This story takes place after book two, The Great Hunt. I don't own any of these characters. I'm not sticking strictly to any future plot lines, so please ignore anything that might clash with the rest of the books. Reviews are greatly appreciated, along with any other plot lines you would like to see in the near future. This will be an ongoing story and will eventually be an M rating, as forewarning.
Egwene, having finished her dinner on Bela's back, quickly found them a nice enough place to sleep among the River Erinin, claiming to listen to the wind to find it. She sat straight in her saddle, her hand combing through Bela's mane. She had kept the horse regardless of Moiraine's advice to rid herself of it before she had become an apprentice. Now, she felt as if Bela was some sort of catalyst for her Power. She had been with her all this time, since they left home years ago, and she could not rid herself of the mare. As an afterthought she watched Moiraine's blue jewel dangle on her forehead, gleaming, and thought that perhaps Bela was the equivalent to Moiraine's first tool she had used to touch the Source.
Lan stalked heavily behind them. Egwene could feel the tight string that bound the man to Moiraine as he lead his dark horse by the reins. Mandarb had sprained his ankle miles back, but Lan refused to let Moiraine touch the soreness and mend it. One quick look at Nynaeve was reason enough. She was livid again, and had ignored Lan all morning; Egwene had not caught most of it, but Nynaeve had berated him earlier, and it had been something along the lines of Moiraine holding his leash. Now, the man grunted every few yards or so, but Nynaeve continued to ignore him.
They had come up upon a bend in the river, trees sheltering most of the place, when Egwene had hailed everyone. Nervousness crept up her skin. She feared Moiraine would say she had not picked a good place, that she had not listened well enough. But Moiraine said nothing and Lan had begun to unpack everyone's bags.
Coming from behind Bela, Mat's horse stamped up to her. He sat upon it silently, and when he reached Egwene's side, instantly looked away from her. Rand, she knew, was somewhere in the back of the line. She thought of him, sitting in the back by himself, and sought the familiar warmth she had used to associate with Rand's presence. She knew she would not find it. He had ceased to calm her any longer. Ever since Tar Valon, she could not help but witness the giant sparks of light bouncing off of Rand's skin. She was ashamed of it, but she seemed to have picked up on the common Aes Sedai fear of the Dragon Reborn.
She could hardly fathom what the other boys were thinking. She was sure they may have felt even more nervous than herself. Perrin and Mat had grown up with Rand, had done things and seen things with him that she would never be able to understand. She thought of the three boys back at home, running through the fields, and the Rand she felt now seemed distant from the boy she knew before.
Mat's eyes caught hers for a moment, and she knew he was avoiding something. The way his hands gripped the reins spoke volumes. She found it strange that, before she had harnessed her Power, Mat had seemed like an open book- now, he nearly shouted his feelings at the world. She could feel his annoyance and underlying guilt coming in waves. She wondered that no one else seemed to hear it.
"Mat." She acknowledged. It took all her strength to not call him Matrim. She had become too accustomed to the Aes Sedai mannerisms.
Mat looked at her and gave a sly smile. It seemed nearly an apology for something if she did not know any better.
"We're stopping here, then? Seems a good a place as any."
He proceeded to jump off his horse and untie his saddlebags. Egwene sat there for a moment longer, watching him. Something was… off. It was not the dagger, most definitely- he had it safely tucked atop his chest, under his green knee-length coat. She could feel it. After they had retrieved it, he seemed more protective of the thing, but she knew it was not causing his weird behavior. The vileness coming from that dagger had dimmed from a swallowing darkness to a bad taste on her tongue. It would never cause Mat to become not himself ever again, regardless of his life ticking away.
Mat silently walked to Bela and undid Egwene's packs for her. He didn't look at her again, but she could feel his anxiety like a weight in the back of her mind.
She forced herself off her saddle. She had more important things to worry about. They had to reach the Northern City, Moiraine called it, within another week. She couldn't afford to worry about things that were no longer her problem.
And when did Mat or Rand or Perrin become 'not your problem'? She could not afford those thoughts, either.
In retrospect, she assumed that perhaps Rand, Mat or Perrin never really were her problem. Perrin, his wolf speak talent evident now that she could feel it and associate his golden eyes for ancient power, seemed a more than capable warrior, his axe sitting precariously at his waist. He would never need her help. He never seemed to let his eyes waver from the road to invite any danger. Because he has eyes elsewhere, she thought with intrigue. If she didn't know any better, she should be a Brown for all she was curious about his talents.
