Final Fantasy VII rights Squaresoft does own; I do not. Please RandR, or may Sephiroth take your soul.
The Dance of the Chocobos: Director's Cuts
Director: Hi! My name is Crystal, but you can call me Yoji-san!
The director, a 5' 9" 17-year-old in a pair of studded black leather pants, a red lace-up halter top, red suede knee high stiletto boots, and an insane looking Kefka beret (as in the French hat) walks into a bar, and the bartender says---
Ah, never mind. You wouldn't get it.
So anyways, she's talking on her PHS (PHone System), dragging a rather ominous looking black bird (known generally as Ostrageious Chickenous Mixedous, or Chocobo for short) behind her. The bird, who's got the swirly eyes like it's out of stamina, is stumbling around with a large load of boxes on its back.
Crystal: When are you gonna be ready to go? I'm already here waiting!
Person on the other line: I'm on my way! Geez, do you think I'd pass up a chance to see Sephy?
Crystal: It depends on if you had the right hat or not.
Person on the other line: You're the one with the insane Kefka beret.
Crystal::gasp: How do you know such a thing?
Person on the other line: I read the beginning. Duh.
Crystal: Oh. Well, let's submit our wonderful bishonen to some horendously dangerous situations, shall we?
Person on the other line: Lets.
Crystal hangs up her PHS and puts it away in her overly-huge-purse-that's- meant-to-carry-everything-because-girls-aren't-light-packers bag. She then rummages through it for a few hours.
:rummage rummage rummage rummage rummage rummage rummage rummage rummage rummage rummage rummage rummage rummage rummage rummage rummage rummage rummage rummage rummage rummage rummage rummage rummage rummage rummage rummage rummage rummage rummage rummage rummage rummage rummage rummage rummage rummage rummage rummage rummage rummage rummage rummage rummage rummage rummage rummage rummage rummage rummage rummage rummage rummage rummage rummage rummage rummage rummage rummage rummage rummage rummage rummage rummage rummage rummage rummage rummage rummage rummage rummage rummage rummage rummage rummage rummage rummage rummage rummage rummage rummage rummage rummage rummage rummage rummage rummage rummage rummage rummage rummage rummage rummage rummage rummage rummage rummage rummage rummage rummage rummage rummage rummage rummage rummage rummage rummage rummage rummage:
Meanwhile, the person on the other line has arrived. She's a 5' 5" girl with shoulder length black hair pulled up into a messy ponytail wearing a silver bodice and a fluffy green skirt. Her name is Angael.
Angael: You carry too much.
Crystal: You talk too much.
Finally, after much rummaging, Crystal pulls out a small metal remote control, presses a big red button, and waits... and waits... and waits.
Angael: You have to turn it on.
Crystal: Oh.
She turns it on.
Angael: Now press the button.
She presses the button. A swirly blue portal appears. In front of it, a blue text box appears that says: Crystal used key item "Portal Remote". A portal to Final Fantasy VII appeared!
Crystal: Neato torpedo!
The two of them walk through the portal, the Ostrageious Chikenous Mixedous following close behind.
It'll get better! Much better! I just wanted to give you a small taste test of what was to come. Please RandR! In the next episode, the Turks and the Evil Chocobo Drinking Game (No, not really). Thank you for reading! Trust me, it'll get more insane