The characters of Twilight are owned by Stephanie Meyer, not me. Also, the song "Gravity" was not written by me. It is a song by Sara Bareilles. It inspired me to write this. I hope you enjoy it.
Gravity
EPOV
I had been searching for Bella for two years now. Just when I thought I had gotten close to her, she would slip through my reach, time and time again.
When I left Forks I had asked Alice not to look for Bella's future in her visions, I just couldn't take it. After being apart from her for eight months, I had become only a shell of a person, if that is what I am. I left Bella because I thought it was what was best for her, to keep her safe. I had no idea that I could never survive without her. She was my only reason for existence and when Alice called me frantically that day in May, I couldn't ignore it any longer.
Bella was being purposefully reckless, with no qualms about her safety at all. When she had made the decision to leave Forks, Alice had seen it immediately in her visions and called me. I had to find her. The thought of her being alone was too much for me to bear and I had to admit... I couldn't be without her, not anymore. It was more out of my selfishness than my fear for her safety that drove me back to Forks, to begin my search for her.
Charlie was furious when I showed up at his doorstep. His thoughts of hatred and contempt were practically screaming at me and I could barely begin to apologize for what I saw of Bella in his mind. The moment he opened the door, visions of Bella throughout the time I had been gone swept through his mind and I saw everything I had done to her. I saw her being carried in a stranger's arms barely conscious, wearing the same clothes I had left her in. It was dark and she was wet and cold. Had she wondered into the forest and gotten lost after I had left? Had I nearly killed her merely hours after I had left to save her from my life? I heard her slight whimpering voice repeatedly say "he's gone" time and time again. As the days wore on she looked nearly catatonic, refusing to eat or leave her room. Then there were visions of her going about her daily routine looking almost like a zombie, keeping up appearances, but literally clutching her chest as if to hold it together when she thought he wasn't looking.
Was this what I had done to her? What kind of existence had I condemned her to by trying to save her? She looked just like....me. I should have listened to her when she said we couldn't ever be apart. This slip of a girl was so much smarter than I. Bella had always known that we couldn't survive without the other. Not for long anyway. And now she was gone. She had done her duty and finished high school, but she had taken her savings and ran. Charlie had no idea where she was. Bella had only told him that she would be safe and not to worry. Right.... I was beginning to understand that there was no such thing as safe for her. With or without me.
She had only been gone for two days, she couldn't be far. She had driven her truck so following her scent was not an option. I aimlessly searched Port Angeles, Tacoma and Portland but there was no sign of her. I checked in with Charlie frequently and he begrudgingly gave me any updates, but there were none. Bella had vanished.
With the help of my family we searched the continent. What if something had happened to her? But I would know right? Wouldn't I be able to feel it if my other half was gone?
Then it happened. A vision from Alice. Bella walking through rain soaked streets going into a bar named Piano Keys. A bar?! What is she doing in a bar? Is she trying to get herself killed? Not on purpose, but she has no sense of self-preservation! After Googling the name of the bar, we came up with three possible locations. The first was London, England. Unlikely. Next was Morroco. Again, very unlikely. The last... Seattle, Washington. What? Seattle, Washington?!? Could she have been that close to me all along? How had I not felt her?
It took me less than an hour to get to Seattle from our house, another five minutes to find the bar. I went in hoping against all hope that she was there. I stayed until they shut the place down. No Bella.
During the days when the sun wasn't shining I searched the streets, hotels, apartment buildings, restaurants but there was no sign of her. No one had any recollection of seeing her. Had she changed her appearance?
I couldn't catch her scent anywhere. Was Alice's vision wrong? I called her repeatedly and she continued to look and her vision was the same. So my nights became monotonous. As soon as the bar opened I was there. I stayed until closing time.
And so it went for the next two months. Every night I staked out at Piano Keys. But I never grew tired, I never lost hope. She would be here. It was only a matter of when. I grew accustomed to the quaint piano bar. I had missed playing and some nights I took a turn on the keys, playing Bella's lullabye, hoping to draw her in. But it never did. What circumstances would bring her here? That was the thought in my head as I walked to the door one warm summer night and saw the flyer tacked on the wall.
"Live tonight, Piano Keys featuring the musical talents of local favorite Bella Masen, finally home where she belongs!"