Mat was too stubborn to ever ask for her help. She could not even picture Mat asking her for a favor. He would surely rather die than mutter an apology to her or seek another's aid. The mere thought was ridiculous; Mat, asking for forgiveness, a sincere emotion on his face. She nearly laughed aloud.
Rand was far from her grasp now. Perhaps he always had been. The light coming off of his skin was blinding and she could hardly stand to look at it. She could not understand how Moiraine did it. Once, she had tried to stop the ebb of the Power under her veins, so she could dim what she saw in the waking world. It ended up only making her sick and Rand never seemed to dim. He was always there, glowing, even at night, and all of that raw power made her nauseous.
She walked up to Mat and started unrolling her bed, trying to distract herself. Now that she had thought of Rand, she could feel his pulse meeting her from where he was standing, not twenty feet away. But it seemed so much closer, so much heavier than it should from where he was standing, like she could feel it right in front of her, he must be standing directly in front of her-
She could feel his power tugging from a different direction for a moment, and she wavered on her feet. She froze, her hands clutching the edges of her bedroll, her hair falling in her face. It went away and she could feel Mat's spike of guilt again.
Mat lowered down next to Egwene and patted down his bed vigorously, lifting the dust from it. It settled on his hair a bit and drifted in the dusk's wind. Lan had started an early fire and its glow danced off Mat's dark hair. Egwene could swear he was using her as a body shield, the way he was acting. Her eyes drifted to his chest once he took his coat off. The dagger was there, as she had figured, gleaming and demanding. Though the dagger was a faint tick tick ticking of darkness, Rand's overwhelming light was seeming to take it over. It bothered her. It bothered her more that she could not feel Rand doing anything consciously to stop the dagger from ticking.
In truth, it had confused her since day one. She had left Tar Valon at Moiraine and Nynaeve's heels, and Mat had been there with Perrin to escort them back to Caemlyn. They had been standing outside the city walls, dressed in winter clothes, the fur lined cape obscuring what little she could see of Mat's face. What she had felt for months before could no longer be ignored; she had perfected her abilities too quickly. Mat pulsed, in time with the eye she was keeping on Rand in her mind, and it had thoroughly desolated her. Her own ticking seemed infinitely alone against the pounding rhythm in her head. She remembered then that Moiraine had given her a look; one of curiosity and interest. She had looked as if she wanted to test a theory, and that she had received a positive outcome. It made Egwene sick. Something so blatantly heard in the Source, and she had missed it. Had Moiraine been making fun of her? She had missed it in the Two Rivers and ever since she had met the two of them. She could not bear to think of the embarrassment she had unknowingly put herself through when Moiraine had so easily heard the strange rhythm and she had not. She probably pitied me, seeing me worry so much over Rand. I'm hardly worth the title Aes Sedai.
She locked down the beating in her mind and focused on shrouding the Source around her like a blanket. It managed to dim it out, but she still felt it. A tick, tick, tick. It would only fade into the background when she stopped thinking about it.
She realized she had been standing there, staring at Mat as he readied for bed. He'll never hear it, and he probably won't ever understand it or act upon it. Does he even know? He was taking his boots off now, and the ring on his thumb he had won from betting with Loial shone in the night. The fire was a soft murmur, Lan sitting across it. Nynaeve was nowhere to be found. Moiraine sat upright, her eyes closed, and Egwene could see the shimmer of the Source filtering around her. She was increasing the holds on the dagger that Mat was now tightening around his chest. Tick, tick, tick. She wondered if Moiraine could feel the iron like grip Rand already had around the dagger's poison.
Mat looked up abruptly and could hardly contain a grimace off his face. Egwene turned slightly to match his gaze, seeing Rand speaking with Loial, and she was lucky to have called up the Source when she had. Rand seemed… brighter, if that was possible. When she looked at him, it was easier to feel Mat's annoyance as well. It puzzled her and it was difficult to read, like two screens enfolding the other. She could not discern them, but she refused to dwell on it. Perhaps they had just been arguing. Right now she feared for Rand's sake and walked over to him, using all her strength to dim the pulses meeting her eyes.
"You see, Rand, they're not poisonous."
