CLEXA - Begging For Mercy

by Roz247

A Nurse Who Has Just Returned From A Tour Of Duty In Iraq Upon her return she finds herself Newly single, back at home & employed at Arkadia Hospital. There she will face daily challenges, along with a battle of her inner demons & PTSD. She tries to get her life back on track but manages to continue on a slippery slope of self destruction. Does she follow her head or her heart?

Chapter 1

The Griffin Household:

Clarke griffin a nurse from New Jersey who has just returned from a tour of duty. She woke panting for breath soaked in sweat from yet another restless night, dreams turned into nightmares these days, visions of debris and a hail of bullets tearing her apart brought back memories that were buried deep within her psych. She clutched her arms around the pillow. The sun beamed in from someone opening her bedroom door.

"Clarke"

"Go away mom, im not in the mood"

"Finn called last night"

She grunted not wanting to have this conversation and got out of bed.

"Can you get out of my room"

"are you going to call him back".

"NOOO" she shouted slamming the door in Abby's face

"Oh Clarke grow up! he's a man! you were gone, do you know how much your father and I spent on that wedding"

Clarke was picking up her morning coffee on route for her shift at the hospital when a car accident occurred just outside the coffee shop. She ran to attend the scene. A woman was screaming, her husband unconscious in the car seat.

Clarke shouted for someone to fetch a needle or a knife and something to sterilize it with.

"Wha What's happening? What are you doing to him?, Who are you?"

"Hey, lady, listen, Your husbands chest is filling up with air, If I don't relieve the pressure in the next 30 seconds, he will go into cardiac arrest and die. Now help me pull his shirt up.

Okay, Im going to make a hole in his fifth intercostal 're gonna need a chest tube. Hand me that straw"

(GASP of breath) The man starts to breath, Clarke takes a step back in relief wiping the sweat from her head. The mans wife thanks her

"where did you learn to do that"?

Clarke drew in a deep breath, looked at her with a burning hard stare "Iraq"

Arkadia Hospital:
The doors swing open with the man being pushed in on the stretcher being assisted by hospital staff.

"What have we got?"

A Patient had a tension pneumothorax. Get him up to trauma bay. He needs an X-ray.

"What the hell's going on here? Who ordered all this? Dr Kane said angrily

Me" Clarke answers almost sounding guilty

"On what authority? You're a nurse, okay? A nurse? You do not give orders"

Chief Jaha's Office:

"Nurse Griffin, the case should have been immediately turned over to Dr Kane"

"So I guess I should have just let the guy die? "The Patient's got a bendy straw sticking out of his chest that's keeping him alive, and all that Kanes worried about is his stupid ego.

"You make these things personal, Clarke."

"No, I don't. she responds aggressively"

"Really?, What about the time when you said the only way he would ever get laid is if he crawled up a chickens ass?

Clarke laughs "I didn't know he was standing behind me"

"I was in a war, too, you know? Have you ever thought about talking to somebody about it?

I don't need to talk to anybody about it". "I have my Xanax"

Jaha sighs "Working like a charm I see"

Arkadia Hospital: 4pm

The day had not exactly started out how Clarke had hoped & with finn strolling through the hospital ward doors with a cause of concern on his face things did not look like they were going to get any better. "Oh god no" clarke muffled under her breath.

"Finn what are you doing here? you cant just come to my work place anymore.

"Its a hospital, maybe im sick."Your not answering my calls what else am i supposed to do" .

Clarke gritted her teeth "look you cant be here, we are separated, i dont know how to be more clear, you need to leave me alone"

People started staring at the commotion, including Raven who decided to intervene to help

"Clarke were needed to assist an emergency down in ER we need to go"

Clarke knew this wasnt true because any emergency is triggered to them by their pagers, but she played along to get rid of Finn.

"fine im going, but this is not over" he said with a tone of warning

"Wow". "You really are the Queen of hospital drama today arnt you" Raven smirked. "you should get your own reality show"

"Haha very funny" i think thats enough drama for one day" Clarke wrapped her arm around Raven "Come on lets get that drink"
_

The Dropship (Bar)

Raven & Clarke walk in to the bar to find Octavia playing pool with Lincoln.

"What time do you call this? Our shift ended an hour ago"

"Blame Blondie"

"Dont ask"

"What can i get you to drink ladies? Lincoln asked. "sounds like you need it"

Lincoln owns the Dropship. They became friends with him after becoming regular customers due to the bar being a block over from the hospital, its the quickest place they can offload after a hectic shift. Altho the friendship was enhanced with the exception of Octavia, lets just say their one night stand ended up turning into a rather lengthy love affair.

They all necked back a bunch of shots which were quickly washed down with their beers. Ravens phone had been going off most the evening, Octavia managed to swipe it from the back of her jeans whilst she was occupied picking out songs on the Juke box.

Oohhh its the lawyer again? Do You like him? Is he nice? Octavia asked curiously

"Well, his seven-figure income is nice"

"That's not why she likes him. Clarke said

"Oh, yes, it is. I am done with broke-ass men. Done. No more guys behind on their car payments, no more going Dutch, and no more losers who think you owe them sex for dinner"

"Amen to that" the girls answered in sync clinking their bottles against each others.

The Griffin Household:

It was 1am and Clarke returned home a little tipsy. She was making her way up the stairs to bed when she was approached unexpectedly.

"Fuck". "Jasper you scared me" she said punching him in the arm.

" Sorry I cant sleep." Fancy a drink?"

Jasper was Clarkes cousin, he had moved in with the Griffins a couple of years previous when he moved to New Jersey for college.

The two sat out on the porch under the moonlight swigging from an old whisky bottle.

"How you doing Clarke?"

"I'm, uh I'm not so good Jasper" I'm a little all over the place and maybe I have a drinking problem". she said raising the whisky bottle in her hand.

"So get back with Finn." he suggested

"Oh, my God! He's a cheater". "

"People in glass houses" he commented judgmentally.

Clarke glared at him with a sort of what are you on about look.

"You told me about that time in Iraq, remember at your mom's birthday party"

"Shut up" Clarkes eyes widened with shock

I only told you that because we were wasted, and I didnt think you were gonna remember"

"Well, I do remember"

"Well, shut up about it, okay? He cheated first. Besides, I was at war. I was fighting for my country. I could have died"

"You're a hypocrite, You fought in the war. It doesn't give you permission to be a dick"

"Shut up"

"It's true" Jasper spat back You know what? You don't deserve Finn."

Clarke stood up in anger "I'm serious, Jasper, stop it"

"I'm serious! He slept around while you were gone, but he never fell in love. Can you say the same thing?"
-

Morning peaked and Clarke was feeling the effects of last nights alcohol, she stumbled out of bed to dress & get her self atleast half presentable, Clarke felt an overcome of dread when she overheard a familiar voice coming from downstairs . She made a quick plan of escape, she was in no mood to deal with any drama with the pounding headache she was carrying.

"Hey, there she is" Abby said

"Fuck sake" Clarke scoffed under her breath as she was nearly out the front door

"We're having pancakes. You should have one!

"I don't want a pancake"

"Come on Clarke" Finn said

"NOO"

Clarke was clearly not happy, she didnt like the fact that Finn spent so much time at her house despite the fact they had broken up. Clarke & Finn had been highschool sweethearts and during their time together over the years Finn very much became like a son to her parents forming a bond that was not going to be easily broken. So with that in mind she tried to respect the fact he was always going to have some involvement in her life no matter how uncomfortable it could sometimes make her feel. but this was really starting to grate on her patience.

Clarke grabbed Finn & headed outside away from her family to stop them from eavse dropping. She was deffinitely not in the mood for this conversation but there was only so long she could ignore it for. "Get your coat" Clarke ordered

They took a walk down by the riverbank and had now been talking for what seemed like hours. Talking to Finn was like talking to a brick wall there was no understanding for what she was expressing, it infuriated her

"Are you deaf? There is no us".

"Okay, fine, I give up! Forget it". Finn flung an item from his hand in a temper

Clarke glanced over puzzled as to what that was. "What was that?"

"Your engagement ring"

Clarkes jaw dropped open with an outburst of a gasp "Are you crazy? We're still paying that thing off"

Clarke looked to meet the hurt behind his eyes " Finn you know, it's not that I'm not touched, but...

"Look I know the army paid for your education, and you didn't have any choice, but I took it personally when you left, like you couldn't wait to get away from me. I was stupid and insecure, but I love you. I want to be with you, and you know what else? I think you love me. Nobody knows you like I know you, im the guy for you.

"Finn I am all messed up right now"

"No more than anyone else"

He lifted her chin turning her face to catch sight of her eyes. "Maybe this is what marriage is. Two people torturing each other until they die? Yeah, and kids and friends and going out to dinner and great sex. What's so bad about this? Let me ask you one more time.

Clarke digested everything he said, given her current state of sanity and a trail which seems to be heading down a path of self destruction, maybe it was just easier to get back with Finn, have someone there to protect her, go home and cuddle upto, he was right when he said he knew her like nobody else but that was before, have things shifted to drastically for them to ever really be fixed? Is giving this a chance really as unbareable as she had made it out to be?
_

Arkadia Hospital

Raven & Octavia were sitting in the nurses lounge eating lunch & discussing outfits for Ravens upcoming date with the fancy lawyer.

"This one" Octavia points to Ravens phone of a picture of a dress.

Raven is hesitant "hmmm really" i like the red one". She was to focused to notice Clarke entering the room.

"Any coffee left?"

"Nope, this is the last of it," Octavia gave her cup a little shake before bringing the rim to her lips. "Tastes like foot."

"Most coffee you make does O"."what you guys talking about?"

Ravens got a date"

"Really?" with an interest clarke takes a seat opposite the girls to get more dirt on the current subject, but before she can ask anything Raven stretches over the table grabbing Clarkes hand inspecting the ring placed on her finger.

"What is that?" she asks in shock

"Oh Finn & I have decided to get back together" she answers nonchalant, before giving the girls a chance to interrogate her she gets up to leave but not before dropping them an invite

"My parents are throwing us a bit of a party at the Dropship tonight, you should come"

After making a quick exit from the nuses lounge she bumps into Dr Kane, great just what she needs she thought.

"Oh Clarke good" I want to introduce you to Arkadia's newest doctor. We were just on our way to see Ms Borghouse, maybe you could tag along.

Clarke came up with the any excuse she could to detach her self from having anything to do with Kane. "Im wanted urgently in ER, a car pile up, excuse me" and with that scattered away as fast as she possibly could.
-

Later that afternoon Clarke exited the locker room after changing her scrubs and was making her way down to cardiology when she felt a yank on her arm which dragged her into an on-call room, before she had time to even catch a breath her lips we sinking deep into the mouth that latched onto hers. Her body was pushed up against the door being caressed in all the right places, Clarke was welcoming all that was being offered to her, she moaned in pleasure at the pressure and broke away from the kiss.

"Lexa" she sighed gasping for air

"Hi" The brunette gazing into the blondes endearing blue eyes which she had been longing for.

Clarke couldnt believe what she was witnessing before her "What are you, what are you doing here?"

"Looking for you, I just got back" I know I should have called first, but" before she could finish clarke interupted

"If you had called, I would have told you to stay away.

Lexa frowned in confusion "Why?

"It's just, I'm married" Clarke answered with a disappointment in her voice

"You told me you were getting a divorce"

"We were, but then I thought maybe we should try again" Clarke pauses mid sentence trying to digest the current situation" Hang on! "Are you crazy? We barely even knew each other"

"That's not true"

"It is true" Clarke starts to panic "this is rude, you just barging in here like this, when I have just recommitted to my horrible marriage.

"Your horrible marriage? Whoa, sounds good"

Clarke now pacing up and down the room gathering her thought as quickly as she can " It is. It's 's amazing. Thank you for asking.

"Lexa smirks at Clarke "Uh-Huh"

"What?

"No, I'm just remembering how much you rely on sarcasm"

"oh, that hurts" clarke heads for the door and lexa trys to stop her.

"Wait, wait, Whoa"

Clarke was outside catching some fresh air when she seen Raven on her way back from her break

"Hey a hot dog & a slurppie for a buck 50, bargain or what"

Clarke not really paying attention to anything raven just said nodded in agreement, raven could see the distraction in Clarke

" Whats up with you princess?

"Can i talk to you?"

"sure but im due back in ten so make it quick". The girls sat on a bench just down from the hospital and clarke started to explain the dillema.

"Wait" So you slept with this girl while you were in Iraq? But I mean, like, where? You were in the desert, So did you just do it outside in the sand?

"What" Clarke hissed, "Okay, I feel like you're focusing on the wrong thing.

"Well, I'm just trying to visualize"

"Why do you need to visualize? It was a hospital, okay? We stayed in a hospital"

"What are you gonna do? Raven asked curiously

"I don't know" Me and Finn have been together for so long, he's like a a part of me, you know? And it's not nothing what we have.

"And hot doctor lady? Raven looked to Clarke. "Ohhh, Ohh wow! Raven knew Clarke to well to not know what that expression on her face meant. "you're in love with her?"

"No". Clarke said with a look of confusion."I mean I mean, we had this really intense connection, but I don't really know her.I mean, she's different. She's funny and She's quiet and she made me feel safe". She started to smile when she said this as the memories came flooding back but was plummited back to reality when Clarke glanced over at the Dropship in the distance making her remember

"Oh, my God" My parents are having that party for me and Finn tonight. I am the worst person in the world" Clarke burys her face in her hands.

"Honey, guilt's not gonna help you, And, anyway, if you need to blame somebody, blame the terrorists" .
-

Arkadia General Hospital

Raven had just finished her shift, later than scheduled, looking at her watch it was 7pm and she found her self running late and was rushing to get ready for her date.

Meanwhile over at the Dropship the not getting divorce party was in full swing, Wolf whistles echoed the room as Clarke walked in dressed in a tight fitted black number. Finn took her hand giving her a twirl with a tight lipped kiss. She was greeted by her family & friends who were already slightly tipsy.

"Another round Lincoln" Clarkes father shouted across the bar.

Raven was walking to leave when she seen a patient struggling in a passing room. She entered to help the man when out of nowhere he attacked her, smacking her in the face. A guy rushed in grabbing Raven out of the room away from the patient whilst nurses attended to sudate him. Raven still struggling out of panic tried to break free from the mans grip who so tightly held her.

"Woah Woah" he said "Carm down Raven, its me your safe, i got you".

"Bellamy" Raven questioned recognising his voice before looking up.

"Yeah"

"What are you doing here?"

Uh Yeah Hi to you to Raven, oh and also your welcome by the way, but if you must know i am here to meet Octavia for Clarke & Finns party but i cant find her so i assumed she must of left already".

Bellamy was Octavias older brother, he was also a Cop meaning he was doubly protective of her making Octavia sometimes feel almost suffocated.

"Here let me take a look at that" he swept his thumb sofly against the graze just below Ravens eye.

" What, are you a doctor now? You a doctor cop? she said sarcastically, as she was slowly coming out of panic mode. " Im sorry, ignore me, im just a bit shook up.

"Understandable" bellamy replied, " look i can escort you home, make sure your safe" then we can discuss about your options of pressing charges.

No, no need, your heading to the dropship right? Raven asked

"Yeah"

"Ok give me 2 secs i just need to make a quick phone call and you can safely escort me there, im not letting that thug ruin my entire night

"Hey" Raven said to her date on the other side of the line. "Its me, listen im still at the hospital, Yeah, there was a really big casualty and i think by the time i get done, Manhattans gonna be too far to go.

Back at the drop ship Clarke & Octavia seen Raven entering with Bellamy. Confused as to what she was doing there and the condition on her face they looked at each other knowingly that this was not good. They escorted her to the upstairs balcony to get some time to talk away from the crowd.

"Look it was not my night" Raven admitted, " Im not gonna cry over it okay, I suppose this is just another con of the job.

"Yeah" Clarke agreed "you just gotta let it go, thats how you take care of yourself"

Raven & Octavia gave her a hypocritical glare

Clarke noticed " What? " I am taking care of me, what do you think getting back with Finn is all about? Hes a good guy, you know and i really think this is gonna make my life more stable".

"Yeah, um, well, actually Finn's down there about to get his ass kicked" Octavia pointing onto the street below.
-

"Its a good job we are right across from the hospital, You are too old to be getting into fights, dummy"

"It was his fault".

A voice approached the room "Decided you didn't need a doctor?"

"Well, I didn't like anybody on duty" Clarke answered only to turn to find a brunette stood by the door, her arm sat on her waist, her brown locks drapped over her shoulder framing her face slightly curled at the tips hanging down onto her white coat, she couldnt help to fixate on the woman who presented herself so stunningly.

"Jesus, get ahold of yourself, Griffin," she silently thought

" Uh Finn, this is Dr Woods, Dr Woods, this is my husband Finn!

Well this isnt awkward at all Clarke thought to her self almost reading Lexa's mind that lingered with the same similarities.

"I want him to have a cat scan"

"It Barely even hurts" Finn said rolling his eyes

"That's because you're drunk, You hit the cement with your head, You're getting a cat scan" Clarke demanded.

"Tell her I don't need no scan Dr Woods"

"Well, lady says you need a scan, you need a scan. "Come on, we'll take him upstairs"

"You're a lucky man"

Clarke jolted her head up in response to that comment pausing when her eyes locked onto Lexa's

"I know, I know" Finn answered totally oblivious.
_

The Dropship:

Lincoln rang the bell " Last Orders "

Raven had had enough and headed towards the exit of the bar before she was stopped by bellamy

"Hey, where are you off in such a hurry?"

Raven found herself looking at him seductively and maybe she was going to regret this but right now she did not care "Wanna get out of here?"

" Yeah " Bellamy answered with out hesitation.
_-

Arkadia General:

" Hey " Clarke says knocking

" Hi I uh got your husbands scans here, you want to take a look?

" Yeah" Clarke moves further into the room closing the door behind her.

Lexa puts the pictures of the scans up on a screen to inspect and dims the lights for better image quality.

" Well its fine, no swelling"

" Yeah well he's got a hard head" Lexa smirks at the blondes comment as Clarke studies the images on the screen, Lexa moves closer until shes standing slightly behind her.

Clarke can almost feel her breath on the back of her neck when she asks "how are you sleeping?"

Clarke gulps closing her eyes hearing her soft voice so close to her.

"Bad "

" Yeah me too, Its so weird being back"

" Yeah" Clarke agrees " Its like there's this wall between me and everybody else, and theres all of this stuff that i cant get out of my head. I don't even know if I'm a good nurse anymore, and I feel like I'm gonna blow up all the time. And then there's you. I feel like I would have gone completely crazy If it hadn't been for you. And I feel like I've sort of been carrying you around with me But" she pauses an takes a deep exhale. "But I just I I feel like I have to do the responsible thing". Clarke turns to face Lexa their faces almost touching

" Yeah" she whispers. "I guess it was, uh, pretty stupid of me to come running out here for you. It's just that you were the one thing that made sense".

Clarke not losing eye contact asks apologetically "What are you gonna do now?"

"There's nothing to do. I signed a two-year contract, Im staying.

Lexa breaks eye contact to walk away. "You can take your husband home anytime you like".
_

Raven wakes in a panic

"Shit what time isit?" she grabs her phone " Fuck im late".

She jumps out of bed gathering her belongings that were flung on the floor from last night & gets quickly dressed.

Bellamy sits up yawning, rubbing his eyes " I guess were not having breakfast then?"

"No, i gotta get to work, i'll call you, Bye" and raven leaves slamming the door shut behind her.

Bellamy collapses back on the bed rolling his eyes pulling the quilt back over him " Ughh Women "
_

"Here's to surviving yet another day on the ground, Cheers! Octavia said raising her glass, "You know Today is the first day that I didn't want to kill myself"

"That is so weird Octavia, because today is the first day that I didn't want to kill you" Clarke replied

Raven was sat with her face buried in her hands "Today is the last day I walk through Newark with my panties in my purse".

"Boy, if I had a nickel" Clarke commented swigging back her beer.

"What? Raven exclaimed "Hey!"

Octavia and Clarke burst into fits of laughter

Chapter 2: I think you had a stroke

"This brings me back" Finn whispers reminiscing on the past nibbling on Clarkes ear.

"Well, let's just hope you last a little longer than you did in high school" she teases him. "Come on, hurry up, I'm late for work"

"Oh, now you're in a hurry? well you're gonna leave here satisfied if it's the last thing I do" Finn starts to kiss his way down her half naked body.

The door swings open, Abby walks in "I'm doing a load of darks, you got anything? Clarke screams pushing Finn off of her at the sight of her mother.

"Mom, get out"

"All right, jeez, Calm down" (door shuts)

Clarke burys her head bitting into the pillow "Omg There's not enough Xanax in the world to make living here ok"

"So move home, Come on, it's our house, Come and live with me, If we're back together, we should live together"

"Finn we dont even have a functioning bathroom with all the renevation work going on"

"I'll get it finished, i just need to put more time in between my other jobs"

"Hmmmm" Clarke nodded in disbelief.
_-

Arkadia General Hospital:

Clarke & Raven were grabbing breakfast from the outside foodstand.

"So what happened with the mystery guy you hooked up with?" /p

"The sex was great, but I'm done". She flicked her hair over her shoulder and pursed her lips in a so there kind of way sucking on her smoothie through a straw

Clarke remembered the look on her face from when Wick had left her 3 years earlier. She had embarked on her path of hardened commitment to never committing. "Did you break it to the poor guy already?"

"Well, I would have, but he hasn't called.

"Ha, well that happens, sometimes they don't call, It doesn't usually happen to you, though, to the rest of us, maybe"

Raven doesnt know weather to be disappointed or relieved at the lack of contact between her & Bellamy since that night when she is drawn to a Mercedes Convertible pulling into the carpark. Its Lexa

"So how's this gonna work?" her head pointing in the direction of Dr Woods stepping out of her car.

"Huh What?"

