AN: I can't really remember if this was written, before or after I wrote "Dark Desires" not that it really matters in the end, this one is another angst ridden look at Fay and Kurogane's relationship, but from Fay's POV for the most part; only letting a view in to Kuro-pon's head when he almost loses Fay. The story uses the anime timeline where they go to Piffle World before Shura. It's a long one shot, but the sections aren't really chapters they are like elongated verses so bare with all the writing. Please enjoy xx.
"I can't do this anymore Magician," Kurogane said as he stood up from the bed. "It's not something I'm good at. It takes too much work." He walked over to the other side of the room. "You don't make it easy and I don't want to fight anymore. So I'm ending this." He opened the door and glanced back at Fay before he left.
Fay didn't move his head, he didn't say a word; he just let Kurogane leave. He placed his head on his knees and drew himself in to a ball. He felt the tears leak out of his eyes, but didn't care. This was what he had wanted… wasn't it? He wanted to have Kurogane walk away, so that he would never have to reveal the deepest part of himself.
He looked up at the door and rubbed the heels of his hands into his eyes. He knew more than anything that he should have said something… or done something… anything to take back what had happened, so that he hadn't hurt Kurogane as much as he had. Of all people Kurogane didn't deserve that treatment. He had done nothing, but stood by his side. Fay had made it so hard for them, he had made it hell for the tough guy and he knew he had done it on purpose. He had spent so much time trying to distance himself from people that he didn't realise that he was so close to them.
As he sat in the cold dark room he wished that he had at least kissed Kurogane one more time and looked into those tea red eyes just one last time. If he did that he would be able to know that everything was alright. He hadn't done that though; as always he had run. That was after all what he was good at. He had spent most of his life running and he didn't want to stop now, especially not when he was given an out. He was going to run, because what was the point in trying when everything that he could ever want would crumble and turn to dust? Why fight when in the end he would inevitably lose.
The next morning Fai noticed that Syaoran was staring. That wasn't a good sign. Was it that obvious they'd had a fight? Fay didn't think so. He had come down for breakfast that had been served by Sakura and had been polite. He had even spoken to Kurogane and even though he hadn't looked up he had replied the way he normally did. He thought they were a perfect team of liars, both effortlessly hiding what they felt.
It wasn't just Syaoran though; he felt Mokana staring too, but he couldn't trick it, Mokona could read anyone like a book. The little white puff ball would realise something was wrong soon enough. Syaoran however was sweet and naive most of the time so it shouldn't be too hard to pull the wool over his eyes about the inner turmoil he and Kurogane were going through… only if Kurogane hurt too he supposed.
As Syaoran's intense frown deepened, Fay could feel the confidence in his lie slipping it seemed that Kurogane's training had increased other latent powers of Syaoran's; observation and empathy among the top ones. Kurogane finished his meal quickly and cleared his plates making the excuse of needing air; more than likely just so he could get out of the room. Fay watched him go feeling more than a little guilty.
"Fay did you and Kurogane fight?" Syaoran asked as soon as the door had closed behind the taller man. Fay plastered a smile over his face laughing lightly,
"Of course not, what makes you think that?" He asked hoping that the mask he was wearing didn't crack.
"You were both so quiet, this morning. Normally you laugh, joke and fight but this morning you barely said two things to each other."
"We do? We didn't?" Fay strained the smile on his face when Mokana jumped into his lap, its normal smiling face was crinkled with concern.
"Fay, what happened with you and Kuro-rin?" It asked, "His loneliness has come back, he's hurting so much." It hopped on to Fay's shoulder and lightly touched his face, "You hurt too; you feel ragged and abandoned." Fay looked at the small white mass and smiled,
"No fooling you Mokana," he said with an air of defeat and kissed the soft fur next to the semi precious stone. Mokana purred happily hugging Fay's cheek and then looked at Syaoran. "We had an argument last night, but it will blow over."
"I hope so," Sakura said her green eyes as worried as Syaoran's brown eyes were; "I don't like it when you and Kurogane don't get on." Fay laughed,
"We've never really gotten along per say…" Fay replied and Sakura shook her head,
"The fact that you can talk and argue means you get along well." Fay looked stunned; he had never looked at it that way. He thought that to get along everyone had to be smiling and laughing. He had never thought that arguments would go towards that, but whenever they argued it had been over something so small and they had been doing it from day one. So when he thought about it; it had become routine.
It was like with everything that had come after. He had always thought that Kurogane was angry, but maybe that was one of the ways he showed affection as it was anger laced with so much love.