Loial was popping mushrooms into his mouth as Egwene walked over to them, pulling up her riding skirt from the ground. He was seated on a rock near the fire, Rand standing before him, his eyebrows twisted into confusion.
"That's all I ate today, Loial."
Egwene turned to face the two of them and tried not to become sick at the feel of Rand's inky power. She could feel the taint to it as anyone else could.
Rand was pulling his lower lip into his mouth in nervousness. He seemed nearly pale. It took her a few moments to pull her eyes away from his face, the one she had become so accustomed to. It was still slender as ever, his red hair growing a bit longer. She hated it, but he was still handsome. Loial watched as Egwene put a hand to his head.
"Ah, Egwene. Rand here thinks he's eaten something, but honestly, they're just Frogbuttons-"
The feel of his fevered skin seemed to shock her hand. For a moment, she felt her Power ghost over his, and it made her shiver. She would never get over the jolt of it.
He looked like he was in pain.
"You're sick," She said, "and you have a fever."
Rand pouted a bit and nodded.
"I thought it had been those mushrooms, but… I think… I think I'll be fine."
Egwene snorted incredulously. He looked on the verge of throwing up. She tore her hand away and looked for Nynaeve, but the woman was nowhere to be found.
"I can give you something that will help. I didn't forget everything Nynaeve taught me."
Rand stood there, wavering in his decision. He almost didn't accept her offer. Then with one last defeated look, he nodded his head.
"Yes, all right, Egwene. Please."
She looked at him one last time. Something told her he wouldn't be the same for long. In the background, she became aware of the taint swirling around him. She feared it was getting worse. She fled to get him medicine and not, she told herself, to get away from his brightening Source.
Mat couldn't sleep. He could feel the heated guilt sitting in his belly and thought of Rand sleeping across camp. In his mind, it was easy to justify his actions of the past few months. He began to replay all the times they had conversed since they had left Fal Dara far behind them and had fetched the dagger back. He left the images of Toman Head out of it. Or when he had killed Turak's men. The feel of the dagger when that happened; he had been so powerful, so restless, but in the end he had felt like a monster. Would Rand think him weak, to so quickly crumble to the dagger after getting it back? Would he see some sort of dark power seeping from his skin that Mat himself couldn't see? It must be disgusting, to see all the darkness running around.
Other than riding behind Rand and viewing the sickening images of the Portal Stone, he could count the times he had spoken to Rand on one hand. It wasn't much.
Egwene was sleeping softly to the left of him. She had chosen to share the open air with him for the night. Across the way, the small blue tent owned by Moraine shone iridescent in the firelight. Loial was just as easy to point out, his huge form a dark shadow a bit far off. Perrin was surely hunting. Lan and Nynaeve were nowhere to be found so-
So the last lump, close enough for the fire to light up the brown blankets and only visible through the small tent flap, was most definitely Rand. Mat tried not to think of how he already knew where he was and didn't need to look at everything else to find out. He's awake still. Probably can't sleep.
Unbidden, Mat thought of Rand waving and smiling up at him from the bottom of the hayloft back in the Two Rivers, and he felt his stomach lurch. He hadn't known his friend's identity then, of what he could become, but the ease in which he recollected those memories made him ashamed of what he had said to Rand the past few months. Saying sorry would be hardly enough for Rand to start looking at him as he used to, and certainly wouldn't convince Rand just exactly how Mat felt for… for…
It was impossible to think of without feeling sick. With Egwene so close to him and his thoughts running as they were, he felt like the Dark One himself. Her presence, one that had always blocked what… whatever he wanted to say, was just as easily felt here as it was in the Two Rivers. Now he was using it to stop himself from acting out rashly, to stop himself from speaking to Rand, with just the two of them. It had been easy enough to tell Loial, Mat sneered, and why would I want to tell her anyway?
He had never understood his anger at Egwene. Even at such a young age, the girl had driven him mad. He tried blaming her closeness with the Wisdom, as if that angered him at all. It wasn't the case. Her voice was pleasant, and she was pretty enough. Kind, independent, soft… Perrin once accused Mat of loving her. The mere thought disgusted him. She was just… she was…
Always in the way. Mat looked at her sidelong. She slept peacefully, her hair unbraided and dangling over her shoulders. It had grown several inches since they had left the Two Rivers years ago. He wondered vaguely if Rand liked longer hair.