There she was, her dark hair pulled back in a clip with loose strands, natural nude plump lips with emerald green eyes that complimented her tanned complextion. She wore a thin black pencil skirt with an open collar blouse that hugged her slim figure and long toned legs fitting perfectly into a pair of black closed toe stilletoes. Beauty to take anyones breath away.

Clarke broke her focus to answer Raven.

"There's nothing, It's nothing, were both adults, it's fine". Who am i kidding she thought to herself.

"Fine? Raven snapped her head back at Clarke not convinced "How? The woman you had an affair with in Iraq came to New Jersey for you".

Niether of them spoke for several seconds and Clarke was grateful to be interrupted by Octavia who was holding her coffee & energy bar in hand.

"Hey, you guys missed a beauty last night, this guy came in saying he accidentally sat on a plunger, like it was an accident pfffttt" too exhausted to humor them with the full details after finishing her nightshift she told them she'd fill them in on a later date.
_

Clarke waited for the elevator to bring her to her destination. The doors opened to reveal a busier-than-usual third floor. Quirking one eyebrow, she stepped out of the elevator and surveyed the area.

Chief Jaha was giving Dr Woods a more in depth tour of the hospital

"I know your speciality was in oncologic surgery before the war, but you can probably do anything now, I mean, we're short-staffed here, so, uh, we can keep you very busy. How are you adjusting to New Jersey?

"Well, I'm You know, I'm from California, Jersey has its appeal but I miss the surfing"

The Chief spots Clarke in the distance & grabs a bonding oppertunity " Ahhh Nurse Griffin, Doctor Woods just got back from a tour of duty in Iraq. Did you guys happen to know each other?"

Clarke completely caught off guard "NO, Oh, God, no". Shit did that come out to obvious, quick cover your tracks she thought to her self.

"No" Iraq is a really big country. A lot of people don't know that. It's actually the size of texas. There's many, many hospitals. All kinds of people medevacking around and sandstorms. Don't even get me started on those. she was was rambling in a fluster everyone started to stare as to what the hell she was on about.

"There are all these zones too. "There's your green zone and the zone that's outside of your green zone. "Time zones".

Raven couldnt painfully stand to watch her friend go on any longer.

"Clarke, You want to come with me to check on Mr Mendoza?" she put an arm around her pulling her slowly away from situation yet Clarke continued.

"So you can see how the odds of two individuals ever meeting each other over there are very small, so, no, we actually we didn't know each other".

She walks away and shrieks at Raven, leaving everyone in a state of confusion.

"Oh, my God! What did I just do Raven?" burying her face in her hands

"I think you just had a stroke".
_

Later that afternoon Clarke was taking blood samples down to the lab. She took a left turn down the corridor.

"Oh noooooo" she muttered to her self in a panic. Clarke could see Lexa walking her way. She quickly turned on the heel of her foot and tried to scurry away before she noticed.

"Hey, wait up"

"Fuck" Clarke said her face squinting before spinning around.

"That was pretty smooth earlier"

"Well, I got nervous, and I froze" Clarke blushed

"You didn't freeze, Freezing would've been fine"

"Well, okay, I didn't handle it very well. I'm sorry". Clarke forcing her gaze away.

Lexa didnt want to make her feel anymore uncomfortable.

"Uhh I got Mr Mendoza's X-rays here i was going to put them in your pigeon hole but as your here" she passed them to her before leaving.
_

"Raven" Anya said "I have assigned you to patient in room 306, She's stable, but it doesn't look good. They found her in the bathroom of that donut shop on Washington.

"Hooker donuts? the disgust on Ravens face was enough to say it all

"Indeed, other than that we have no further information, no name no nothing, Jane Doe, My gift to you"

"Oh, really? Come on". Raven exclaimed unimpressed

"I know, have fun with social services, It's a pain in the ass, but the most important thing is that it's not my pain in the ass. Looks like it could be HIV. The labs will be up soon.

Arkadia General: 3pm

"Yes, I know, I already called the social worker, Now I'm calling you. It could be a human-interest story". "I don't know, maybe somebody's looking for her". "Oh yeah?, I bet you'd be more interested if she was a 17-year-old white girl".

"Bitch" slamming the phone down.

"Who you calling a bitch?" Clarke asked walking past Raven at the time

"Im trying to get my Jane Doe on the lady says she's undesirable"

"You can get mad, or you can keep moving". "That's what you always tell me". Clarke said

Raven shoots her dagger eyes "Mockery isnt the product of a strong mind Clarke"

"Hey, did your mystery guy ever call?"

"No, he didn't, Jeezz why is everybody up in my business" Raven storms off
_

"Damn it, who keeps stealing our milk?"

"Doctors lounge" Raven suggests

"I'll be right back".

"so your the milk thief" Clarke jumps startled shutting the fridge door to see Lexa standing behind it.

"Jesus" she gasped. "no actually but i can see why you might think that?" she says smirking with a tone of flirtiness in her voice.

"How's Mr Mendoza? Lexa asks

"Oh, he'll be all right, I think. "How are you?"

"Me? I'm, uh I'm good. I'm just I'm still trying to figure out the city.I wasn't really prepared for the weather. First it's hot. Then it's cold" She says as she takes off her white coat exposing her muscular tanned california arms.

Clarke could feel her heart pounding quickly in her chest, she starts to lose focus on what Lexa's saying, her mind fills with visions of intimate times undressing one another with thirst, their bodies colliding together whilst they passionately kissed, hands exploring each others physique owning every inch of the other as they moaned in hot slow tones in pleasure.

The arousal of her thoughts were getting to much, she needed to dismiss herself pronto

"I have to go now" Clarke flushed pointing to the milk as if she was needed back urgently. "I'll talk to you later"

She left the room and collapsed against the door trying to compose herself.
_

"Finally! Raven exclaimed "I thought i was going to have to come looking for you. "What, did you end up in an on call room with your lady doctor friend?"

"Shut up Raven"

"Ahhh coffee! please tell me theres another one going" Anya pleads entering the nurses lounge sulking down on the couch

"I got you, milk 1 sugar right". "So where have you been lately i aint seen you around much"

"I have been down in Oncology, i have been doing some training with Dr Woods, have you guys met her? shes captivating she really knows her stuff.

Raven grins "Oh yeah we have met her, some of us more in depth than others"

Clarke gives Raven a hazardous look of warning.

"So whats this i hear about the Dropship softball game?" Anya enquires

"Oh we play softball for the bar, were not really any good"

"Really? I played softball in high school and in college. I almost tried out for the Olympics, but then they took it out of competition.

"You should come to the game tomorrow then? Clarke suggests

"I'd love to"

Raven lifts her arms praising the air "Our losing streak is over"

"We'll see" Anya smirks."Anyway Hows your patient in room 306? any luck with figuring out an identity yet?"

"No but im just about to go check on her, you wanna come with?

Room 306:

"Her lung function's shutting down. I'd be surprised if she made it through the night. Let's just try and keep her comfortable" Anya said

Ravens disheartened by the patients current condition and decides to put her ego aside and makes contact with a certain someone.

"Hey, Bellamy it's me, did you get my txt"

"Yeah, I was waiting to hear from you."Im glad you called.

"Well, I only called 'cause I needed a favor.

"It's fine that you called. I'm happy that you called. You don't have to make excuses.

"Dont get cocky, I needed a favor and you're the only cop I know"

"Of Course" Bellamy laughed knowing this wasnt true

"Ok so you don't know who she is?"

"Mm-hmm. It looks like she has a kid, though. She has a caesarean scar. I'd like to find some family if I can. She was found in the bathroom of that donut shop on Washington"

"Tranny donuts?"

"No, hooker donuts, Tranny donuts is on sixth"

"I'll see what I can do. Okay I'm going. Thanks for calling, by the way. It was great to hear from you when you called me" Bellamy clearly winding her up"

"I only called you because I needed a favor"

"Right"
_

Softball Game:

"All right, Jasper, come on, You can do it" the team cheered

"Jasper sucks" Lincoln said not mincing his words.

"Stop it, his mom drank a lot when she was pregnant, there's a good chance he has fetal alcohol syndrome"

Well, let's take fetal alcohol Jasper out and let somebody who doesn't have brain damage pitch" Octavia said

Raven burst into fits of laughter "Okay, I'm just gonna throw this out there.

Do you think we might actually win sometimes if we didn't drink during the game?"

Clarke looked at Raven "That is the dumbest thing you have ever said"

"Hey! Finn's putting in Anya to pitch"

Lincoln intrigued as to see weather shes's got as much game as the girls had made out.

"Uh Clarke You got trouble" Raven said pointing to the other side of the field

"Shit" Clarke starts running as she see's Lexa approaching

"Oh, hey, Dr Woods right?" Finn offers out his hand

"Yeah, Hi, hows the head?"

"Hey" Clarke says out of breath "What uh, what are you doing here?"

"Im here to pick up Anya, were having lunch but i guess im a little early"

Clarke drags Lexa to one side.

"I'm sorry, I didn't know you'd be here" Lexa says lowering her voice

Clarke sighs "It's just that this, uhh my family my friends, they're all here"

"I'll go" Lexa insists

"No, wait! You can't just go, how weird is that gonna look?

"I'll pretend I need to take an important phonecall, tell Anya il wait for her in the car"

Clarke hurried back on to the field to continue play and see's Jasper following her

"Hey, who's that?" Anya said she served in Iraq"

"Nobody" Clarke grunts"

"That's not the person that you told me about isit?"

"No"

You can see Jasper isnt buying anything that Clarke is saying

"You're full of crap"

Annoyance flashed across Clarkes face.

"Okay, maybe she is, but nothing is going on, and if you tell anybody anything, I'm gonna tell Maya you had sex with that waitress.

"Technically, it wasn't sex. It was manual.

"Oh, yeah? I don't know a Manuel, i wonder if Maya does, maybe I'll ask her"

Later that evening the team surrended to the Dropship for celebration drinks despite losing the game.
_

Daylight elbowed its way into the bedroom. Finn layed on the bed beside Clarke outside the covers, fully clothed. Stubble darkened his face and his hair tousled and unkept, his breath oozed from the stench of alcohol from the night before.

Clarke got upto shower

"Finn? Finn! Can you come in here, please?"

"Yes, princess? What can I do for you?"

"What the hell is this?"

"You mean the issue with the plumbing?"

"YES" I can't stay in a place that doesn't have a shower"

"Well, I'll just go get the garden hose, and I'll spray you down" he says as he places his arms around Clarke's waste burying his face into her neck

"Ha funny, maybe you should open up a day spa" she said sarcastically breaking away from him

"Look, I'm going as fast as I can, but Iv also got a job. We need income streams, babe"

"We need a stream of water coming out of the shower. And what happened to the bathtub? And what about walls and a ceiling?"

"I'll get to it, I promise"

"If I was a paying client Finn, you would have this all done by now. It's like I agreed to come back, and you stop trying. I just need to see a little progress every day.

Clarke stormed off, grabbing her bag from the bedroom and headed for the door.

"Where are you going?"

"I'm gonna take a shower at work. I'll see you later"
_-

Raven was leaving the gym when her phone rang

"It's me Bellamy, can we meet?"

"Sure, meet at mine, half an hour"

Raven rushed home to change, making her self that little bit more presentable knowing she was going to see bellamy, she found her self questioning why she even cared. I mean yeah ok they were sleeping with each other but it was morely a connection based on attraction not feelings, right? Bellamy wasnt her type, he was a proper wind up, they were too much alike they would be a nightmare together. But regardless he was going out of his way to help her maybe she shouldnt be so harsh on him, maybe there is more to Bellamy than meets the eye after all.

"So How'd you find the address?" she asked

"It was really hard" he said exaggerating

"Really?"

"No, "I Found her car in the parking lot. Her name's Marion Green. Her son's name is David. By the way, we can drop this charade anytime and go get some dinner"

"It's not a charade, I just want to go tell this guy his mother is dying, so he can go to the hospital and say good-bye.

"I don't understand. You must have what, like 20 patients a week? Why are you so invested in this lady?

Raven looked at Bellamy almost angelic.

"She's wearing this charm bracelet. It had the Eiffel tower on it And it was old, like she'd had it for a long time. It just made me think maybe when she was younger, she went to Paris. And then at the end of the trip, she bought that little charm bracelet to remember it. And then that same woman comes back hits a run of bad luck, gets HIV, and ends up collapsed in the bathroom of hooker donuts"."It's sad How a person's life can just fall off the rails like that"

Bellamy had never seen this side of Raven before, shes usually so tough with a hard exterior, but he liked it. It actually made him more attracted to her.
_

Clarke had showered and was getting ready to leave the hospital when she spotted Lexa & Anya talking, she decided to go and say Good night.

"Anyway, I'll see you tomorrow and bring your yoga mat"

Anya & Clarke smiled in passing as Anya left.

"You're working out with Anya? Clarke asked a little jealous

"Well, I, uh, don't have anyone else to socialize with as I don't know anybody else. So it Looks like Anya is my best friend.

"Well, I'm your friend"

"Stop! Lexa raised her voice at Clarke. "Every time we talk, it could not be more awkward. It's painful. Besides, I didn't come to this suck-hole of a city to be friends with you"

"Hey, hey, hey, This is where I live, all right? There are some beautiful parts" Clarke said trying to lighten the mood.

"Lexa sighed not impressed at Clarkes attempt of humour. "I hate it here"

"If you hate it so much, why don't you just leave?" Clarke asked not knowing if she actually wanted to know the answer to that.

"You and I are not friends, all right? Let's just drop that pretense right now. "You know why I'm not gonna leave? 'Cause I'm not giving up. Let me be clear about that. I'm not gonna do anything to sabotage your marriage, but I don't think I have to. I think it's gonna fall apart on its own. And when it does, I'll be here waiting...

Lexa was furious and left to exit the room before turing around angrily shouting

IN NEW JERSEY!

Raven received a txt from Octavia. Everytime she gets a txt or call from her these days it makes her heart sink out of fear thats its going to be a string of abuse for sleeping with her brother.

Octavia 20:25 - Hey, i know your not on duty tonight so i wanted to let you know this from me before you hear it from someone else, Marion Green passed away 20 minutes ago. Im so sorry.
Raven collapsed back on her couch at reading that txt feeling tears form behind her eyes. After composing herself she picked up her phone.

Hey, it's still up for getting some dinner? - 20:45 - SENT - BELLAMY

When Clarke got home she still found her self thinking about what Lexa had said. Finn was passed out on the bed, she knew by the way he was lying that he was sound asleep, not resting or relaxing or in that quiet space between sleep and wakefulness that could be disturbed, he was on the flat of his back, arms by his side, legs wrapped around the sheets. He had obviously been hard at work as the bathroom was almost complete. She appreciated the fact that he had taken her feelings into account from this mornings conversation as they now had running water. She decided to take a hot relaxing bath with a well needed glass of Red.

Chapter 3: Floating through fear?

Clarke, Raven, Octavia & Lincoln are sat on the rooftop terrace of the dropship

"Why is there no women on paper money?

"Who would you suggest Clarke? Lady gaga? Octavia responds

"I don't really care if it's jennifer aniston, I just kind of want a chick on my money"

Alexander hamilton looks as queer as a beer bottle to me.

"What does that mean Raven?

"I have no idea. It's something my dad says"

[faint radio rock and roll] Oh, my sweet lord" Octavia looks down onto the Street below

What?

"It's Kane, and he's with a lady". They all rush over to see

Clarke: "Who is that? She's like a giraffe"

Octavia: She's like a hooker giraffe".

Raven: "Who brings a prostitute to work? - Oh! - God, now I hate sex"

[distant sirens] [pagers beep] Code black. All hands on deck.

"What's a "code black"? Lincoln asks

"It's not good. Mass casualties, Octavia Kisses Lincoln goodbye

"We gotta go, come on Octavia" Clarke yells

Arkadia General:

Its was 4am and things had finally started to carm down after the Code black incident. Clarke was stretched out in an office chair, feet on the desk and her arms hanging off the arms of the chair

Lexa was chatting to a guy and Clarke couldnt help but over hear.

Thanks, I'll see you next week"

Clarke stands up from her desk "Looks like you made another friend?"

"Hes from my veterans group he fractured his shoulder falling off a ladder i bumped into him down in X-Ray"

"Your veterans group?"

"Yeah, What you didnt talk to anyone when you got out, Like a therapist, a group?"

"Yeah I'm not really, like, a joiner, I mean, I don't really see myself trotting Down to a church basement to drink bad coffee, All of that talking and sharing"

"Come on, There's nothing to be afraid of, Just jump right in, .

There was a light playfullness of banter going on between the two of them

"Do you really want me showing up for your group? I thought that we weren't friends.

"We're not friends, Besides, I didn't invite you to my group, Go find your own group"

"Fine, I'll find my own church basement, I just hope I don't accidentally walk into an aa meeting.

Well, come on, let's be honest, You could probably use that too"

"You know what? You're not funny and I have a lot of things to do.

"I'm a little funny and I got things to do too. I got a consult on an animal bite; it's very important"

"Later" she winks at Clarke before strutting off.
_

"So, Dr Kane, that was some car you were driving last night. Raven says as if taking an interest.

"Well, muscle cars have been A passion of mine since high school"

"Well, that one was, like, really hot, I bet you get tons of ladies and sex in that thing.

Clarke & Octavia had to turn away to stop them selves from bursting into fits of laughter.

"Raven, I don't think I need to remind you Of what we all learned in the seminar on sexual harassment! remarks of a Inappropriate and suggestive nature" Kane said raising his eyes with a glare of disappointment at Raven.
_

The Dropship:

There was a group quiz night at the dropship, Clarke, Finn, Raven, Bellamy & Octavia were all taking part, whilst Lincoln attended behind the bar.

Bellamy: Bon jovi!, The boss! "The bangles!

Raven: It's paula abdul.

Finn: Are you totally positive

Octavia: Yeah There's no other videos from the '80s With rapping cartoon cats". "write it down quick"

(DJ on the mike) "Okay, party people, Bonus question, first team to get it right gets a free round of drinks".

"What is the new jersey state bird? And no, it is not the pigeon".

Finn: Oh, I got this. It's the eastern goldfinch.

Clarke: No, no, no, bluebird.

Finn: Bluebird? No That's new york. New jersey's the eastern goldfinch.

Clarke: No way, bluebird, Back me up here, guys.

Finn: they can't princess cause you're wrong. Look I wouldn't argue with you about a medical question, So why are you arguing with me about this?

"Excuse me" Clarke taking offence to Finns comment "How is that the same?"

"All right you two, pipe down its only a quiz"

Clarke: "Oh shut up Octavia, we cant all be like you and Lincoln you know. Romeo & bloody Juliet. Im suprised you havent built a balcony off your bedroom and he hasnt learned to play the fucking mandolin or something"

Finn: Babe, you're not always right about everything, okay? I mean, my knowledge base is a little more varied than yours.

"You're an ass" Clarke said before swigging back her beer.

Raven, Bellamy & Octavia give each other a look of awkwardness at being in the middle of the couples dispute

Lincoln heads over to collect the empty glasses from their table and say goodbye to Octavia who is about to leave for her shift

Finn stands up & shouts out Eastern Goldfinch

(DJ on the mike) - We have a Winner

"YES" Finn sits down and pats Clarke on the leg "It's all right, honey, you're still pretty to look at"

Clarke can not believe he just said that, not wanting to make a scene she excuses her self and storms out.

Bellamy & Raven look on as Finn gets up to run after Clarke. He chases her down the street and pulls on her arm to turn her around.

"Hey, What's going on?"

"Nothing?"

"Really? 'cause you just Stormed out of there over the eastern goldfinch.

"It's not about the eastern goldfinch" she said rasing her voice in frustration.

"Yeah, obviously" Finn took a hold of her hands "Hey, You're still mad with me, I get it. Maybe we should talk to somebody about it.

Back at the bar Raven & Bellamy are getting up to leave, but when they are outside they cant see any sight of Finn or Clarke.

"Great they were my ride" Raven sighs and looks at Bellamy. They both know where this night is headed. Raven opens the door to her apartment but before she can shut it shes locking lips with Bellamy being pushed inside.

Arkadia General:

Raven was on her way back to the nurses office from checking on a patient, to find Clarke & Octavia

"Can you believe this?"

The girls look at Raven confused.

"That Doctor resident Costa or something gave me a fear of flying self help don't think that's rude? I mean, "hi, person I barely know, here's a self-help book.

"I just met you for one minute So now I know everything that's wrong with you.

"Ugh, residents" Octavia whines

"Yeah right!, Floating through fear. Float through my ass, bitch"

"Clarke laughs at Ravens comment "Maybe you should look at your anger about this! why are you so defensive?

"Ha, Ha" Raven launches the book at Clarke.

[A russian accent] "hello, I'm looking for Dr Kane.

The girls noticed it was the same woman they spotted from the terrace with Kane with the night they were paged code black

Clarke: He's with a patient right now, But I can just go grab him"

"No no, there is no need. If you just don't mind giving him this, It's a little surprise.

And who can we say it's from?

"His wife"

The girls froze in shock from what they just heard, Clarke moved forward

"It is so nice to finally meet you, I'm Clarke Hi"

"Yelena" the russian answered shaking Clarkes hand

This was too good for Raven not to get involved in.

"Yelena" Raven smiles at the russian "What a beautiful name, Where did you two meet again?

"On internet, He was looking for tango partner, he is such a wonderful dancer.

The girls were biting their tongues dien not to laugh at the images of Dr Kane Tango Dancing.

"Yes" Yeah, we know that about him" Octavia jumping in on the fun

"Well, good-bye"

All: "Bye"

Clarke: "Green card scam"

Raven: "Mail-order bride"

Octavia: "Sex slave"

Clarke & Raven have been shopping in the City & are taking a post shopping stroll through Central Park.

"Finn thinks we should do Couple's counseling" Clarke says not convinced

"Is That such a bad idea? Raven asks

"Yes, I like my feelings pushed down, compressed. I just, uhhh, Finn thinks I'm mad at him because of his affairs, maybe I should just come clean.