Their first kiss had come out of an argument that they were having on Piffle World while Syaoran was still asleep. Fay had said something about Kurogane's driving and it had pushed the taller man over the edge and as Fay had danced around in the empty hallway Kurogane had got closer and closer to the magician. When Fay had finally noticed that he was trapped; it was too late. Kurogane placed his hands at either side of Fay's head and pinned him to the spot against the wall with those fire bright red eyes. Fay had wanted to say something, but words wouldn't come as Kurogane leaned in closer and claimed his lips roughly, but so very sweetly. His lips were chapped and hard, but the hand that cupped his face even with all the calluses was so soft that Fay's knees buckled. When his lips began to mould around Kurogane's he sighed deeply and felt Kurogane's body cover every inch of his. As one of Kurogane's arms slyly wrapped itself around his waist Fay let himself lean in to Kurogane's warmth with no resistance, it was safe there and no one from the outside world could shatter that. Eventually Kurogane stepped back, his eyes hooded and lazy as he smirked lightly,
"I was right, it worked. I managed to shut you up," he mused and then turned on his heel and walked off to his room leaving Fay shaking all over and wondering how it had all happened,
"Bastard!" he managed to say a while after as he sunk to the floor.
Fay woke up out of his memory and looked at Sakura, who smiled softly as if she had read his mind; she nodded and Mokana kissed him again making him look at her too.
"Fay was silly, he didn't notice the care Kuro-buro took of him," Fay smiled sadly,
"I'll go tell him I'm sorry," He said and stood up from the table, "Breakfast was lovely Sakura, thank you so much."
"You're very welcome Fay," She smiled her sweet all encompassing smile that could soothe even the most troubled of hearts and Fay smiled back feeling a little of the weight on his shoulders lift.
As he walked out of the dining room and back to his room the feeling of despair he was wishing not to feel settled on his shoulders again the closer he got to his door. When he got inside he stood with his back against the door looking at the bed that was now a crime scene, an autopsy of his terrible relationship skills. The covers were turned down and the pillows strewn across the floor where he had thrown them in a fit of rage the night before after Kurogane had left. He leant into the wood and closed his eyes hoping it was all a bad dream. That in reality they really hadn't fought and the other man hadn't walked out of his life taking all he was with him as easily as he had wandered into it.
The wind whipped through his open window and raked through his hair like fingers, he shuddered at the memory of Kurogane's tanned fingers making runs in his hair and tickling the back of his neck. Goosebumps rose across his arms and he let his breath out in a deep sigh.
"I was so naive," He said opening his eyes again and walking to the bed. He sat on it and felt the mattress indent ever so slowly to support his weight, when it had been the two of them the indent had been a lot bigger and occurred a lot quicker. He had never thought that having Kurogane's weight above him would be so comforting, but now that it was absent he missed the warmth and the security that he had found in Kurogane's arms if only for a short while.
After the kiss on Piffle World Kurogane had been quiet and had avoided Fay all the time only stealing glances at him and smirking. It had driven Fay mad; he didn't really know what he should do around Kurogane when he was acting like that. As always he tired to act as if nothing had changed and picked fights and called him names, but he was uncomfortable and never knew how Kurogane was going to act. When they had been separated from Syaoran, Sakura and Mokana on Shara Kurogane had been so calm and collected and seemed happy that they were alone. They had found out what was happening in the land and had been invited into the temple with no trouble at all. Even after all that time they had spent together Fay had still been confused and edgy about how to act. This had only got more confusing when they had gone back in time to Shura. On the first night as part of Yasha's army Kurogane had come in to Fay's tent smiling maliciously,
"Do you think we should train the kid more?" He had asked as he sat down near the door with his arms behind his head.
"What?" Fay had asked in return mouth open wide, as Kurogane's words were a jumble of sounds that he couldn't fathom "I'm not sure I follow," Kurogane saw the confusion on Fay's face that accompanied Fay's voice and understood that he had no idea what was going on damn that little manju bun for following the kid and the Princess.
"Well you see he is part of Ashura's army is he not? What better way to train him than making us his enemies?" Fay still looked puzzled so Kurogane drew it out on a sheet of paper, the drawing was a scant amount of stick men posing in various ways, but the dawn of understanding showed in Fay's eyes and Kurogane knew his plan had worked. He watched as Fay watched him draw avid fascination etching into his features; until he looked like a small child. Kurogane reached out a hand and lightly brushed it across Fay's cheek. The gentleness of the fingertips and the gesture brought a small amount of colour to Fay's complexion and Kurogane laughed. The sound deep and dark like a wave washing over Fay and clearing away all his inhibitions and fear.