He remembered the feeling of her limp body as he lived one of his lives in the portal stones, her blood from the back of her head because she had been in the way- a mistake, mistake, just a mistake, he had been angry and it had just happened and it was a mistake-
He closed his eyes and tried to sleep. He would never be close to Egwene, but he would never hurt her. Not in this life, or any other.
He could remember other lives he had lived, back when they had all been sucked through the portal stones. He was just a normal horse breeder at one point, a city courtesan in another. He gambled in each life. He kept seeing dice being tossed over and over and over again.
He could remember kissing Rand once, in a city he'd never seen before, in a small house on a busy street with the door locked. That life was the one he couldn't remember well, however hard he tried. He would constantly see Egwene die, Perrin die, happy moments and happy could-be wives, but never the life with Rand. He would get glimpses; traveling on the road, views of the sea from horseback. But Rand was always there. He remembered praying that Rand didn't see it, as if the Dragon Reborn could see any life except his own while using the Stones.
He tried to ignore Rand's heat from the other side of the camp. He tried to feel Egwene's presence around him to assure him that she was breathing. He thought he could nearly feel Perrin even, somewhere, off in the woods-
"I would never betray you, I could never do it, I couldn't because I-"
He suddenly kicked off his blankets. He was too hot and frustrated. He wouldn't be able to sleep if he kept replaying scenes of his life in front of him. Tam answering the door, telling him where to find Rand, asking if he was over for dinner-
Egwene stirred in her sleep and Mat sat up abruptly. He stood, watched her for a moment, grabbed his bed roll, tucked the knife back under his coat, and walked defiantly away. He only thought of speaking to Rand, now. He's awake, I know it.
As he dragged his roll across the camp, past the fires, he looked warily at Moiraine's tent, feeling her eyes on him. She was there, sitting up in bed and pulling the flap open, looking serene as ever. Her eyes were glowing jewels in the camp light. Mat swallowed nervously and tried to press on before she spoke up.
"Matrim, its best if you not say anything to him."
Mat looked back at her in curiosity. She simply stared back, her face a placid sheet, watching him. She seemed almost to shake her head but merely waited for him to respond.
Mat grimaced for a second from the pressure and shrugged his shoulders in defiance. "I'm not saying anything important to him. What are you going off about?"
Moiraine watched him for a moment longer before her eyes slid to Rand's tent. When she looked back up at him, she seemed satisfied. She nodded and tugged her tent flap down, and by her shadow, Mat could see she was going back to bed.
He could vaguely remember Moiraine waking him up from his sleep with the dagger, her hand on his forehead. He had been panicked then, hiding something he didn't want her to see.
"Its best if you don't say anything to him."
In annoyance, he pulled his bedroll completely over to Rand's tent and didn't bother to announce his presence.
Mat pulled the flap open and quickly let himself in. Rand was there and he looked at his friend in surprise, sweat on his forehead. He eyed Mat curiously as the other boy put his roll on the floor of the tent. He refused to meet his eyes. He obviously knows I'm here to say sorry. He's most likely sick of me. Well, you're here now, and just getting up and leaving would only make it worse.
He threw himself on his bed face-first and closed his eyes. Rand didn't move.
"What's going on out there?"
Mat grunted in response. He waved his hand in the air flippantly and gusted out, "Moiraine being a tight Aes Sedai. Nothing."
He let his hand fall back and crossed his arms into a pillow. He was afraid that if he opened his eyes, he'd see Rand staring back at him, and it had been so long since it was just the two of them that he feared the very vision of Rand waiting on him would cause him to break. The dagger vibrated at his chest.
For a long while Rand said nothing. Mat could feel him shift, move his bedroll and realign his blankets, but the boy said nothing. It bothered him, made his skin crawl, before he finally cracked his eyes open.
Rand was pulling his blankets down and away from himself, his hands shaking a bit. His face was pale and sweating. Fear ran through Mat for a moment. If he goes mad sooner than later, how will you apologize to a corpse?
"Light, Rand, you're sick."
He finally noticed the sheen of sweat across Rand's chest. The shirt was tantalizingly open. His eyes looked sunken and his hair was plastered in sweaty clumps. He wasn't sure if he had hallucinated the boy's hands shaking, but Rand shoved them under his blankets before Mat could get a closer look.
