
"Yes."
"Roger, that's not the beginning of a story! That's still the middle of the story! I'm hearing the middle of this story. I'd like to hear the beginning!"
"The beginning of the story is, I got him drunk, took advantage of his condition, and slept with him!" Mark said.
"That's still the middle!" Mimi threw her arms into the air. "The beginning! Why did you decide to get drunk?"
"I didn't decide to get drunk," Roger said. "It's just something that happens."
"Fuck this! I don't want your explanation! I don't care! Screw Mark all you want!" Mimi turned and went to the door.
"Look at my penis!" Mark said, jumping in the air.
Roger turned and looked. Mimi stopped and also looked.
"That worked," he said under his breath, sounding surprised. "Look, Mimi. The fact is... I got Roger drunk. I took him out for the purposes of getting drunk so I could have sex with him."
"That's not a long story," Mimi said.
"Because there's more," Roger said. "I mean, that's not the story! Mark's covering for me."
"I'm not covering for anyone!" Mark said.
"That's obvious by your PENIS IN MY FACE!" Mimi shook her hands in the direction of Mark's crotch.
"I also had a blended drink," Roger said.
Mimi looked at him. "What?"
"I... had a blended drink."
"No, I heard you- why are you- you had a blended drink? What?"
"It had a pineapple wedge on the rim."
Mark leaned toward Roger. "I wasn't going to bring up the blended drink, man."
"Why do we keep saying 'blended drink'?" Mimi asked.
"I'd never had a blended drink before," Roger said.
"Isn't there a better name for this than 'blended drink'?"
Mark shook his head. "It wasn't really-"
"Mark, shut up or put on some pants," Mimi said.
Mark closed his mouth.
"I wanted to try one. You know, you can't really drink something pink and fruity when you're in a band. Mimi, I don't like beer."
There was a silence in the room.
"You don't like beer," Mimi repeated after the resounding silence.
"No, I don't," Roger said. "I've been drinking beer for the image. I don't like beer."
"O...kay."
"I'm not in a band. I don't even have a lot of image left. So, I decided to drink something else. I ordered a blended drink-"
"Stop calling it that!"
"It was a strawberry thing! It had ice and rum and they put it in a blender! What else am I supposed to call it? They blended it!"
"It's a daiquiri, you dumbass!"
Roger sighed. "I... wanted one. I drank it and it was good. You couldn't even taste the alcohol! It just tasted like fruit!"
"You got drunk. On daiquiris and Cosmos. And then proceeded to have sex with your male best friend." Mimi stared at him. "Roger, do you think it's possible that you're gay?"
"No!"
"No?"
"No?" Mark asked.
"Well..." Roger shrugged. "Maybe. A little. Bi!"
"Doesn't anyone care that I knew he was drunk and proceeded to have sex with him anyway?" Mark asked. "I'm a horrible friend! You should all be pissed at me!"
"It would all be forgiven if you'd put on some pants," Mimi said.
"I really didn't mind," Roger said. "I mean... if you're into that."
"I'd say that you are."
"That's not really the point, Mimi."
She crossed her arms over her chest. "What is the point, Roger? We've been going around in circles. What is the point of all of this?"
"The point is... I love you, Mimi, I don't like beer, and I enjoyed sucking off Mark."
"I kinda liked that last part too," Mark said.
Roger stepped forward and took one of Mimi's hands in his. "Where does that leave us?"
She looked up at him seriously. "Roger, 'liquor before beer, and you're in the clear' doesn't really mean you're in the clear if you drink enough to black out."
"I didn't black out."
"But you get what I'm saying?"
"It's crazy! I was fine and then WHAM! I was trashed."
Mimi actually smiled. "I don't know where this leaves us. I think... we should just step back. Maybe you should work this out on your own. Or with Mark."
"With Mark," Mark echoed.
"Obviously, there's something there."
"I don't want to work this out. I want to be with you and drink pink things," Roger said.
"I guess... I mean, maybe I could be okay with that." Mimi's smile grew.
"Are you shitting me?" Mark asked. "Are you fucking shitting me? I'm getting the shaft again? And don't make gay sex shaft puns at me! You get drunk, we finally have sex, something I've been wanting to do since the day I met you, and you even admit to liking it, and I'm still getting nothing? I'm just some kind of gay science drunk monkey!"
Roger blinked. "I was with you until the gay monkey."
"Be with me! Be with me! I've wanted you since day one! And my day one was long before Mimi's! I didn't try to get you drunk, but I figured what the hell. You were drinking Comos for god's sake! I never get anything I want! And all I've ever wanted is you!"
"...Mark... I..." Roger looked from Mark to Mimi, and back to Mark. "Why were you trying to cover for me?"
"I wasn't really. As long as I was naked, I thought I'd be a constant reminder that you cheated on Mimi, no matter what I said, and... now I'm just the stupid, naked guy. I'm going to go... put on some pants." Mark turned around and went into his room. He closed the door. The lock clicked.
"Mark," Roger said, moving toward the door, but Mimi kept a hold on his hand.
"Just... give him some time," she said.
Roger looked at Mimi. "I didn't know. I had no idea he... he's just... always been there for me. I've never been for him the way he's been there for me. He's... been my life. He's the walls to my ceiling."
"If... that's it, and life is a series of rooms, then who we get stuck in those rooms with adds up to what our lives are," Mimi said.
"Did..." Roger swallowed. "Did Mark just leave my metaphoric room?"