"Are you crazy? Raven spat, "Finn messed around with a few random skanks, He did not have an affair. You had an affair. You fell in love. Finn is not gonna get over that. If you want your marriage to work, You don't say a word.

Chapter 4: I'm not the pope

(Radio - Its 8am & Woahh we got ourselves another scorcher New Jersey, make sure u drink plenty of water and stay out of the sun)

Raven and Bellamy are having breakfast at a diner down town

"I knew we were going to end up in bed together the moment i laid eyes on you" Bellamy said acting all smug

"Really! wel i dont know how you would of known that because i hardly even noticed you" Raven said not giving him the satisfaction

"why isit so hard for women to be so honest about their feeling"

"actual feelings or the ones they have in your fantasies?

Bellamy smirked and got up to go and pay.

"Your moneys no good here detective" Bellamy insists but he is turned away.

"see another good perk of dating a cop"

"Dating? Raven says in a voice of question "In that case would you make this parking ticket disappear"

"look at you all about the perks" bellamy utters snatching the ticket out of her hand

Raven: "got that right"
_

The girls head out for an evening at the Dropship only to discover the aircon has broken down when they arrive, the heat is unbareable there is no way they were staying. Octavia has an idea, they stopped at the nearest supermarket to stock up on booze and headed to a community pool nearby.

Clarke: What time is this pool open until?

Octavia: Its not, were breaking in"

"Come on" Octavia shouts upto Raven whos struggling to climb over the metal gate "Just get the other leg over, It's just like getting off a horse.

"Yo, farm girl" Raven says sarcastically I am from Jersey City. I have never been on a horse.

"I swear, if you fall and kill those innocent beers in your backpack Raven"

Raven gives Clarke an insulting look for that comment.

The girls strip down into their underwear and jump into the pool to cool off, after a while Raven's phone starts to beep from a sudden income of txts.

"This was a genius idea O, theres nothing more refreshing than a midnight swim and an ice cold beer" Clarke says taking her last swig of the bottle. "

"So what did loverboy have to say?" The girls ask

"Loverboy? Please" she says splashing the girls whilst getting back into the pool. "Its casual for me, I call the shots, Plus, the perks are sweet" You can see a build up of guilt on Ravens face by the fact shes being deceitful hiding this from Octavia, but she still doesnt technically know herself what her and Bellamy are.

Is there something in the New Jersey air at the moment, everyone seems to be at it these days. Theres me & Lincoln, You and your mystery man, Clarke back with Finn. Hell even Kane is getting some with his russian bride and i swear there is something going on between Dr Woods & that new resident

"What? Clarke immediatley ask demanding a urgent answer from Octavia

"Yeah, dont quote me on that but they have certainly been getting close, if nothing has happened yet then i only predict its a matter of time. I mean Dr Woods is hot, if i swang that way i wouldnt be hesitating.

"Wait! the Doctor resident that gave me that fear of flying book? Ravens jaw drops. She can see Clarke feels uncomfortable with the information she just received.

"Hey O, will you grab me another couple of beers" Raven asks needing to distract her away quickly from Clarke who has not yet told Octavia

"Clarke you need to stop this, She moved here to be with you"

"What am i meant to do Raven? I'm not available, and I'm sure that shes lonely.

"Seriously, you'd be okay with that?

"I'm not the pope, It's not my job to keep the world from humping.

"Excuse me"

"Look i made a choice. I'm married to Finn. Lexa can do whatever she wants.

"You're really okay with that?"

It has to be okay with me. That door's closed"

Raven could clearly see the denial written across Clarkes face.

Arkadia General:

"Dr Woods can i have a word with you in my office please"

Lexa followed Kane into his room & shut the door behind her wondering what this was all about.

"Why are you treating my patients?"

"Sorry, what?"

"Why did you give Clarke a verbal order approving Gerald Petty for the interferon program?"

"Oh, why? Well, I"

"He's a homeless, hope-to-die drunk. I ordered him discharged. I told her"

"Well, I thought, after reviewing his chart, his test results showed enough of a burden on his liver to" before she could continue she was cut off

"It's not up to you to contradict my orders. A word of advice keep your guard up when around her" Kane warns her
_

Clarke's walking down the coridor on the phone to Finn discussing the evenings dinner menu, when Lexa sees her passing her office. She catches her attention.

"Can i have a minute?"

Clarke nods and advises Finn she has to go before hanging up.

"Hey whats up?" Clarke can see from her face that she's annoyed

"Next time I contradict another doctor's orders on your behalf, would you mind having the consideration of letting me know?"

"Uh Yeah, Sorry I meant to tell you, but I got hung up"

"You know, Kane is angry pointing the finger at me, I dont appreciate the position you've put me in Clarke"

"Oh Come on. I used to forge your signature twice a day in Iraq"

"Yeah, and we did a lot of other stuff too"

"Seriously? Clarke shocked at what Lexa just insinuated."That's where you're gonna go?

"The point is, this is not wartime. It's New Jersey. And we're not...(Lexa Sighs) you just can't take those liberties anymore.

"I thought that we could be a team medically speaking"

"One day we're a team, next day we're not, the rules keep changing according to your needs. Enough Clarke, Just go before we end up saying things we both regret".

Lexa walks into the lounge and see's Anya scoffing a chocolate bar

"You want to know what works even better at taking off the edge of whatever's driving you to murder that candy bar?"

"What?" Anya replies intrigued

"Tequila". "Tough day?" Lexa asks "You did great work with that burn victim. You should be proud.

Anya looks as much down in the dumps as Lexa currently feels "Hey, you know what I'm thinking? I'm thinking about just going and draining the top shelf at the dropship tonight. You want to come with?

"That sounds like a plan to me" Anya happily obliges.
_

The Dropship

Lexa & Anya have been knocking back the tequila shots like no tomorrow. Octavia is at the bar giving Lincoln a hand. She can see how wasted Lexa is? her sloppy body manner and the slurring of her words. This is deffo out of character for Lexa. She can hear her rambling on about water and surfing and animals of some sort

"That's amazinggg" Anya slurs, almost as drunk as lexa but not quite as bad. "I've always wanted to learn to surf but im affraid of sharks

"Sharks. Really?

"Yeah that movie Jaws fucked me up man" Anya said sipping her whiskey on the rocks

"Did did you see King Kong? Lexa asks

"Yeah"

"Are you afraid of apes?"

No" They laugh hard causing them to almost fall off their stools

"Here's what we're gonna do". Lexa slurs making a plan. "I know of this mushy, little, shark-free beach break down in Rumson, I'm gonna teach you how to surf. And I I promise to bring you back with no teeth marks. Okay?"

Yeahhhhhhh Lets do it, woooo" Octavia another round of shots over here"

Octavia refuses to serve Lexa & Anya advising them that they have had enough and offers to give them a lift home. Anya can just about manage to carry herself inside her apartment but its looks like Octavia will be escorting Lexa not only to her apartment but most likely to her bed.

"Okay Okay sit here, I'm gonna get you some water"

"You're a good samaritan Octavia" Lexa says from her sofa she is almost sliding off from

"Here Drink this" Octavia holding the glass steady for Lexa

"You look like a painting, Has anyone ever told you that? Beautiful. "Don't worry, im not hitting on you. "Im madly in love". She slurs "I'm in love with someone who doesn't even want me, damn you Clarke" she confesses whilst she attemps to take off her shoes.

Octavia's Jaw drops wide open in shock. "Wait, wait, What did you just say? You're whaa, Oh my God"

"Yeah, we're not together now, but we were in in Iraq, Well, we you know, we had this intense chemistry, but we fought the urge to keep our hands off each other.

Lexa knew she should shut up but she couldnt stop her self, the words just kept pouring out of her mouth.

"IRAQ" Octavia gasps in shock

"Yeah then she came home and found out that her husband had been screwing around on her the whole time. So then she got stop-lossed and came back to Iraq, and we fell in love. She told me that she was gonna get a divorce, so I moved here without telling her, like surprise."That wasn't a great idea, actually, anyway now I'm in the old the garden state, which, by the way, is actually a kind of deceptive name.

"Wow" Is all Octavia can say while she trys to sink everything in

Lexa collapses back on the Sofa. Octavia covers her with a blanket before she leaves.
_

Raven found her self waking up in Bellamys bed once again. She rolls on top of him.

"I have never wanted to go to work less than what i do right now"

"So dont go" Bellamy pleads kissing her neck

"but if i dont go to work people die so i have to go"

Raven grabs her bag from down the side of the bed pulling out her toothbrush

"you know i can clear a shelf on the medicine cabinet, if your going to be staying here as often as you have been"

"Its a tooth brush it doesnt need a shelf"

Arkadia General:

Costia right? Clarke asks approaching the female.

"Hi im Clarke" sorry to bother you but i have your patients husband pre-op down stairs and hes holding the OR hostage until i check on her, do you mind?"

Clarke was returning to the OR to let the womans husband know that his wife was fine when she was pulled up by Indra one of the staffs receptionists

"We need to talk"

Clarke confused "About what"?

"Kane has filed a complaing about you to the board"

"Omg is this about someone throwing a cinderblock through his car window? look it wasnt me ok" clarke proceeded to walk off but was dragged back by Indra

"Dont insult me & i wont insult you, you dont think i havent wanted to throw a brick through his window course i have but i supress the urge, its called impulse control. But this isnt about his car this is about patient Gerrald Petty and how you went behind his back. Your disciplinary hearing is tonight at 6.

Clarke was asking for advice from Raven about what Indra had said.

"Look i will back you all day long if its about you standing up to Kane for your patience, but you lost me with the cinderblock.

"I dont beleive this your taking kanes side?"

"No im on your side thats why i am telling you to check yourself, you could go to jail"

"Dont be so dramatic, im not going to jail, plus there is no evidence"

"thats not the point, this is not cute ok! drama is a drug you need to kick it and You have company turn around.

"Finn! Hey, what are you doing here?

"Well i made you some lunch, you ok you look stressed"

"Yeah about that, im probably going to get fired later"

"Babe listen if your not happy here, if you never want to work another day in your life, thats ok with me. He pulls clarke in to kiss her before he leaves.
_

Clarke reached the elevator and pressed the button. She rocked back and forth on her heels and waited for the enclosed space to arrive.

"Dont you have a hearing to get to? its 6pm" Lexa says walking upto Clarke

"Jeeezz was there an announcement? No im not going"

"What is this, bad decision week?"

"what is the point? nothing i can say will change what them people think of me

"The point? hmmm well lets see, i think that probably this job is the one thing keeping you from a padded room"

"your forgetting about my various perscription mood stabilizers"

"No actually im not"

"did you just come down here to remind me of how close to crazy i have become because i cant hear that enough"

"Do you want to keep your job or not?

"Yes i want to keep the job but Kane is out of his tree and he is not going to let it go"

"Well maybe thats because you put a brick through his window"

"It was a cinderblock and why does everyone think that it was me? Fine ok it was me"

"Well tell him that your sorry"

"But i am not sorry"

"Well then Fake it, its what everyone does. Look il do it for you ready. Hey whatever happens i really hope that your happy" Lexa says acting out the cheesiest smile she can

"okay okay i get it, good advice"

"Yeah well maybe i would miss your face around here if you were gone" Lexa meaning that looking deep into Clarkes eyes.

Clarke smiles at her hearing that. " Ok, im gonna go eat a massive crap sandwhich, Thank you"

Chapter 5: The truth may set you free

Its Octavia's first day back to work after a few days off and having had time to digest her conversation of that night with Lexa her priority is to discuss the evening with Clarke.

After Clarkes hearing she appologised to Kane about the cinderblock and they agreed to put the dispute to bed. In the mean time Kanes wife had fallen ill and his mind was focused on bigger things than to continue arguing this out. Kane held a morning meeting on the ward stating some new hospital rules to the staff. After it he handed Clarke an envelope.

"What the hell" Clarke puzzled as to what it was, she opened it to find an invoice for his windshield.

"Three Grand!, Clark spat in disgust "that is insane" Clarke was not having any of it and was about to storm off to find Kane when she was stopped by Octavia

"Clarke i need to talk to you"

"Can it wait?"

"No, i havent been able to sleep all week"

"Well i suggest trying warm milk with a bourban back it works like a charm. "Excuse me a sec"

"I know about your affair with Lexa"

Clarke turned looking at her in horror "What? who told you?"

Clarke went to look for Lexa up in the OR to find out what she was playing at.

"Really? You told Octavia!

"Told Octavia what?

"About us. What are you doing to me Lexa"

"I went out with a friend i got drunk, i am allowed to talk about my life"

"This is supposed to be a secret"

Clarke sighed running her fingers through her hair and stepped closer to Lexa

"This is over, you have to let me go, and maybe on some level i have to let you go, maybe im still participating in this thing that we have". "Had"."Okay right here right now lets just, its time, lets just let each other go"

"What like magic? are you a magic fairy Clarke?"

"No im not magic, i am trying right now"

"No it doesnt work that way Clarke, you dont get to decide"

"Look, I am with Finn, i am with my husband, things are good and i want you to be happy"

"Then be with me?"

"No"

Lexa couldnt restrain her self anymore an grabbed clarke kissing her passionately, clarke couldnt help but sink into her lips which deepened the kiss, she could feel Lexa's tongue pushing for access and Clarke slowly opened to let her in when they were suddenly interrupted. They quickly pulled away from each other. Clarke turned to see Raven standing there apologizing before walking out "Shittttttt" "omg" giving a look to lexa as to ask her what the hell she was playing at.

"Did you hear anything i just said, what did you do that for?"

"I dont know Clarke maybe because we work at a hospital with people dien around us daily, life is short and im running out of moves, obviously"
_

Clarke goes to find Raven to try and smooth things out.

"There you are, can we talk, im freaking out"

They head to the nurses lounge for a bit of privacy.

"What are you doing kissing on Lexa Woods in the scrub room"

"It wasnt me it was her"

"Oh it was all her, she was doing a one man show?" Raven looked to Clarke not convinced.

"I was in there trying to explain to her that its over"

"Well i dont think you were clear enough". Raven expressed.

"Please Dont! "I already feel bad, i feel terrible everyday all of the time"

"Do you want to be with Finn?"

"Yes, things are going really well, unless you count the huge thing that im hiding"

"I think you have to tell Finn, I think that this is the only way that this nonsence is going to stop"

"No you told me not to tell him"

"Well i was wrong, holding onto this secret has made you a mess, its clouded your judgement, you got no business starting a life with this guy until this thing with Lexa is over and the only way to make it over is to tell Finn. You come clean, fresh start get everything out in the open and you stop kissing on girls in the scrub room"

"Again, It wasnt me". "But yeah your right i need to come clean, Its eating me alive"

The next day Raven walks into work and heads straight to find Clarke to see how last night went after she told Finn about Lexa. She finds her in the stock cupboard.

"Hey"

"Hey, how did it go?" Raven asks

"Huh what? Clarke not paying much attention

"Uhh! Finn! Lexa! Talk?" Raven said

"oh yeah that, yeah im not doing that anymore"

A confused raven grabs her hand and drags her outside.

"this was decided"

"ye well i changed my mind"

"Your insane, there was clarity in work yesteday and now your insane"

"The truth may set you free but it usually beats the crap out of someone else"

"where did that come from" Raven asked

"My Cancer patient" Clarke told her.

"Telling Finn is going to hurt him not telling him is the right thing to do"

"oh that is so convenient that the right thing to do just happens to be the easiest"

"I know great huh"

Raven starts to get frustrated with Clarke. "Think about how many people know, then think about how much them people drink"

"Startling thought!
_

Arkadia General:

"Hey Octavia, Have you seen Clarke

"Yeah shes down in Oncology"

Lexa turns to leave to go find her.

"Hey, can i give you some advice? although everytime someone says that to me i end up wanting to throtle them". Lexa laughs at Octavias comment.

"Dont go up there after her" Octavia said

"Okay" Lexa turns to leave not impressed at her advice

"Listen, you thought you knew exactly what your life was going to be like when you came here, but you were wrong. "Clarke is committed to Finn"

Lexa bites back "I happen to believe thats not true"

"ok well maybe you happen to believe thats not true because you dont want it to be true. "Maybe your holding onto something that was great before but it isnt now and if thats the case, then im sorry because thats rough.
_

It was the end of the shift & Clarke enters the locker room to change, she opened her locker and starts slamming it open and shut a few times in a temper. Raven came around the corner to find out what the noise was.

"Woah" Whats going on?

Clarkes forehead now resting against her locker.

"I have got a patient sweating it out downstairs fighting for her life with no white blood cells and I am to affraid to have a conversation with my husband" she says feeling sorry for her self. "I am soo fucking tired of being scared Raven"

"Then go be brave"

"Yeah" Clarke grabs her things and leaves adamant that this is it, shes had enough of clinging on to this for so long and its time she exposed the truth. She headed home not in the mood yet still decided to stop by her parents house first.

Griffin Household

Clarkes parents were throwing a bit of a small gathering with their friends and family, the guys were in the kitchen cooking up a storm and the women were in the living area knocking back the martini's.

"Whos for a refill" Abby asks being a good hostess

When clarke pulled up she could already here the music and chatter coming from the household. she got out of the car and started to walk towards the front door when she could hear arguing coming from the side of the house. It was Finn & Jasper they were having a heated debate. Clarke was trying to make out what they were rowing over and moved closer " WTF". "Are you kidding me", Carm down" IRAQ, "how long" "Who" "look listen" " I cant". The boys turn to find Clarke standing in the distance watching them. Clarke could see from the look on both their faces and the small parts of conversation she had picked up on that Finn had just discovered what she was on her way to hell him. He storms over to her in rage.

"ISIT TRUE? he shouts raising his voice. "ANSWER ME".

People from inside had now started to come out to see what all the noise and shouting was about.

"You had an affair in Iraq?".

"Clarke was stone cold she didnt know how to approach this". "Ok Finn lets go talk about".

"ANSWER THE QUESTION CLARKE" he said agressivley not caring who was watching.

She couldnt lie anymore. "Yes, Yes its true ok but i was just on my way to tell you".

Finn screamed and started kicking a near by Dustbin taking out his frustration.

"STOP, please", "come on lets go". She begged trying to grip him "can we just talk".

"NO" he grabbed the car keys from her hands "DONT COME HOME".

Meanwhile back at Arkadia General, Lexa was attending to an elderly couple who were celebrating their 65th Wedding anniversary. She was giving her best wishes to the two of them before she left for the evening. "Here". They handed out a plastic container which contained 2 slices of cake. "Share it with that special someone". Lexa thanked them, she was grateful but disheartened.

"Well i think that special someone of mine is out of the picture" she said. "I Keep chasing and they keep running away and after a while i get tired of constantly hearing the word no you know". The couple looked at Lexa and could see the pain in her eyes.

"Listen Dr Woods, im telling you all that running and chasing, chasing and running is nonsense, when we met it was easy breezy from day one. Love shouldnt be hard. Thats my advice, but hey what do we know we have only been married 65 years. Lexa smiled and left the couple to enjoy the rest of their evening.

Clarke turned up at the hospital not wanting to stay at her parents house and took up resident for the night in one of the hospitals on-call rooms. She was on her way to the vending machine when Lexa noticed her from a far. She was in two minds as to weather she should approach her with the container of cake she had just been given. She held a aching gaze at the blonde making up a decision with the couples recent advice in mind. After a short while she turned to walk away not wanting to deal with yet another rejection.
The Elevator doors opened to reveal one of the Doctor residents inside reading a patients file. The resident looked up to meet Lexa with a smile who stepped in to the lift.

"Hi Costia. "You hungry she asked lifting up the container of cake.

Chapter 6: You think its PTSD

"He wont return my calls Raven"

"Just give it time Clarke"

"I should just go die in a cave"

"You look like you already did"."Come on lets get to the dropship were already late for your dads birthday"

"Ughhh i dont want to even go, they all hate me"

Txt messages:

LEXA - (20:08) - Hey, I was wondering what you were doing tomorrow night?

COSTIA (20:09) - Being with u doing nothing unless you take me out to dinner

LEXA - (20:12) - In that case we will get some sushi somewhere in the city

COSTIA - (20:14) - Cant wait ;) :P xoxo

Dropship:

Abby: I think we should go ahead and start without her

Jake: Honey carm down she said she would be here

Jasper: On the other hand commitments arnt really her thing, im going to just say it, these family things kind of blow with out Finn.

Abby: "well he is no angel, but still she really broke his heart"

Jasper: "I blame that Doctor Lady"

Clarke & Raven arrive at the dropship and join in with the birthday celebrations even tho they had no real interest in being there. Jake stands to give a speech but finds himself heavy on his feet, Clarke looks at him concerned and the next thing he collapses hitting the ground.

"Call an ambulance"

Jake wakes up in the hospital and finds Clarke talking to a doctor

"Ok We will have the MRI sorted as soon as we can and then we will send him home when he no longer has any further neck pain. I will be back soon to check on him again".

"Thanks Costia" Clarke smiled

Jake turned to Clarke as Costia left the room and took her hand,

"Listen princess, i want to say something about last night, i know everyone is upset missing Finn and everything but your my little girl and i hate to see you beating your self up so much. Just give your self a break ok?

"Thanks Dad" .

Lexa enters the doctors lounge & walks over to Costia whos making coffee.

"Hey, I have been looking for you, I managed to score reservations tonight if your still game, 8:30 at the Blue Ribbon

"Sounds great" Costia says grinning excitingly at Lexa

Their gaze is broken by an interrupting attendant

"Dr Delany, patient in 503's MRI" he places the scans on the table

"Thank you" Costia starts to discuss the issue with lexa.

"That nurse Clarke Griffin, her dad took a spell last night and banged his head poor thing"

Lexa concerned "Really? is he alright?"