Mat sat up quickly and reached over to him. For a moment Rand's eyes widened in terror, but as soon as Mat's hand rested across his forehead he sighed and leaned into the touch. The sweat seemed to stop and he took a deep breath and- Mat quickly ripped away his hand with a slight yelp. "Blood and Ashes! You burned me!" He looked at his hand in the dim light. Across the back of his hand, at his knuckles, lay a dark red burn. For a moment he was sure the pain would throb for hours. Yet instantly, the pain faded to a dull ache. He shook his fingers to make sure he could still feel them.
Rand was staring at him with an odd look. He seemed sick again.
"You need medicine." He tried to put aside the strangeness of his hand in favor of finding Rand medicine.
Rand tried to respond, his voice hoarse and cracking, "No… no, Egwene gave me some. Moiraine already helped. I just… have to sit it out."
Mat couldn't help but think, Well it's not something I want to get. But the look on Rand's face nailed him to the spot. He had come here to apologize, and he wasn't about to add to the list of grievances by getting up and leaving him here. It's probably the channeling. Well, I can't catch that.
"Moiraine already helped you?"
Rand looked at Mat with hesitation in his eyes. He was gripping his sheets and wiping the sweat off his forehead. Mat decided he didn't want to know.
"If its that channeling stuff, just keep it to yourself."
Dammit. He cursed at himself for snapping at Rand.
"I don't know what it is." There was a hint of fear in Rand's voice. Maybe its just that you can't act like the mighty Dragon Reborn when you're sick. Mat forced himself to shut up.
"Fine, but-" he laid back on his bedroll, "you'll wake me if you need it."
He closed his eyes before Rand could object. Asking forgiveness will be impossible.
Rand was dreaming.
He could feel the weight of the Source on him, his sickness coming and going in waves, and at certain points he could hardly stand the nausea and searing pain through his mind. He was walking through Emond's field, the mountains at his back, glimpses of the sea coming and going, and every time the pain came, he would be somewhere else, somewhere…
He knew he was sleeping alongside a River. He could hear it in his sleep. He felt the familiar pulse of Egwene not too far off. Her sleeping form was somewhat of a relief, her Power a counterbalance to the burn placed at his finger tips. He knew that if he touched her, he would stop the ache. He could also tell he would kill her. Her Power was a magnet in opposite power, pushing back against him.
If I could have it, I'd be unstoppable, I'd be-
- the pain seared by again. He was in Moiraine's tent. The Warder was nowhere to be found. Moiraine had the same swirling aura, her Source a bit weaker than Egwene's. In a single thread, power left Moiraine through her back, reaching out into the forest. If Rand touched it, he knew he would feel Lan's heart sitting at the end of it. Neither Moiraine nor Lan would offer comfort, their strings attached already.
Perrin… he could feel him in the woods, keeping an eye on him. He was certain Perrin knew what was happening.
Next to him Mat slept. He could feel his dreams at the horizon of his subconscious. His fingers ached to grab at him, the dark dagger singing in terror. It knew.
He hovered, his body laying on the ground, fearing that the dark one would come around again. His fingers twitched, aching to touch the empty vessel next to him-
No, no, I don't want to- It's Mat for light's sake, Mat-
The pain reached a terrifying crescendo. It lashed at his mind and deafened him. It's the Madness. It's finally come. In the morning I'll wake up and everyone will be gone, dead, or- everyone will be flattened, just as Mat said. I'm losing my sanity, I don't want to, Light I don't want to-
He felt his power reach out for a moment, the pain directing him. It would be impossible to stop it. He finally located Lan, about a mile off, watching- his power washed over the man and he felt an unyielding wall stop him. Not him, he thought. What is going on-
In an instant, he felt his power rush back to him as if through a pinhole, the sheer force of it turning over his stomach. As it came back, from the forest and over the river, over the fire and back into the tent, he felt Mat's presence like a beacon. He latched onto it, forcing the power to stop before it caught back to him and made him sick again, feeling it swirl in his sleep, keeping the force of it down- almost instantly the pain ebbed, the madness slipping away, and he nearly sobbed in relief- he pushed the power back and forth, getting away from the pain, watching it swirl over-
He woke up to Mat's screaming. Moiraine was opening the tent in a frenzy, a light orb suspended above her. Rand broke away from his bedroll and turned to see Mat grasping at his temples, his face contorted into a grimace, trying to wake up from a devastating… what was it? A nightmare? He could see his own dream swirling around Mat and himself, the inky blackness a physical wave. Moiraine did not seem to notice it.
