Soun and Genma's... operation CONQUER THE WORLD!
Author's Intro: This work of fiction is proof that people with unique (e.g. weird) senses of humor should not under any circumstances be allowed to instant message each other. The premises for this came through several chats with EternallyLost. Neither of us own Ranma ½, however we do own the warped minds that produced this. Nobody else would probably want to claim to have had a hand in this. You have been warned!
Soun threw back his long hair and quietly observed his babies sleeping peacefully, it always brought a tear to his eye when he saw them resting like this… the one tear led to another and another until it looked like there was some serious plumbing problem where the mustached man stood.
"Father?" a sweet and gentle feminine voice interrupted Soun's emotionally charged moment.
"Yes Kasumi," Soun said pulling himself back together. "What is it?"
"The mail came and there's a strange postcard for you… It's from a Genma Saotome." Kasumi said as she glided over to her father and handed him the day's mail.
Soun looked through the sizable stack of mail that Kasumi had handed him. Bills, bills, a val-u-pak, flyers for a furniture store, a letter from the Fraternal Order of Police, a thank-you letter from the local WMCY where he taught Tae Kwon Do for free (well, as long as you didn't count the tax write-off), and finally this month's Reader's Digest. Bewildered, Soun looked through the stack again and a third time when he failed to find the postcard.
"Uh, Kasumi… I thought you said there was something from Genma." Soun said as he placed the mail on the short table.
"I did, it was there father… maybe I dropped it." Kasumi said as her eyes darted around the floor back the way she'd come. She had no more luck finding the postcard than her father had a moment ago. "I'm sorry father, I could have sworn I had it…" Kasumi said, in the mildly annoyed tone of voice that she usually reserved for particularly tough stains, as she flipped her long dark-blonde/honey-brown hair back over her shoulder.
"I know, don't worry Kasumi, it'll show up eventually." Soun said as he clamped his hands behind his back in a very Neon Genesis Evangelion style.
At that moment Nabiki, the middle sister cams strolling in, almost bouncing along. "Daddy," she began in her I-want-something voice, "who're Ranma and Genma?" She was holding the postcard between her first two fingers, offering it in a way that seemed to say 'you'll tell me if you get this, right?'
"Nabiki! You're not supposed to read things that aren't for you?" Kasumi chided her younger sister, things had been so hard on father since their mother had died that she had naturally filled the role that had opened during her mother's passing, not that she'd ever wanted to replace their mother, it was just that they needed someone to look up to and Kasumi had stepped up and filled that role.
"No Kasumi, actually she has every right to ask who they are, as do you and Akane." Soun said as he took the card then stepped out the back for a second to call his youngest daughter inside before he turned back around and went inside to wait for her.
It was just a few minutes later that a certain someone came waddling in through the door. Some people have would have remarked that she was remarkably well dressed, even if it was a tuxedo, but most people would stare at the four foot tall penguin who was waddling in through the door.
"Akane!! What happened!?" Soun wailed as he saw the penguin, crying that it wasn't fair that she should be so… uncute.
Kasumi sighed, "Father, that's PenPen…"
Soun quickly regained his composure except for the right hand behind his head and the slightly embarrassed laugh. That was when Akane stepped in through the back door, still breathing hard from her workout… she looked at her father's embarrassed stance and then at the penguin then back to her father.
"Dad! You didn't confuse PenPen for me again did you?" Akane said as she shook her head.
Soun just laughed again.
"Honestly!" Akane sighed, her father was always doing that, confusing the two of them, she thought it might be because his sight was going but he insisted is was the similarities in personality... and that they were 'born' on the same day.
Now that all three of his daughters were there Soun could begin to explain about Genma and his son Ranma. Genma was an old friend of Soun's and when Ranma was born they'd made a promise to marry their children. One of his three lovely daughters would marry Ranma. 'Well, four lovely daughters if you count PenPen… but I don't think that'll fly with either Genma or Ranma.'
"So, is he cute?" Nabiki asked, obviously thinking of how they might look as a couple. She simply detested ugly guys… ugly guys that had no money that is.
"I don't know." Soun replied. "The last time I saw him he looked like a raisin or maybe a prune."
In all honesty it was amazing that his daughters didn't simply tell him to forget it. They had thought that he'd engaged them to some horribly deformed monster until he explained that he'd actually been referring to the few days after Ranma had come home from the hospital, that seemed to mollify their fear of being married to a hideous monster, but it didn't earn him any points on the caring-and-sympathetic scale. After several more questions, at which Soun was about as helpful in answering as the first, the family split up each member going to do what they normally did. The postcard had said that they would be making a few stops before they came and would probably arrive in a few days.
Akane went to shower after her workout, Nabiki went upstairs to work on her web-page, Kasumi went shopping for diner while Soun gazed out at his precious penguin nursery.
'Soon, very soon my babies.' Soun thought as he looked around the big machine room that was his penguin hatchery, yes they were his babies.
- - - - - - - - - -
Meanwhile, in Ohio, a young boy was arguing with an older man in a white Gi.
"No way pops! That was the stupidest thing I've ever seen!" He complained. "There's no way that a wetback like that spik is in the ruski maffia!" The boy said using as many racial slurs as he could, political correctness was never Ranma's strong point.
Ranma was interrupted by a gunshot followed by curses in what might have been Spanish with a Russian accent… or maybe Russian with a Spanish accent as the man they'd just finished talking to minutes before thrashed on the ground.
Ranma's jaw dropped… "How did you… I mean it's so… How could you know?"
Genma smiled and pushed the old-style thick, blocky, and black glasses up on his nose. "Quantum Logic, my boy, Quantum Logic."
"What!?" Ranma was shocked, what was his old man babbling about now? I mean hadn't the ten-year martial arts training trip they'd gone on been enough?
"Quantum Logic, and you, my boy, are heir to the Saotome School of Quantum Logic!!" Genma practically shouted.
"The what!?" Ranma was stunned, for the past ten years it had been nothing but Saotome School of Anything Goes Martial Arts this, Saotome School of Anything Goes Martial Arts that… and now his pop was saying something about a Saotome School of Quantum Logic!?
"I thought you were teaching me martial arts." Ranma said, goading his father as much as he could.
"Foolish boy!! The martial arts was the easy part, your true destiny lies within Quantum Logic" Genma nearly exploded.
"Then why'd ya bother teachin' me martial arts at all?" Ranma asked, confused but not really ready to listen to his father.
"To teach you the discipline to master Quantum Logic, the road of a true Quantum Logistician is fraught with peril." Genma said adapting his favorite martial arts saying.
To say Ranma was caught off balance by this sudden shift in his father would have been an understatement, this was like coming home and finding that your best friend had been a girl. Ranma laughed at that, like Uuchan could be a girl! But it was nonetheless disturbing.