A canon one-shot, set when Wanda is walking down to the hospital, just after she has left Ian asleep. It's skipped over in the book, and I wanted to explore the emotions a little further. Enjoy!

Dread – Bee Lovely. 17/07/09

I always wondered what it would be like to willingly approach your own death.

I'm only as alone as I can ever be – Mel is with me, chanting this mantra inside my – our – head.

You don't have to do this. There must be another way. We'll find another way. You don't have to do this. She changes tack suddenly. Think of Ian, of Jamie, even Jared. What will they do without you, Wanda? What will I do without you? Please… reconsider this.

I don't bother to respond to her. She has to get this out of her system. Still… it demoralises me. Every word she thinks, every step I take – I'm more and more convinced that this could never work, and that this is the wrong thing to do. Mel knows this, and she's using it against me.

I'm using everything I've got.

I know.

Jamie doesn't know. It might be unfair to Mel, and it might be very wrong of me, but I don't care. It never even occurred to him that I would choose to do this. He's so innocent in many ways, and yet wiser than I'll ever be in others. I'll miss him so much.

Then there's Ian.

I'm going to break his heart. While this whole thing will benefit Jared and Mel and, in part, Jamie, he's the only one that this is going to really, truly hurt. But in the long term, this will be better for him. It would never be fair to him, if my soul continued to want him while my body craved Jared. It isn't right, and completely unfair to him. I could never bring myself to do that to him, even if it benefitted me.

I have already done all that I can do. I've left him peaceful, with my parting words: that I love him; that I will always love him, always want him.

Please, Wanda, please don't do this.

My final walk – these final steps that I'll take in Melanie's body – seems to drag. I've walked this corridor a thousand times, but never like this—never with such a crippling sense of finality.

The ticking seconds pull me towards the end.

I hurry down the tunnel, away from everything and everyone I love, towards the light that glows softly in Doc's room.

There is only silence behind me.