Final Fantasy VII Gone Wrong
Written by Sapphire
(I do not, never have, and probably never will own any of the characters portrayed in this sequence of scenes from Final Fantasy VII. But you never know...)
Starring:
Cloud Strife
Tifa Lockheart
Aeris Gainsborough
Barret Wallace
Cid Highwind
Sephiroth
With Special Guest Stars:
Mulder and Scully
And so it begins...
*******************
(In the Whirlwind Maze)
Tifa: Cloud, what's going on?
Cloud: Don't worry, it's just another one of Sephiroth's illusions.
Tifa: This is Nibelheim. Five years ago.
(Later)
Sephiroth: So, "Cloud", you actually think that you're real?
Cloud: You can't trick me.
Sephiroth: You are actually a chunk of data read from a spinning disk via laser, and your life is a set sequence of events controlled mostly by a group of people called "game players" and displayed on a screen for their amusement.
Cloud: Huh?
*******************
(Aeris tells Cloud her true feelings at the Ancient's City)
Aeris: Cloud.
Cloud: Yes?
Aeris: I just want you to know that I.
Cloud: What?
Aeris: Nothing.
Cloud: What were you going to say?
Aeris: I feel that there is a special bond between us. The kind that can only be broken by an insane man controlled by the Jenova cells inside him leaping down from above and sticking a sword through my stomach and arghhh...
Sephiroth: Sorry, did I come at a bad time?
*******************
(Aboard the rocket)
Cid: Space. The final frontier. These are the voyages of the Shinra 26, on it's continuing mission to explore strange new worlds, to seek out new life and new civilization, to boldly go where no man has gone be.
Cloud: Shut up and get in the escape pod!
Shera: What a weirdo.
********************
(In the Shinra Mansion basement)
Tifa: So this is where Hojo and Dr. Gast did their Jenova experiments?
Cloud: Yes.
(The door bursts open and two familiar FBI agents burst in)
Mulder: (Points at the glass tubes) See Scully! This is conclusive evidence of a government conspiracy to create alien-human hybrids!
Scully: Mulder, why have our hands become pyramid-shaped polygons? You're looking rather... pixelated.
*********************
(During Aeris' capture at the pillar)
Aeris: Don't worry Tifa, she's in a safe place!
Tifa: Where?
Aeris: I put Marlene at the base of this pillar, that's okay, right?
Tifa: ARGGHHH!!!!
Aeris: I'll take that as a no.
*********************
(During the first Mako Reactor assault)
Cloud: Why are we doing this again? It seems pretty dangerous.
Barret: Because explosions are pretty! And I like to see things burn, yes, BURN!!! HAHAHAHAHAH!!! Uh, I mean. To save the planet from that @&%!ed-up Shinra Inc. Yeah. That's right.
Cloud: That's what I thought.
Barret: Just do what you're told.
*********************
(At the Ancient City)
Aeris: (Blinks)
(Sephiroth leaps down and impales the helpless Aeris)
Cloud: Gasp!
Barret: Oh my god! You killed Aeris!
Tifa: You bastard!
Author: Sorry, I just had to put that in there, ya know? It's stupid, but an obvious thing for a parody.
**********************
There you have it! The best humor my brain can provide. If this is received favorably I will write a second chapter.
Written by Sapphire
(I do not, never have, and probably never will own any of the characters portrayed in this sequence of scenes from Final Fantasy VII. But you never know...)
Starring:
Cloud Strife
Tifa Lockheart
Aeris Gainsborough
Barret Wallace
Cid Highwind
Sephiroth
With Special Guest Stars:
Mulder and Scully
And so it begins...
*******************
(In the Whirlwind Maze)
Tifa: Cloud, what's going on?
Cloud: Don't worry, it's just another one of Sephiroth's illusions.
Tifa: This is Nibelheim. Five years ago.
(Later)
Sephiroth: So, "Cloud", you actually think that you're real?
Cloud: You can't trick me.
Sephiroth: You are actually a chunk of data read from a spinning disk via laser, and your life is a set sequence of events controlled mostly by a group of people called "game players" and displayed on a screen for their amusement.
Cloud: Huh?
*******************
(Aeris tells Cloud her true feelings at the Ancient's City)
Aeris: Cloud.
Cloud: Yes?
Aeris: I just want you to know that I.
Cloud: What?
Aeris: Nothing.
Cloud: What were you going to say?
Aeris: I feel that there is a special bond between us. The kind that can only be broken by an insane man controlled by the Jenova cells inside him leaping down from above and sticking a sword through my stomach and arghhh...
Sephiroth: Sorry, did I come at a bad time?
*******************
(Aboard the rocket)
Cid: Space. The final frontier. These are the voyages of the Shinra 26, on it's continuing mission to explore strange new worlds, to seek out new life and new civilization, to boldly go where no man has gone be.
Cloud: Shut up and get in the escape pod!
Shera: What a weirdo.
********************
(In the Shinra Mansion basement)
Tifa: So this is where Hojo and Dr. Gast did their Jenova experiments?
Cloud: Yes.
(The door bursts open and two familiar FBI agents burst in)
Mulder: (Points at the glass tubes) See Scully! This is conclusive evidence of a government conspiracy to create alien-human hybrids!
Scully: Mulder, why have our hands become pyramid-shaped polygons? You're looking rather... pixelated.
*********************
(During Aeris' capture at the pillar)
Aeris: Don't worry Tifa, she's in a safe place!
Tifa: Where?
Aeris: I put Marlene at the base of this pillar, that's okay, right?
Tifa: ARGGHHH!!!!
Aeris: I'll take that as a no.
*********************
(During the first Mako Reactor assault)
Cloud: Why are we doing this again? It seems pretty dangerous.
Barret: Because explosions are pretty! And I like to see things burn, yes, BURN!!! HAHAHAHAHAH!!! Uh, I mean. To save the planet from that @&%!ed-up Shinra Inc. Yeah. That's right.
Cloud: That's what I thought.
Barret: Just do what you're told.
*********************
(At the Ancient City)
Aeris: (Blinks)
(Sephiroth leaps down and impales the helpless Aeris)
Cloud: Gasp!
Barret: Oh my god! You killed Aeris!
Tifa: You bastard!
Author: Sorry, I just had to put that in there, ya know? It's stupid, but an obvious thing for a parody.
**********************
There you have it! The best humor my brain can provide. If this is received favorably I will write a second chapter.