What Might Have Been
The beginning of a new day. Like so many I have seen before. Yet, somehow, this one is so different. Perhaps my dreams will finally be fulfilled, the revenge that I have planned all these years will be mine. But I look out of my tent, and see that sunrise. Laughing, mocking me with its brightness. Knowing that my life has been nothing but darkness. Hatred. Pain. But no, there has been that one spark of happiness.
Soi.
To forget her would be foolishness. I do love her. Indeed, I do not show it. But that does not mean it is not there. She was there, no matter what happened. It would have been a tragedy not to have met her. But what might have happened is still a question to be answered. What if I was not a Seiryuu seishi. But simply Gi Ayuru, that frightened, poor little boy. Who had no one to turn to, no one to cry to. Knowing that he caused his own mother's death. Through his seishi powers. Being a Seiryuu seishi is a pride? An advantage? Such a curse should have never been inflicted on anyone.
The person whom I hate the most is the one who I have to serve. All he cared about was himself and whether he had enough girls to satisfy him. And boys. I still see them, dragged to him, his fisheyes goggling at them. Them begging, pleading, some even younger than I was. Afraid, terrified, praying to Seiryuu. The irony. And of course, I keep my face straight, and pretend nothing has happened. A shogun of Kutou does not reveal his real feelings. But as I sit here, I know that within, even though he has stopped, he still enjoys staring at me, and knowing somewhere in my mind, I am repulsed. I loathe him, hate him, but am unable to do anything to him. And most of all, I remember. Everything. He loves my pain. Knowing that he tortures me still. I will kill him. My duty as Seiryuu seishi is almost over. He will understand the tears finally.
My tribe is gone because of him. My friends are gone because of him. Because of his soldiers. Because of his commands. Taria; you will be avenged. His cruelty will be repaid in full.
But then my satisfaction wavers. I keep thinking of what that Suzaku seishi asked. Why am I fighting for them? The reason is simple. Yui is just a pawn; I will use her wish. Then when I am a god, I will be able to take revenge for all my people. All those who jeered and sneered, spat and laughed when we cried, refused to grant us help. Did Konan help? No. Did Hokkan help? No. Did Sairo help? No. Therefore, they will all perish. All of them need to know how it feels to have their relatives, their friends, everyone who they knew snatched from them. They will cry, and no one will hear them. They will understand.
I will make them.
The Seiryuu no Miko has used her first wish; the Suzaku seishi have lost their powers. We will fight them today, and we will win. But… what's this? Something tells me not to go… that my ideas will never work. That I should give up and try to redeem myself, while I still can.
No. I have already stepped over the boundaries. There is no turning back. The Gi Ayuru who might have been has been destroyed. He will never return.
It is time for Seiryuu shichiseishi Nakago to come in.