I am grateful to Honu for giving time to Beta for me, Mahalo
A TIME TO GRIEVE
An Epilogue to 'A Death in the Family
The first sentence doesn't belong to me; it is taken from the Episode.
"Danno, hold it a minute, I wanna book this one, I think Chin would have liked that."
The words spoken by Steve McGarrett had become more controlled after he watched Chin's murderer beg for his life.
McGarrett fought back the urge to shoot, his finger quivering on the trigger, his teeth clenched. As he watched the grovelling murderer look down the barrel of his revolver, McGarrett knew in his heart he would not pull the trigger. He had killed many men in the line of duty and self-defence, but he knew he could not kill in cold blood, even now.
Steve McGarrett had spent five long and gruelling weeks searching for Chin Ho Kelly's murderer.
Chin Ho, the stalwart father of eight, had been on the Five-O team for over twenty years. Not only was he a dedicated cop, he was a true and valued friend to Steve, as were Danny Williams and Duke Lukela. They were McGarrett's ohana, his family.
Chin and Danny had and been with the team since Five-O became a specialised police unit. Duke had joined from HPD after another team member, Ben Kokua, had moved to the mainland several years earlier, although Duke had been a secondary part of the team for much longer.
After Steve had read Rego his rights, he left Danny and Duke to take Rego in.
McGarrett had finally achieved what he had set out to do. The one thing he hadn't done, however, was mourn Chin's death. None of them had. They had been in shock at first, but the priority was to get the killer. There had been no time for grief. Time to grieve would come later.
xxxxxxx
Every man and woman who worked at HPD paid tribute to Chin and his funeral was attended by as many as were allowed to be off duty that day. Many of the Chinese community attended; he had so many relatives and friends and was well respected and loved by them. A guard of honour waited outside the Catholic Church where Chin had been a faithful member all his life.
All eight of Chin's children stood quietly round the graveside, Tim, the eldest at twenty-eight, stood with his wife by his side. All of Chin's children were a credit to him; the years of hard work had paid off. Their mother had died after a short illness one year previously. She had been Chin's rock, his backbone.
He had been due to retire that year, but felt he was better off to continue with Five-O. Steve didn't object as he was himself the same age as Chin.
Steve, Danny, and Duke watched as the coffin was lowered into the ground. All three stood like statues, each afraid to let their emotions show. Steve. in particular, was keeping a tight reign on his feelings.
Most people who knew him thought he was cold and devoid of emotions. Only his team knew different; they knew he had very deep feelings which he kept hidden most of the time, surfacing only in extreme circumstances. One such instant was when his nephew Tommy had died. Danny was the only one to witness Steve openly breaking down. There had been other instances when Steve's emotions had surfaced, usually when a member of the team had been wounded or in trouble. There had also been a couple of romantic interludes in his life that had shown his vulnerability.
xxxxxxx
Steve walked alone to his car after telling Danny he was going sailing for a while. He drove to the harbour where he kept his schooner. Sailing was the only thing that had kept him sane throughout his career. It soothed and refreshed his active mind and gave him comfort whenever there had been a particularly difficult case.
McGarrett changed into an old pair of jeans and a sweatshirt he kept in the cabin. He hung his suit in the small closet and went up on deck, hoisted the sail, then set out to sea. The conditions were perfect for sailing and in no time he had left the land behind him. He waited for the usual feeling of calmness to wash over him, but this time it didn't come. He still felt the gnawing anger deep within him. He let the boat drift for a while as he tried to calm himself.
Only twice in his life he had felt anger like he had experienced when he confronted Rego. A rage so intense, it burned through his body like an inferno.
The first time was when his father had been killed. He still felt the pain and sorrow of that loss deep within his heart. He hadn't gotten the chance to say goodbye to his father all those years before, just as he hadn't said goodbye to Chin. He sank to his knees and cried out loud, "Chin, I'm sorry I let you down, I should have known you would have been recognised. I'm so sorry, please forgive me."
It was only then that the flood gates opened. McGarrett buried his face in his hands and let the healing tears flow. His body shook from the wracking sobs, his eyes burned from the scalding tears. He felt as if his heart and soul were being torn from his body, the pain was so overwhelming.
At last, when there were no more tears left to shed, he felt the familiar calmness wash over him. He dried his tear-drenched face with his sleeve and took the helm. He looked at the clear blue ocean and spotted a pod of dolphins. Two of them came up to the boat and started to show off. As he looked at them playing, he thought of Chin and his sense of humour, the many times they had shared jokes and laughter. It was as if he could hear Chin laugh in the sounds of the dolphins' chatter. Suddenly a voice came into Steve's head, almost as if Chin were speaking to him:
"You didn't need to say goodbye Steve, not to me or to your father, because we haven't left you. Those we love remain in our hearts forever."
As McGarrett set sail for home, he knew that he and his two closest friends would comfort each other. After all, they were ohana, just as Chin had been. They would celebrate Chin's life, not mourn him. It would have been what Chin wanted.
Steve felt as if his bruised heart was now free from the stone weight he had carried since his father's death, and he felt a renewed strength to face the remaining months until his own retirement.
PAU