"God made me this way" was the last words drug lord Eric Eisonhower before the hammer clicked and he was gone. In his dying moments, should he have forgiven a god who condemned him? A better question would be; WHY would he forgive him?
Of course, it's not Eric Eisonhower's decision to forgive. It's God's. He decides if you are bad. But do you think God sits down and looks over the BILLIONS of people who die every minute? No. He has little cherubs, angels-to-be, who survey the dead.
Despite having had his head blown off his necks just moments ago, Eric found himself sitting naked on a gold pedestal, his legs tied together with some sort of extremely abrasive rope. Floating stupidly close to his face, there was a cherub. And the cherub was pissed. Just kidding, the cherub wasn't pissed at all. God's little helpers are happy dudes, they love their jobs and get mad babes and slick cars as rewards from God every single day. Hell yeah :)
Either way.
"How does it feel to be a bad boy now, Rick Grimes?" the cherub said with a cheeky grin. "You watch AMC's The Walking Dead, Television Adaption of the Image Comics graphic novels?" aksed Eric. The cherub slapped Eric on the ass, responding with "I do."
"Why do you have me on this God-damned hunk of gold? I have dope to steal, and men to beat the piss out of. Can you warp me onto Earth again or something?" hisses Eric, despite having a ball-gag introduced to his mouth a few seconds earlier. "No, Sir, because it is Judgement Day. All of your cruelest and darkest moments, which I have contained in this retarded pouch will be released unto you, and you will only then learn if you are truly deserving of God's unyielding bosom. If you have accumulated more than a total of 5,000,000 Earthly Sins, you will be subject to Hell."
Sure enough, it wasn't Eric's place to forgive. His sin counter clocked in at about 554,223,521,432,625,962. The amount was so unbelievable that even Eric, who fancied himself a badass, found it hard to believe. The cherub explained that Earthly Sins were points that were based on just how bad they were, with no single sin being able to surpass 1,000 Earthly Sin points. Throwing an aluminum can in the trash instead of recycling it would give you about 1 Earthly Sin, whereas murdering everyone in a brothel and then looting it would give you around 803 Earthly Sins. How he racked up such a staggering amount of points and died a free man is an absolute mystery and an insult to law enforcement everywhere.
So, the man earned his place in hell, where he will spend the rest of his days burning in pits of sulfur. But did he deserve it? I'd dare say not. Why? Because he was a regular 42 year old business man, and not a drug ring leader. Just prior to death, he had been dressed in a costume of skin made from hundreds of different serial killers and embezzlers, just before being shot in the head by a deranged business rival. "How in all HELL did that work?" you might be wondering.
The answer to that question and the moral to this story is "God is blind and doesn't care about the truth or logic. All he wants to know is what you did wrong and nothing you did right. Because "How can you have morals without God?"
Fuck.