When Kurogane claimed his lips again Fay didn't pull away, he pulled the other man closer, with a hunger that frightened him. He felt the feather light brush of fingertips down his neck and shivered; he had never thought that Kurogane would have such a capacity for gentleness and feeling it first hand was overwhelming.
Kurogane mumbled something into Fay's collar as he undid the buttons of his shirt and even though Fay couldn't understand it, he knew that whatever the words meant it wasn't bad. Then he felt Kurogane's lips on his chest leaving trails of butterfly warmth as he went. Fay found it hard to concentrate on anything outside the pair of them as his mind was so muddled.
"You were avoiding me," He managed to breathe his confusion colouring his words brightly. Without knowing the words Kurogane understood the tone and responded with a chuckle,
"I couldn't stop myself magician, you just look too good." The throaty sound of Kurogane's voice was all that he needed to hear and he surrendered his body to the other man and before he had even realised it, his soul.
It was always that way Fay thought as he rested his head on his knees. It had always been instigated by Kurogane and he had never fought him off as it always felt so good. The emptiness of the bed now was killing him; he shouldn't have said what he had and he shouldn't have made sharing his heart so hard. Kurogane gave himself so easily, his body, his heart, his all. He never stepped down when he had started something; in that respect he and Syaoran were the same.
That and they were both fiercely loyal. Kurogane at the start had hated being in the group of mismatched souls, always hunting for the haunting image of his princess and protector, but once he had found his footing his loyalty was evenly split. He still loved Tomoyo deeply, but at the same time he would let no harm come to his nakama as he had called them. Fay knew that him leaving the night before had been hard on Kurogane it was as if he was betraying a deeper part of himself. Yet at the same time Fay realised that Kurogane cared for him enough, or maybe even loved him enough to let him go. Fay didn't think it was fair that Kurogane could always be so calm no matter what amount of anger was coursing through his veins, he could just say,
"It's over," and leave as if nothing of it had mattered, how was he not in a mangled palace of thorns that Fay was in? How could he just mumble hello without giving him a look that could kill? The indifference in Kurogane had always annoyed him, but now it confounded him. He should be hurting equally, it was only fair…
The escape from Rekord Country a few days after the fight had been a close one, an achingly close one where they had nearly lost their lives. If it hadn't been for Fay and his "magic" they would have been stuck there and most likely would not have left the country with their bodies intact.
That however didn't truly help because the first people they met in the new country Mokana had thrown them into had tried to kill them. As always Kurogane ran in to help Syaoran and had left Fay to look after the princess. From behind the rock that he was hiding he could watched as Kurogane was thrown across the room to hit a pillar that cracked on the impact. Fay sucked in his breath in fear until he saw a malicious smile cover Kurogane's face as he loosened his tie. He fought the opponent with honour and ferocity until it became a tie. Not only that he had managed to get them lodgings for the night out of the acid rain.
The pride in the gait of his walk caught Fay's attention and he couldn't look away, he balled his hands in to fists trying to not think about the feel of those cruel but heavenly lips on his.
After Syaoran had been healed for the arrow wound Fay fretted over him, it didn't seem right that one so young should have to fight and get injured like this even if it was for his one true love. He placed his hand against Syaoran's forehead and felt the heat rise from the skin, a heat that was unhealthy; he turned to Kurogane who was sat on the floor watching them.
"I think Syaoran has a fever, it doesn't seem good and I don't think the princess is going to wake up this time." He said in almost a whisper and Kurogane's face became hard as he stared up at the magician from his position on the floor, "Hey now Kuro-pin you have to talk back otherwise it'll be lonely and people will think I'm mad!" he said with the smile that always hurt to wear. Kurogane grabbed his hand and started deeply in to his eyes, the tea red of them burning Fay from the inside out.
"I thought you didn't want to use magic? So why did you use it to get out of Rekord?! I thought you said if you used your magic he would come after you!" Fay looked stunned and a little ashamed at that point.
"It wasn't the type of magic I usually use, that magic was made with sound," He whistled to illustrate what he meant, it was strange for Fay that he was finally able to whistle after all these years of seemingly not having the talent.
"I don't care!" Kurogane stated bluntly his eyes hard, "if you are so sure that you don't want to be involved with these people, don't try and be. Stop worrying about the kid and the princess." He stood up as there were noises from outside.
"We need to talk to you," Kusanagi said through the door and Kurogane went forward as Fay replied with,
"Kuro-rin will do the talking," Kurogane came level with Fay and without looking at him he took his hand and said in a whisper,
"You have to stop living in the past magician; you should start living in the present and become one of us. We need you here, not there. Forget the past there is nothing you can do for it." He let go of Fay's hand at looked to Kusanagi.