This had to be my Bella. She was using my human surname! And musical talents? Had she kept those from me? How had I not known? I couldn't contain my excitement. The minute I walked through the door I heard her voice. How had I never heard my angel's voice sing so beautifully before? I walked into the bar just far enough so I could see the stage, staying in the shadows, not ready for her to see me. I just wanted to watch her. I wasn't prepared for what I saw. Bella was a beautiful young woman now, confident and adored by those who were in the bar tonight. She simply took my breath away. I fell in love with her all over again. I felt the hole in my chest start to close as her melodic voice filled me. I was whole. I was alive.
******************************************************************************BPOV
When I left Forks I was more alone than I had ever been in my life. The only conversations I had were with my journal. I wrote down every thought, every nightmare, every hope for the future. Well... that last part is a lie. I had no hopes, at least not yet. After almost three years, I still couldn't move on. I could never move on. I was holding on to the fantasy that he would come back, that he loved me.
My journal entries somehow formed into songs and when I would sing them it actually sounded pretty good. I started with karaoke in piano bars and I felt free. I felt close to him somehow. Of course I would. Music was in his soul. So it became my obsession. One of the musicians in the bar helped me put my lyrics to music and I started singing my songs at Piano Keys.
I started to get offers from other clubs wanting me to come sing. Apparently the audience felt emotionally connected to me. Probably because I was a basket case and I poured my heart out every night. Listening to me probably made them feel lucky to be normal, to not be me.
Tonight was my first night back at Piano Keys in six months and it felt different than any other time I had been here. It felt like home. Like I was finally back where I belong.
As I finished the last song in the set, a feeling of sudden comfort washed over me. The hairs on the back of my neck began to rise and I felt... aware. Like I hadn't felt in years. Then it dawned on me... like I hadn't felt since he left. I could almost feel the gaping hole in my chest begin to close. Was my music finally healing me? No, it wouldn't be that easy.
It was almost like he was here.
I suddenly had the urge to sing a song I had never sang in public before. It hurt too much. It was never meant for anyone else's ears but my own. But tonight, I had to sing it. I couldn't explain the sudden need to share it but I couldn't hold myself back.
"I have one more song I would like to sing tonight. I wrote this song a few years ago during a very difficult time in my life. I had lost someone very special to me, someone who helped me to see my purpose in life and when they were gone, they took that with them. They kept me grounded, and in their absence I felt I would just slip away in the wind. Like a balloon whose string holding it down has come untied. I haven't felt whole since and every day has been a struggle. But we have to move on. Time passes, even for me. Sometimes things hold us down in this life, keep us from moving on. We want to move on to get away from the pain, but I know that if this person were to ever come back in my life, I would be back where I belong and would never want to be untied again. This is Gravity."
I felt the ghost of the hole in my chest and I knew... this was going to hurt.
******************************************************************************
Something always brings me back to you.
It never takes too long.
No matter what I say or do, I still feel you here 'til the moment I'm gone.
You hold me without touch.
You keep me without chains.
I never wanted anything so much than to drown in your love and not feel your rain.
Set me free, leave me be.
I don't want to fall another moment into your gravity.
Here I am and I stand so tall, just the way I'm supposed to be.
But you're on to me and all over me.
You loved me 'cause I'm fragile.
When I thought that I was strong.
But you touch me for a little while and all my fragile strength is gone.
Set me free, leave me be.
I don't want to fall another moment into your gravity.
Here I am and I stand so tall, just the way I'm supposed to be.
But you're on to me and all over me.
I live here on my knees as I
Try to make you see that you're
Everything I think I need here on the ground.
But you're neither friend nor foe though I
Can't seem to let you go.
The one thing that I still know is that you're keeping me down
You're keeping me down, yeah, yeah, yeah.
You're onto me, onto me and all over.
Something always brings me back to you.
It never takes too long.
******************************************************************************
EPOV
I was stunned. Not only was Bella's voice exquisite, but in the moments that she was singing, her guard was completely down.
Something always brings me back to you.
It never takes too long.
No matter what I say or do, I still feel you here 'til the moment I'm gone.
Suddenly flashes started to appear in my mind but from where I didn't understand. Snapshots of me, no one here knew me, how was this possible? I was walking into the cafeteria at the high school in Forks, with an intent, confused look on my face. Who was I looking at?
You hold me without touch.
You keep me without chains.
I never wanted anything so much than to drown in your love and not feel your rain.
