AN: This was just a short little story I thought of while listen to Queen, doing my homework. Hope you enjoy and please review! Thanks to L E for betaing!
STARGATE: SG-1
'One Year.'
Written by Moonlight Snitch
Spoilers for Children Of The Gods, Secrets, and Forever In A Day
Comments? Email me at serenity_endymion23@hotmail.com
Daniel sighed wearily as he trudged through the front door of his apartment and shut the door. He sagged against it heavily, pulling his glasses off his face to rub his eyes.
God, he was tired. The last mission had been hell on him. He had barely gotten any sleep and there had been so much work to do.
The weather conditions hadn't been the best either and all of that had contributed to the way Daniel was feeling now. Well, physically feeling anyway. He was also weighed down emotionally as well and that was because of what day today was.
Daniel slowly pushed himself away from the door and headed deeper into his apartment, switching on the light as he went. His curtains were wide open and it was only ten o'clock in the morning, but the day was gloomy and overcast. Daniel wouldn't be surprise if it started to rain later. That would certainly fit his mood.
Heading over to his CD player, Daniel powered it up and pressed play, not really caring what CD was in there. He just needed something to listen to as he packed for his visit to Abydos.
While the CD player read the CD, Daniel headed into his bedroom, pulled out a small traveling bag, as he would only be staying on Abydos a few days and began to rummage through his closet for some clothing to wear under his Abydonian robes.
Just one year of love Is better than a lifetime aloneDaniel froze when he heard the lyrics drift in from the living room. The thoughts that he had tried to keep at bay since he had remembered what day it was came rushing into his mind. Today was the anniversary of Sha'uri's death. She'd been dead exactly one year today.
They had only really spent that one-year together. That one beautiful year that Daniel would give anything just to relive again. But maybe it would have been better if they had never met at all. Maybe it would have been better if he hadn't opened the Stargate and had gone to Abydos. Maybe she'd still be alive and safe there where she belonged.
One sentimental moment in your armsIs like a shooting star right through my heart
Daniel shut his eyes and leaned heavily against the closet door. If he tried hard enough, he could almost see her smile, hear her beautiful laughter, feel the smoothness of her skin and smell the scent of her hair. He felt in those moments that if he only imagined it hard enough, then she would suddenly be there with him and he wouldn't have to bear the pain of their separation anymore.
It's always a rainy day without youI'm a prisoner of love inside you -
I'm falling apart all around you - yeah
"Oh God," Daniel gasped as the pain of her loss slammed into him full force. He slid down the closet door and landed in a heap on the floor. He could feel the tears rushing forth, but he made no move to stop them. He just couldn't do it anymore.
He didn't understand how he had been coping so well, or if he had been coping at all. He had just bottled all the feelings up inside and forced himself not to think about it, but not on this day. He just couldn't do it. He couldn't pretend that everything was all right to himself anymore cause everything wasn't all right. She wasn't here. She was gone and she was never coming back.
My heart cries out to your heartI'm lonely but you can save me
Daniel supposed he should have been used to this pain by now. Everyone that he ever cared about in his life was always somehow ripped away from him. First his parents, then Sha'uri, Nick, Sarah. How many more people would he lose before he finally kicked the bucket? Would it be Sam next? Teal'c? Jack.
"Sha'uri." Daniel whispered as the pain consumed him. He missed her so much. She had been the first one after his parents had died that had accepted him and loved him for who he was and hadn't tried to force him to be something he wasn't. She had taken him out of that dark world that he had lived in for so long and had showed him love, had given him a home and a family. She had saved him.
My hand reaches for to your handI'm cold but you light the fire in me
My lips search for your lips
I'm hungry for your touch
Daniel pulled his knees close to his chest and buried his head in his arms. The tears swelled and started to tail down his face. He couldn't stop it. She had been dead for a year, but he had lost her long before that. He had lost her the moment she had become a host to Ammo'net. He had seen a flicker of what was left of her when he had found her on Abydos, but that hadn't lasted. He had truly lost her that day when she had given birth to a child that wasn't even his.
God, he would give anything, even his own life, just to see and touch her again. To feel her lips pressed against his and to hold her tightly in his arms. He ached for it, but he would never get it. It was the one thing that he wanted the most in the entire world and it was the one thing he couldn't have.
There's so much left unspokenAnd all I can do is surrender To the moment just surrender
The last thing she had said to him before she died had been that she loved him. But she had died so quickly after that that he hadn't had enough time to say good-bye or to tell her how much he loved her and how he would never forget her. He had never got to tell her so many things. He had never got the chance to show her so many things.
He had hoped that he'd find her. That somehow they'd find a way to take the Gould out of her and she'd be able to stay here on Earth with him and live freely, away from the Gould. He knew that there would have been no way they could have gone back to live on Abydos. It would have been too dangerous for her there and he was needed here, but she would have been with him.
He had wanted to show her so many things about Earth. He had wanted to show her, what the sea looked like and what snow looked like. He had wanted to do all of these things and more, but now he couldn't because she was gone.