"We should talk outside as not to wake those two." Kusanagi nodded primly and Kurogane threw the curtain over the door way. Fay fell back against the wall staring at the hand Kurogane had held; that was still burning.
"Forget about the past?" he asked himself putting the hand to his forehead, "It's hard to do, when the past keeps haunting the present." Fay sat staring at Sakura and Syaoran for an age watching the light from the candle gutter and glow spreading foul shaped shadows over their bodies, "I really hope that one day you two will be happy." He sighed, "I hope that in the future it will all be worth this pain." He closed his eyes slowly and fell in to a shallow dreamless sleep.
The pain was unbearable. There wasn't even a word that could describe what he was feeling; it was as if some part of him was being flayed while another part watched. He couldn't believe that the clone of Syaoran had been so cruel. He couldn't believe that there was even a clone of Syaoran not to mention that he had gauged out his eye with so little thought, or even presence of mind. As he watched the clone that he had spent so much time with he saw that there was no compassion, nothing of the real Syaoran left in it. It was a doll made to do someone else's bidding. He tried to scramble away, he tried to get himself to move, but the fear of imminent death had him glued to the spot. He wanted to scream; he wanted to be able to defend himself, but nothing happened; he was frozen in time watching the clone and watching himself through the clones' eye. It was beyond belief how unreal it all felt.
The clone of Syaoran came forward again his hand hovering over Fay's right eye in an attempt to make that one of his hostages too. Fay cowered away feeling like an ant that was about to be walked on. He had almost given up hope of salvation when out of nowhere came a blast of energy that he knew without a doubt belonged to Kurogane and the clone stumbled backwards out of the reach of Fay.
The next thing he saw through his fuzzy vision was that Kurogane was stood over him, shirt collar undone with his face as hard as stone and as cold as ice. He bent over and scooped Fay into his arms holding him close and as the clone advanced his grip tightened momentarily. He's truly beautiful Fay thought as the clawing mud of unconsciousness sucked him down. Then again he always has been. With that thought he was claimed by the darkness.
He opened his eyes again and found himself sat on the bed he'd slept on in Rekord Country and by looking at the smile on Kurogane's face it was the night before the argument that had pulled them apart, but as he thought about it, the breaking had been happening all along on his side, that night Kurogane just gave in.
Kurogane leant in and clasped Fay's face between his large hands and kissed Fay so deeply he moaned, Kurogane chuckled against Fay's lips making him more embarrassed as the red flush seeped in to his cheeks.
"A little sensitive this evening, aren't we?" Kurogane asked huskily, with a hungry animalistic light in his eyes. Fay coloured more deeply and had to turn his head away from that hungry red stare. "I wouldn't worry," he continued his voice so low Fay could barely hear it, "I'll make you feel more," Fay nearly laughed at how cheesy the line was, but he saw the intent in Kurogane's eyes and shrank away from the laugh. In retrospect he thought that maybe the intensity of Kurogane that night should have tipped him off to the fact that he would leave him and this was the only way that Kurogane could say goodbye.
That night Kurogane had come through the door his face drawn from exhaustion, but Fay felt that being around books all the time did that to Kurogane. He was more an active man always on the move, trying to fight the wrongs in the universe. The more passive approach left him grumpy; he hated the idea of sitting still; he felt that nothing was getting done unless you were crossing swords with someone. Fay on the other hand had always preferred the more gentle quiet approach and found it funny every time Kurogane got flustered about it.
"Kuro-chan you seem like you are in a bad mood..." he said smiling and when Kurogane's eyes reached him the murderous intent behind them made Fay recoil a little.
"We aren't getting anything done. I believe that the kid has good instincts but sometimes it's better to actually move on a target than sit around thinking about it. Doing nothing makes me uncomfortable… and you lazing around like a cat in the sun as if everything is alright, that makes me uncomfortable too." Fay sat up straight the no nonsense response and the lack of baiting was unusual and put him on edge. It wasn't like Kurogane at all to not jump down Fay's throat about a nick name he hated. "That's not all magician," he said as he stalked across the room towards Fay. He clamped his hands on Fay's shoulders and kissed him roughly moulding Fay's lips around his own, sucking in Fay's air until he was breathless, when he was released Fay took the oxygen that was now available to him in ragged breaths. "I can't do this any longer, this thing between us. I can't stand here and wait any longer for you to come to me. I've waited for so long and I can't do it anymore. I have given you so many chances."