Another flash, this time I was standing in the forest, I could feel a cool icy hand on my chest as I heard myself say, "You don't know how long I have waited for you," with a mixture of pain and love in my eyes. I had only said this to one person, and that one person's mind was closed to me. Or was she? Could this be Bella I was seeing and hearing as she sang these mournful words?
Set me free, leave me be.
I don't want to fall another moment into your gravity.
Here I am and I stand so tall, just the way I'm supposed to be.
But you're on to me and all over me.
Talking in the meadow, the run through the forest, the first kiss by her truck. I saw and felt us falling in love all over again through her eyes, through her heart.
You loved me 'cause I'm fragile.
When I thought that I was strong.
But you touch me for a little while and all my fragile strength is gone.
Fire, like I remembered when I was changing moved through my hand up my arm. And then numbness as the fire died away. My voice through a cloudy fog ringing clear "Don't be afraid. As long as it makes you happy, I'll be here." (Twilight pg. 478). How could she ever trust me again after that?
Set me free, leave me be.
I don't want to fall another moment into your gravity.
Here I am and I stand so tall, just the way I'm supposed to be.
But you're on to me and all over me.
I live here on my knees as I
Try to make you see that you're
Everything I think I need here on the ground.
But you're neither friend nor foe though I
Can't seem to let you go.
The one thing that I still know is that you're keeping me down
You're keeping me down, yeah, yeah, yeah.
You're onto me, onto me and all over.
All I could see was a look of indifference in my eyes as I told her that me and my family were leaving and that I didn't want her anymore. That I would always love her in a way. I felt my chest seemingly crack open with pain, just as mine had been since I had left. In her thoughts and memories I saw myself kiss her forehead and then I was gone. I saw how she searched through the woods for hours, not believing that I was gone. She sank to her knees and laid there for hours. Then someone I didn't know was carrying her out of the woods, and she was thinking that of course I didn't love her enough. That it never made sense for me to love her. As if that could be true! She truly had no idea what I felt for her. After all we had been through how could she believe me when I so blatantly lied to her? I remembered my own pain when I realized that she was giving up on me so easily, having no faith in me or my love for her.
Something always brings me back to you.
It never takes too long.
Whatever shielded her mind to me was gone. Her vulnerability was absolute, she was utterly defenseless. With every word I not only felt her pain, I saw her anguish of the years since I had left her.
I had not given Bella enough credit. As a young human I did not believe that she was capable of such love. I had never been more wrong. Renee was right, Bella was an old soul, and coming with that was the ability to love more than anyone had ever loved before. All but one, anyway.
She ran from the stage and out of the bar. For a moment, I was too dazed at what I had just seen to understand what was happening. I had wanted to be able to read her mind since the moment I met her. Now, I wish I had never seen what I had done to her. She would never forgive me. But I had to try. I turned around, and walked out the door.
*****************************************************************************
BPOV
I murmured a quiet 'thank you' and then quickly fled the stage, I couldn't move fast enough, I had to have some fresh air. The pain was too intense. Too deep. I hadn't allowed myself to really think about him in months. Singing 'Gravity' had ripped open the wound that I had pieced together with lies and fabrications of moving on, letting him go. But as I sang the song tonight, I knew. This is how it would always be for me. I could never let him go. I would always be held down to the ground by the pull of him and what he meant in my life.
The warm summer air slammed into me as I flung open the door and ran out into the night. I had to get away from this place that once again brought me to my knees. But my running feet started to slow as I felt something try to pull me back, keeping me from running again. A block away from the bar I came to an abrupt stop on a deserted street. And then I felt it. A cool breeze brushed against me and I drew in the sweetest scent that was.... familiar. There was nothing else that it could be. I was having hallucinations again. But can one hallucinate smells? I guess so, if they were crazy enough. But it smelled so real... so right.
It smelled like him. Like "Edward..." I whispered. Waves of pain came crashing into my heart with saying his name aloud for the first time in almost three years.
But as soon as the pain came, it was gone.
"Yes, love." He whispered. I closed my eyes and let it wash over me. Like a cool healing balm on my shattered heart. It felt like the pieces were coming back together but I was confused. This had to be another hallucination, but they had never been this real. I felt his presence, smelled his scent... felt his breath on my neck. What? His breath on my neck? I'm losing it, for real this time. But I said it anyway, knowing how much it would hurt.