Costia's pager starts flashing "Ughh its Kane, he wants me to change out of central line, you know im starting to find him a bit anal". See you later". She winks as she leaves

Costia forgot to take the MRI scans with her as she left and Lexa picks them up to examine.
_

Its visiting time and Clarke sees her mother and Jasper. She waves them in and assures them that she will be with them shortly. The elevator doors open and out steps Finn.

"Finn" Clarke stands to face him

"I am here to see your father i dont want to talk to you".

She watches him walk off towards her fathers room

"Communication ladies, its the key to a healthy marriage" Clarke follows him

Abby greets Finn with a hug "Oh aint you a sight for sore eyes"

"Alright Dial it down mom, he's my husband not the pope"

The room falls silent and you could cut the tension with a knife

Jasper: Awkwarddddddddd!

Abby glares him a look to shut up!

"Finn, I have been leaving you messages, look i know your mad but please could we just go someplace to talk"

Lexa arrives at Jakes room looking for Clarke.

"Clarke, can i talk to you a second"

She turns to find Lexa standing in the door way, her face in shock she glances back at Finn and can see the anger building up within him.

"Why dont you come back later" Finn snaps at Lexa

"Yeah Lexa now is not a good time". Clarke says awkwardly

"Actually its kind of important"

Finn looks around the room "can you believe this? he looses his cool

"what the hell were you playing at? What kind of person screws another mans wife?"

"You cheated on her first you tool" Lexa shouted

Security arrives to carm the situation down before it gets out of hand.

Finn has had enough "Im out of here" and off he storms.

Lexa still eager to speak with Clarke leads her to her office.

"So i guess Finn found out"

"Yeah, Yeah, Yeah i guess i shoud of looped you in on that one"

"Did he kick you out?"

"Mmm-hmmm Yeah"

"You didnt tell me" Lexa looking quite hurtful by that.

"Lexa, i am just really upset and confused right now so i kind of need to press the pause button for a second"

"Ok stop Clarke, just stop, i need to talk to you, your dads MRI came back its causing a mild brain contraction, It might be nothing but it needs to be examined by a neurologist. "I wanted to let you know before it is so you have time to brace your self for anything negative that may come from this.

Lexa's walking to her car when shes approached by Costia

"Hey trouble".

"Ahhh i guess word spreads fast huh"

"Yeah, umm actually i feel incredibly awkward because i also found out your reason for moving here

"uh god" Lexa exhales rolling her eyes in slight embarassment "Listen Costia"

"I get it Lexa, Clarke is a great girl and she's available now, besides you two were in a war together, how am i suppose to compete with that". I have had fun with you, but dont worry were cool, you are officially absolved of any responsiblity there is no need to go through with the akward sushi dinner"

Costia turns to walk away but finds herself being pulled back by a grip on her arm.

"What if i still want to go through with the awkward sushi dinner?" Lexa smirks. "You hungry?"

"Starved"
_

Anya: Ok I Ran your labs, And it looks like a kidney infection. So Octavia here is gonna place a catheter, And we should have you fixed up in no time.

Indra: Clarke, come here". "Kane is going off the deep end and Dr Woods & I are a little worried about him, so I'm adding you onto the case, You're the only one who's not afraid of him. He's in 509, kid named Ben who got shot at the gas station.

Clarke walks towards room 509 with Dr Kane & Dr Woods to a overpowering smell.

Clarke: (sniffs) What is that

Lexa: "Diesel". "Bens family own the gas station. It gets in your clothes.

"Hi I'm Clarke & this is Dr Kane & Dr Woods".

Dr Kane: "After six hours of surgery, We were able to repair your sons stomach.

Dr Woods: However, a bullet grazed the pericardial sac, Missing Bens heart, but puncturing the lung. His cardiac condition is deteriorating pretty rapidly

Griffin Household

With the help of her friends Clarke is moving her things back into her parents house after picking it up from Finns.

"Jake why is there a jar of mayonnaise In the medicine cabinet?". Abby calls up the stairs

"Oh, my god". Clarke groans. I cant believe im moving back in with my parents"

"Hey ladies" Drink? abby enters clarkes bedroom

"Mom, these are MY friends"

"Your father has been holding the remote hostage Ever since his accident". "Just drink with me, please".

Clarke: No, thanks. I'm good"

Abby: What? Why? Are you pregnant? Oh, my god. You are. I thought your boobs were bigger.

Clarke looks nervous "No im not" I'm-I'm not, mom.

Raven can see clarke is looking uneasy "Hey, relax, You're not pregnant. and if you are, we'll deal with it, but-but you're not.

Octavia: "were you and Finn trying?"

Abby: "Are you late?"

Clarke: "No, it's not even time yet". "I have just been feeling sick and my boobs feel weird.

Raven: "There's a million reasons why your boobs could feel weird"

Octavia: Like what?

Raven:"Maybe they're sad" she shrugs smirking

Clarke: No, I'm not pregnant and if I was, that would be terrible, Because my husband's not returning my calls, So that means I'd be a single mother Living with my parents.

Abby: if you're pregnant, Finn will do the right thing. "Plus, your dad and I can help.

Clarke:"Oh, that's a great idea". You drink vodka for breakfast, and dad's losing his mind.

Abby: "Oh Clarke You and your melodrama"

_-
Arkadia General Hospital

"Clarke"

She spins around to see who was calling her "Finn"

"Hey, You get a lunch break soon? you want to grab a bite?"

They sit at a cafe down town with an overlooking view of the river

"So i hear that the chilli is really good here"

"Abby told me Clarke"

Clarke was not happy with her mother once again meddling in her life.

"I knew it, i knew you didnt want to have lunch with me". She gets up to leave.

"Stop, we have to talk about this".

"There is nothing to talk about, i havent even taken a test and its too early for it to show up. I'll call you when i know something. Until then you can continue to ignore me.

"Hey, if this thing is real, then it changes things ok, whatever happens we will figure it out together.

Clarke is trying to maintain a cool front but deep down she is terrified.

"Hey you, Want to do something fun later" Lexa asks Costia

"I cant im monitoring the trainee attendants that are on work experience for the evening" she explains with a lack of enthusiasm

"Well thats a gutter". Wait aint they looking for more volenteers for that? why dont i just sign on?" Help you out"

"You are so sweet, but if it's just the two of us, People might figure out that, you know"

"Oh, yeah, right [clears throat] "I didn't think about that"7

"Yeah, well, there are Clarkes feelings to consider"

"Yeah. Of course" Lexa agrees

"I know you two are working together. It might not be the best time"

"You're very nice, you know that?" Lexa tells her

"Yeah well that and she scares me"

"Clarke scares everyone" (they both laugh)
_

"Home time, want to get something to eat?. Raven asks Clarke

"Sounds good to me"

"Sweet, We just got to wait for Octavia shes getting changed"

The girls head to a new brassiere on the upside of town. When they walk in they see one of their colleagues Harper sitting at the Bar alone being what seems verbally attacked by 3 women who look like the outcast of desperate housewives of New Jersey. They tend to her beck & call

"Uh - Hey, Harper,What are you doing here?"

One of the Housewives interrupts "We're having a private conversation"

"Yeah well she looks like she's done talking to you"

You guys nurses too? I bet it's hard working for a living. I guess you should've put a ring on it, huh?

Raven is ready to snap. "How do you spend your day? Spray tan in the morning And then afternoons tracking down All the women your husband slept with? Must be exhausting"

"Come on, Harper"

"What, are you just gonna run away, whore? Is that how you roll?

"I didn't know he was married, okay?

"Aw, nurse slutty, got your feelings hurt?

"If your husband did go with her we both know he went looking for her. And why wouldn't he? She's hot and sweet. "Your whore of a man took advantage of her" Clarke said aggressively

"Okay, bitch, I'm gonna kick your ass"

Restaurant waiter: You know, we-we really try to discourage ass-kicking Here

"You're lucky I just got my acrylics done Otherwise I'd kill you"

The girls head to leave but not before Raven has the last word. "That bags a fake by the way Bitch"

The Dropship:

Harper: "Thanks for saving me guys. I really thought those women were gonna put me in their trunk.

Raven: "Hey, nobody messes with us nurses" (they all laugh)

Clarke: Chin up. It's gonna be fine"

Harper: No, it's not. I slept with a married man"

Clarke: "Hey, this is just a little hiccup, you know? A milestone. Things that you do in your 20s."You sleep with a married man"

Octavia: Date a gay dude"

Raven: have a threesome"

Clarke: Did you? When did you have a threesome?

Raven: Point is, in a few weeks, This'll all just be a funny story.

"Hey, babe, can we get another round?" Octavia asks Lincoln.

Clarke: Club soda for me"

Raven: "Have you taken your pregnancy test yet?

Harper: Woah your pregnant?"

Clarke: No, well, no, i dont know"

Octavia: Why havent you taken a test?"

Clarke: Its too early"

Harper: You're a nurse, You can take a blood test"

Clarke: I'm scared.

Octavia: That you're pregnant?"

Harper: "Or that you're not?"

Clarke looks at her friends nervously "Both"

Arkadia General

"Hey, hows babysitting the attendants going?" Costia recognises the voice behind her.

"What are you doing here?". I thought we decided"

"Im going to tell Clarke, i think that she deserves to hear it from me"

"Really?"

"Yeahh, I like you Costia and i dont care who knows it".

Costia put her arms around Lexa laying a soft kiss on her nude lips
_

The next day Clarke was checking in on Ben when the monitor started to beep rapidly. Dr Woods runs in followed by Dr Kane

"What happened?"

Clarke panics "hes crashing"

Lexa orders Clarke "Do a stat cbc and metabolic panel"

"His blood pressure's dropping"

"Clarke make sure his fluids are wide open" [monitor beeping]

"Get the paddles on him now! Kane shouts

Lexa boots up the machine "Charging, 360 Clear"

Kane can see its not working "Damn it, now he's in v-tach.

Clarke collapses, Dr Woods & Dr Kane can't stop to assist her and can only look on hoping shes ok

"hold cpr, Let's check rhythm"

[beeping stops]

"I'm not getting a pulse"

Clarke, Clarke?" WILL SOMEONE GOD DAMN GET IN HERE AND HELP HER" she shouts in concern wanting to stop to attend to Clarke but knowing she cant

Charge again Kane demands "Charging, 360 Clear.

Lexa panics "His heart's all over the place. Bring me a pacemaker now! - Go

Kane does what Lexa ordered "It's in" (monitor beeping)

Lexa takes a deep breath "We've got a paced rhythm, I've got a pulse, He's back.
_

Clarke slowly starts to wake up she sees Lexa's bright green eyes gazing back at her

"How long have I been out?"

"A while" Lexa moves closer to her checking her temperature. Lexa soft touch on her skin was getting too much, she needed to break away so she starts to get up

"Whoa, just-just hold on" lexa tells her

"Relax, I know why I passed out, I'm fine"

"Sit, okay? Sit" Lexa orders her

"I told you I know why, I-it's way too early to say anything, But since you're holding me captive"

"What?" Lexa confused as to what she was going to tell her

"Finn and I, we're pregnant"

"Uh Clarke" lexa rubs the back of her neck. I did a blood panel To be sure you were okay, And I think a pregnancy would've shown up"

Clarke froze, a million and one things were running through her mind, she didnt know what she thought, is this good, isit bad, what does this mean for her life now, is it a fresh start or isit the end of an era, what will she do what will finn do ahhhhhh her mind felt like it was going to explode.

"I'm sorry" Lexa whispers not being able to read clarkes expression

"Don't be, It's a good thing, a baby would be terrible, right? It's stupid. "For a second there, it just felt like A fresh start Like hope. "What is wrong with me?" Clarke says burying her face in her hands.

"Well, nothing showed up on the blood panel, Not even low blood sugar.

So nothing's wrong with you Physically, at least. "But I was thinking about Ben"

"What about Ben" Clarke looks to Lexa puzzled

"Well, what does he remind you of? A young guy, bullet wounds Smell of diesel, You and me working together again."It brought me back too"

Lexa takes a hold of her hand

"You think it's PTSD?"

They both look deep into each others eyes that are filled with a pain & sadness.

"When is this gonna be over? Clarke asks leaning her head on Lexas shoulder

"I don't know, I wish I did" Lexa whispered resting her chin on Clarke's head"

This moment between them felt so alien as it had been so long since they had been this close emotionally, they didnt want to break away and let go but they knew they had to.

"Okay" Well, glad we got to the bottom of that" Clarke said lifting her self off the bed. "I'll see ya"

"Yeah" Lexa smiles

"Oh Nice badge, by the way"

Lexa's badge was still on her whitecoat from the night before when she volunteered to help Costia with the attendants.

"I cannot believe Costia actually got you to agree to that, It must of been torture. "What are you sleeping with Dr ladypants?" Clarke laughed, but then she seen the seriousness on Lexa's face as she turned her gaze away

"Oh, wow Jeez" Clarke sighed wide eyed

Even tho she had nothing to feel guilty about you could see from Lexas face that she did "I didn't want you to find out like this"

"No, It's good, I totally get it, she seems really nice, Clarke managed a false smile and exited the room.
_

Dr Kane bumps in to Clarke

"Are you all right?

"Yeah im fine, Sorry about that in there, i skipped lunch"

"Oh no problem, i just wanted to tell you that Ben is stable and we should be able to wean him off the ventilator in a few days, there is much to be hopeful about"

"Thats great Kane, you should be really proud"

"You sure you're all right? Bad day?"

"Yeah"

Clarke gets into her car, the rain trickles down the windscreen, she turns on the radio, Otis reading - thats how strong my love is played in the background as she dialled Finn.

[answering machine beeps]:
Hey, Finn it's me.
So that thing we talked about yesterday at the cafe. False alarm.
It's weird, you know for a second there, I-I was almost Well, I guess things don't always turn out How you thought they would, huh? everything I do seems to be filled with lies and deceit - so probably for the best.
I mean, Anyway, your life can go back to normal, you don't have to call me.
Sorry I made you worry.

Chapter 7: Hi my name is Clarke

Veterans Meeting:

Clarke decides to attend her first veterans meeting to see if she can help with the deamons going on inside her head. She arrives late after not being able to find a parking spot. A man is already sharing his story as Clarke shuffles around finding a seat.

"And I just need to be more of a man for him and my wife" (audience applaud)

After listening to a couple of the groups stories she plucks up the courage to share hers.

"Hi my name is Clarke, i was a nurse in Iraq and ever since i got back my reaction to things seem to be a bit out of propotion, umm my marriage is ending, its my fault, i had an affair with this Doctor whilst i was in Iraq and she then she had this genius idea to move here when she got out without any advance notice, anyway my husband found out, i mean hes a really great guy and i love him alot but he was kind of expecting the girl that he married to come back but she kind of left the building by my 2nd week in the desert you know and now that Doctor, ahh i really really care about her". "But not that it really matters now as she's met someone else, so everyone seems to be gone, but i think im doing fine even tho i am back living with my parents". She laughs at this. "Ummm i have decided to take a break from drinking which is very good and im also working alot which is saving my ass, I guess its just weird because Iraq was like, well i guess you guys know what its like, but everytime i heard those choppers i knew exactly what to do, but now! now i have no freaking clue". she starts to get tearful so she decides to leave it there (audience claps).
_

Arkadia General:

Dr Kane has collapsed and cant feel any sensation in his legs, he is instantly rushed to by surrounding staff and transported into a hospital room to be inspected. "Someone page Dr Woods"

Costia: "Can you feel this" she says rubbing his foot

"No" Kane replies agitated "but i can feel this one over here ripping my clothes off like im some sort of chocolate bar" he says refering to Indra

Lexa enters the room "Hey Kane, how you doing i heard you had a bit of a fall"

Costia: "Dr Kane has no sensation from the waste down"

Lexa: "Ok i want a full spine CT and consult Dr carlson from Neuro, dont forget to check his rectal tone"

Dr Kane: Woahh Woahhh no my rectal tone is fine, thank you very much"

Lexa: "Im sorry, but we need to check all possible causes, weather you like it or not someone is going to have to stick their finger up your butt"
_

Later on Costia arrives at the nurses station to file some paper work

"Hows Dr Kane?" Clarke asks

"I dont know yet we are getting ready to do some scans, Raven can you take him down to radiology"

"Oh i cant i am really backed up today, can someone else take him"

"Not me" Octavia shot back. "im on my way to my old stomping ground labouring delivery, they are short staffed with the flu"

Costia looks to Clarke

"Ohhh i would love to but i have got a potential lung transplant on my hands" not looking up from the documents shes filling out.

"OK, I realise kane is not the most pleasant patient in the world but he is our colleague and he is currently lying in a bed paralized from the waste down"

Harper over hears the convo and trys to remove her self from the room, but before she can. "Harper" Indra suggests as she see's her trying to crawl away

"You can take Kane right"

"Oh No, I umm". Harper stuttering trying to come up with some excuse

"Yes perfect Kane loves you" Raven looking at her smirking

Clarke joins in "Yeah Harper your like his favourite one"

Octavia starts egging her on chanting her name "Harper, Harper, Harper" Clarke, Raven & Indra join in. "Harper,Harper,Harper...

"FINE" Harper huffs rolling her eyes and stomps off.

Griffin household:

Clarke arrives home from her shift and tries to sneak upstairs to avoid her mother but fails miseraby

"Clarke! "Come in and have a drink hun, we picked up some nice scotch"

"Ohhh whats the occasion?" Clarke asks" knowing very well that her family dont need any occasion to have a drink.

"7 o clock thats the ocassion" her dad replies "Do you want ice?"

"uh no im good"

"oh so neat like your father" abby picking up the bottle.

"no i meant no scotch for me"

"well there is wine in the fridge" jasper offers her instead

"Im actually not drinking right now" they all look at her like she has just transformed into some sort of purple dinosaur.
"I thought you said you wernt pregnant?"

"Im not, im just taking a break from alcohol"

"Why? its not lent yet" abby says in a tone that is to suggest why anyone would opt to give up drinking for no reason

"do you want a beer then?" Jasper asks

Clarke palm fists her head questioning why she even bothers "Im going upto my room now, please do not bother me for the rest of the night, thank you" she stomps up the stairs shaking her head
_

Back in Arkadia all of Kanes results have come back negative

Costia: "What that doesnt make sense?"

Lexa: " I cant find anything to find any cause for his paralysis"

Harper: "but Kane is paralized aint he?"

Lexa: "His condition is real but most likely temporary, it might be more than just physical, it could be converstion disorder" (Conversion disorder is a mental condition in which a person has blindness, paralysis, or other nervous system (neurologic) symptoms that cannot be explained by medical evaluation.)

Costia: "Ok how do you test for that"

Lexa: "Push him out of the bed"

Harper: "What?" not believing what Lexa just suggested "but thats very dangerous he could break bones"

Lexa: "In the absence of medical finding this is how we test for converstion disorder, that or the other is scrotum plant"

Harper's Jaw drops "You made that up"

Lexa nods her head "no serious, its a thing"

Harper proceeds to go check on Kane, when she arrives he is sitting looking out the window, she tries to make small talk but he is not having any of it and is just firing back with insults.

"I dont want to go for a ride" Kane spits

Harper decides to put Lexa's advice into action and starts pushing Kane in his wheelchair.

"why are we going so fast?"

Harper begins to pick up more speed and before you know it shes sprinting down the corridor with him, Kane starts to scream "woahh woahh slow down"

Harper comes to a sudden stop and Kane goes flying out of the wheel chair half way down the corridor.

"ARE YOU FUCKING INSANE" kane shouts up nursing himself on the floor

Harper stands there frozen not believing what she just done "omg im so sorry I can explain"

"YOU JUST THREW ME OUT OF A FUKING WHEEL CHAIR YOU IDIOT"

Staff near by attend to help confused and stunned as to what just happened
_

Its a staff night out at the bowling arcade and its Doctors V Nurses

Harper was the first up to bowl and it was a clear miss

Octavia: "Well that sucked"

Harper: "Yeah well, today sucked, where are those drinks"

Raven: "Take it out on the pins people, we cant lose to the doctors again"

Clarke: "Drinks are here"

Raven: "Yeah I thought you wernt drinking anymore?"

Clarke: "I wasnt but it was really hard so i am". "Waiter, round of tequila shots please"

Octavia: "Oh that will help us win"

Clarke picks up the bowling ball to take her turn "thats the great thing about bowling O"."No one gives a shit"

Octavia turns to see Lexa arriving with Costia " wow team Woods/Delany in the house"

They all spin around to glare

Harper: "Are they dating"

Raven turns to Clarke whos necking back her 2nd tequila shot having just seen what she seen "are you ok with this?" she asks.

"Totally" she answers in complete denial, she can feel the jealousy boiling in her blood and takes yet another shot.

Lexa: "Prepare to get your asses whooped nurses, we have a ringer"

Costia digs into her bag to reveal her very own bowling ball "I was in a league in med school" she brags

Clarke makes a face behind her back that involved sticking out her tongue

Lexa: "You can refer to us as the bowling stones" she laughes "and you can call yourselves the bowl movements

Costia: "Lexa thats gross"

Clarke mimics here "Yeah Lexa thats gross"

Costa: "serious tho, enough with the butt humour, i think i have PTSD from checking Kanes rectal tone"

Clarke: "Hey some of us have been to the desert others have been to Kanes ass"

The nurses all smugly laugh by that comment "lets wipe the floor with their pretty white coats" they all neck back a shot

The games go on, the banter gets harsher and the drinks continue to flow

"Strikeeeeeee" Octavia screams

"Yessssssss, an extra 4 years of school and you still cant beat my girl" Clarke shouts taking a dig at Costia

"Dial it down a notch princess" raven told her.