"What?" Fay said trying to back pedal the conversation,
"I can't wait any longer for you to love me back." Kurogane said with a shrug. "Any other man would have gone insane by now, but I waited and waited. I now know that nothing is going to change I can't sway your heart so I give up; I'm done." Fay's mouth opened to an unflatteringly large 'O'
"You can't act like you are all perfect in this Kurogane," Fay said darkly catching Kurogane's full attention.
"I'm not magician! Trust me on this I'm not! But there is no more of myself that I can give to you…" Fay shook his head.
"I know nothing about you! I don't even know where you came from, not really." Fay shouted spitefully throwing his hands up.
"That isn't important!" Kurogane raged back, "What I am now is all that counts!"
"Syaoran knows," Fay said scathingly, "The book of memories, you held it… he read it, he knows your past what made you who you are."
"I said it's not important!" Kurogane shot back. "I'm not saying I know nothing about you," he shook his head calming a little, "You give nothing of yourself Fay, you trust no one. This is a battle that I can no longer fight." Fay couldn't form the words to stop him, "I love you enough, to be able to let you go and know that someday this will all be alright." he finished quietly, "I can't do this anymore magician". Then as Fay had relived a thousand times since it happened Kurogane walked out the door claiming it was all too much too hard. Could Fay really be justifiably mad with him? Kurogane had tried and the strain had shown, but Fay had run away. Fay had made a mess of things and now look what had happened… he had tried to save the day, he had tried to be the hero and all that had happened was that he had got hurt, hurt enough that Kurogane had to run to his aid. He couldn't think of anything worse, well except death of course that was normally a worse fate.
The cloudiness of unconsciousness began to ebb and when he opened his eye he could see the strong almost vicious lines of Kurogane's face in his vision. Then he felt warm wet drops fall on his lips, it was an annoyance so he licked them off only for more to fall on them. He licked them off too and then was overtaken by a pain that had no earthly bounds as the liquid hit the back of his throat. He choked and retched but it did no good the pain was working its way through his system setting the cells he thought were dead on fire. He tried to pull away and huddle himself into a ball but he was forbidden from such actions by a hand on his back holding him close. There was lightening running through his very being making him coil in agony. As he opened his eye the very light outside hurt like a fatal blow, but at least he no longer had the bitter copper taste of blood in his mouth.
He shielded his working eye with one hand and tired to see again. On the left he saw Yuuko's heavenly face watching from another dimension in concern, Sakura was at the foot of the bed all beaten and bloodied a broken shell of her former self and seeing her that way almost hurt as much as the pain he was suffering. When he looked to the right side of him he saw the sorrow and pain in Kurogane's red eyes and this hurt more than anything he could have imagined.
"I'm sorry I had to do this," he said roughly his harsh voice breaking. Do what? Fay wondered and then he felt the tingle of pain on his bottom lip and then tentatively put his tongue against his teeth feeling his canines come to a sharp point. He looked behind Kurogane and saw not one person with yellow eyes, but two and they had sharp teeth too… no they weren't teeth; they were fangs; which meant that they were things of children's nightmares and most people's fears. Not only that, but he had joined the ranks of them and it wasn't even his choice. He looked into the haunted face above him and felt a welling of hatred towards the man who was once for a very short period of time; his lover.
Why couldn't he have let him die? Wasn't that the right thing to do, someone as useless and pathetic as him deserved that. He did not deserve the pity and he did not want to be saved, especially by someone that seemed to have hated the idea.
"Fay you're alright," Sakura said as she slurred slightly out of her broken lip, "I'm so glad!" Fay's stomach knotted and he could barely speak,
"I came back to serve you; my only princess," he managed kissing her hand lightly and getting to have the joy of seeing her blush. He glanced back at Kurogane and wanted so much to leap off the bed and kill the taller man where he stood, but instead he spoke. "Thank you Kurogane," He watched as Kurogane winced. It serves you right Fay thought; that's what you get when you bring someone back from the brink of death when they don't want it. He saw Kurogane move slightly and saw that he had balled his hands in to fists and wondered what was so painful for the other man that he felt the need to draw his own blood from his wrist. He licked his lips again and tasted the blood, it was honey sweet and salty all at once a myriad of conflicting tastes and images as it passed over his tongue and when he looked up again he thought that if he were to describe Kurogane to someone that would be the line he would use. He glanced down at the cut on the taller mans wrist again and then it all made sense. He had bound them together… he had given up his freedom to roam around to make sure that Fay stayed in the world.
Now didn't that just ruin his plan for revenge and hatred? He went to move towards Kurogane, but only fell to his side. It would have to wait he supposed until he could stand, but he needed Kurogane to know. He wasn't going to thank him that he was still alive, but he wasn't going to condemn him either.
