As My World Divides

The night air was crisp and clear but Elena Gilbert felt like she was being suffocated as she slowly walked down the stairs leading from her front porch. Her eyes were sore from the continuous crying and the tears that refused to relent. If she were human, she knew her muscles would be aching and tired. But, in her vampire body, the pain throbbed from a place inside of her that was so impossibly raw she knew it could never be soothed. During her human years, her body had taken multiple beatings and endured various traumas. However, this pain wasn't a result of an attack on flesh and bones. It was much worse.

She stared ahead, not looking at anything in particular, wondering how she could possibly still be breathing. The amount of hurt that she was carrying in her very core surely was enough to kill her? Or maybe it was just the type of misery that would eliminate any desire she ever had to live without actually killing her.

Maybe that was for the best. She didn't want to die. She still had reasons to remain alive. Didn't she?

A stiff glance towards the house behind her where her brother's lifeless body was resting told her otherwise. At the thought, pain ripped through her heart so violently she knew it was literally tearing itself to pieces. Her heart was on self-destruct mode. She only wished her body was doing the same.

Her head swung languidly as she crashed onto the pavement of the sidewalk to sit. She stared up at the sky, hoping to lose contact with reality soon.

Damon had tried to switch her humanity off – a tempting offer – but the last remaining piece of human-Elena willed her to refuse. If she turned off her humanity, then everyone whom she had loved that were now gone would become lost memories to her and the feelings associated with them would be dead, along with them.

That was too much to swallow. Maybe it was the masochist inside of her, but the grief was the only thing she had now. She knew she would cling to her misery with all her might because it would be the only thing left to feel. Her sorrow was her new best friend.

"I understand the situation just fine, Stefan, but we still have to do something with the body."

"It's not the right time to talk about this. If we try to take him from her right now, it could be what causes her to snap completely."

Elena listened numbly with her vampire ears at the mumbled argument between Damon and Stefan coming from inside the house. If she had the energy, she would almost roll her eyes. As if she hadn't already completely snapped.

She stopped listening almost immediately. The more she heard people talk about Jeremy's body – the more they confirmed what she had wanted to deny - the more she considered turning that switch off. That merciful switch which could end all the agony, erase all the pain, and relieve the sting. She closed her eyes tightly, trying to force this line of thinking to stop.

She had also stopped listening because their conversation was pointless. The plan was already set – she knew what she had to do.

After a few more minutes of sitting on the cold concrete as the pain continually washed over her in waves, she finally stood up with great effort.

It wasn't her body that prohibited her from regular movements, as her vampire body would never grow weak - not like his, she thought bitterly. It was her mind which desired nothing more than for Elena to lie on the ground and give up.

When she finally reappeared into the house, she looked directly at Jeremy's pale body stretched out along the couch. As she studied his body emotionlessly, she knew instantly that this horrid image would never be forgotten. A dry, dark sound, which almost sounded like the shadow of a laugh, escaped her lips alarming the three vampires in the room with her.

She noticed them studying her with frightened expressions, probably wondering if she had finally cracked. Nothing would be more frightening - or dangerous - than a psychotic, delusional vampire.

"It's a lie. Or maybe not a lie, but it's complete crap," she explained to them as she finally tore her eyes away from what used to be Jeremy.

Damon cocked an eyebrow and shot a pointed look at Stefan who couldn't tear his eyes away from Elena's.

"They say that they look like they could be sleeping, that they look peaceful," she continued, as she roamed her hands idly over the various pictures lining her mantel. "He doesn't look peaceful and he doesn't look like he's sleeping. He looks dead. He looks gone from here…empty. He looks cold."

Her hollow voice rang throughout the house and she turned away from the three penetrating gazes that followed her.

The silence was too loud. It only reminded her that what she had just said was right. He was empty. And so was she.

Suddenly, she picked up a match and struck it against the wood on the mantel.

"Elena, NO!" Caroline implored when she saw the flicker of the flame in Elena's hands.

"Elena, we talked about this. You don't have to do this." She looked up at Damon's desperate eyes which were trying to understand just what her mental state was at the moment.

She shook her head. "It's the best cover story. He's not in there, Damon. He's gone and he's not coming back," her voice caught in her throat and she swallowed forcefully.

"So we set fire to the house – to all of this. I don't want any of this anymore, don't you see that?" Her voice remained calm which only frightened the vampires more. While earlier she had attempted to set fire to the house out of fury and a sudden burst of emotion, this was more calculated. She had been running on fumes when she had exploded and now she was just drained.

She was tired of trying to keep people safe but ending up with everybody dying around her. Tired of trying to hold everything together, only to have it fall apart violently. Tired of trying at all.

"Just wait, Elena," a voice called out to her through her thoughts. She stared as Stefan eased towards her. "If you do this, you're losing this part of you forever. What if, one day, you want to come home again?"

She held the match and, as she looked around to avoid his gaze, she caught sight of herself in one of the mirrors along the wall. She saw the reflection of the orange flame inside of her eyes and she considered it for a few moments. The fire burned in the center of her dark irises and then, as she dropped the match and it tumbled to the floor, it was gone and only dark nothingness remained.

"I won't."

A/N: Hey guys, I hope you enjoy this new story! I've decided to start new and begin writing again. And I've always thought Elena and Klaus would make a lovely, dark couple! I can't promise regular updates as I'm pretty busy with work and college, so I decided to pop out these two chapters at once. I will try my best to update at least weekly, be patient with me :)

Much love!

Elizabeth