And no one ever told me that love would hurt so muchOooh yes it hurts
And pain is so close to pleasure
And all I can do is surrender to your love
Daniel had been through this type of pain before. After his parents had died, he hadn't spoken in three months. But the difference between their loss and hers was that he had been so young at the time that now he hardly remembered what his life had been like while they had been alive. Would he have been better off if they had lived? That was something he'd never know and he couldn't imagine it either.
With Sha'uri, though, he knew exactly how his life had been like and would have been like had she lived. They would have grown old together either here, on Earth, or on Abydos. They would have had children. They would have watched their children grow and learn, fall in love, marry, have their own children. That was what Daniel had been looking forward to when he had lived that one year on Abydos with her, but it had all been ripped away from him.
Just one year of loveIs better than a lifetime alone
Was that one-year of love really better? Would he have been better off without ever having known Sha'uri? No. Their time together had been short, too short, but at least they had had that year. That one-year that had been filled with enough love to last for two lifetimes.
One sentimental moment in your armsIs like a shooting star right through my heart
Daniel would give anything for one more moment with her, but he treasured the moments he had had with her. He treasured them with all his heart because he knew he would never get those moments back and that hurt worse then the fact that she was dead.
'Sha'uri,' Daniel thought sadly. 'Why did you have to leave?' It was a question that he'd never get an answer too, but that didn't stop him from asking it.
"Daniel?" Daniel lifted his head to see a very concerned looking Jack standing in the doorway to his bedroom. He hadn't even heard him come in.
Jack took one look at Daniel before he quickly made his way over to the broken archaeologist. He knelt down beside Daniel and pulled the younger man close to him. Daniel buried his head in Jack's shoulder and continued to cry softly. Jack rubbed a soothing hand up and down Daniel's back, knowing exactly what had him this upset.
They should have seen it coming. He had noticed over the mission that Daniel was becoming more withdrawn and closed off but he hadn't had a clue why. He hadn't even bothered to ask because Daniel had put up his 'do not disturb' sign. It wasn't until they had gotten back and Daniel had disappeared off to his apartment saying that he need to pack that Jack realized what day it was today.
It's always a rainy day without youI'm a prisoner of love inside you
"God Jack, I miss her so much," Daniel sobbed, unable to help himself. Normally breaking down like this in front of his commanding officer was not something he enjoyed, but he just couldn't keep his walls up anymore.
"I know, Danny. I know," Jack said softly, wishing that Daniel never had to go through this. He knew what it felt like to lose someone you love and it hurt like hell. He hadn't wanted to live anymore after Charlie had died until Daniel broke through his walls. The kid had a way of doing that. But now it was Daniel that barely had any will left to live.
I'm falling apart all around youAnd all I can do is surrender
As the song faded in the background, Daniel pushed himself away from Jack and wiped his eyes.
"Sorry," he muttered.
Jack shook his head. "You have nothing to be sorry for."
They sat quietly for a moment.
"So," Jack began, "Are you okay now?"
Daniel shook his head, "No," he said, pulling himself to his feet, "But I will be."
Jack stood as well and slapped Daniel on the shoulder, "Okay. Well, we better get going before Kasuf starts to wonder whether you're coming or not."
Daniel nodded. He quickly packed his things and then followed Jack out of the apartment.
The wind ruffled Daniel's hair softly as he stood in front of Sha'uri's grave on the sands of Abydos. Kasuf stood off to the side with Skaara and Jack. It was a tradition on Abydos that every year, on the anniversary of a loved ones death, that the family meet at the grave to just sort of 'talk' to the one they had lost. Kasuf and Skaara had already said what they needed to say and now it was Daniel's turn.
Daniel kneeled down in front of the grave a pulled out a single red rose. He placed it gently down on the grave before sighing deeply.
"I've really missed you, Sha'uri," he began softly, "It's been so hard trying to get through this year knowing that I'm never going to see you again. I'm never going to be able to hold you in my arms or see you smile," he paused a moment to try and push the emotions out of his voice. Tears were forming in his eyes again, but he wouldn't let them fall, "Or hear you laugh," he smiled slightly, "But I can take comfort in the knowledge that you're free now and you're at peace. That's all I've ever wanted for you and now you have it."
He paused again to wipe away the tears from his eyes, "I love you so much," he said softly, "And I wish you were here."
Then he went silent, the only sound now being the sound of the wind blowing against Daniel's robes and the sand. Jack came up behind Daniel quietly and knelt down beside him. He pulled out a white rose and placed it down next to Daniel's red one.
"Don't worry about a thing, Sha'uri," he said. "I'm keeping him out of trouble for you."
With that said, Jack helped Daniel to his feet. The both started down at the grave and as they did, Daniel's mind wandered back to the lyrics of that Queen song.
Just one year of love Is better than a lifetime alone'Yes,' Daniel thought to himself as they started making their way back to Nagada, 'One year of love is better than a lifetime alone. Even though our time together was short, at least I had a chance to have those moments with her. And I'll treasure them for the rest of my life.'