They had broken up; he had left, so why on earth was he saving him? Kurogane couldn't work it out and if he were true to himself he didn't really want to. He had to admit though when Fay had opened his eye and looked at him, even though it was yellow and that of a vampire he had the most profound sense of relief. There was one thing he wanted so much to change and that was the hatred in that stare, he wanted to kiss Fay so hard that it would knock him into next week. He wanted to stare in to that hypnotic yellow eye for eternity, he wanted to hold Fay so close that he would never feel lonely again, but he couldn't do that and he knew it was because he had stepped over the line. He had saved Fay and that was the last thing the magician had ever wanted. The room emptied out of all the well wishers and inhabitants and Fay sat up slowly,
"No Kuro-rin, Kuro-burro, Kuro-sama, Kuro-tan, Kuro-chin, Kuro-chan or even Kuro-pin?" Kurogane asked briskly,
"I was being serious; I thought you would be happy for the sentiment." Fay replied as Kurogane sat on the bed his arm outstretched. Fay caught the colour of blood on his wrist and felt the insides of his stomach growl. He winced and tried to clamp down on the feeling.
"I know you aren't happy, but don't worry the only one you can feed off is me." Fay hissed out the side of his mouth,
"As if that makes it better," He turned his head away, "I hate you, you bound me to you and to these people and I have no way out now."
"I had no other way," Kurogane replied his red eyes haunted. "There was no way I was going to let you die magician!" He reached out and put his hand on Fay's cheek and saw as Fay blushed.
"Why are you saying that?" Fay stuttered trying hard to avoid the heated red stare. Without answering Kurogane leant in and brushed Fay's lips lightly with his own, Fay shivered under the contact and Kurogane pressed harder. He licked Fay's lips slowly in a loving caress and tasted his blood upon them. Fay felt himself tremble and lean further into Kurogane until every inch of him was shadowed by the other man; he hated his weakness and his need to be close to Kurogane, but more than that he hated how good it felt to be wanted by someone. For that person to own him body and soul and ask for so little in return he opened his mouth slowly tasting the mixture of Kurogane's blood that still stained his teeth and Kurogane's tongue.
At the sensation his fangs punched through his gums and in to his mouth; he tired to recoil, but Kurogane held fast and touched the fangs lightly scoring a line on his lower lip with the needle sharp point. Blood welled at the cut and Fay licked it away feeling the heat sear his throat. He wouldn't deny it; the feeling was the purest bliss and he slowly began to suck on Kurogane's lip as the other man bunched his hands in Fay's hair. As he drew on Kurogane's blood he could feel everything that Kurogane felt and it was overwhelming, intoxicating and scary as hell. He had never been this close to someone, well unless you counted being in the womb with his twin. The thought that he could be so vulnerable and able to see someone else's vulnerability almost broke him.
He clung to Kurogane as every feeling and thought he ever had slid down Fay's throat, searing the inside of him like molten lava. His eye fluttered open and he wasn't as sensitive to the light anymore and the lethargy that had taken residence in the whole of his being was ebbing away with every draw he took of Kurogane's blood. Kurogane didn't put up a fight instead he dragged Fay on top of him as he lay on the bed clasping Fay in place so the only thing he could do was kiss Kurogane and drink from the cut on his lip.
"I hate you," he managed to murmur against Kurogane's lips
"I know," Kurogane said back, his lips curving upwards in to a small smile, "But live with it a little longer?" Fay couldn't suppress the growl that escaped his lips and Kurogane chuckled. "I can't have you giving up I need you to fight." Fay shuddered at the softness in Kurogane's voice and wanted to see if the look in his scarlet eyes matched the words that left his lips. He tried to move out of Kurogane's grasp but his arms were locked and were as immovable as iron; then when Kurogane rolled over and unleashed his grasp Fay was still unable to move as he was caged in Kurogane's limbs. He was willing to fight him off, but when Kurogane licked his lip and then bent down and licked the length of Fay's neck leaving moist warmth from his collar bone to the lobe of his ear; the urge to fight left the magician entirely.
Fay watched the corded muscle in Kurogane's neck move under his skin and found himself licking his lips in response and tasted the saltiness of Kurogane's blood that still remained there. It sent his mind into a frenzy and he leant into Kurogane's neck and before he could stop himself he had punctured the skin above his collarbone and felt the distinct beat of Kurogane's heart with every draw he took on the vein. Kurogane stopped the exploration he was conducting of the shell of Fay's ear and sighed in one long shuddering breath raising the fine hairs on Fay's neck.