Clarke slaps her to shut up and turns to see Lexa got a strike "No over the line, that doesnt count you were over the line" she says now slurring her words from a few to many

Lexa: "What no i wasnt"

Clarke "You were OVER the line"

Lexa closes the gap between them to ask her whats going on with her, Clarke just stares into her eyes for a few seconds, she is obviously finding it difficult to see Lexa with Costia especially outside of a working enviroment but shes not going to admit that

"nothing" Clarke walks off to pick up a bowling ball and everyone watches her "IF YOU CAN CHEAT THEN SO CAN WE" she goes to throw the ball and falls landing awkwardly on her leg "Owwwww"

Lexa runs to her need to see if shes ok

Raven starts shouting "Griffin down, Griffin Down"

Harper: "OMG are you ok"

Clarke obviously drunk slurs "Not a medical emergency people im ok" she goes to get up "Owwwwwww"

Lexa demands the girls to get some ice from behind the bar "Come on Clarke im taking you home"

You can see from Costia's face that she is not happy.

They arrive at Clarkes parents house, Clarke wraps her arms around Lexa as she limps to the front door, they laugh as they struggle to get up the steps but finally manage to get inside where Lexa lays her down on the sofa and attends to her leg, Clarke gazes at her whilst she watches "apologize to Costia for me" she waits to hear Lexa's response but she doesnt say anything so Clarke pushes "You seem happy" Lexa doesnt hold back this time and answers her "Yeah, yeah actually i am" as selfish as this may be of Clarke that is not what she wanted to here and now wishes she didnt even ask. I think Lexa can see from Clarkes face that she was saddened by her response and it is probably her cue to leave so with that she says goodnight and leaves Clarke with her thoughts.
_

The next morning Jake finds Clarke passed out on the sofa, he sits down next to her brushing her hair away from her face causing Clarke to wake. "whats going on with you sweetheart? I seen Lexa carrying you home last night, you were in a pretty bad state" he says as he strokes her head. "look your going through a pretty tough time princess, losing Finn, living back at home with your mother and I, hell that will cause anyone to drink he smiles at her, but you'll pull through, you always do" Clarke holds back the tears as she looks deep into her fathers eyes as if he was also feeling the pain buried within her. She leaps into his arm and lets him hold her wishing to stay there forever.

Chapter 8: This god damn pig

The girls had the day off so decided to do some retail therapy. They spotted Finn in one of the shopping centres with another woman

"Oh crap, omg, hide, hide, hide" Clarke screamed at the girls who were wondering wtf was going on

"Finns on a date, Finns on a date" Clarke shrieked "Woah he moved on kind of quick"

Well what did you expect the girls asked

"I dont know, a mourning period longer than the shelf life of a banana maybe". "I swear, every time I think This divorce thing is gonna stop hurting, It just keeps on hurting me in new and hurtful ways".
_

The next day Clarke was in the nurses lounge trying to ram a pig into the hospital fridge

"Did this fridge get smaller" she asked Octavia

"No, why dont you take the pig out of the box and just kind of wedge him in there"

"Thats sounds like to much work"

"So give him to Finn like you planned, its still his birthday"

"He kicked me out im not giving him jack". "He can let that chick he was with at the shopping centre buy him a delicious, pre-roasted birthday pig".

Lexa, Costia & Anya walk into the nurses lounge, Costia was talking about some hike

"I am telling you, you have to check out the adirondacks, its gorgeous and that hike we went on was insane right?"

Anya greets them with a smile "Our coffee machine bust, you mind if we bum some from you?"

"what you got there in the box Clarke?"

"Well Lexa, its a frozen pig, thank you for asking"."Do you want it"

"Tempting, but no i have a rule about not eating pork that comes in the mail"

Costia cant help but intervene "Im sorry but theres not a whole pig in that box right?"

"From snout to curly tail, spit roasted to delicious perfection". "Thats what the website said" Clarke answered her sarcasticly

"God thats just gross, strange & frankly disturbing

"Hey this is the nurses lounge you can take that attitude right back to the doctors lounge"

"Clarke, we got to go check on Mr Gunther after his surgery" Lexa advises

They were walking to go check on the patient when Clarke couldnt help but comment

"You know, i dont mean to stir the pot but little miss lady pants was a little judgemental about my pig

Lexa smirks "Yeah thats because its weird"

"For your information its supposed to be for Finns birthday, and he would have loved it"

"And its already cooked, so thats perfect because he hasnt discovered fire yet" Lexa commented

"Wow" Clarke raising her brows at her. "So hiking in the adirondacks huh?" "What other adorable, outdoorsy stuff did you two crazy docs get upto?"

"Actually we saw a moose, it was kind of magnificent"

Clarke did not care to hear this, it was a rhetorical question "Im sorry were you talking" she said to Lexa as they entered Mr Gunthers room.

"Ok Mr Gunther, well the good news is we got all the cancer out during the procedure, you went into cardiac arrest, which is actually not uncommon, fortunately we were able to restart your heart after 3 minutes"

"What? Wait, I died for 3 minutes? No impossible, i didnt see the light, you know the tunnel because your soul is getting ready to go home to god, I saw nothing".

"Well then your lucky, it obviously wasnt your time" Clarke said consoling him

"If it wasnt my time then god shoud have been there to say, hey Mark guess what its not your time". I waited around for 3 minutes, where was he huh?"

Lexa & Clarke could see the man getting fired up about his faith and suggested to call the pastor to come and see him.

Meanwhile Raven & Anya were discussing one of their patients.

Anya: "I dont see any next of kin or contact info here"

Raven: "Hold on, she's AB negative? but her mother was O-positive? there is no way this child could have this blood type unless she's not her biological daughter

Anya: Mmmmm-hmmm, adopted kid, dead mother no paper trail

Raven sighs "Great why do i keep getting stuck with these type of cases?"

Maybe its Fate Anya replies
_

Later that afternoon

Raven: What are we doing in front of Finns house, crazy?"

Clarke: Just making a little pit stop, i have to give Finn his birthday present dont I".She sees an unknown vehicle parked out front. "Whos car do you think that is?"

Octavia: "You said you weren't going to give him the pig?"

Raven: "This way she can find out if hes dating the chick from the fair O". "I know how her mind works, the pigs her way in"

Octavia: "Omg, drive away right now"

Clarke: "No, do you have a better idea?"

Octavia: "Yes, call him on the phone and ask him if he is seeing someone"

Raven: "Or she could just chuck the pig through that bitches windshield". "We know she has a history in that department"

Clarke gives her an evil glare before she notices Finn heading towards her car

"Shit, scootch down, now". The girls knew they had been caught "Fuck" Clarke gets out of the car.

"Hey, what you doing here?" Finn asks

"Oh, i just ended up here out of habbit". "whos your umm lady friend?"

"Lady friend?" Finn asked confused. "Oh you mean Trish?, no its not what you think, shes in real estate"

"What?" Clarke said angrily "Were selling the house now? were you going to mention this to me?"

"I dont want to live here Clarke, we talked about this, plus we could both use the money, but if you want to buy me out?"

Clarke had heard enough, she got back in the car slamming the door.

The girls could sense the tension, "You!" she points at Octavia "dont say anything" Clarke put her foot on the gas and sped off.

"Soooooo Dropship?" Raven suggests

They arrive at the Dropship and Octavia offers to gets the first round of drinks

"I cant believe he is selling the house, the son of a bitch, i mean after everything". "cheating on me, then making me cheat on him"

"Uhhhh making you?" Raven says in a judemental tone

"Please" Clarke gives her a look as if to say not now just let me have my rant

"Is this really so bad? you dont even want to live there and you could use the money, I mean what are you so pissed off about?" Octavia says trying to understand

"because if i stop being mad i will go back to sad and do either of you want that?"

Raven is meeting Bellamy at the diner downtown

"So yeah im sorry to do this again but i was hoping you could run it through your magic cop computer" Raven asks

"What do you want to know?" Bellamy leans back lacing his hands behind his head.

"Mainly who she is related to"

"Ok, sure, but then maybe you could do something for me?" Bellamy looks at her with a mischievous grin

"hmmm am I going to regret this?" smirks biting her lip
_-

Arkadia General:

Mr Gunther is in his room talking to the Pastor, the door is open and Clarke can watch/hear the conversation from the luxury of her office desk.

"I have been starving myself for a god that doesnt exist, i want to say dirty words and smoke and do some drugs, have filthy dirty gross hooker sex...

Clarke shakes her head in disbelief at hearing the conversation when Lexa approaches the desk. She can see Clarke nosing at something so turns to see what.

"Whats the verdict?" Lexa asks Clarke

"Dont ask" Clarke says lifting her eyebrows "You know, i dont have a whole lot of faith in faith after what we saw over in Iraq". "What got you through over there?"

Lexa paused not knowing if she should answer that.

"You really want to know?" she looks at Clarke who nods

"Us!, You!"

Clarke sighs dropping her head as she looks to the floor

"Thats what got me through, turns out it didnt last forever, but that what got me through". Im guessing you cant use that though" Lexa walks off
_

Evening fell and Clarke was outside getting some fresh air watching the stars, she see's Mr Gunther exit the hospital lighting up a cigarette

"Another thing to cross off ur list to piss off god?" she shouts across to him before he takes a seat besides her/p

"You know, I understand how you feel, when I was afraid, i used to try an hope for a sign, something to encourage me when I was weak, but then i realised that I was just Talking to myself, that There's nobody out there, We're all alone. I lost my faith too, I went to war, And I saw some things, And then I just could not get with god anymore"

"So what do you believe now? Mr Gunther asks her curiously

"I think that god's in people"

She puts her hand on his shoulder and stands

"You know i also think the devil is in people too" she laughs as she turns to leave

On her way back inside she bumps into Costia who asks for a quick word.

"If your gonna make a play for Lexa i would rather you do it soon"

"What?" Clarke is caught off guard and a little confused as to where this is coming from all of a sudden. Is this because of the bowling night she questions herself before answering

"No, of course not, I know that you are with her".

Costia's not convinced "I just don't want a soap opera here. I want people to be honest and say what they mean, is that so much to ask"

It was the end of the evening and Clarke was sick of carrying this god damn pig around

(Knock Knock)

Finn answers the door to find Clarke on his doorstep

"I saw this pig and i thought of you"

Finn frowns "ummmm thanks"

"That came out wrong" Clarke shakes her head "I got you this pig, i know how much you love your meat". "Wait that also came out wrong" she fist palms her head"

They both start laughing hysterically by that and the fact she is standing in front of him holding a box contained of a dead pig

After Clarke composes herself from laughing so hard she apologizes "Look i want to say sorry for kicking off earlier, i think your right, we should sell the house"

They both look at each other Nodding in agreement with what seems to be the most vivid piece of clarity they have had between them in so long

"Happy Birthday Finn" she smiles

Clarke walks away towards her car, she feels a weight of relief lift from her shoulders which makes her steps that much lighter

Chapter 9: Still Bill

Ravens slouched over the desk scoffing cake in her mouth "Omg it feels like my taste buds are having sex for the first time"

"So they are disappointed and their backs are bruised from the seatbelts?" Clarke blurts

The elevator doors open and a porter pushes a patient in whos a known regular as still Bill, he has been in a coma for 10 years after falling from scaffolding,

The otherside of town Lexa & Costia are leaving Lexa's apartment after spending the evening together, they are headed to the hospital for their shift, but not before picking up their morning coffee.

"Why do i always think this is going to taste so good" Costia moans referring to her caramel latte.

Lexa puts her arm around her shoulder "because your an optimist"

"No its the definition of insanity right? "Doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results"
_

Clarke is seeing to still Bill when Raven enters the room

"Hey hows it going?"

"oh you know, crap per usual". "Im still wrestling with Costia's now or never conversation from the other day".

"Was she putting your head on the chopping block?"

"Yeah that or she was trying some sort of diabolical chess move?

"Well there is only one thing that matters and thats what you want, soooo what do you want?

"I want Lexa" Clark answers instantly without hesitation shocking herself.

"Omg i do, i want Lexa" she looks at Raven wide eyed "I just dont want her to say no"

"I get it, no one wants to hear no, its scary". "Come on" Raven pulls her towards the door so they can go somewhere private to talk when they are stunned by the voice of still Bill waking up from his 10 year coma.

"Wow" Ok i know this may not be the best time for you but we have to page Dr Woods"
_

"We need to arrange a functional MRI & a cat scan" Lexa instructs Clarke

"Do you know what year it is Bill?. "Roxanne" he says struggling.

Clarke & Lexa are looking at each other confused but it seems to be the only thing he says.

Lexa lets him know they will be back to check on him later when he shouts out another name. "Is that Roxanne surname?" Clarke asks and pulls out her phone to search the name online, when she finds a photo she shows Bill "is that her?" he nods.
_

Bellamy had taken Octavia out for lunch and escorts her back to the hospital when he sees Raven.

"Hey you, you stalking me?

"Of course" tongue clicked, right hand imitating a gun. "how's the apartment hunting going? found anywhere yet?"

"No, the search has been slow and I get evicted in less than a month, everything is just so out of my price range and everything that is is like a million miles away from work"

Anya runs past them late for a meeting "Raven, can you take Mrs Kempton her meds please"

"Sure" She said her farewells and gets back to work.

"Hi Mrs Kempton, im Raven i come bearing vicodin" she helps adjust her broken leg thats stretched up on the bed. "What happened here?"

"my old care nurse decided to accidently shove me off my bed"

"oh she sounds lovely!" Anyway, your report says your all good to leave us here today"

"great, i cant wait to get home and begin this final stage of my life, "I need to hire a new nurse so if you know of anyone?"

"I do actually" Raven thought this was the perfect oppertunity for her to get some extra money to pay towards a new place.
_

Lexa is checking in on still Bill

He reaches out his arm to touch Lexa's "Nurse with blonde hair" Bill stutters

"Uh Clarke?" she asks him while she notes down his temperature reading

"She's umm, gonna, she's going to" Bill continue's to struggle with his words whilst Lexa waits patiently.

"She's gonna make a move on you"

"Excuse me?" Lexa's thoughts grew wings that buzzed around her conciousness. Did she just hear him right or had he mistaknly mixed up his word with his speech impediment .

Bill doesn't say another word and Lexa looks at her watch.
_

The Dropship:

Anya & Lexa are unloading the stress of the day onto each other.

"Are you certain the information you are getting from still Bill is reliable?" Anya questions knocking back her whisky draped with ice

"Well she has been looking at me alot lately and somewhat differently"

"You want my opinion?. "I think Costia is a lovely grounded young woman and I think Clarke is an emotional pingpong ball."BUT! and there is a but."I have a soft spot for Clarke and you know that so my advice to you is this. Give her an oppertunity to make her move and see what happens.
_

The next day Lexa see Clarke sitting at her desk at the nurses station and takes the oppertunity to approach her with Anya's advice in mind.

Clarke looked up from her monitor screen to see a huge smile looking back at her.

"Hey"

Clarke looks back at her monitor to continue typing before looking back up to see Lexa still deeply glaring at her

"What?" Clarke asks

Lexa stand there innocently smiling at her "I dont know, i just, you tell me?"

Clarke is confused, huh tell her what she wonders, does she know?, she starts to pluck up the courage to tell her or atleast hint but instead decides to talk about still Bill.

"Yeah its pretty great" Lexa said her smile now starting to disappear at realising she may of misconstrued still Bills words and starts to leave "Ok bye"

Clarke kicks her self as she watches her walk away "Hey Lexa"

She turns back around to face her.

"If your lights went out tonight and you woke up 10 years from now, what would you remember?"

Lexa's eyes burn from staring so long into Clarke's. She blinks bringing the room back into focus when the doors flew open and a torrent of journalists coursed onto the hospital ward.

Clarke's felt a vibrating on her leg, she dug her pocket for her phone, it was Raven, she had started nursing for Mrs Kempton today

"Heyyyy" she says in a chirpy voice " hows the new gig going?"

"oh you know, saving lives, what about you? "you figured out the whole Lexa thing yet?"

"No, everytime i see her it feels like she's setting a trap"

"What the hell are you talking about?"

"I dont know, i just

"Come on you were in a war for god sake, pull the trigure"

Clarke see's Roxanne stepping off the elevator, she recognises her from the photos

"Uh Raven i gotta go" Clarke hangs up

"Roxanne?" She greets her and takes her into one of the offices to chat

"I seen it on the news, i almost fell off the bed" Roxanne expresses

"Tell me about it, i was in the room when he woke up". Clarke asks her how long they were together.

"Oh not long at all, we just started seeing each other like 6 weeks before it happened. "Those 6 weeks tho were like, i dont know, crazy, i had never felt that way". This made Clarke only think of how she felt about Lexa,

"I visited him everyday for 6 months, my friends finally dragged my ass out of there". "I dont even know if he's going to remember me."

"Actually, your name was the first thing he said"

"What? how does he remembers me, we were 28 and beautiful and so optimistic and now, now im 20 lb heavier, the sun has aged my skin, my hair has dried out, everything is out of context" she starts to panic

"I dont think he is expecting a 28 year old to walk in there Roxanne". Clarke assures her

"I, no I made a mistake coming here, i have to go im sorry"

"Roxanne Wait" Clarke ran after but before she could stop her she was gone. Clarke ran her fingers through her hair sighing at the fact she now has to go and break this news to Bill.
_

Clarke's holds his hand "Im sorry" she said after explaining. "she just got scared and left. "The thing is even the bravest strongest women chicken out sometimes and maybe".

Bill is gazing longingly towards the door. Clarke turns to see Roxanne standing there.

"And maybe she'll come back" Clarke offered a proud smile

That sparked a courage inside of Clarke and before she knew it she found her self outside of Lexa's apartment

The door opened revealing Lexa in a black silk nightgown her hair tossed over one shoulder

Lexa opened her mouth to say something but before she could clarke flung her self towards her, she placed her hand on the back of her neck pulling her in

Lexa turned her head before their lips could touch "Wait, Wait, Wait"

Clarke pulled back and stared into her piercing green eyes.

"You asked me yesterday that if my lights went out and i woke up 10 years from now, what would i remember"

Clarke smiled "Me" she whispered, "You'd say you remembered me"

"Yeah" Lexa whispered back their lips so close it was killing Clarke.

"I'd remember wanting you so badly i couldnt sit still on the plane home. "I'd remember your face the first day i saw you at Arkadia."I'd remember your smile and I'd remember how fast my heart would beat through my chest everytime I kissed you". Lexa pauses "But i'd also remember feeling like a fool when you told me i should go home,"I dont want to go through that again,"I need to try and make this relationship with Costia work"

The pain ripped through Clarke's heart like a jagged raging blade.

"Im sorry for bothering you" are the only words she could manage as she walked away with the blade tearing through her soul burning like no fire ever could.

Chapter 10: FLASHBACK

Summary:

Sexual content

FLASHBACK

IRAQ

The desk radio received an incoming call.

Lexa rushed to answer

Helicopter down, crash, mass casualties, North east move out" Is all that came over the radio, the alarm was sounded they needed to leave urgently.

The sargeant was briefing Dr Woods & Nurse Griffin in the helicopter on their way to the scene about how the flight comms and navigation systems went down and there was no signs of life from the pilots.

A streak of black was seen stretching out above the clouds. The helicopter descended and as it did they could see the extent of the smoke's origin

I see somebody." Clarke pressed her cheek against the window and strained to see anything beyond the smoke drifting past the helicopter.

The helicopter landed and they rushed to assist the victim, he was alive but only just, he confirmed he was the pilot but the other had died suddenly on impact

"Hi, Im Dr Woods" Lexa said "I am going to need you to stay as still as possible for me to help you"

"Okay, he's lost alot of blood but we need to get him free of the harness.

"Relax sir, we're gonna get you outta here" Clarke reassured him.

He suffered severe burns from the circuitry engine, he had concussion from a head trauma, a flux of broken bones, including lacerations from where he'd torn away from the harness.

"We need to get him on the helicopter now" Lexa shouted

Clarke & Lexa spent the whole journey back to the hospital trying to do a well enough patch job to keep the blood abated. They needed to rush him into surgery as soon as they landed if he had any hope in surviving

Lexa stepped away from the sink, hands raised as she pushed back on door into the OR she heard the hum and beeps of the machines around her as she approached the surgical table. The pilot on the operation table was now unconscious & totally oblivious to the world around him. She spared him a brief glance, almost envious of his current state of nothingness as she picked up the surgical instruments.

Clarke watched & silently prayed, it wasn't everyday you got to say you saved a military pilot. If he survived that is, it was very rare that they escaped the hospital with their lives.
_

Clarke stepped out of the shower, Jess Glynne take me home, played low in the background. Ironic she thought. She walked into her dressing room waiting inside was a towel and a pair of clean clothes.

The task of drying herself was a challenge, her body ached and her legs were just about ready to give out under her after standing for hours. To top it all off, she was hungry and her head was hurting from a lack of sleep.

There was a knock at the door before she was able to get dressed. It was Lexa, she came to check on her to see how she was after the days events.

The pilot hadnt made it and Clarke took it very personal she always did. She always beat her self up with what if's. Lexa could see from Clarke's puffed eyes which were most likely caused from tears that the stress was obviously getting to much for her.

Lexa couldnt help to understand without asking something that had been on her mind since Clarke had returned.

"If this is what it does to you, why did you choose to come back Clarke?"

She lifted her gaze from the floor and looked deep into Lexa's eyes.

"I went home to nothing, I went home to a marriage of infidelity, I was unemployed & homeless squating back at my parents, I was known as the crazy chick, a burden to everyone who didn't want to accept I was messed up. I was a murderer who should've been ashamed of participating in a sham of a war".

Lexa stood looking at her with sympathy

"But here In Iraq, Im looked at as a hero, Im helping by serving my people, I have a purpose" (she pauses for a moment not taking her eyes off Lexa's) "and then there is you. There is this intense connection between us that i have never felt before in my life and i havent been able to stop thinking about you since i left.

Lexa moves closer to Clarke

"I like you Clarke i have for a while, which I know doesn't make me a good person given that up until a few weeks ago you were married, but I can't change how I feel. "I know I'd like to see what could happen. "So I guess it really depends on what you want?"