"Edward? It's almost like you are really here," I breathed.
"I am. I'm here Bella, finally back where I belong."
"I don't believe you." Why should anything be any different now? I had lived with the pain for almost three years, I was used to it. It was familiar. I wanted to turn around, hoping against hope that this was not another hallucination. But I was afraid. When I turned around it would all be gone, the subtle presence, the cool air, the scent, the breath on my neck, his voice. All that would be left would be the empty soulless street behind me. I didn't want that. I was going to ride this out for all it was worth.
"Turn around Bella."
"No, if this is all I can have, I won't lose you again."
"Do you trust me, Bella?" I thought about it for a moment and suddenly realized that I didn't. Not after what he had done. How could I trust that it was him behind me? I had no trust left in me.
"No, I don't," I whispered. How could I? He had told me that he would love me forever, that I was the only reason for his existence and then he left. He left me just like every other distraction in his life.
Then the cold, hard truth hit me like a ton a bricks and the hallucination vanished with the icy hesitant touch of his hand on my waist. I felt his nose nuzzle against my neck, and I shared the shutter that racked his body as he drew in my scent and pressed his body to mine.
I leaned my head to the side, giving him better access to my neck and when he lightly pressed his lips to the throbbing pulse in my throat I quietly sobbed, "Edward, why?"
Why did you leave me? Why did you ever act like you loved me? Why did you give me hope that you could possibly love me? Why are you coming back now?
"Bella, turn around, look at me."
Against my better judgment I slowly turned in his arms but kept my eyes closed. I wasn't ready yet. I still didn't believe that this was real. But I felt him in front of me. Keeping my eyes closed, I lightly grazed my fingertips over his face, matching his features with what I remembered in my mind, finally understanding that I couldn't feel him if he wasn't really here.
My eyes snapped open and there he was, standing in front of me, just as beautiful as he always was. Edward. How had I ever lived a day without him? I got lost in his eyes. Eyes that were filled with a mixture of love, wonder, and anguish. They were black, he had dark circles under them and his jawline looked gaunt. He looked hungry. He looked starved. "Edward, what have you done? You look barely alive."
"I haven't been alive, not without you." And the last two and half years meant nothing. He was here and for whatever time he would stay, I would love him. And when he was gone again, I would continue to love him. I would never know a time when I wouldn't. No matter how much it hurt.
I thanked God for keeping him safe and then I poured all my love into the kiss that I had been waiting years for. His cold glassy lips molded to mine and I twined my fingers into his hair and held him close as his arms tightened almost painfully around my waist, crushing me to him. But the pleasure of having him in my arms again clearly outweighed any pain that his inhuman strength may have caused in our embrace. The kiss quickly got out of control, far beyond the limits that Edward had ever allowed and he pulled himself away, only to slide his lips down my jawline to my neck. I felt him hovering, breathing me in, and his body trembled. I knew he was on fire with thirst.
"Bella, you were right. We can't be apart. I was a fool to leave you. I should never have lied to you. I lied to keep you safe, your life was in constant danger when you were with me. Leaving you was the only way I thought you could be safe. I love you more than is naturally possible. I have not lived since I left you, I have merely existed. The pain of being away from you has been excruciating. But not nearly as painful as you believing me without question when I left you. The way you lost all faith in me was something I never expected. You didn't trust my love for you then, and I can see that you don't now."
That did it. Now I was mad. All the anger that I had felt toward him for the last two and half years suddenly boiled over and I couldn't contain it anymore. My whole life I had lived for others. Taking care of my mother, taking care of Charlie. But now it was time for me to take care of me. I had had enough.
"How dare you! How dare you turn this back on me! I didn't trust your love for me? What about the fact that you didn't trust me enough to make any decision for myself while we were together? Since the day we met you have controlled exactly how each day went, each conversation, each touch, each kiss. Never once did you let me make a decision about how to be with you. You say you did this for me? For my safety? Okay, I get that... the most selfless act for you was to leave. Making yourself miserable in the process but giving me a chance at a normal life right?"