"I really hate you," Fay said again when he came up for air before he went back to the wound he had opened,
"I know that magician," Kurogane replied his voice shaking slightly. "But do you think you can forgive me?"
"That's why I hate you!" Fay whispered, "I have to forgive you." At that Kurogane's hands found their way under Fay's shirt the calloused fingers soothing and relaxing the taught muscles the thin cotton concealed.
"Good," Kurogane mumbled breathlessly loosening the trousers around the other mans hips. When Kurogane had managed to get the material around Fay's knee's he dragged the cotton shirt off the other man seeing the skin that was until a few minutes ago papery white become flushed and warm once again. Fay jumped at the cool air on his back and took the moment of opportunity at hand to seal the wound on Kurogane's neck with a gentle sweep of his tongue. The hunger in his stomach stilled for a little while at least.
"I lost my parents to monsters and men who acted like monsters and I lost my way. I thought that if I could take on any opponent then that would be enough. I was taken in by Tomoyo she looked after me and protected me. I will forever be in her debt, but I angered her. I wouldn't stop fighting, I didn't understand what true strength was and she banished me to where that witch was." Fay's eye widened, "That is all there is to know about me Fay, there is nothing more, nothing less. I am who I am and as much as my past has shaped me; who I am in this moment right now is the one that counts." Fay groaned, not only was he being honest and open he had also used his name not the line magician and the sound of his name always had the most profound effect on him; when it was said in Kurogane's gravelly voice. "Happy now Fay?" he asked close to Fay's ear. Kurogane knew there was no way that Fay could argue and when the magician nodded he snickered; before Fay could get his bearings a calloused thumb rubbed a tight circle around one of his nipples making him suck in his breath sharply.
"Ah," He said when he released his breath arching his back so he was in contact with Kurogane's hard chest, the broad hands skated their way along the sharp edges of Fay's ribs to nestle themselves on the slim hips as his mouth descended on Fay's right pectoral muscle Kuroganes' lower lip glancing a touch across the already hard nipple leaving it moist and aching. "Sssss…top," Fay stammered his brain and mouth no longer able to form coherent words.
"Do you really want me to?" Kurogane asked with a daring look as the tip of his tongue made tight circles around the skin that his thumb was touching only a moment before. "Because I can think of at least one reason why I shouldn't," Fay was about to question why when Kurogane ground his hips into Fay's and Fay felt the distinct weight against him. "I think you let your head control your heart too much magician, have a little more faith in that organ sometimes."
"Kuro…" Fay panted trying not to let the attack on his body cloud his head too much, he knew that they shouldn't be doing this. Kurogane had walked away had left him and he had never shouted at him to come back, he hadn't fought for him and here Kurogane was about to have his heart shattered all over again. "We shouldn't do this…" he managed to get out on a groan of pleasure as Kuroganes' tongue worked wonders on his naval. It seemed to take a while for Kurogane to understand what he had heard, but as soon as he did he stopped and moved away from Fay looking a little like a kicked puppy and on the hard hypnotic planes of Kurogane's face it was not an attractive look.
"Forgive me?" he mumbled running a hand around his neck his fingers slowly caressing the still red skin of the bite mark, "I shouldn't force you," Kurogane nodded quickly and turned to go.
The room dissolved for Fay and the rain stained windows and blood stained sheets turned into the room from another world entirely Kurogane's back heading out of the door. No he couldn't let it happen again, not after everything else. He could hate Kurogane all he wanted, it wouldn't change the fact that Kurogane had given Fay his life, they both were bound but in a way that meant they both had the other to blame there was no way out of this deal. In the end it would mean that Fay had to live and wasn't that the point of sealing Ashura away in the first place so he would be free? What freedom was there in death? He sat up in bed so fast that his head spun almost making him fall back on to the mattress. This time no matter the cost he was going to keep his ground.
"Kurogane!" He called making the other man freeze in the distant doorway. Fay stepped off the bed and walked towards the distant figure his feet unsteady and his heart racing. He reached Kurogane and took the other mans large warm hand in his thin, delicate and cold one so he could spin the taller man around. Kurogane's haunted eyes stared down at him as Fay got on tiptoe and kissed Kurogane so softly it could have been mistaken as something else, but Kurogane didn't move and neither did Fay, when he stepped back he held Kurogane's face and inclined it so the red eyes were being scrutinised by Fay's singular yellow one, "Kurogane," he said again more softly as he ran his fingers over Kurogane's cheekbones as if trying to memorise the planes of the other man's face. "Don't go," he whispered as he leant in again and kissed Kurogane and this time it wasn't feather light it was more needy and passionate; as he robbed Kurogane of air and planted his hands on Kurogane's chest balling the material of his shirt within his fists.
