Notes:: Something that just popped into my head when I was listening to this song. Yet another of my songfics with something extra… This is going to be a bit angsty, as well as a bit OC. By the way, after reading the fic, you'll realize it's a bit vague. That's done on purpose, so that you can just fill in what really happened to your own satisfaction. Warning, this is really rambly and crappy, so, please forgive me! Review afterwards, please! The song for this fic 'Can't Cry Hard Enough' By The Williams Brothers.
Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters or background information. Those belong to DC, WB, and a whole list of writers, cartoon artists… etc. I just own the plot. Now, on with the show!
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Choices
"Play it, Sam. Play 'As Time Goes By'."
-Casablanca
Hey.
I know. I was here just last week.
But I can't help it. I like being here. I like talking to you.
Even if you don't talk back.
Sometimes… sometimes I wake up at night and see you there, sitting on my bed. Like nothing's wrong. You'll say something like 'What up, Rae?' and reach over for my hand… But then I remember.
The nightmare will take hold.
And never, ever let go.
I'll wake up screaming with my pillows wet and another set of windows to replace.
How long has it been?
I don't know anymore. I stopped counting the days when you left me. I just go from one battle to another. All of us do.
It's like we'd lost our soul. My reason for trying.
I hate it.
I hate having to tell the others to keep fighting, knowing all to well the gnawing emptiness inside.
Am I a hypocrite?
Why do I force myself to keep doing it? Fight for a better world?
Because I know that it's impossible. How can a world be perfect? If a person like you had to go away to make it so?
How can it be perfect? If you're not there?
I know, I should be more optimistic.
I should appreciate the now.
But how can I?
Tell me!
I still can't believe you're gone.
Now look what you made me do. Now it's raining.
It's okay, I guess. Something to match my mood.
Bet you never knew that, right? That I can control the weather?
No… they aren't tears. It's just rain.
Who am I kidding?
Can you still remember that time?
When I was outside, alone in the rain?
And you came after me. Told me everything was okay.
Held me in your arms and hugged me for all you were worth.
I still get lightheaded with the feeling.
I kept screaming, again and again, into your shoulder.
Kept screaming that I should die.
That I was half-demon. I didn't belong here, fighting for good.
I really believed that, did you know?
Sometimes, I still do.
But then you whispered into my ear. Something I know I will never forget.
Something you said for yourself as well as for me.
Choices. That's what you said.
You said, "funny, how you can choose to talk about just one night or a whole year. How you can choose to look at a firefly, or just gaze at the whole, rainy night sky."
And then you tried reaching out for one of the glowing insects, which kept flying around us.
I just stood there, still wrapped in your arms, mesmerized. By either the lights or you, I've forgotten.
But when you finally caught one, its light disappeared.
"Sometimes, we clutch fireflies in the dark, hoping to find out why they glow. But are then terribly disappointed when they turn dark in our hands." Your voice cuts through the night's steady rhythm.
"But what matters is you tried. You chose to catch one. And for that, you have learned something from the world around you. That choice, Raven," you whisper, "is what separates a fool from the wise."
"And the power to choose, is sometimes the only thing that we have in this world, but it is also the most important."
And then you turn your eyes to me, and I felt your eyes bear into mine as the words burned into my brain.
To choose, our only freedom.
I can choose to be evil, or not to be.
I can choose to give up, or to live on.
I can choose to love you, or to be by myself.
I chose.
You always were one to choose for yourself, weren't you?
You never believed in fate.
You believed you made your own destiny.
And you did. You made one that people everywhere will always remember.
You were the only one among us who weren't different. You were the only who could take off your mask and walk away.
But you didn't.
You chose to be something more than you were.
And you succeeded.
Just like how you chose to love me.
All of this flew through my mind as I stared into your eyes.
But then you kissed me. And my world fell apart.
Why did you have to go?
Why?
I can still taste your lips, feel your arms.
I can still see your smile.
I can still revel in your love.
Can you still, in mine?
God, I love you so much.
I know. I should move on.
The rest have, even though everybody knows we'll never be the same.
Yes, even Starfire.
Oh, sure, she's still the happy-go-lucky girl you used to know. The same quirky alien who loved you. But when you look into her eyes, you can see a deep-set sadness.
A maturity she didn't have before.
Damn it, why did you have to die? And even when you did, you still made it all turn out for the better.
How do you do it?
I guess I'll never know, huh?
But I just can't forget you. I just can't
Your ghost will always be with me. And even though I know it's not healthy, I don't care.
I choose to remember you.
I asked you earlier when if I was being a hypocrite by asking the others to keep fighting.
But I've realized something.
We all have to be mad not to fight for a better tomorrow.
Especially since you're no longer in it. The world needs our help even more, now that someone like you is gone.
Look at me, standing here, talking to a piece of rock with your real name on it.
You finally gave up the mask, eh?
The others are calling me. I need to go now.
The rain has stopped, by the way, in case you hadn't noticed.
But I'll keep coming back.
No, I know what you're thinking… don't worry, I'm no longer compelled to do it.
I've moved on.
Really.
I just choose to.
Goodbye, Robin.
..
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"There it goes, up in the sky.
There it goes, beyond the clouds.
For no reason why, I can't cry hard enough.
No, I can't cry hard enough.
For you to hear me now."
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The Williams Brothers
Notes: Like I said, crappy, right? R/R, please. If you want the unedited version with the song lyrics, just e-mail me...