"Well tell me what is normal about living each day without the other half of me? Feeling like I had a huge hole where my heart should be and had to literally wrap my arms around my chest just to hold myself together. I nearly lost it Edward. The only thing that saved me was Jacob. He gave me a new direction and he loved me. But I couldn't even love him back. I had no room in my heart and soul for him. I was and forever will be consumed by you. So I left. After high school I couldn't stand it anymore. I took what little money I had and searched for some purpose, something to help my existence be a little less painful. I started making my own decisions and it felt good for once. I put all my feelings into my music, something I didn't even know that I was capable of."
"You had no right to decide that you weren't what was best for me. That was my decision to make, and I made it the day I figured out what you were and realized that I didn't care. My love for you is bigger than what you are. Well guess what Edward. I am an adult now and I make my own decisions, and as much as I am ecstatic and relieved that you are here with me, I am pissed as hell at you for controlling my life like this. So what have you accomplished Edward? Yes I am still alive, breathing anyway. But apparently the only thing you have succeeded in is making us both incredibly miserable and lifeless."
I was beating my fists against his chest and he just stood there with his eyes closed, taking it. Of course I wasn't hurting him physically, but his whole body reeked of pure anguish. And I just crumbled against him and whispered, "You had no right Edward, you had no right." But all my venom was gone and I was spent. My entire body was trembling as tears streamed down my face onto the street below. His arms came around me again, and he picked me up and started carrying me down the street. I wrapped my arms around his neck and wept into his neck like I hadn't allowed myself to in years. Since the night he left.
As he carried me he turned his head and with his lips in my hair he softly sang, "Something always brings me back to you. It never takes too long."
"You heard?" I whispered.
"I heard and saw everything Bella."
****************************************************************************
EPOV
I took Bella next door to my hotel and carried her up to my room. I gently placed her on the bed and sat down beside her. I dropped my face in my hands and dry-sobbed. The one thing I had promised to do was never hurt my Bella and I had shattered all the trust that she could have had in a creature like me. How would she ever forgive me? Could she ever trust me again?
"Edward? Are you okay? I'm sorry I yelled at you. I shouldn't have. I just needed to get it out."
"No Bella, I deserved it. All of it. I was only trying to protect you. But all I did was almost kill us both. When you were singing, I don't know how it happened, but I could see into your mind. Somehow you dropped all your defenses unconsciously and I saw everything you were feeling and remembering as you sang. The moment I met you all I wanted to be able to do was read your mind. If I had been able to, I could have never left you. I never gave you enough credit Bella. It's not that I didn't believe you were capable of great love, I just thought you would be able to move on. My kind, when we find our soulmates, it is love at first sight and the feeling never fades. We literally cannot live without our mates. It is an all-consuming love and I didn't realize that until I walked away from you. Each passing day I felt like my life, if that is what you can call it, was being sucked out of me. I left you because I wanted to save your soul. I didn't want you to be damned to this life of darkness. But after seeing your mind, I know that you fell just as hard and deeply as I did. Your hold on me is permanent and indestructible. I now know that your love for me is just as unbreakable. We may not be equals physically, but we are equal in our love for each other. What can I do to make this up to you? How can I help you to trust me again?"
"Make me yours Edward. In every way. I want to live with you forever."
"Bella, I won't take away your soul."
"Edward, how can you even doubt now that you have a soul? If you didn't you would have selfishly changed me long ago. But your self-sacrifice only proves what you refuse to believe. My mother has always believed that I had an old soul. There is only one reason why. I was made for you Edward. My soul has existed as long as yours has and I am ready to be with you forever."
Even as she spoke I knew that she was right. Carlisle had always believed it. Probably not in his first years, but as he evolved he knew it was true. He used his gifts for good. People lived because of his talents alone, only because of him. Bella made me believe that I could do the same. Use my gifts for the good. Of course she was right. Bella had always been smarter than me.
"I only have one condition Bella. Marry me first."
She did something that I would have never expected. She put her palms against each side of my face, closed her eyes, and let me inside. The visions took my breath away.
Forgiveness, hope, love, trust. All these things flitted through her mind. But then the most breathtaking of all. Visions of flowers and candlelight surrounding the two of us, me dressed in an elegant suit and her a vision in white with freesia in her hair. Bella becoming Mrs. Cullen. Becoming my wife. It was more than I could have ever hoped for. And I knew in this moment that she was meant to be with me forever.
She released her hands and the visions disappeared. Bella kissed me sweetly and said, "Take me home Edward. Alice has a wedding to plan."
Thank you for reading. Please leave me a review.