Kurogane tried not to pull Fay close, but lost the battle as he wound his arms around Fay's waist and drew him in. Fay sighed into Kurogane's mouth as a hand ventured below the waist band of his underwear and Kurogane smiled as he deepened the kiss dragging his tongue across Fay's teeth since the fangs were now sheathed. When Fay moaned Kurogane realised that those teeth were far more sensitive now and used it to his advantage and brought Fay to his knees. Through ragged breaths Fay said Kurogane's name once more as if it were a mantra and Kurogane smiled wolfishly his cruel lips twisting in a way that had the promise of the darkness to come,
"What is it that you want?" he asked his mouth so close to Fay's ear that Fay could feel the movement of lips next to the hard skin and cartilage. Fay knew he was being tested and teased, but he didn't care. The last thing he wanted was for Kurogane to walk out of the door and go to the floor below; because he knew that if Kurogane left it would all be over.
That was the last thing he wanted, he was heated with hatred for the taller man, but beneath that there was something deeper, something stronger and it was something that scared him, it always had, which was why he had run away. He understood now thought that if he was going to change he was going to have stop living in the if's and when's of the past, he had to live in the present and presently he wanted nothing more than putting the blood he had taken from Kurogane in to good use.
He took Kurogane's hands in his own and he shakily walked backwards towards the bed taking Kurogane with him.
"Are you sure?" Kurogane asked gruffly, the lid on his self control only just managing to stay in place. As soon as he saw the fire in Fay's eye he knew the answer; the magician smiled a cold harsh smile that was so cruel that it was almost becoming and Kurogane was hypnotised by the sheer beauty he saw in the momentarily harsh features of Fay's face. However as soon as the ice cold side of Fay appeared it vanished again and the magician smiled warmly at the taller man his yellow eye sparkling.
"You should already know the answer Kuro-rin," he said as the back of his legs hit the bed and he fell backwards dragging Kurogane with him so he could run his hands through the short strands of hair. "You brought me back from the dead, you risked everything." Kurogane watched Fay closely hoping to find the lie in his words so he could know that Fay was being himself, but there was nothing. What Fay was speaking was the truth as he saw it and that was far more frightening. "You left me knowing I would follow… that I would fall…" Fay's eye fluttered closed as he sighed softly. "I never thought someone else would shake me up so much; so I don't know which way is up."
"Why is it you always get this poetic?" Kurogane asked in a low growl as he wound their legs together,
"I'm nervous," Fay conceded a blush covering his cheeks and neck so the once pale skin burned red. "One touch from you and I can't think straight, you make me feel… things and you are so damned calm about it all." Kurogane chuckled, it was an argument he knew well, "The only time you get angry is when you have nothing to cut otherwise you are as unmoving as a statue and as emotional as one, you never lose your head and its infuriating!" Kurogane kissed Fay quickly shutting off any other words that may fall from the magician's lips and took one of his hands so he could lay it over his heart. Through the warm skin Fay could feel Kurogane's heart beating fast and loud like a tribal drum, it thrummed through his fingers setting the blood in his veins on fire.
"I am anything, but calm magician when it comes to you or the kid. You both make me lose my head, for different reasons obviously," he finished mumbling; clearly feeling the need to explain himself fully. "I know you can take care of yourself, but…" Fay stopped whatever was going to be said when he slid his hand across the hard muscle beneath the thin sheath of clothing.
"Whatever you were going to say doesn't matter now, like everything else in this world it can wait a while." Kurogane stared at the perfectly thin lips before him as they turned themselves into a knowing smile. He then glanced up and looked at that beautiful hypnotic yellow iris that surrounded the dilated black hole that was Fay's pupil and saw one of his charismatic and sculpted eyebrows rise in to an angle. "Ne?" he asked placing his free hand on the nape of Kurogane's neck bringing him closer.
"Is this just for tonight?" Kurogane asked his voice wavering,
"And every one that comes after it," Fay whispered "I have to atone for the mess I made of things, when I let you walk out of my life without putting up a fight to stop you. When I didn't call you back and tell you everything that I needed you to hear."
"Again with the poetry?" Kurogane growled,
"Old habits die hard," Fay murmured pulling Kurogane in smelling the scent of his skin that was all summer sunshine and autumn tossed leaves.
"You can say that again," Kurogane grumbled parting Fay's legs with his knee.
"But I am trying." Fay sighed back
"That's all I can ask for," Kurogane nodded kissing the hollow of Fay's throat, "That's all I will ask for."