Moiraine was grasping at Mat's forehead in confusion. The jewel dangled at her forehead and Rand could feel her power surge for a moment, reaching her fingertips and meaning to reach Mat's center, and too late Rand realized what she had been trying to do; "Don't touch him!"
Moiraine's power flew off his skin like an arrow and Rand bit back a yell of horror. Mat waved his arms out blindly, desperately trying to back Moiraine away. Rand had felt the power touch Mat's skin as if it had been his own.
He quickly reached over to Mat, Moiraine's hawk-like eyes searching for any sign of the madness, her eyes widening.
The inky taint of Saidin grabbed at him. It swirled around the tent. It sat at Mat's figure, hovering, and Rand moved forward to dispel it, his hand hovering over his friend's forehead. Moiraine backed away in a frenzy. His open palm reached Mat's skin, he could feel its heat; at that instant, he could sense Mat's fear, the acrid taste of it. He pushed it away and Mat woke up, opened his eyes and sat forward, pushing past Moiraine.
Moiraine quickly moved out of his way right before Mat threw his dinner up. He heaved and held his head and stomach as Rand dashed from the tent and felt his back. He's drenched in sweat.
Egwene was looking at the two of them in horror. Perrin, pushing foliage away as he made his way into the clearing, was staring at them in confusion. Nynaeve appeared from next to Egwene and strode over in great leaps. She seemed vile with irritation.
"Moiraine! What did you do to him?"
She was quickly reaching for her pouch. Moiraine walked over to her and pulled the Wisdom away, leaving Egwene to run and fetch blankets and Mat still heaving in front of the fire.
Rand's hand was shaking at his friend's back. It's my fault… Light, what did I do? He tried to remember but the dream was slipping from him. He tried to hold onto it as Egwene ushered Mat to sit, rubbing a concoction onto his chest and forcing him to lie down on a fresh bedroll. He could hear Mat groan in pain, his hand still pressed to his temple. The dream… the dream… what did I do?
Egwene noticed Rand standing there. She was holding a wet rag to Mat's forehead before she ushered him away. "You're sick too, Rand. Get away from here." Her new Aes Sedai eyes urged him to walk away. Rand shuddered in his skin.
Sick? But now I feel fine.
Perrin sat himself between Moiraine and Egwene, his eyes catching the way Mat struggled to breathe. In the dark, he could tell that Mat's throat nor chest were creating the problem. He could not see the Source, but he could tell that it was having its way with him.
"What's happening to him?"
The question was meant for anyone who was listening.
Moiraine remained silent, her eyes looking out into the night. She had put on a light suede coat as the night had steeped into colder winds. Earlier, she had tried to drag Mat into her tent to watch him for the night, but his fever had increased, and his body seemed set on being outside.
Answering Perrin would not be an easy task. She doubted that even Egwene would accept her answer.
But I can feel it, just as I can feel Lan off in the woods.
She decided to not tell them.
"He's sick. I'm not sure why."
Egwene huffed in irritation. She had become accustomed to Moiraine's refusal to tell the whole story, but it made it no less of an annoyance. She had even caught herself doing it at times.
In her mind, Egwene wondered if it had anything to do with her. Mat had been acting strange earlier that night, his eyes shifting back and forth, his dagger ticking in the background in an insistent manner. But now, its ticking had... stopped. Or slowed down so much that she had not heard it keep time yet. It unnerved her. Was it a sign of his life slipping?
If anything, she would feel such a thing before Mat became this sick. Then why...?
"I shouldn't have allowed Mat to speak to Rand. I have a feeling it has something to do with it."
Perrin looked at Moiraine in interest.
"It can't be. Mat has refused to speak with Rand for weeks."
"Yes, but he spoke with him tonight."
"What? You think Rand would do something to him?" Egwene seemed to refuse to believe it, but her eyes were that of an Aes Sedai. She would listen to Moiraine regardless.
"No. Rand isn't lost yet."
Perrin finally put his head down. He couldn't understand any of this Source nonsense. If people were sick, you healed them, and it was simple. But the strange smell in the air made him cautious. He could feel the strangeness in his bones and so could his brothers, stalking the perimiter. It wasn't a darkness, but... something that was equally tangible.