She didnt hesitate to show her what she wants

Clarke lifts her head up and presses a light kiss to her lips, barely making contact long enough for Lexa to react before she pulls back slightly to look at her face. Her eyes have dipped closed and her head is tilted down towards her. Lexa looks so beautiful that she can barely believe she's real.

It's like all the oxygen in the room has disappeared and she can barely think straight when Clarke's towel drops from around her

Lexa groans, she wraps her fingers around her naked waist. she looks down at her, at how utterly perfect she looks.

Her eyes catch briefly on her scars, and she has a moment when she realizes that they both have permanent marks across their torsos; neither of them have made it this far in life without getting damaged. They aren't broken in the same ways, and yet somehow their jagged edges seem to match up perfectly.

she lets her thumb stroke against the skin just below her scars and presses her lips to hers, the kiss quickly turning hot and deep as she opens her mouth and strokes her tongue against hers. Clarke wraps her arms around lexa's neck crushing her breasts against her.

Lexa starts walking them towards the bedroom, stumbling along the way because they can't tear their lips away from each other even for even a second right now.

She manages to open the door to Clarke's room, and shes removing her clothes with Clarke's help as she walks them over to the bed. She breaks their kiss in order to push her flat on her back. Clarke looks up at Lexa whilst she crawls on top of her. she dances her fingers across her back before she strokes down towards her ass cheeks. Lexa starts to run her hands down the inside of Clarke's thighs pushing them further apart and then lets her fingers slide over her clit. She's so warm and wet,

She can feel Clarke's intake of breath as her fingertips start to rub circles around her clit, it turns lexa on so much she's starting to find it hard to breathe. She slides her fingers further down until she can feel her entrance, then pushes just the tip of her finger inside, barely enough to tease her with.

Clarke lets go of lexa's back so she can tightly grip the sheets of the bed with both hands and nudges her hips forward a little, causing Lexa's finger to slide ever so slightly further into her. Lexa's lifts her head thats buried in Clarke's neck to look at her face, needing to check if she's still okay with this.

Her eyes are closed, her head is slightly tipped back, and her mouth is ever so slightly open. She looks so devastatingly beautiful that she loses control for a second and slides her finger completely inside her, the rest of her hand cupping her. The look on her face can't be faked, she's obviously been wanting her to touch her for a long time.

She slides her finger out, then presses her ring finger tight next to her middle finger and pushes them both inside her, curling them up as best as she can so she can rub against her inner walls. She's pretty sure she hits what she was aiming for when Clarke shifts her hips forward unconsciously and let's out a soft moan. Lexa is grinding herself harder against Clarke's leg for more friction against her own clit whilst she keeps sliding her fingers in and out of her, building up a fast rhythm to try to get her off as quickly as she can.

Clarke's eyes are still closed tight, her lips are placed around Lexa's, not kissing but open as they pant air into each others mouths from the pleasure. Her moans are getting louder, her breathing gets shallower and more erratic, her back arching slightly to push her breasts further into her. Her skin hot and slick.

Lexa honestly doesn't know how she's supposed to survive this. she's so wet that she's pretty certain she's going to cum before she can even get Clarke there. Determined to at least try, she presses her thumb against her clit whilst she carries on pushing her fingers into her.

Clarke exhales shakily, a quiet sound escaping with her breath, she can see how flushed Clarke is, and her skin is starting to glisten slightly where she's sweating. She fucks her fingers into her a little harder and Lexa loses control when she lets out a gasp and grabs at her back her fingers digging in tight, she curls her fingers and presses hard against her g spot while her thumb flicks at her clit, and she can feel the split second before she suddenly orgasms, her thighs clench tight, trapping her hand inside her, and her upper body curls up to press hard against hers. Her mouth drops further open in a silent gasp.

It takes a few seconds before they both slump back on the bed. Lexa cant take her eyes off her. She looks utterly stunning.

Chapter 11: Elephant in the room

With the extra income from her 2nd job Raven had managed to secure herself a new apartment. The extra income wasn't the only perks of the new job, she also had her own personal chauffeur. Yeah turns out Lauren Kempton was a walking goldmine.

She was preparing Mrs Kemptons meds when her son returned home from what seemed like a heavy night.

"Looks like you had a good night Paul"

"it depends on what you call fun, i took some clients to dinner and then we went to this after party and as i was leaving i bumped into these jackasses i knew from Havard then, yeah ok i suppose it was a pretty fun night"

Raven Nods "And to think some of us have to actually work when we go to work"

He starts to take his jacket off when a load of contents fall loose from his pockets exposing bags of white powder.

He stops and looks at Raven "Ok i know what your probably thinking but dont worry because its not cocaine" he leans to pick it up "its actually herroine" he jokes trying to lighten the situation

"Ha thats hillarious. "look your mum's ok but she had a fall this morning"

"What!. "well where were you?"

"I wasnt on shift yet, the question is where were you? she frowns at him "Look its none of my business if your partying, but if your going to be here for her, you need to be here"
_

Clarke was logging details onto the hospital datebase when Lexa walks in all effectionate with Costia. "Fuck". They hadnt seen each other since that night. Clarke panics and scutters to hide in the corner of the store room thats behind her
She sees Ocatavia sorting through some syringes looking at her confused.

"Ahh what are you doing?"

"Im hiding"

"Why? Octavia asks curiously

"because i went over to Lexa's apartment last week and i threw myself at her"

"Ohhhh wow, how did that go?"

"Well im in here crouched on the ground and shes out there with her cute girlfriend"

"So not good then"

"No she basically looked me up and down and said no thank you"

Once Clarke comes out of hiding Indra hands her the list of patients for the day.

"We got a 35 year old woman moderate hyperthermia, she was found in the woods unconcious with a preasure of 100 over 60". Dr Woods will be right in to do the consultation.

Oh god she thought to her self. Weather she likes it or not she is about to come face to face with Lexa.

When she enters the room neither of them really make much eye contact out of sheer awkwardness, I think they are both glad to have Indra there as a third party. Once Lexa checks over the patient she confirms second degree frostbite but no need for any amputation.

The patient comes round and pulls off her mask with just about enough energy to tell them that her son is still missing out in the woods.

Clarke advises the medics cant intibate kids without base contact so Lexa needs to be present, Clarke agrees to go with her.

They are sat in the back of the ambulance sorting through their med kits for when they arrive.

Clarke felt uneasy and needed to break the ice

"Ok are we going to talk about the giant elephant in the room"

"Where? Lexa said trying to be subtle

"The fact that i came over to your place like a total idiot and declared my love"

"Yeah that was awkward" she bows her head away

Clarke frowns "Oh I AM sorry that i put YOU in an awkward position by being honest about MY feelings and putting MY feelings on the line, but are YOU ok Lexa?"

Lexa huffs at her cattiness "what do you want me to do? one second you push me away the next your standing at my door with a boom box over your head"

"Do you think its easy for me to be vulnerable like that?" Clarke asks her

"No i think it probably takes you 3 or 4 shots of vodka"

"Ohhhhh, nice, fine im an alcoholic take the easy shot"

"You told me to move on, you told me many times in a mean tone of voice, so i have"

The ambulance comes to a stand still, Lexa hurries to the doors to get out needing to remove herself from situation.
_

Raven was finishing her shift at Mrs Kempton's. She went to see if she needed anything before she left only to her surprise she finds her stoned out of her head. Raven asks her what shes looking at here

"your looking at a woman whos fighting for her right to party, its a paraphrase to be stupid, because i can"

Its registers with Raven "So the heroine in Pauls jacket was for you?"

"Dont blame Paul i begged him for months to give in. "You know back in the early 80s i had quite a little habbit"

"You cant self medicate with street drugs, if this is a pain management situation we can talk about that"

"You wouldnt believe the parties i went to at your age" She bragged with her eyes practically drooped shut and her words all slurred "One 4th July i threw fire crackers off the top of a roof with the Welsh legend Sir Tom Jones, i didnt sleep for years because i didnt want to miss an instance of it and then one day you turn around and that beautiful carpet has been rolled up and there's nothing behind you but a bare floor, like none of it ever happened, so tell me Raven can we manage that.

Back at Arkadia one of Octavia's patients is hooked up to 1 of only 2 ECMO machines the hospital have which Clarke & Lexa need to help save the kid they rescued from the woods. The other is linked up to a 28 week year old baby so thats a no go. They ask Octavia to discuss with the patients parents if they can take their daughter off the machine as she should now be stable enough after being on it for 2 weeks but Octavia is not agreeing to it.
_

Clarke is heading to find Anya when she passes Costia in the corridor, she should put her head down and walked the other way but she decided to be civil and say Hi.

"So i heard you stopped by Lexa's the other night"

Clarke was already regretting being civil.

"Uh yeah i was a little tipsy, you know" she impersonates swigging a bottle

Costa raising an eyebrow "Seems to be your excuse for a lot of things"

"Ok i guess i deserved that, but in my defence you were the one who gave me the go ahead so"

"So you went ahead! "well she wasn't interested so its time to move on"

Costia walks off before giving Clarke a chance to respond.
_

Clarke, Raven & Octavia are having a girls night at Clarke's

Raven is going through Clarke's wardrobe "How long has it been since you wore this?"

"Umm college" Clarke answers not really remembering

"Hell no, bye bye" she chucks the top to one side"

"So anyway first i thought the drugs were for him but turns out he was getting them for his MOM. "She was sitting there as high as a kite on heroine".

Clarke & Octavia dont really seem to be paying any attention and are in their own little worlds.

"Uhhh why is no one reacting to this?, hello, i said heroine, the big h, smack, dope"

Clarke shakes herself from daydreaming and apologizes "Sorry i was distracted, I was with Lexa and"

"No" Octavia interrupts "Raven please finish your story i would like to hear the rest of how the crazy rich lady was chasing the dragon"

"Thank you, but thats pretty much it, whats going on with Lexa"

"Well i brought up the other night and she totally shot me down, what is that about?"

Octavia huffs at Clarke

"What is your problem O? you have been in a mood with me all night"

"What is my problem? "you went behind my back and got Anya to take my patient off life support to give it to your patient who had less than a 1% chance, you just dont do that, im sick of you just doing whatever you want without thinking of other people, its so frustrating".

Raven is just standing there awkwardly in the middle of all this and continues to browse through the wardrobe

"Im sorry ok, but i couldnt not do anything, i couldnt just give up"

Octavia sighs not buying her apology "Just so you know, the situation with Lexa its the same, your not even looking at it from her point of view. "You pushed her away for months and then your all oh "hey look im Clarke Griffin" and your expecting her to come running.

"Jeez ok Octavia, why did you come over if you hate me so much"

"i dont hate you, I just have so much pent up anger, deal with it"

Raven cant help but comment "Hey princess you wouldnt of gotten that talking to if you had pretended to be interested in my heroine story"

Clarke sticks her middle finger up at her

"Come on lets go to the Dropship".

Chapter 12: Begging For Mercy

Arkadia General

Clarke has been summoned by her chief officer to attend an appointment with one of the hospital's therapists to work through some of her PTSD issues.

"how are you sleeping?, any change in appetite? feelings of fatigue or depression?"

Clarke was bummed out for having to attend this, but it was compulsive under her contract of employment so she complied trying to get through it as quickly as possible.

"Im doing okay"

The councilor wasnt buying into her crap.

"look we both got better things to do than to sit here and lie to each other, i can send you home right now on a mandatory 3 week leave if i dont see fit"

Clarke frowned at her with that threat "Look please"

"Clarke you know when tragedy struck in my life i was offered a 6 months subatical". "I couldnt stay away longer than 72 hours, people thought i was nuts but i couldnt stay at home with my grief watching day time television.

Clarke decides to loosen her defense and complies.

"im having some trouble not dwelling, but with having a place to be and knowing im helping people i think i can hold on".
_ _

Ravens at Mrs Kemptons house sorting through her closet of outfits with her of what she wants to keep or get rid of. Raven throws on one of her fur coats "This aint to bad" she says jokingly posing strutting up and down the room

"Seriously? No throw it away"

Raven tosses it aside to put in the bin bags and picks up the next outfit

"Now that i will be caught dead in, put it to one side for my funeral"

Raven looks at the suit a bit shocked at her suggestion "i dont think this is going to work for a casket, maybe something more fitted, like a pantsuit?"

"Really Raven? I am not going to go to eternity looking like Hilary Clinton and will you get this breathing mask off of me" she says starting to pull it off.

"Hey it will help you take deeper breaths, Dr Woods has prescribed morphine for you to take if the mask makes you uncomfortable, but you can only take it every two hours. "You need to keep the mask on"

"It makes me look like hanibal lecture, although looking like a killer is fitting i suppose when your planning to off yourself".

"What?" Raven asks not sure if she heard right

"Im sat here writing letters, im cleaning out my closets, havent you ever taken a course in psychology? I have decided to end my life, and i need you to help me"

Raven pauses in shock while she tries to analyse what she just heard.
_

Arkadia - 4pm

Clarke's assisting her latest patient, a 12 year old called Molly who's been rushed in with her mother after she collapsed in school. Lexa walks in with an update on her results.

"Okay Liver results look all normal no evidence of heipititus, it could be an unusually bad stomach virus which can resolve itself fair quickly, but im going to do an ultrasound of her abdomen to be on the safe side".

Clarke asks molly if she would like her to help unpack a few of her things, on doing so she discovers a book inside her bag

"Carrie? arnt you like 12? how about nancy drew?"

"Its not scary enough"

"whats so great about scary?"

"My parents always used to fight after i went to bed and it gave me bad nightmares, ones you cant wake up from"

Clarke nods in relating "I hate those espcially when you think you wake up but your still stuck inside the dream and the monsters are still chasing you"

Lexa interrupts their convo so she can take her down for her ultrascan
_-

Griffin household

When Clarke arrives home that evening she walks into the kitchen to find Abby & Finn whos fitting a new kitchen unit for her parents.

"Mom whats going on?"

"Your Idiot of a father got so excited he decided to do a little terpentine flambe. He burnt through the work surface, Finns fitting a new one" Abby said as she left the room.

"Great!" "Finn do you want something to drink?"

"No i got to go by work after this"

Finn watches Clarke pour herself a drink, he cant help but make a judgemental comment

"You know i was here the other day and that bottle was full"

"Jeez you go through a couple of bottles of whiskey and all of a sudden your an alcoholic"

"I just think with everything you have going on that thats not the solution to your problems".

Clarke looks to the floor with slight shame "I cant sleep" she answers thinking about how she lays in bed at night hearing continuous gun shots that keep her awake.

The doorbell rings "Clarke! "Ravens here" Abby shouts
_-

The next day, Clarke passes by Mollys room, but she's not in bed, she goes to find her. Clarke screams for assistance when she discovers her collapsed in the hospital toilets surrounded by blood.

An hour passes and Molly is still unconcious but Lexa has examined her.

"She's menstrating, she left the tampon in for atleast a day or two"

"So you think its toxic shock?" Clarke asks

"Possibly, there is signs of infection in the cervix, i have the biopsy here, this should give us a more accurate diagnoses"

Lexa take the biopsy and puts it under the microscope to inspect, she pulls away looking at Clarke with utter disbelief.

"Its defintely not toxic shock" she says. "Its a a hell of a lot worse".
_

"Ready for dinner Mrs Kempton? Raven asks rolling her to the kitchen in her wheel chair.

"I have decided that tonight i want a glass of dom perignon with a dish of chocolate mouse and jonnie mitchell on the record player then you can leave me with the morphine"

"I cant do it, Im not going to help you kill yourself, you still have a decent enough quality of life left and im going to be here for all of it, i will care for you, i will listen to you".

Mrs Kempton sharply interrupts "Im the one who decides what happens around here, i give the orders you listen to me"

"Not this time" Raven tells her

"Fine then your fired, get out".
_-

Arkadia General:

Clarke & Lexa have spoken to Mollys mother about the results and they are giving them some privacy to discuss the matter.

"Can you imagine having that conversation, asking your 12 year old how she got gonorrhea"

Mollys mother exits the room and approaches Lexa & Clarke

"She admitted it, 4 boys from 6th Grade" The mother starts to breakdown in tears

Clarke consoles her while Lexa explains the next course of action

"Im so sorry, but its very important that we notify the public health board, an epidemic of ghonorrhoae at the school can not go unchecked thats what happened with Molly, the disease spread from her pelvis, it inflamed her liver capsule causing the abdomenal pain, so we need to keep her on antibiotics until the fever resides".

The mother wipes hear tears. "I have just never been there for her you know, i work long hours leaving her to take care of herself, looking for attention where ever she can find it, those boys took advantage of her, i just want to kill them. "This is my fault i need to fix it i need to be there for her and let her know she can rely on me".

Clarke assures she will get a cot set up for her so she is able to stay at the hospital overnight.
_

Raven is still at Mrs Kemptons despite being told to go, but she is about to leave for the evening so she goes to check on her only to discover an empty bottle of pills, she starts to panic.

"Did you take all of these? Do you know what happens when you overdose on these?

"Im hoping death" Mrs Kempton sarcastically replies

"Liver failure! "Jaundice makes you itch more than anything, you vomit blood, your stomach swells until you can barely breath, and all that lasts for weeks, you couldnt of picked a more miserable more drawn out way to go. "I need to call the paramedics, i need to get you the antidote"

Mrs Kempton stops her from leaving

"Your a strong independent woman. "How would you feel if you were trapped inside this failing body and you had no say in your own fate? This should be my choice and i choose not to burden my son, i choose not to get my food through a tube in my stomach, i choose not to get people to bathe me and wipe my ass. If i was a sick dog i would be treated with more dignity, they would put me to sleep without a second thought, why am i being punished. I have made the most of my life my only crime is getting this disease". Please please just let me go, Im begging you to give me mercy. " Just leave me the morphine".

Raven looks at her with the deepest sympathy "How do you expect me to do this for you, its illegal".

"I sent you to the drugs store, when you returned i was unresponsive".

Raven shakes her head "No i cant"

"You checked for signs of life there we none, since i have a DNR you did not perform CPR or call the paramedics. An elderly ALS patient with pneumonia is not a loss to the world. "Dr Woods will sign the death certificate and the funeral hall will collect my body". "Thats all you have to do is leave me the morphine".

Arkadia General

Clarke is on the night shift, its 1am and she is taking a short break in the nurses lounge, she starts to feel her self nodding off when she suddenly hears cries and noises coming from Mollys room. She runs in to see whats happening. Molly is plunging a metal piece of hospital equipment into her stomach area, Clarke rushes to stop her.

"Molly what are you doing? Your liver is sick, where is your mom? Il go find her".

"No" Molly cries and continues to try and harm herself

Clarke grabs her to shake her out of it "Molly! "Tell me what is going on?". "RIGHT NOW".

Molly cries into Clarke's arms.

Clarke bursts into the room with an overpowering emotion of rage. She heads straight for where Molly's mother is sleeping. She grabs her from the bed and chucks her across the floor "YOUR PIMPING OUT YOUR DAUGHTER"

Mollys mother screams and gets up trying to make an exit for the door. Clarke grabs her and pins her up against the wall "THERE ARE NO BOYS AT SCHOOL! ONLY MEN YOU BRING TO SEE HER AT THE HOUSE"

Clarke has her gripped by the collar and slams her back into the wall before she punches her in the face. Lexa runs in from hearing the commotion and tries to pull Clarke away from her. But Clarke is not backing down she's screaming and fighting away from Lexa's grip to continue attacking the mother. Lexa ends up having to pick Clarke up by the waist to enable her to cart her out of the room.

"CLARKE ARE YOU INSANE"

"SHES PIMPING OUT HER DAUGHTER LEXA"

"Then we will call the police, we cant be handling situations like that here you know that, what is wrong with you!" Sit down, i have to go and clear up this mess"
_

Mrs Kempton is sat in bed drinking her dom perignon wine, listening to Joni Mithcell on the record player as she earlier wished. "Its time" she looks to Raven as puts down her finished glass of wine.

"Im glad i got to meet you Raven. " You can have anything you want in life you know that right"

Raven is sat with tears running down her cheeks

"Will you be the one to tell Paul?"

Raven cant seem to say much as she is sniffing and wiping away her own tears but nods in agreement as she passes her the morphine.

Mrs Kempton doesnt say much else "Well i guess thats it i suppose" she can see the emotional state Raven is in and she doesnt want to make this any harder for her than it already is.

Raven gets up to leave before kissing her on her forehead "Im glad i got to meet you too"
_

Arkadia General

The police are leaving the hospital after taking statements from everyone. Lexa's seeing them out when she see's Clarke sitting in the nurses lounge.

"Mollys mother was arrested after receiving 6 stitches to her lip, "Clarke, what if Molly had lied, what if she had made that up? did you ever consider that?"

Clarke remains silent burying her face in her hands.

"Molly asked to see you but i told her you went home, which your going to do"

"Lexa i can talk to her"

"Go home Clarke"

Chapter 13: St Patricks Day

Raven: "Dont kid yourself Clarke, there will be repercussions"

Clarke: "Im highly aware of that"

Octavia: "Tell me again what happened last night?"

Clarke: "This kid told me her mother was pimping her out"

Raven: "So she beat the mothers ass to the curb"

Octavia: "Oh so you didnt choose to call the police? "instead you just decide to turn into the incredible hulk"

Clarke: "I didnt decide to do anything O, I dont know i just got so mad i couldnt see straight and now i have to see Chief Jaha to see how much trouble im in. "But you know what you dont do that to a kid, that woman was evil"

Raven: "You should of picked up the phone and called the police"

Clarke: "You know if i were a man this wouldnt be such a big deal"

Raven: "Yeah if you were a man, if you wernt suffering from PTSD, If you hadnt thrown a cinderblock through Kanes window"

Clarke: "Yeah Yeah, Il see you later".

It was saint patricks day and everyone was out for New Jerseys annual street fair celebrations. The girls bump into Bellamy at one of the tents whilst they were watching a U2 tribute band play, he told them he was on his way to the dropship to meet the boys. The girls decide to join along after they finish their drinks.

Octavia: "So how did it go with the chief today Clarke?"

Clarke: "He wants me to attend more meetings with the therapist and im on probation, but i figured i'll keep my act together and i should be fine"

Raven: "Ok so did you put an early morning system into place for those emotional tsunami's that your prone to

Clarke: "Ohhh ouch! "What do you mean emotional tsunami's?"

Raven: "You really have to ask?"

Clarke: "Does this mean your going to be on my ass too? "because my ass is totally crowded"

When they arrive at the dropship the Saint Patrick celebrations were already in full swing. Everyone was already tipsy from drinking most the day. The bar was the busiest its ever been. Lincoln, Jasper, Finn, Abby, Jake, Harper, Indra, Anya, Lexa, Costia were all present. The beer drinking contest was about to start. Clarke legs it up on stage ready to compete.

"I got this, dont mess with me, get ready to go down i will crush you" she shouts bragging to her fellow contestants.

After the 3rd round Clarke was on a winning streak but the beers were definitely taking their effects. She was fist pumping into the crowd and high fiving the people in the audience cheering her on. She stumbles which causes her to lean over a burning candle setting her arm up into flames. Someone chucks a pitcher of beer over her arm to put out the fire. She laughs hysterically all whilst her friends, family and colleagues stand by watching her antics with a cause of concern.
_

The next morning Finn is helping Lincoln clean up the bar, Jake & Abby arrive to pick up Clarke. She ended up staying with Lincoln and Octavia she passed out from intoxication. They were discussing the previous night when Lexa walks in, she had left her scarf there and was picking it up on route to her morning shift. Jake actually thinks this is a good thing as he can get some input from Lexa due to her having first hand experience of some of the things Clarke is going through.

Abby: "Im really concerned, she is not her self"

Lincoln: "Well she is drinking alot, i can see that from being at the bar all the time".

Lexa: "Its the perfect storm, i mean with everything going on with her personal life, PTSD and Jake your early diagnoses of Alzheimer's.

Clarke walks down the stairs and over hears part of the conversation they are having about her

Clarke: "Whats going on?"

Finn: "Everyone is a little worried about you"

Clarke: "Omg is this like some sort of intervention? and hang about since when do you two even talk to each other anyway". She asks pointing her fingers back and forth between Lexa & Finn.

Lexa: "Clarke"

Clarke: "No, i mean what did i do that was so terrible? I beat up a skank who was pimping out her kid so what".

Lexa: "Its not those things its the way your dealing with them"

Clarke: "This is ridiculous".

Jake: "Clarke wait, listen to me, all those years ago your mother and I had you and your mother was so happy and i was so scared, but the minute i seen you, you were my little princess and i tried so hard to not let anything bad happen to you, and its been so rough for you sweetie.

"Dad" Clarke says with tears filling up her eyes.

"You walk around late at night, you jump when i say your name, your drinking to damn much, your at sea, dont say your not, i would give everything i got to take the load of your shoulders but i cant i dont know how to help you and its breaking my heart.

Clarke is grabbing onto everything within her not to completely fall apart right there right now in front of everyone, she needs to remove herself from the situation as soon as.
"Im sorry i got to go" and with that she leaves.

Arkadia General:

Clarke is seeing to a patient who is suffering from a eating disorder. Its her day off but she would rather be at work keeping her self busy taking her mind off things a little.

"Look i know you probably cant handle another person coming in here and getting in your face with the truth, so im not gonna do that. "Maybe some of us are always going to be a little to little or a little to much and im not going to tell you im not worried about you, i hope you start taking care of yourself, but right now im here as your nurse. "I can see your eating thats great".

Lexa passes the room and takes the opportunity "Hey Clarke can i talk you a sec?"

"Look im sorry about that earlier, i didnt mean to intervene"

"No i get it, things have been a little rough lately i can see why your concerned".

"Despite everything Clarke, I do Love you. "I was just worried about you thats all"

Clarke is taken a back by what Lexa had just said not to sure how to respond as she is getting so many mixed signals. Luckily she doesnt have to respond as Lexa continues the conversation.

"Hows your arm? you set your self on fire remember?".

"Hurts but il survive". "It isnt Saint Patricks day without someone setting themselves on fire right?".

They stand smiling at each other before they both fall into laughter.
_

Clarke is meeting with the therapist as agreed

"Shouldnt you have your fancy diplomas up on the wall like most doctors?

"Why? are you worried about my credentials

"well your very straight forward and very unironic which makes me uncomfortable"

Luna bows her head knowing she is going to struggle with her "Clarke people find its best to have goals in therapy is there anything you would like to focus on"

"I dont know your the expert you tell me"

"ok well from what you have told me so far we could work on anger management, alcohol issues, panic attacks, nightmares, flashbacks of course.

"Jeeeezz lady, that is a gigantic depressive mountain to climb"

"Well then its a good thing that your here" Lets start with the main causes of what keeps you awake at night"

"Its this you know" Clarke points to her head "I cant seem to turn it off, the same stuff over and over".

"What kind of stuff?"

"Woah you ask a lot of questions.

"You dont want to talk about it?"

"God everyone in my life just keeps me wanting to talk about everything but they really dont want to know! Trust me!"

"Because if you told them, they would think your crazy?"

"Everyone already thinks im crazy?"

"Do you think your crazy?"

Clarke takes a long pause to really think about that

"What are you thinking"

"Im thinking i just want everyone to shut up and leave me alone, I just want to be left alone"

Luna watches her trying to read out what she really means

Luna: "But not left alone right?"

Clarke shakes her head looking to the floor "No! "because when im alone its worse"

Luna: "Welcome to the human race"

Chapter 14: Bacon double cheese burger

Arkadia General:

Clarke was on her way into work when Finn pulls up with a mutual friend who needed hospital assistance. He's from the dominican republic. He has a hole in the wall inside his heart which needs him to have open heart surgery but as he doesnt have insurance he is not entitled to it.

Lexa advises that she knows a doctor in the Domincan Republic who will do the surgery and because he is still a citizen it wont cost him a dime, but it will cause problems for him in regards to his legal status when crossing the border back into the US.

Anya is involved in a phase 1 clinical trail and suggests she does the surgery but Lexa disagrees saying it to risky with no evidence that it will work. Anya argues back with the fact that its a trial and if the patient agrees then why should they not attempt it if it matches perfectly with his conditon.

The patient does not want to go back to the Dominican as he has a family and a life here in the US and if he leaves it will mean being separated from them. With that in mind he considers the trial after Anya has explained all the complications and possible outcomes/risks. Lexa is still adamant that she will not authorise the surgery to go ahead as it can cause sudden death.

"But its his only option" Clarke interrupts.

"Its not his only option i told you, he can go to the Dominican Republic" Lexa spat back

"But he will be seperated from his family"

"Well atleast he wont be experimented on unlike here at Arkadia where we engage in medical colonialism

"Come on Lexa? Anya pleads "look we can kick him to the curb but what happens if he leaves here grabs him self a bacon double cheese burger and goes into acute heart failure?. "We will have no choice to operate and risk funding thousands of dollars to do open heart surgery on him when we could of just done the free medical trial. "Does that sound like a fantastic way to spend our time in tax dollars?"
_

Therapy Session (Luna's Office)

"There is this patient who needs treatment he is very sick but he has no insurance and i know what i can do to help him but it involves bending the rules and going against Lexa.

"But you said you feel like Lexa understand you more than anyone"

Clarke doesn't want to discuss Lexa right now "Can we go back to the work thing"

"Sure. "Whatever it is your planning to do it sounds like its got alot of potential downside. "You do realise your not responsible for the position your patient is in.

"Yeah i know, but if i can see the right thing to do how can i not do it? "I have to do it"

"Why do you feel like it always has to be you who falls on the grenade"

"Well if the choice is me doing something or nobody doing anything and everything getting blown up then yeah excuse me im gonna fall on the damn grenade"

"No matter how much it hurts you?"

"You do realise we arnt talking about actual grenades here right?

"And you know that psychological pain is still pain right?

Clarke pauses with that thought

"Maybe we should talk about actual grenades. "When you were treating soilders who had been wounded, when you were protecting others, how did that make you feel?.

"How did i feel? Clarke overemphasizes "It wasnt about me.

Luna gives her look as to say just answer the damn question

"I felt humbled, privileged, terrified. "I helped them the best i could and then i went somewhere and i cried and i screwed and i drank and i got in trouble and whatever else it is that people do" Clarke abruptly stops to ask "where are you going with this?

"I guess im just wondering in terms of this patient you mentioned, if you fall on the" Luna makes bunny ears with her fingers "purely metephorical grenade and you end up getting hurt, what are you gonna do?. "Cry? screw?, drink?, get in trouble?.

Clarke falls back in her chair with that thought and evaluates the possible consequences of her actions.
_

Later that day Clarke is checking in on the patient when Anya walks in. Clarke is about to do something which may have catastrophic repercussions.

"My patient is going into heart failure" she tells Anya

Anya plays along knowing what Clarke is doing "Really is that so?"

Clarke silently nods with a sense of guilt

Anya checks over the patient, she tells Clarke what his symptoms are that she needs to note down on his chart for it to be plausible if it ever gets investigated.

Anya turns to the patient who has clicked onto what they are doing "It seems you are in heart failure sir. "Do you agree nurse?

Clarke nods in agreement and then turns to her patient asking him if he also agrees which with he complies.

"Then lets get him into surgery.
_

Dropship:

Clarke, Raven & Octavia are watching Bellamy & Lincoln playing pingpong after they just purchased a new table for the bar.

"So is this the latest trend you boys are into these days? Octavia asks returning from the bar with a round of drinks.

"Let me explain something to you guys". Raven said grabbing her drink from Octavia. "Pingpong is a game that people play in china where fun is illegal.

Lincoln runs to answer the phone ringing from behind the bar so he passes the paddle to Clarke.

Clarke doesnt have much skill in this area and the ball is being flung all over the place

"Should we do something? Octavia watches painfully

"What are we gonna do? take away her paddle? Raven shakes her head "Its like watching a blind child weave through traffic on a freeway".
_

Arkadia:

The patient is recovering from surgery when his heart monitor starts alarming. Clarke & Lexa run into the room to assist him. Lexa is checking him over trying to stabalise him when Anya arrives shortly after "What happening?

"Complete heart block" Clarke tells her

"Its a known complication" Anya assures them

"A known complication?. It registers with Lexa what Anya has done "wait what?"

"I need to set him for a pacemaker, bring him down to surgery in 5 minutes" Anya tells them.

"IDIOT" Lexa screams "I told her this would happen, she better pray this works.

Clarke tries to be subtle but Lexa knows Clarke sometimes better than she knows herself.

"Clarke, you look me in the eyes right now and tell me you didnt have anything to do with this?

She cant. Lexa shakes her head in utter disappointment

"Get him down to the procedure room now for Anya to work some more of her magic" she says sarcastically and storms out of the room

"Lexa wait" Clarke runs after her "Look i get that your mad at me

"You know what, im the doctor and i know more than you. "You put a patients life in danger tonight and falsified his medical records.

"Lexa" Clarke pleads

"Just leave me alone"
_-

Meanwhile Raven is in the elevator on her way to Cardiology when an man she has never seen before asks her about Mrs Kempton.

"Im sorry do i know you" she asks

"Im Frank Sloan, the family of Mrs Kempton has some questions regarding the circumstances surrounding her death. I know she had a terminal illness but by all accounts she was stable and had a few healthy years left.

Raven trys to keep her cool and not panic "She was an elderly woman with ALS it happens"

"Well the family think its odd and the insurance company think its odd, dont you?

"I dont know you and i dont have to answer your questions"

"It would be better for you if you did, because Miss Reyes sooner or later you will"

Chapter 15: Thats Not Rigged Thats Life

(Knock Knock)

Lexa opens the door to her apartment to once again find Clarke standing before her.

"Im sorry, i know i made some questionable decisions and i could of handled the situation a bit better, so im sorry for that". Clarke pushes her way into the apartment " But i helped save a man's life today and i wont apologise for that.

"So what? am i supposed to just be cool with that? Is that your idea of give and take?

"Whats this really about Lexa? Clarke said looking at her with suspicion.

"We both know you should be having this row with Anya not me, she was the one who suggested the surgery in the first place. "But you know what? She was right, and yeah im aware that you are the doctor and im just a nurse, but you also had finances on your side to enable you to reach further in your career than me. "Your life was rigged with better prospects than mine from the get go.

"Thats not rigged! Thats just life" Lexa said frowning

"Thats not rigged thats just life" Clarke exclaims mimicking her. "Thats exactly my point Lexa, life IS rigged. "I mean you show up here just as i am trying to get my marriage back together, So i try to do the right thing and then you just happen to meet this great girl?". Clarke pauses to take a breath as she can feel her self starting to get emotional. "You know i am a really fun girl when i am not half out of my mind with PTSD and all i really want is to get back to those nights with you, where you held me so close that you made me feel whatever scary shit was going on out there in the world it didnt matter because as long as i was with you i was safe, because i loved you". "I still love you and everyday it breaks my heart to know th...

Clarke was interrupted mid sentence by Lexa's lips sinking into hers. neither of them broke to stop it. Right here right now. They did not care about any of the later consequences and lost complete control of their inner restraint. They knew how long they had fantasized about this, how long they had been aching to touch each other. Clarke presses her hand into Lexa's chest and pushes her back towards the bedroom Lexa wraps an arm around her waist, dragging her into her until they're pressed tight together, Lexa walks them towards the door until her back hits it, then Clarke presses her against it while she devours her mouth. "I want you" Clarke whispers. She can see the heat in her eyes, and she realizes that she's turned on. She rocks her hips forward to press herself into her. A loud moan shatters silence of the room her breath heavy against Lexa's mouth.

Clarke starts to unfasten Lexa's pants and tucks her hand on the outside of her underwear, she notices that Lexa is clearly wet. The fact that she can tell from the outside of her underwear just indicates how slick she must be right now. She can feel how unsteady her breathing is from where her forearm is pressed tight to her abdomen. She manoeuvres her hand rubbing her fingers against the damp material of her underwear.

Lexa grabs Clarke's hand and pulls the waistband of her panties away from her skin, before she pushes her right hand down under her panties. Clarke can feel her soft skin underneath her fingertips and Lexa uses Clarke's hand to slide her fingers between her lips and suddenly shes grazing her clit and fuck she gasps in pleasure. She's so warm and wet, and it's like her entire world has narrowed down to the feel of her under her fingertips. She feel Lexa's sharp intake of breath as her finger slides over her clit and starts to rub in circles. Clarke can't get enough of her. She breaks the kiss in order to move her mouth down her jaw and her neck, leaving wet, open mouthed kisses in her wake. She moans loudly when she grazes her teeth against the juncture of her neck and shoulder, and she can feel her fingers dig into her waist, pulling her tight to her.

Lexa unbuttons Clarke's shirt and brings both her hands up to the clasp at the back of her bra and unhooks it. Her mouth has gone dry and she feels lightheaded, Clarke just snaps and takes over undressing them both throwing their clothes behind them. She pushes Lexa back onto the bed. Clarke places one knee on the mattress, before leaning over and grasping both sides of Lexa's soaking wet panties then tugging them down her hips. As soon as they're free of her legs, she throws them behind her and grabs her calves, pulling her slightly towards her so that she drops back down flat on the bed. She climbs on top of her so she can rest over her. Lexa's thighs spread wide and Clarke cradles her hips.

Lexa's hands grip at Clarke's back, her nails running up and down her skin as she presses close to her. Clarke drops down a little so her clit is resting on top of her hot, wet cunt and she starts to grind against her, she leaves her mouth to kiss her neck for a while before moving down her body sucking on her hard nipples and brushes her lips across her stomach. Lexa moves her arms above her head grasping at the headboard as she opens her legs for Clarke.

Clarke settles herself between Lexa's legs as she puts both legs over her shoulders and wraps her arms around Lexa's thighs, pulling her close and making sure she cant escape the pleasure. Her legs shake as she could only yell out Clarke's name as she tried to move her hips closer begging Clarke to give her more. As soon as Clarke tasted Lexa there was no stopping her, she was thirsty and could not get enough. Lexa nearly screamed as Clarke wrapped her tongue around her clit as her mouth and lips sucked at her. Clarke was unyielding and Lexa's squirmed underneath her as Clarke's tongue moved faster and faster bringing Lexa closer to the edge "Im coming, Im coming" she sighs out until finally the wave hits her and she moaned so loud she even surprised herself. The waves of pleasure kept rolling over her sending her into a sort of shock before she realized that Clarke had not slowed down or even stopped. The constant attack of her clit lead her into a second orgasm that had her yelling Clarke's name.

When Lexa had slowly come down from euphoria she grabbed Clarke and flipped her over onto her back, It was her time to have some fun. Clarke was already soaking from making Lexa orgasm. Lexa presses her mouth against Clarke' "Do you wanna" she makes a suggestion with her eyes, Clarke knows exactly what she is talking about and cheekily smiles kissing her in agreement. Lexa reaches over to her draw removing her strap on.

Lexa drops one hand down to open her up, spreading her pussy wide in front of her, then uses the other to wrap around the strap on. She presses the head against her clit and rocks her hips slightly, just enough to make her squirm, then guides the dildo further down until she's pressed against her entrance.

"You ready?" Lexa asks checking to make sure that she's okay.

Clarke just raises an eyebrow grabs Lexa's hand and presses it between her legs. "Do I feel ready?"

"You feel amazing," Lexa blurts out then rocks her hips forward slowly, gently pushing the head inside her. She's going slowly to allow her to adjust, She keeps pushing forward until she's fully seated in her and the pounding of her heartbeat is so loud that it almost drowns out the soft moan that escapes Clarke's throat.

Lexa pauses a second and uses the opportunity to run her hands up her thighs, making sure that her legs stay in place, before she pulls out and fucks back into her hard and fast. Clarke moans loudly and grabs hold of the sheets, her fingers twisting into them, She lets her legs fall wide open Lexa encourages her thighs to tighten around her hips. She thrusts into her again fucking in and out of her as quickly as she can. "Fuck, fuck, Lexa, I can't - harder, please," she pants, breathless, Lexa tips herself forward, changing the angle of her thrusts as she leans down and sucks her nipple into her mouth. Her moans get even louder, and one of her hands cups the back of her head, holding her to her breast.

Lexa keeps rutting into her, as hard and as fast as she can, She lets go of her nipple, letting her teeth scrape against it as she moves her mouth up her chest. "Im coming" Clarke moans. Lexa props one arm up near her head and drops her other hand down to her hip, holding her in place for her last few thrusts, before she licks her way into her mouth. Clarke feels like her orgasm is being pulled from her. Like someone is trying to pull her brain out in the most pleasurable way possible. Her hips stutter as Lexa keeps pushing into her, trying to get as deep as she can while she orgasms. Lexa pauses for breath and leans her forehead against Clarke's, her gaze focused down their bodies, watching as her hips stutter into her one more time.

Clarke tilts her face up to press a sweet kiss to her lips before Lexa pulls away to remove the strap on. She's barely gone for a minute but when she gets back into her room, Clarke hasn't moved from where she's sprawled across the bed. She tilts her head back to watch her walk over towards the bed, and Lexa catches the dip in her gaze as she checks her out. She just smirks at her and crawls across the mattress to lay down next to her, gathering her up in her arms so they're pressed tight together. She smiles against her chest, as she trails her fingers up and down her side.

Lexa leans up on her elbow and looks down at her face. Clarke pulls her down to press an open mouthed kiss against her lips. "I love you too" she whispers into her mouth.

Chapter 16: 6 Long Islands & A Shot

Clarke, Raven & Octavia are at the Dropship dancing the night away to Kesha Tick Tock when they are approached by what seems to be a group of college boys, they invite the girls to join them at their table for a round of drinks, the girls decide before they get arrested for participating in underage relations to take a break from dancing.

"They were hot tho " Raven said as they sat down

"And cute" Clarke adds

"Arnt you pining away for Lexa" Octavia said looking at Clarke not knowing about their recent sexual innuendo

"well yeah but there is no harm to look"

"Yeah what are we dead?" Raven said lifting her phone to take a selfie "Plus they offered us beer and pizza, where i come from you rush that guy to the alter"
_

Arkadia General:

The next day Clarke was in the elevator when Costia got on. She could see she had been crying and assumed Lexa had just broken it off with her.

They were both trapped in this elevator with no escape and Clarke was feeling so guilty.

"Here" Clarke said passing her a tissue to wipe her tears with. "Look Costia i know this is extremely awkward but Lexa & I, that night just happened, im so sorry we never meant to hurt you, ".

She suddenly stops what she's saying when she see's the look on Costia's face.

"Shit, uh she didnt tell you about that did she?" Clarke squints her face in awkwardness

"My Grandmother just died"

Clarke froze not knowing how she was going to get out of this and just says the first thing that comes to mind.

"Im sorry, was it expected?

Costia looks at her with a face of disgust "You really are a Bitch you know that"
_

Arkadia General: 1pm

"Hey Raven, have you seen Lexa?"

"No! why? and why do you look so crazy right now?"

"She broke up with Costia, well actually i did for her on accident, i need to find her before".

"Before what" you want to control this you cant, its done she knows, now shes gonna yell at Lexa. It is not your problem". "Shes all yours now.

"Omg your right" Clarke's grin beams from cheek to cheek as she sits down to let that sink in

"Yes i am". Raven see's her sat there smiling like the cat got the cream "Stop smiling it looks weird on you".
_

Meanwhile lexa is having a word with Anya in her office about the heart surgery and the patient she decided to make into a lab rat

"Dont be affraid of science Lexa"

"He was my patient & this has nothing to do with science this is about protocol, its the way things are done around here"

Costia storms in "Oh really Lexa, is there? Like sleeping with 2 of your co-workers at the same time?"

Lexa was not expecting that to happen but she had to try and deal with it in the best possible way she could "Costia wait, look im sorry you found out this way, i wanted to talk to you this morning but i knew you were dealing with the death of your grandmother".