Mat had been up all night. Rand could hear him from the tent, trying not to think of the lure of power beneath his friend's skin. It pulsed in place of the dagger. If he reached for it, he feared he would remember the dream. It had been him. He knew it. Had he converted the dagger into some sort of device? Had he granted Mat some form of power? But he would not tell Moiraine, nor Egwene. He would not be sent back to the Amyrlin Seat after proving himself trustworthy. If Mat is truly sick because of me, I'll help him. Neither of us are going back there ever again.
It was dawn when Moiraine came to wake him up. He was already packed and waiting. He had been stopped throughout the night when he had tried to see Mat, Egwene's new eyes pinning him down, but now they could not keep him. He rushed from the tent and over to where he could feel…
Yes, I can feel him. That's… strange.
Mat was sitting in his saddle already, rubbing his eyes and pushing his hair back. Rand lurched in surprise. He seemed tired but no less sick than he had been a day ago. Mat finished rubbing himself awake and eyed Rand. Egwene sat beside him, watching the both of them wearily.
"Rand," Mat gave a smirk, "seems I kept you up instead. Sorry."
Rand stared at him in disbelief. He looked tired, yes, but the drawing feel of the dagger seemed to have disappeared.
"Your dagger?"
Mat looked at him quizzically, then moved his coat back. It sat there silently, the ruby gleaming. Rand sighed in relief.
But I can't feel it. I must have… I hope that I stopped it. Light, I think he's healed.
"What, had a nightmare about me?" Mat coughed nervously into his hand and pushed the coat back over the dagger. He fidgeted in his saddle and watched Rand carefully.
"Last night… I don't remember much, other than being sick, but I do remember what you said, and I… I think…"
Rand peered at him curiously. He couldn't remember ever seeing Mat flustered.
Mat opened his mouth and shut it quickly as Loial came up to them with packs over his shoulders. He tapped Rand on the shoulder and began lurching the bags over the backs of their horses. The Ogier smiled at both of them and didn't seem to catch Mat's grimace.
"You two look much better. I was worried for you two last night, especially Mat," Loial said.
Mat looked at him and gave a small grin, but it didn't reach his eyes. He seemed preoccupied.
Rand stood awkwardly between the two of them. For a moment he could feel… annoyance, he thought, but it wasn't his. There was an outlier of embarrassment beneath it, a strong pulse of admiration, and… and…. He wasn't sure. He could not reach the emotion that lay underneath it all.
He looked at Mat. He sat on his horse, looking down at the Ogier and avoiding Rand's eyes. I don't remember saying anything to him last night.
"Rand, we must continue to follow Egwene Sedai until we reach a few more hours North. Could I ride alongside you for the last stretch?"
Rand nodded numbly at Loial as Mat urged his horse forward and away from them. He watched his friend trot up behind Egwene, who was already packed and waiting for them. Mat did not look at him again. I suppose it's too much to hope for things to return to normal between… between us, I guess.
He half jogged over to Red beside Loial, and he mounted his horse, trying to be glad that he had rid Mat of his curse, at least.
They had been riding for an hour and a half. The sun was barely up. Mat was grateful to be facing North instead of due East, the sun becoming blinding. He watched as Egwene led them confidently, her back straight, and occasionally he looked at Perrin. His friend was leering straight ahead, his ears listening to something Mat couldn't fathom. He seemed like a stone wall on the outside of their group, keeping things at bay.
In the distance, a dark speck appeared. It was a black horse. Moiraine halted everyone and asked Egwene to see if she could also feel who it was. The girl nodded that yes, she could.
"It's Lan." She said. Mat wondered how he knew it as well.
It's a black horse from not too far off. Who else could it be? That's how you know. Of course its Lan.
Moiraine seemed almost nervous as she waited atop her pale mare. She moved her cloak to the other side and sat back further, eying Perrin and Egwene quickly. For a moment, she looked back, her eyes grazing over Mat and back towards Rand, Loial, and a seething Nynaeve. She seemed apprehensive.
They all slowly trotted to close the gap between Lan and themselves, and when they finally reached the Warder, he jumped from the back of Mandarb and began walking the limping horse again. Moiraine nodded at him and Nynaeve seemed to bristle at the man's presence.
"I spoke to the guards of the city. They won't be letting anyone in the Northern Region for weeks."
Mat let out a breath he didn't know he'd been holding. He had half expected horrifying news, with the way Moiraine had froze at the view of Lan coming down through the forest.