"Dont you use my grandmother as an excuse. "You were using me you son of a bitch and i gave you every opportunity to take me out of the game"

Anya gets up to leave them to it "You know its probably a good thing i took your patient because now you have all the time in the world to deal with this mess".
_

"Raven can i have a word with you?" Kane asks looking at some documents. "I just recieved the autopsy report for Mrs Kempton"

"Why would there be an autopsy? she had a DNR" (do-not-resuscitate)

"The insurance company ordered it. "Anyway acording to this she had toxic levels of morphine in her blood, do you know anything about that?.

Raven is shitting herself but cant show Kane that."No, i thought it was complications due to the ALS & pneumonia"

"Yeah thats whats on the death certificate but clearly thats not the case"

"I dont know what to tell you, i went to the store, when i came back i found her she wasnt breathing and she had no pulse".

"There was nothing out of the ordinary? empty pill bottle? Suicide note?"

"No"

"Well its not uncommon, the insurance company just need to get to the bottom of this. "Believe me you dont want these people after you. "When there is money on the line, they never stop".
_

Finally Lexa & Clarke manage to get a minute to them selves in her office

"Im sorry i broke up with your girlfriend for you"

"Its ok" Lexa says shutting the blinds

"How did it go?"

"Uhh pretty rough"

"I really didnt mean to hurt anyones feelings"

"I know, its awful, but dont beat your self up about it, its my fault i should of told her sooner, but its over.

"Really?"

"Of course really" Lexa pulls Clarke in towards her placing an ever so light kiss on her lips.

They both agreed to keep things light between them. With everything thats going on with Clarke's mental stability at the moment its best they dont commit to anything to intensify their relationship. But they also choose not to complicate it by seeing other people.

"Tell that therapist lady to hurry up and fix you" Lexa said whilst they eskimo kissed

"Well this is going to be a long slow climb back to mental health"

"Excellent" she said sarcastically before kissing her "I gotta go, il see you later.
_

Clarke's phone starts to ring "Hey Finn, whats up?

Clarke arrives at the dropship to find a drunk raven on karaoke singing her heart away to Tina turners proud mary whilst she dances across the stage.

"How long has she been up there?

"About an hour"

"Omg how many has she had?"

"Enough for this to happen" Finn points at Raven

"She's pretty good" Lincoln adds

"Oh yeah, she tried out for American Idol a few years ago"

The audience start to get annoyed with Raven. "Hey Its my turn lady"

Raven picks up a water spray and squirts it in the guys face to shut him up as she continues to sing and dance.

Clarke, Finn & Lincoln burst into fits of laughter.

"How did she get that?"

"God knows, I had it behind the bar. "Clarke people are starting to leave, can you talk her down before i lose any more customers".

Clarke manages to eventually drag her ass off stage, the audience all clap and Lincoln thanks Clarke.

"I am just so glad that it wasnt me for a change"

"Im gonna throw up" Raven runs to the bathroom.

Clarke is holding Ravens hair back whilst she spews

"Jeeez how much did you have?"

"I dont know like 6 long islands and a shot"

"Omg where did you learn how to drink like that?"

"You, I learnt from watching you"

Clarke could sense a tone of attitude from Raven "Are you gonna tell me whats going on?"

"I cant, I screwed up and i dont want to talk about it"

"Come on Raven its me, you can tell me"

"Oh what does that mean, you dont tell me anything anymore, your not the only one with secrets, maybe i have a secret too maybe im in trouble!

"Are you?"

"No" Raven stands up "just take me home"
_

The next day Raven goes to visit Mrs Kemptons son Paul to try and resolve some issues.

"What do you want Raven?"

"Well Hello to you too, look there is a private investigator following me. I think there has been a misunderstanding and i was hoping you could talk to him.

"Sure!, once you talk to the DA for me. "You can tell them you killed my mother and that it wasnt a suicide"

"What you on about i didnt kill her"

"Are you honestly gonna look me in the eye and say that? She had no grip, who opened the safety cap on the morphine?. "Do you know my mother left everything to the grandstreet theatre company. "I was supposed to get the insurance to pay out 5 million dollars until you got in the way. "Get out, we are not friends, you worked for my family and then killed my mother.
_

Therapy session - Luna's Office:

"Why did you decide to join the army?

"Because my parents spent my college tuition fee on a flat screen plasma TV and a bathroom re-model.

"I graduated from highschool and at the time it seemed like a good idea. I went to nursing school, i watched the news everynight to see if we were gonna go to war. Finn & I got married and we just waited for the call. "I was so in love with him.

"It must of been hard to leave him"

"Yeah, i had never been away from home before. "I was stationed in Camp Rahmadi and it was my job to mop up the blood off the floors at night and there were all these guys coming in one after the other and i was a really great nurse.

Clarke stops talking for a few moments because she is starting to get emotional and if she continues she feels like she will break down.

Luna gives her a moment to compose her self before she continues "so you think you made mistakes?.

"I know i made mistakes, especially in the begining and i think about it all the time, all these guys who died because of me.

"They didnt die because of you they died because of the war. "Did you do the best you could?

"Oh everybody says that, thats a bumper sticker, its an excuse.

"Really? because i think thats all we have, if you can answer yes to that question you can put your head on a pillow and sleep. "Are you saying you didnt try? you walked into that hospital too lazy to help? You let those soilders bleed out in front of you? you couldnt be bothered to hold their hands when they cried?

Luna puts her hand on Clarke's knee to console her "You need to let it go"

Clarke shakes her head tears fill her eyes "I just cant help thinking. "what if.

Luna nods "That is how you go crazy.

Chapter 17: Colonel Ramsey

Raven was locking up to her apartment when she seen that someone had spray painted murderer in graffiti across the door. Her anxiety skyrocketed and she started to consider handing her self in. She made a phone call to a friend from Pilates who had quite a bit of knowledge regarding the state laws in New Jersey who told her that assisted suicide can put someone away for 5 - 10 years.

Meanwhile Lexa & Costia had just finished doing a consultation together and Costia was still being stubborn towards her.

"Look Costia, im sorry about the way everything went down".

"Yeah well you should be. "With me you would of been the flower and now your the gardener and you have a lot of weeds to pull". she said leaving the room with attitude.

When Raven arrived for her shift at the hospital she seen Bellamy who had been there most of the day with work. There had been some sort of prison riot that required alot of the inmates to be submitted for hospital care and Bellamy needed to oversee the incident.

She took the oppertunity to grab him to one side in need of his help.

"Im in trouble. I did something" she said in a state of stress.

"What did you do? he asked looking concerned

"Mrs Kempton didnt exactly die of natural causes, she begged me to help her end her life. "I said no but she took a bottle of pills, it would of been a slow agonising death. "She wanted to die so i didnt call 911. "I opened a bottle of morphine put a straw init and I handed it to her".

"Raven you shouldnt be telling me this, im a cop"

"Paul knows i helped her kill herself and now theres this guy from the insurance company following me. "Im really scared i dont know what to do". "I need your help, please!
_

Lexa & Clarke are in surgery trying to resuscitate one of the prison inmates who had swallowed a bag of drugs to hide in his stomach. Its was obvious they had lost him but Clarke continues, arguing that it had only been 26 minutes and they said they would try up until 30.

"Clarke, why are you getting so upset? he did this to himself."

"Because he was going to be released in 2 months and had a shot at a normal life"

Lexa sighs "Yeah right"

"What? Is that so hard to believe?" Clarke said still pumping at his chest "that after what he has been through its impossible for him to have a normal life?

"For some people i guess its harder than for others" Lexa said putting down her instruments

"It seems pretty easy for you"

"What does that mean?" Lexa asks wondering why she was being so pissy with her.

"Well you were in the same war i was but you seem to go on with your life, hiking and surfing, getting your healthy vitamins and vegetables everyday.

"Do you ever think that maybe that is a choice?, "That despite all the things that we lived through over there i chose to go on with my life? "Everyday, even when its not easy. "We all have a choice Clarke, you just choose scotch and anger.

Lexa removes her surgical mask "Time of death 5.08pm".

"You just chose huh? Clarke says looking at Lexa "must be nice". She throws her surgical gloves in the bin and leaves.
_

Later that evening Lexa & Clarke are out at dinner when they see an old friend.

"Colonel Ramsey" They both stand to hug him.

"When did you get back from Iraq?"

"About 3 months ago".

They both ask him to join them for dinner. They spend the night reminiscing about the better times they had out in Iraq. They were laughing about the first day they met.

"It was the day you were doing a bowel resection" Clarke said

"No" Lexa said adamant "im telling you it was the day they served beef stroganoff and you sat kitty corner to me in the cafeteria.

"Nooooo" They both laugh at each others theories

The colonel butts in "You sound like an old married couple"

Lexa & Clarke glance at each other feeling a bit awkward with that remark

"Um no actually were not exactly together" Lexa said sipping her wine.

"Oh im sorry to hear that. "A war time romance huh". "Listen anyway i got some great news, im going back. "Afghanistan this time, an International hospital, no military affiliations and i want you both to come back and work with me".

Clarke spits out her wine "No, no i cant do that".

"Yeah" Lexa agrees "we have commitments here".

The colonel starts to go on about all the heroic stories their work made over there in Iraq to try and convince them.

Clarke was being made to feel very uncomfortable so decided to put him straight "Look! "I am really proud of the work that we achieved over there but i cant go back.

The colonel nods knowing he has pushed a nerve and decides to excuse himself to go to the bathroom.

Lexa is in her own little world and Clarke nudges her to see what she was thinking about.

"Oh, no i was just, I mean it was horrible over there". She looks at Clarke with a realization in her eyes "but it was also great, everything i did made sense".
_

Arkadia General: The next day

"How was your dinner with Lexa?"

"Fine but we ended up bumping into one of the colonels from Iraq and him and Lexa were talking about the war like it was the greatest weekend ever in vegas.

"Wow" Raven said sipping her coffee

"Lexa was like everything we did out there really made sense. "Was she talking about us? am i supposed to want to go back into that hell to save a relationship?.

Bellamy shows up looking for Raven "Hey, what are you doing here?"

"Grab your coat, were gonna go to talk to the DA".

"What? Raven exclaims

"Have you been sticking to your story? Raven nods

"Well then your gonna tell the same lie to the DA that you have been telling to everyone else. "Pauls got nothing, he cant prove a damn thing unless you confess, and im not gonna let you do that. "Your gonna stick to your story and we will file a restraining order. "Can you do that?.

"Yeah" Raven says grabbing her coat.

"I'll wait for you downstairs. "Oh and Raven if anyone in my world finds out what i know, i'll never be a cop again".
_

Lexa is paged, she has a visitor, she excuses her self from what she is doing and heads downstairs to reception.

"Colonel Ramsey? She says surprised to see him. "What are you doing here?

"Looking for you! "I want you to go to Afghanistan. "I want you to run the hospital!

Chapter 18: Thats Crazy Right?

This morning Finn had been showing Clarke around an apartment that one of his clients has up for sale.

2pm: Therapy sessions (Luna's Office)

"So im not gonna take it"

"Why not?" Luna asks in a confused tone

"Because" Clarke shrugs

"Oh because? Luna questions "why dont you make a case for why you dont want a beautiful one bedroom apartment of your own.

"Reason 1 i currently live rent free. "Reason 2, my laundry always gets done and there is always food in the fridge at no additional charge. "Reason 3, Finn found the apartment for me so i feel weird taking it.

"Why?"

"Because whats the point in getting divorced if were gonna act married"

"Separate issue, stay with the apartment"

"Plus I dont have any furniture"

"So your reasons are financial insecurity? you are affraid to take responsibility for yourself? you dont want to accept help and your affraid of change?

"Im also afraid of goblins"

"Have you ever lived alone?" Luna asks

"No" Clarke says with a sudden recognition. She leaves Luna's office to head back towards the apartment for a 2nd look to reconsider her possibilities.
_

Meanwhile Lexa is still discussing Afghanistan downstairs with Colonel Ramsey

"Come on Lexa, you know your the right person for the job"

"Im gonna have to turn you down im sorry"

"Alright, No hard feelings, i know you have ties here". He pauses "well A tie here". He puts his hand out to shake her hand "My old friend until next time".

Costia approaches Lexa having overheard some of the conversation "What have you just turned down?" She asks curiously

"Umm Colonel Ramsey asked me to head up an international relief hospital in Afghanistan".

"Woahh what did you do to him?"

"What? "You dont think its a good idea?"

"Were still at war right?"

"Yeah" Lexa confirms

"Well then no, i dont think its a good idea, and iv had fantisies about wanting to hurt you Lexa but i dont want you to get beheaded".

"I wont get beheaded" she says as they take the elevator back to the 6th floor "Its a civilian hospital, i mean there is lots of blood and infectious diseases and kids that are stupid enough to get caught in a crossfire, but if you save one of them you feel like oh my life has meaning you know, a purpose".

"Well it sounds like you want to go?"

Lexa shakes her head "Im just telling you what the job is".

"No, im sold i get it, whats keeping you here? Costia asks knowing very well what

As they step off the elevator one of the nurses comes running towards them "Dr Woods, a building collapsed a couple of blocks away, possible crush injuries to 2 boys, Clarke's trapped with them".

"You have got to be kidding me" Costia exclaims

Lexa gives Costia a disapproving glare

"Im sorry i mean is she ok?"

Lexa hasnt got time to stand there and argue, she needs to get to Clarke "Ok lets go" she instructs the nurse.
_

Lexa flees to the scene and upon arrival calls Clarkes cellphone to try and get some sort of communication of her situation from inside the crushed building.

"Hey what you upto? fancy getting some lunch?" Lexa jokes

"Are you here?" Clarke asks

"Yeah im outside are you ok?"

"No, its a little tight down here, how about you throw down a handful of Xanax" she banters back.

"Well you made a joke thats always a good sign"

"I wasnt kidding"

Lexa smirks by Clarke's remarks, atleast they still have a sense of humour in all of this.

"Look they are working to try and remove the exterior walls, if those collapse things could get alot worse so try to be as careful as you can, how are the boys?

Ok, but one of their arms is crushed under the gravel, he's in a lot of pain, there is no distal pulses".

"Clarke If there's no circulation he is gonna lose his arm" Lexa warns her

"What do i do?" Clarke begs in a panic

"Your gonna need to amputate"

"What? Have you lost your mind? No" Clarke exclaims in horror

"Clarke by the time we get through and down to you his arms gonna be dead, if you amputate now we can try to replant it, its the best chance he has to save it"

"Lexa, i dont think i can do that" Clarke said horrified with the thought

"We will find a hole, I will send down morphine and surgical instruments"

"Lexa" Clarke voice shakes in fear

"Clarke, you can do this" Lexa assures her "I will be with you everystep of the way ok, put the phone on speaker and i will guide you through exactly what needs to be done and i promise as soon as we get access and are able to remove you i will take over and complete the amputation as best i can.

Smoke starts to come from within the building raising a panic for everyones safety, Finn arrives on the scene and harrasses the fire department to try and find out what the hell is going on.

"Hey how the hell did the fire start? isit going to be ok? my wife is in there!"

"Look were doing the best we can, it could of started from the electrical circuits or solvents from old paint" The fireman explains.

Clarke has managed to successfully complete the amputation but the boy has now passed out due to the fumes of the smoke. When the firemen are finally able to dig them out the boy is automatically rushed to Lexa to help resusitate and stop any further blood loss. Clarke crawls out from the crumbling building after the boys have been confirmed safe. She sees Finn & they rush into each others arms holding one another in relief that her life has been spared from yet another potential fatality. Lexa see's the two of them affectionately reconnecting in the distance and she feels a piece of her heart break.
_

Arkadia General:

Clarke wakes from resting and is instantly greeted by Raven who has been sat by her bedside since arriving at Arkadia.

"Where is my vicodin" she requests from Raven

"You dont get any but i can get you some paracetamol"

"Dont be a bitch" Clarke sighs at Raven being a spoilsport

Octavia storms into the room "OMG im so sorry, i have only just heard, are you ok?"

"No its fine, im fine, how are the boys?" Clarke asks concerned

"Well Lexa has been in surgery with the amputation kid so im not sure on him but the other boy Anya has been assisting to, she said she would page me if there is any change but right now he is doing better" Octavia assures her.

"Thats awsum, hey do you guys wanna get a drink after this?"

"Oh Yeah great idea" Lexa says entering the room "you should definitely go and pound some alcohol tonight".

Raven & Octavia take that as their cue to leave as Lexa starts to examine Clarke.

"Ok, breathe in for me" Lexa commands whilst using her stethoscope

"How's the kid?" Clarke asks

"The surgery went great, he should have full return of function after a lot of therapy"

"Brilliant" Clarke sits satisfied of her accomplisment "Lexa, thank you for talking me through today, i honestly dont know what i would of done without you".

She smiles acknowledging Clarke's comments "You done great, you should be proud". Lexa removes the tubes from Clarke's nose "Ok, well your weazing has resolved and your carbon monoxide is back to normal, so your good to go".

Clarke thanks Lexa and reaches for her hand, they have a moment and Lexa wants to take the oppertunity to express her feelings about the days events and how she felt seeing her with Finn. She needs to know if there is still any possibility of anything happening again between them and also she needs to yet tell her about Colonel Ramsey showing up at the hospital with his new proposition, when there is a knock at the door

"Finn" Clarke exclaims leaving go of Lexa's hand

"Hey, how you doing?, I bought you your favourite turkey sub, I know how much you hate hospital food".

Lexa chooses to remove her self from the awkwardness of Finns presence "I should go and check on the kids progress after waking from surgery, excuse me".

Clarke cant help but feel like there was something left unsaid between them before Finn interrupted and wanted to check "Hey Lexa, are you sure thats all?"

"Yeah" she lies "It was great working with you today Clarke" she smiles and leaves the room unfulfilled and discouraged.
_

Clarke decided to take the new apartment after all and spends the next few days she has off from work to recover on getting things bought and moved into her new place. Her father, Finn & Jasper are putting together her new bed when Clarke dismisses herself leaving the boys to get on with it.

Clarke has a therapy session with Luna and on her way to her office she bumps into Kane who seems to be a damsel in distress.

"Hey Kane, What are you doing here so late?"

"What do you think? he answers abruptly "She has thrown off the whole rotation its a complete disaster"

"What are you talking about?" Clarke asks startled

"Dr Woods, she resigned today, there is still some cake left in the freezer" he offers

"What are you on about she resigned?" Clarke stunned with confusion. "Are you kidding me?" she spits hoping this is some kind of a joke.

Kane looks at her in disbelief "What she didnt tell you? he says at the lack of her awareness "Her plane left for Afghanistan this morning"

"NO" Clarke shouts upset and angered "Nobody told me! "and there is cake in the freezer WTF are you even saying to me?" she questions him still not accepting this information to be true.

"Carm down Clarke" Kane demands

"KANE I DONT UNDERSTAND! Clarke stresses running her hands through her hair.

"She just left and didnt say goodbye?" Clarke's eyes start to tear up and a lump forms in her throat by the thought of all this "Thats crazy right? she asks wanting someone elses opinion "she just went into a war zone and didnt even mention it?"

"I guess she moved on" Kane considers

Clarke decides to skip therapy and takes a long walk home trying to digest everything in the fresh air, she feels like she has just been kicked in the stomach and a piece of her heart has been ripped out.
She rings Raven who is at the dropship with Octavia watching the game

"Raven" She said trying not to let her voice crack on the verge of breaking down in tears "She left! Lexa! she left this morning to go back to run a hospital in Afghanistan"

"Is she crazy?" Raven responds in shock

"Raven i know this sounds unreasonable but i was hoping she would of waited for me until i was better, i know this hasn't been easy for us but"

"Clarke, Lexa is a proud woman she needs to do what she needs to do"

"I know, I know, but i guess" Clarke pauses taking in a deep breath coming to terms with the reality of what it is "I was just hoping for a little more time"

"Thats what we all want Clarke, but people come in an out of our lives and thats just the way it is. "Sometimes they suprise us and come back, but those who dont well we just miss them, all i can say now is just be grateful for what you had, cherish the memories and appreciate that in this lifetime you atleast had the oppertunity to become a part of each others lives"

"Yeah" is the only words she can manage as tears stream down her cheeks from the pain in her chest.

"Hey Griffin, for what its worth, your making progress, you have just moved into your own place, dont let this set you back, im proud of you, be strong ok princess, im always here for you, you know that"
_

When Clarke gets home the boys had already left the apartment which she was glad of as she wasnt in the mood to face anyone right now. She turns off her phone and decides to take a long hot bath with her new scented candles.

Finn has just dropped Jake & Jasper off and is heading home when he realises he has left his phone at Clarke's. He does a quick 3 point turn in the middle of the road when he is struck by an oncoming 16 ton truck which over throws his car sending it halfway down the road into complete demolishment.

Meanwhile at the dropship the game on TV is interrupted by breaking News ("We are hearing report now of the pakistani taliban that is claiming responsibility for the terrorist attack that occurred just moments ago. "For those of you who are just tuning in, dozens are feared dead after a suicide bomber attack at Peshawar International airport. Passengers on a plane originating from New York had just landed when the bomb was detonated. Among those still unaccounted for are American relief workers on their way to Afghanistan").

"OMG, CLARKE" Raven shrieks running for the door of the dropship.

Clarke sips on her glass of dom perignon whilst she soaks in bubbles under candlelight, when there's a knock at the door. She chooses to ignore it but they seem to be relentless. She gets out of the bath to answer.
Isit the police? as she is still married to Finn, she is still registered as his next of kin. Isit Raven? with the devistating news of the suicide bomb just in from Pakistan? Isit her downstairs neighbours coming to welcome her to the building?. She puts on her bath robe and turns the knob not knowing that in a seconds time whoever is standing behind that door withholds information that is about to affect her entire life forever.

Thanks For Reading :-)