Moiraine settled a bit. "A few weeks is far too long. We could find a path between the regions in that time. You would have me heal Mandarb, then."
Instantly the mood shifted. Mat could feel Lan's irritation, dimly, but he was sure that's what it was, and he eyed Moiraine cautiously. She was staring at Lan and waiting for his response.
"I'll walk. My horse won't need healing from you. He doesn't need any more attachment than he already has, if I am to be traded off."
Moiraine remained stiff backed as Lan walked to fit into the group, walking past the Blue Sedai and Egwene. Mat reeled at the confrontation. Lan, leaving? It scared him to think of the path he had yet to travel without the Warder nearby, if Lan meant to leave. He watched the Warder carefully and managed a quick glance back at Rand.
He appeared nervous as well. He wasn't sick any longer, Mat could feel. He sat nervously atop Red and for a split second, his eyes reached Mat's, bright blue, and Mat looked away.
Lan had stopped in front of him. Mandarb seemed a giant compared to his rented horse. The Warder was eying Mat with a hint of hate in his eye. No, he's not. It's the dagger talking. Isn't it?
For a moment everyone was still, then Moiraine ripped around, her horse trotting to Lan and her cloak flaring behind her.
"No, Lan- it is not what you think-"
"I will not be traded to the Dragon Reborn."
Lan turned to Rand, his eyes softening for a moment, but he glared back at Moiraine.
"What are you playing, Moiraine? Do you think I wouldn't notice it? If it was not your doing, than this boy has been lying to us, and I won't stand for it."
It took Mat a few moments to realize Lan was pointing at him. He looked around feverishly, looking for an explanation. He did not want to be at the end of that man's sword.
"Lying? I'm not lying about anything ,I swear it! This dagger is enough for me, and I-"
Lan made a motion to cut Mat's babbling. Moiraine did not move.
"Lan, it was not my doing. The Wheel-"
"It did not weave this, Moiraine. How could I not feel his bindings? Do you think me mad? If the Dragon needs so many Warders, find them elsewhere."
Moiraine tightened her grip on the reigns. Egwene waited nervously. Behind Lan, Nynaeve forced herself forward, holding onto her horse's mane. She stood defiantly against Moiraine.
The wind shook the cloth of her blue cloak. Mat's collars blew over his face for a moment. He could feel Moiraine singing to the force of it. He held his ground and glanced at Rand, hoping that it would not come to running for their lives. I knew not to trust them- Light, now we're all going to be burnt.
Bela twittered nervously and Egwene seemed prepared to take Moiraine's side. She looked at all of them, a look of defiance on her face, her mouth twisted in indecision. Lan seemed to relax his stance.
Abruptly, the wind stopped. Mat could hear Rand breathe in, breathe out, waiting nervously. Moiraine held her hand up.
"I had nothing to do with his bonding. I feel it as well as you do, al'Lan Mandragoran. I did not pass you yet, you would have felt that." Lan flashed his eyes at Egwene. "It was not her, either."
Lan settled quickly. He looked at Nynaeve patiently, their eyes speaking volumes. Mat sat awkwardly and watched as Moiraine gazed at him. He felt like a child.
"What's happening? Is it the dagger? I'm dying, aren't I?"
Lan scoffed at him, and began pulling Mandarb back towards Moiraine. He handed over the reins and the Aes Sedai began to heal the horse's sprained ankle.
"You are still dying, farm boy, but you'll live your dying life a lot longer. You've been bonded."
Loial pushed his horse up from the back of the line, Rand following him in a panic. His face was white again. Moiraine was mumbling to Egwene as she healed Mandarb. "I did not think it possible," she said, "and I still don't understand it- I can feel it, can you?"
Egwene was nodding dumbly and stared at Mat. Her eyes followed Rand for a moment, seemed to dampen a bit, then she bit her tongue and swerved to the front.
Mat was not breathing. He found Rand's eyes and felt it, and he was a fool to not have felt it before. He could feel the remorse coming in waves, the confusion, the excitement… the… the inky taint, the underlying power, something he could never touch but could now know what it might be like. The dagger seemed heavy on his coat again. He could feel Lan's presence and could see how that presence started and ended with Moiraine, a never ending loop- he could see Lan for what he was and could see that Egwene knew it as well.
Lan laughed a bit, his smirk and shaking head a cry of disbelief. "You, a Warder. Light burn me, it truly must be the end times."